glad I'm a woman

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

glad I'm a woman

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> glad I'm a woman

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

glad I'm a woman - 7/31/2008 9:41:23 AM

angelbluewingsz

Posts: 324
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

ps- i took this from btinternet.com - some funny shit!

_____________________________

I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called Life Line -the call center was in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal.
They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane....

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: glad I'm a woman - 7/31/2008 1:33:50 PM

HypnoticDan

Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

I'm glad I'm a man, a man through and through
I don't "need" to get married like you ladies do
My stories don't start with "jen's cousin's sister
who married the grocer's wife's uncle's brother."
I'm glad that I don't have to wear paint on my face
or hide turning 40 like a secret disgrace.
My friendships don't change on whim and suspicion.
My problems with guys are handled with tradition:
A fight and a beer and then buds good as new.
(No shrew passive-aggressive back-stabbing to do.)
My feelings are simple and plain and quite clear
I don't care if that's what you don't want to hear!
I'm not scared of sweating or spiders or rats,
dark alleys alone or mismatched shoes and hats
My pants aren't to blame if they make me look big
(in fact in some ways I wish that they did)
no PMS, cramps, or yeast infections
my bits don't need squishing for early detection
I like when my smile turns a girl's knees to putty
(I don't worry that her actions look a little slutty.)
I like that my muscles are chiseled and big
and I don't gain a pound when I eat like a pig.
My looks improve with each passing season;
my actions are based in logic and reason.
I don't sit at home with ice cream and a pout
waiting for Mr Right to ask me out
To my friends I won't bitch about lack of sex life
It's simple: I fuck, then go home to my wife (!)
I'm a man and goddamnit, you know that it's true:
You'll complain 'til the day I die before you.

(in reply to angelbluewingsz)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: glad I'm a woman - 7/31/2008 6:07:04 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*applauds* both of those are brilliant!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to HypnoticDan)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: glad I'm a woman - 7/31/2008 11:44:52 PM

MadamAyesha

Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*applauds* both of those are brilliant!

I second that!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: glad I'm a woman - 8/1/2008 12:30:19 AM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Me too! Those things that guys do, in boths of those little poems, those are what keep me straight. For one more day. Well, for the most part anyways. So...

THANK YOU

(in reply to MadamAyesha)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: glad I'm a woman - 8/1/2008 1:43:51 PM

HypnoticDan

Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

It may have rhymed well but I feel dirty for writing it because I don't agree with most of what I wrote.

(in reply to monywildcat)

Profile

Post #: 6