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Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 6:46:56 PM   
GhoSSt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline 		My gal and I are at an impasse over a situation. I'm a little... err... socially blunt and I've said somethings that offended some mutual friends. The mutual friends have responded with a disproportionate response that basically says I'm not welcome to attend their training events or their social functions. I'm fine with that, but here's the kicker, but they have invited my girl to come to the training classes if she likes and further asked to hang out with her at work (they have a guest observation program) and socially (dinner, etc).

I have a real issue with that. All of my other couple friends have said to me "We don't go anywhere that we're not welcome as a couple. In the end you have to choose your mate, even when their not innocent in the situation because thats who you love and live with".

I think I'm in the right on this one, but I'd like to hear other opinions. NOMEX READY

GhoSSt


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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 6:51:35 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
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From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		i agree with you.  i wouldn't attend any function where my Master was not welcome.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 6:57:34 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		You have an issue with them inviting her or with her going?  I think it's fine for them to invite her, they may be trying to communicate that thair issue is with you and not her.  However, I would not go anywhere that my partner was not welcome.  Mess with one of us, and you get us both.

< Message edited by Roselaure -- 7/30/2008 6:58:10 PM >

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 7:02:08 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		I think there is a difference between work and social gatherings. It may be in her best interest to continue being friendly and social in the work setting however, to choose to go someplace outside of work that you are not welcome ..... well, I can see where you are coming from. I, for one, have no desire to be go someplace where my Master is not welcome. Yes, I understand that Masters choice may have brought this down upon himself, but it is the principle of the thing for me.
Maggi

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 7:03:32 PM   
GhoSSt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Roselaure

You have an issue with them inviting her or with her going?  I think it's fine for them to invite her, they may be trying to communicate that thair issue is with you and not her.  However, I would not go anywhere that my partner was not welcome.  Mess with one of us, and you get us both.


I have an issue with both actually. That they had the gall to ask her and that lacked the mindset to accept.

GhoSSt

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 7:07:20 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		so if she really wants to go, with or without you, does that mean that she's not loyal to you in your eyes?  if so, then i would have issues with you not allowing her to have a life outside of you.  why? ...

well because not all couples go on vacations together; not all couples enjoy the exact, same passions; not all couples enjoy the company of their partners friends and not all couples would expect their partner to give up some or all of these things, and especially not when their partner is being selfish and pissy more-so than concerned for their safety and happiness...

i have serious issues with anyone trying to make their partner feel guilty for having a life outside of them, questioning and doubting their partners morality and ethics, and expecting when push comes to shove, that if they are not declared 'the winner' of such a matter of conflict, then it all boils down to a question of their loyality  instead of a question of standing true to ourselves first and foremost...

does that answer your question

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 7/30/2008 7:10:32 PM >

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 7:08:57 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		   You don't say whether your girl accepted. I see no problem with the people extending the invitation-they were merely making themselves clear that they don't like you, but have no problem with your girl. I only really see there being a problem is she says yes.

I guess it depends on how close of friends they are to her. If my best friend had a problem with my boyfriend being a jackas...I mean "socially blunt", I might continue to see her, but limit my time with her. If she got onto the topic of bitching about my boyfriend, I'd limit my time with her still furthur.

  If a mere aquaintance I knew from work or something pulled that kind of nonsense, I would cut off communication as much as I was able. Although it might be advantageous to continue to see a work buddy, me and my Dom are more or less a packaged deal...if he and I are together, if he's not going, I ain't going.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 7:18:56 PM   
GhoSSt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline 		I don't have any problem with her going and doing as she pleases. Vacations, friends, whatever.

Its just the insults coupled with the way they conducted themselves was pretty juvenile and distasteful.

GhoSSt

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 7:34:36 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhoSSt

I don't have any problem with her going and doing as she pleases. Vacations, friends, whatever.

Its just the insults coupled with the way they conducted themselves was pretty juvenile and distasteful.

GhoSSt


as was your behavior, in which you admitted to being 'not innocent' in the situaton, therefore, according to you, makes you right, them wrong and she should have to choose between the two of you or else she's not being loyal...

what a cop-out

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:00:49 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhoSSt

I don't have any problem with her going and doing as she pleases. Vacations, friends, whatever.

Its just the insults coupled with the way they conducted themselves was pretty juvenile and distasteful.

GhoSSt



So is being a petulant child.  At the last munch I was at, I made nice with some people who I had had a serious disagreement with, I was right, they were wrong, anyone local they asked would agree and despite all that, I who held out the olive branch to them.  Be the bigger man and let it go.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:05:23 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Have you considered solving the issue amicably with these people?

Or will your ego rule the day?

