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RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 9:10:55 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

There are a lot of people who do this and have no connection with a "community"- or got tired of the politics and left-It happens quite a bit. No one gives them any "caps"-but they seem perfectly happy, in spite of the horrible lack of fashionable headgear.

LOL... Picturing the funny headgear

I have some friends in the lifestyle and I socialize with them. I play in public and enjoy the interactions. I am an exhibitionist and I get that many are much more comfortable not being "out there." As they say, to each their own. It is their skin they have to be comfortable in, not mine.

Dolf

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 21

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 9:13:46 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Self-declaration can be a hindrance or a guide. Plenty of people call themselves things they just aren't, and they hold themselves back by trying to be that thing, instead of a higher version of themselves. On the other hand, if a med school resident says, "I'm a doctor," that might be a flat statement, or an ego-stroke -- but it might also be a way of focusing on self-improvement. ("I need to have the bedside manner of Marcus Welby, and the diagnostic skill of House.")

One exterior indication that "Master" is an accurate descriptor for Fire is the fact that a lot of other people agree with her use of the term. (Though I seem to recall "Grand Poobah" recently suggested as a replacement.)

Human beings are dynamic, not static, and people interested in personal growth set targets for themselves that they never quite reach. In the case of a title like "Master," I think the litmus test is whether someone uses it to shore themselves up and stay where they're at, or whether they use it as a way to remind themselves that "yeah, sure, I'm good, but now let me try to get a little better."

Now this gives me something to ponder. Thank you.

Dolf

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 22

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 9:33:43 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

We can always do better, but I use visions to keep me on track.

Not stereotyped "roles" created ,by a banal society I don't much care for to begin with.

And I want to be a small part of changing it, rather than perpetuating it.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 23

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 9:41:12 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

In the immortal words of Popeye the Sailor. I am what I am, and that's all what I am.
My pet calls me his Master, he calls me Sir. Others know me as his Master. I call myself his Master, as it's easier for semantics. Am I a 'Master' though? Well... Where's my spinach? I am what I am...

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 24

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 10:12:09 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

So, we've been playing with the idea of 'slave' on Leatherist's "Are you a "slave"?" thread. You know the drill, it got interesting.

A fellow traveller sent me a note and jokingly said "You'd never see a Master Vs. Dominant" thread. Ok, so now we have one.

I've honestly never really seen this in social situations the same way I've seen the Sub vs. Slave thing used to somehow create a pecking order among bottom types, those claiming to be 'slaves' do so in order to up their stock apparently, though I find it an easy way to spot a poseur myself, but perhaps thats the cynical me.

So, are you a Dominant person, or a Master or Mistress? And if you identify as a Master or Mistress, what qualifies you?

Yes, I know, I'm evil....
PL

I would say that I am a dominant. (Keep in mind, I'm a switch, so there's the other side of the coin there, too.) I've never owned and probably will never own a slave or submissive, though it hasn't been left to me to divine the future and it could happen. However, in many situations, I would certainly consider myself dominant. So, yes, I think there is a difference, as defined by ownership of one in submission.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 25

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 10:39:11 PM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

I don't disrespect the Master folks, but personally, if my submissive ever addresses me in that fashion, I'll blister her ass. She's been warned that it's not a threat, but a promise.

Reasons for that? I suppose the term itself is part of it. Dominant serves as both a noun and an adjective, where it defines one's personality, their mindset, how they deal with things. Master is a title one wears that truly only has meaning to the one or ones who address them that way. Master conjures the image of servants and puppy dogs. I might want the puppy dog, but if I do, I'll probably get it from the SPCA. As for the servant, I'll take being served at times, but a servant I do not want. There is a difference.

It's also a term anyone can adopt, and I've seen a lot of masters who had mastered little, if anything.

It bothers me not in the least for others to use the terminology, but there is an independent streak in me that almost requires a streak of independence in my submissive. The journey is what captures minds and hearts. It's why novels encompass the journey and end at the destination. I prefer to stay on the road and keep that process of discovery active rather than languish at the destination, if that makes sense. Most people too, are multi-faceted. I'm one of those. Sometimes I want her bound and squirming and edging ever closer to the place I want to take her, to the place the need inside me drives me to take her. Sometimes I want a woman beside me looking at what I see, not one whose eyes are downcast and miss it. I can lead and guide without wearing the hat of being one's master.

I respect intelligence enough to know that even the most intelligent are sometimes idiots. I'd rather someone tell me I'm an idiot rather than follow me blindly into idiocy.

She calls me Sir at times, by my name at other times, never Master.

