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Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first hand.) - 11/17/2005 9:11:45 AM

Mercnbeth

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So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know it, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh...did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#3 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and, ah yes, the best one, from a New York City officer (Where else?)...

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? Your're right, we don't.... Sign here."

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/17/2005 2:06:23 PM

MadameDahlia

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Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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-laughs- Cute!

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/17/2005 2:45:49 PM

AlderTheKitty

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
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yeah cops can be ass holes

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/17/2005 5:37:19 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Just had to add this question:

Q: Why do policemen have bigger balls?

A: To sell more tickets.

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/17/2005 6:53:54 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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A woman is driving down the highway. The woman notices a police car behind her with his lights on and she starts to get nervous, planning what she will say when the officer pulls her over. The officer appoaches her vehicle and before he demands her license and registration, she chimes in, "I know! You pulled me over to invite me to the policeman's ball!"

To which he replies, "I'm a state trooper, ma'am. We don't have balls."

Upon realizing what he has said, he clears his throat, tips his hat and walks back to his car.

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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/18/2005 12:54:21 AM

NakedOnMyChain

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Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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HAHAHAHAHA! That was awesome!

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/18/2005 3:22:50 AM

MadameDahlia

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From: SoCal aka Hell
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Many thanks. Apparently it's one of those urban legends that gets around via the internet these days. "So and such's brother's sister-in-law was the woman driving and she SWEARS it happened."

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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/18/2005 7:58:49 AM

WildSpirit2001

Posts: 143
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Colorado
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lol.... thanks for the chuckles!

Paula

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/19/2005 4:55:12 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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hate to say thats igno

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RE: Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first ... - 11/22/2005 11:41:34 AM

Sartoris32801

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Elderly husband and wife.. out for a Sunday drive.
Husband did not have his seat belt on.
Officer pulls the vehicle over and hubby immediately puts his seat belt on.

Husband insists he had the belt on all the while, officer insists he did not.
The officer finally looks over at the wife and asks her.

Wife replies, officer, I’ve been married to this man for 46 years and if I’ve learned one thing, it’s not to argue with him when he’s been drinking.
Sartoris

< Message edited by Sartoris32801 -- 11/22/2005 11:42:52 AM >

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