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:11:56 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		daddysliloneds hit it exactly the way I was going to answer. You were'nt exactly innocent by your own words...yet you wanna condemn the others. Your partner is a human and does have her own life, wether she be a sub or not, and it doesn't make her any less loyal if she were to attend any outings with these people. From what I can see in your post, you started the whole situation then got all pissyassed becaused they threw it back at ya. Don't dish out what ya can't take.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:14:15 PM   
GhoSSt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, lets head this off real quick. I did apologize to the original party immediately, and it even came to light that what had been passed on wasn't what I had said in the first place.

So yes, I threw a rock, but immediately made good on replacing the window. Even after that, I was still told I was persona non grata.

GhoSSt

< Message edited by GhoSSt -- 7/30/2008 9:15:33 PM >

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:17:37 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You started problems and yet you expect her to distance herself from her friends becasue you cant be tactful?
Right or wrong, the bigger person here would be the one trying to keep the peace. Youa re persona non grata right now, but letting her attend and such might get you back in their good graces. Forcing her not to could make you look worse than you already do.

I have just dealt with a similiar issue. Fox has a friend that predated our relationship. She took great offense to a simple request from him to change something in the way she interacts with him in public forums, and went off about how if *I* had a problem with her *I* should have said it myself. So, I did, in far less freindly language than Fox had. And it turned into quite the little bruhaha for a little while. She and I had never gotten along, and my email telling her what I thought of her as a friend to Fox didnt help matters. She and he have reconciled and they are trying to work their friendship out with new ground rules. I hope they can, but I will never like her.
It has been fixed, but I have no interest in meeting her ever, and that means that traveling overseas for Fox to do so is probably not going to happen. Except, becasue it meant a lot to be included in her wedding, I told him if he really and truly wants to I will bite the bullet and we will attend. Not for them, for HIM. I coudlnt give a crap less if they like me or dislike me. I dont care if they see our attendance as a "win" for their side of the argument or not... I am willing to buck up and tolerate a potentially uncomfy situation because it will make Fox happy. I am a big enough person to do so.

Do you WANT to be invited, just so you can turn them down? Is that waht you are looking for? It doesnt sound as if you particularly want to be around these people either, so whats the big deal? It isnt a lack of loyalty for her to see them, it would be a lack if she bad outhed you, or allowed them to do so. If she agrees to be around them as long as they do not discuss you, then I see no harm no foul.  Making someone choose between you and another party is always putting them in a bad situation and one they may resent later. Is her avoidance of these people to protect your ego really worth damaging your relationship over?

DV

< Message edited by DiurnalVampire -- 7/30/2008 9:19:15 PM >

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VampiresLair

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:24:17 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhoSSt
So yes, I threw a rock, but immediately made good on replacing the window. Even after that, I was still told I was persona non grata.

This makes no sense.  There's some information you're leaving out.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:25:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Expecting all of her friends to like you and invite you to everything they invite her to is unrealistic and silly.  IMO the mature and graceful thing to do is give her a kiss, a soft pat on the tush, and wish her a great evening out with her friends- SINCERELY.  If you show yourself over time to be someone worth spending time with, her friends will eventually catch on and you will be more invited as well.

It is also good manners not to invite singles to a couples event, so one assumes her friends are not making her uncomfortable with those situations (and from your description, they are not.)

As others have noted- get over yourself, be a big boy, go have your friends and move on.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:28:07 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhoSSt
Ok, lets head this off real quick. I did apologize to the original party immediately, and it even came to light that what had been passed on wasn't what I had said in the first place.
So yes, I threw a rock, but immediately made good on replacing the window. Even after that, I was still told I was persona non grata.
GhoSSt


And your point is? Big deal! So find new friends. But let me tell ya, if you put your girl into a situation to where she feels she will have to choose between her friends and loyalty to you, you may end up loosing her as well. Something ya might wanna think about. Remember, she ishuman, just like you. Part of being a master is allowing your sub/slave freedom outside of you without consiquences, and trusting her to return safe.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:38:23 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Good for you. Being able to push aside one's pride and be the first to apologize can be a fairly difficult thing.. It's something I often have trouble doing, but I am working on it!

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 9:44:42 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		You have come a LONG  way but then again, starting at zero...leaves a lot of room for improvement.  You weren't at zero but had fallen into some rather negative patterns and I have seen you struggling hard to change them and the difference is stunning and beautiful to see.

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RE: Loyalty Question ? ? ? - 7/30/2008 10:04:04 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Personally I feel loyality is just that ... loyal. 
IF you made an Ass out of yourself it would have been tactfully brought up and discussed privately.
The outcome would have been chosen at that point. 


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