< Message edited by StrangerThan -- 7/31/2008 10:44:37 PM >

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 26

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 7/31/2008 10:40:57 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Amen, that's a good way to look at it.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to StrangerThan)

Post #: 27

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/1/2008 3:32:17 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Im both. To my female subs Im a Master. With my male subs I put on my bra and panties and Im their Mistress. I look at it this way. Why limit yourself to the fun you can have.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 28

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/1/2008 3:40:19 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Ray - you are just such a tease...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 29

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 4:45:35 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Funny. I see mastery as the ability to sucessfully administer and nurture a "real time" D/s relationship. Not as a popularity contest where you earn a "Hat."

I agree. The respect you earn from yourself, your submissive, your friends, your family and your acquaintances, in and out of the lifestyle, should be true respect and not a popularity contest by any means.

Dolf

It is from these people that the "hat", or Master's Cap, would come from. Done correctly (and it isn't always), it's not a popularity contest. It's an outward validation of your demostrated ability as a real-time Master. Not all communities practice it and not everyone cares about it, and that's perfectly valid. In the end, Leatherist is right; it's the relationship that should always be the focus.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 30

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 4:49:13 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

I hope you did not take that as a personal strike to you. I am glad you have high standards. I don't know you to judge you. So, I have not.

Dolf

I did, which is why I replied. Not so much 'cause it made me angry or anything (it takes a LOT more than that!), but more to offer a counterexample to your sweeping generalization. I know you don't know me from Lilith, and I understand where your sentiment came from...but self identification was a huge step in my personal development, so I defend it whenever possible...even though I know I'm defending MasterIdiotFace, too.

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 31

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 5:02:54 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Funny. I see mastery as the ability to sucessfully administer and nurture a "real time" D/s relationship. Not as a popularity contest where you earn a "Hat."

I really like this definition of "mastery".

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Top: Gives physical sensation.
Dominant: controls through mental constructs.
Master: Guides through a spiritual connection with his/her divinity.
Usually, Master and Dominant go together, but they don't have to. Top can go with either (as can bottom).
Master Fire

I also like these definitions in general although I think of the title Master in slightly different terms in my mind.

I believe Top is a position in play (be it physical or mental)
I believe Dominant is a trait
I believe that a Master is a born leader or teacher who has acquired and honed his/her skills.
I do not believe that a Master is dependant on other people except by choice. To me this means that if the Master had no significant people in her life, she would still be able to take care of herself.
Perhaps one can learn to lead, but IMO, that person was already born with the talent and had never used it.

As far as the difference in terms? These are only my opinions and everyone seems to have their own definitions.
I do not believe that titles such as Master/Mistress/Lord/Lady/Sir/Ma'am/Dominant/Top make anyone infallible.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 32

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 5:10:55 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I do not believe that a Master is dependant on other people except by choice. To me this means that if the Master had no significant people in her life, she would still be able to take care of herself.

How would this be unique to a Master? Would you expect this behavior from any adult, regardless of orientation? Wouldn't you expect this from a bottom type person?

It's curious to me why you would relegate that behavior soley as a trait of a Master.

PL

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 33

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 5:31:07 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

I do not believe that a Master is dependant on other people except by choice. To me this means that if the Master had no significant people in her life, she would still be able to take care of herself.

How would this be unique to a Master? Would you expect this behavior from any adult, regardless of orientation? Wouldn't you expect this from a bottom type person?

It's curious to me why you would relegate that behavior soley as a trait of a Master.

PL

I've known plenty of people who cannot take care of themselves, but they are still adults.
People that cannot make a decision.
People that constantly need others in order to function.

I'm glad that you believe all adults should take care of themselves.. I am in complete agreement on that score.

And I never said that I thought the behavior was solely the trait of a Master, I only pointed out that I believe a Master should have the ability. (sorry if I wasn't quite clear on that and thanks for pointing it out!)

LJ

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 34

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 5:44:22 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am a Dominant female because that is my personality type and my gender. I am a leader, not a follower. I am good at decision making and have the leadership skills that is required in many areas.

I am also a Mistress, I have one submissive who is permitted to call me by that title. I earned it the good old fashioned way, by living my kinky lifestyle one day at a time since I was 19 years old, I'm 45 now.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 35

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 6:43:54 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

I am a sadist; a sexual sadist and predator who must be begged for the privilege of serving. I wallow in joy at the humiliation I have caused others to experience. My vitality is refreshed by drinking in the tears I have caused. I serve my own agenda which is focused on the goal of my pleasure and my comfort. I am an opportunist who takes advantage of the flaws and doubts of the insecure and naive. I use the fears as well as the fantasies of those I choose to be with for my pleasure. I enjoy and take pleasure in exploiting other's weaknesses; and have the ability to determine those weaknesses

I've mastered those skills over 30 years of experience.

I have a person who finds it appropriate to call and refer to me as 'Master'. I allow her to do so because through the reference I have achieved a life goal; a relationship with a person compatible and complimentary with the person I am, as described above. A submission to match my dominance, a masochist whose desires present a willing canvas for my sadism; sexually insatiable. As comfortable and confident in who she is as I am about me. Using that confidence and self awareness as the foundation for giving, and earning, unqualified and absolute trust.

If your perspective would refer, or label me by a term other than 'Master', so be it. It changes nothing. My invaluable personal opinion on the subject would be that without beth meeting my personal requirements making up my personal definition of 'slave' any reference to me as 'Master' by her or anyone is false and inappropriate. Even with that consideration the reference is only appropriate in the specific. I am 'beth's Master' not 'A Master' and especially not 'The Master'.

Whatever label assigned, my identity, who I am and what I desire; wouldn't change. On the other end of the flogger in another thread there was a reference to new slave label; "a Tuna-fish sandwich on rye bread". I liked that imagery. I enjoy taking a bites and often attempt to devour of my 'sandwich' completely. At minimum I nibble each and every day. My sadistic hunger, and her masochistic surrender being served by the same acts. Fortunately, similar to Prometheus, beth starts each day fully restored and renewed; albeit sometimes marked and/or bruised but always ready for me to consume again.

Master? You can decide what I am. Just be sure to include in the decision the fact that whatever I am - I am because of beth.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 36

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 9:28:28 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Am I a dominant or a Master? Master
What qualifies me? Absolutely nothing.
What do I think the difference is between the two? Absolutely nothing.

In short, it's the same conversation as sub/slave... a dictionary debate over words with no definitions. Personally, I think it'd be WAY more interesting to ask what the difference between sub and dom is.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 37

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 9:28:48 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

To most of the world I am LeeAnn or Lee, to a few I am Mom and/or grandma. To others I am Ms. (insert last name here). I am also quite certain there are a few less flattering words that have, and will continue to be, used.

Right now there are two young women that refer to me as Ma'am. They do not do it because I requested it, they do it out of respect. They gave me the respect and the form of address. I prefer it that way quite simply because my actions and behaviour created it. I never want to have to demand respect from those their either belong to me or want to belong to me.

It is not my personality to demand to be called Master/Mistress Lord/Lady, or any other lofty title. To me, that would be pretentious and comical.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 38

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 9:35:02 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
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This has been done before. There are as many different answers as there are people who have an opinion. I am a Dominant Master (Top) seeking a submissive slave (bottom.)

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 39

RE: So, you are a "Master/Mistress?" - 8/2/2008 10:19:43 AM

UR2Badored

Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

Let's take out the D/s or S/m out of the relationship for a minute. There is a basic definition of what makes a good husband/boyfriend or a good wife/girlfriend. However, what that means to each person of the relationship varies. Do you have to be part of unit/relationship or have been part of a unit/relationship to call yourself a wife, girlfriend, etc? My answer is yes or at least one has been a part of a unit or relationship. I am sure there are acceptions that I am not accounting for, but for the most part, I hope I conveyed the gist of it. The OP brings on a good point in the previous thread that lead to this one--there seems to be more of a hierarchy bias in a bottom position. I definitely do not believe in it (though it exists) that it is right. It is noticable on threads.

REF: Post #233

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
Actually, I've seen this quite a bit in social situations in groups that are just "meet and beat" type organizations (as opposed to D/s-M/s discussion groups, etc). For some reason, there's this strange pecking order among bottom type people (which includes ALL variations of those who don't Top), particularly female, who for some reason think that if they tout themselves as "Slaves" rather than "Submissives" it means they are better/more serious/higher quality/insert obsurdity here. I don't subscribe to it and frankly I've always felt that was a dead give away for someone who clearly didn't get it, but unfortunately my real time experience has been that I've seen it a lot.

I suppose it's due to the fact that we exist in a relatively small fish bowl, and it's kind of finite as opposed to the relative plethora of choices in the Vanilla world. Given the fact that there are only so many Tops and Bottoms in any given place, I've seen people get fiercely competitive. Using the Slave/Sub argument is only one of the things that will rear its ugly head.

PL

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 8/2/2008 11:09:51 AM >

_____________________________

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way
Mark Twain

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 40

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