Slaves and entitlement of emotions

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Surrenderwithin -> Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/1/2008 9:16:20 PM)
For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi

ownedgirlie -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/1/2008 9:35:41 PM)
Hmm, not sure I qualify since my Master donned me with the label of slave, but yes I am not only allowed to but expected to feel what I feel and express it to him (appropriately). I wouldn't call it entitlement in my case, though. More like required. [;)]

BotanicalMiss -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/1/2008 9:51:18 PM)
I'm a switch who leans very heavily to the dominant side these days, but at one point I spent 3 years as a 24/7 slave. In that time I suppose I was allowed to feel the entire range of emotions but no matter how respectfully it was done, unless the emotion was a happy positive one, it was not allowed to be expressed. Such a thing is not healthy for a person and as such, in my mind anyway, is abusive.

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/1/2008 9:52:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Hmm, not sure I qualify since my Master donned me with the label of slave, but yes I am not only allowed to but expected to feel what I feel and express it to him (appropriately). I wouldn't call it entitlement in my case, though. More like required. [;)] Just out curiosity what are the appropriate ways,for you ,to discuss things like anger, frustration, or fed uppedness? Do you ever feel guilty for having those emotions?

ownedgirlie -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/1/2008 10:03:43 PM)
I gather my thoughts and say, Master, I'm really frustrated because of _______. Master ______ happened and it has made me really angry and I hate that and I'm struggling with it. Master when you are evasive it confuses and frustrates me and I don't know how to deal with it. Master I felt really neglected recently and I know you have things going on but I haven't felt heard and that has made me depressed lately, can we talk about it? Master this situation is hard on both of us and I'm trying to do my part in holding it together but I'm not doing so well at that and all I want to do is stomp my feet about it, but, well, that's not going to fix it. I can't say I ever felt "fed up" regarding anything with him. Now, I tend to feel my emotions really intensely and passionately. I used to flare up just as strongly as I would be passionately excited. And I also used to not know how to communicate very well, so I couldn't find words to express myself. So instead, I would just make a lot of noise and not say very much, and he would shut me up until I could come back with some cohesive thoughts and deliver them in a way that was more appropriate for him. I expressed myself better in writing, so I would go off and write, edit, rewrite, review, etc., until I was comfortable that he would hear what I was trying to say, rather than react to my mood. Doing this allowed me to take my time with my thoughts, and he always gave me time for that. As I grew calmer in presenting my case, he would always compliment me on that, to reinforce what I was doing. It took me a long time to learn to calm my thoughts down like that, but, for example, just last week there were all sorts of things I needed to talk about, and we just sat and had a really comfortable, down to earth conversation about it all - no frustration, no anger, no accusations, nothing but just talking. The thing is, we're in this together - it's not he and I against each other. And I believe and trust that he wants to do what is best but isn't perfect, just as he believes the same in me. So the objective is to fix the problem, not to use each other as targets.

twistedEuphoria -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/1/2008 11:36:41 PM)
I don't think my Owner would ever expect me to stifle my emotions to an extent. Taggard seems to delight in knowing what is going on with me at the exact moment of me wanting to strangle him. With that said, I think that to a certain extent I have to keep my emotions under wraps. When I want to say 'Fuck off' when he wakes my ass up at seven in the morning, I don't for the most part. So, am I entilted to feel these emotions? Yes. Am I always entilted to express them in the way I normally would? No. Sometimes the way I'd react to certain things is flat out bitchy. I try and refrain from these things but damned if I'm perfect. :)

opposingtwilight -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 1:29:13 AM)
I like this question. My previous owner did not allow often allow the expression of the full spectrum of emotions. Basically, if I was going to have a "negative" emotion, I had to express it when he wasn't around. I could cry myself to sleep, for example, but not so that I could be heard. Anger, jealousy, stubborness, etc ... I felt them but I seldom expressed them. I would wait until I was alone. I was not permitted to be less than pleasing. Now, I struggle sometimes with expressing myself. I never learned not to feel these things; I just learned to hide them and the dominant I talk to now doesn't allow me to hide what I'm feeling. He picks up on subtle cues and usually tries to make me address whatever is going on in my head. It isn't easy but I recognize that as a slave, revealing my emotions just makes me more vulnerable and more able to fully surrender. Lets face it, its easy to serve when you're happy and smiling. When your face is red and puffy and your eyes are filled with tears, its much more difficult to give in.

TreasureKY -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 1:59:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi Entitled to express? Sure... as long as I'm willing to accept the negative repercussions. Entitled to feel? Of course... feelings can't be dictated. lol... Well, a dominant can try to dictate feelings, but if you aren't free to express them, how the heck would they have any idea if you're complying or not? Personally, I think they prefer not to know. [;)]

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 5:19:50 AM)
quote: For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi Never. I'm human first. He expects a whole person, not an automoton. PL

fyreredsub -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 5:29:21 AM)
I , when owned was NOT allowed to "Hide' my emotions. I was, however, expected to express them in a manner benefitting my station,lol. Something I often fell short of[;)] but to not express them, never. How can the one who ownes me, know if something bothers me..if i hide it from Him? sooner or later the body language will fail you and then there is trouble for not going to Him in the first place with the feelings... he ownes all of you good bad, nasty..whatever. You aren't allowing Him to do his job if you hide whats going on inside your lil slave head n heart. corner time and journaling is a great tool others mileage may vary

OmegaG -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 5:31:41 AM)
He has a far greater interest in my emotions and what is driving them then anyone else I've ever been with. Even when I try to hide negative emotions he senses them and wants to understand the underlying current behind them. If anything, there have been times when I've had to tell him that I just needed to be alone to sort out the mess in my mind rather then talk about it.

awakenednj -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 5:46:00 AM)
Yes, I have felt like I am not supposed to have some of my emotions. That they showed some level of unwillingness in me. He is quick to notice when I try to hold something back.. and pull it out of me anyway. He wants to know everything going on in my head - even if it does show something terribly un-slavish. He has to be able to see it to mold it toward his will type-of-thing.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 5:53:53 AM)
fast reply i couldn't be in a relationship i'm not allowed to express how i feel.

natasha66 -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 5:54:45 AM)
To hide my emotions from Him would be hiding ME - something He doesn't want, and I am not willing to do. I am not, nor will I ever be, a robot, devoid of feeling and emotion.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 6:25:48 AM)
Well I don't know about the self-appointed thing but........ I am not always good at expressing myself verbally. I forget what I wanted to say, get tongue-tied and sometimes my emotions overwhelm my verbal skills and I become a crying blithering idiot. LOL! [&:] I'm also used to keeping things to myself. He made it clear to me that not only does He want to know my thoughts and feelings, but that He would be very disappointed if I didn't share them with Him. There have been more than a few times early on that He had to drag them out of me. For the most part, I journal about my thoughts and feelings. It gives me time to get it just right before sharing it with Him, and it gives Him time to think about how and if He will respond. I hate to put someone on the spot. But we also have "couch time" where He lies back on the couch long ways, and I lie between His legs with my back and head against His chest. He holds me tight while we talk, and I don't have to look at Him while I try to put my thoughts and feelings together into words.

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 7:31:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel But we also have "couch time" where He lies back on the couch long ways, and I lie between His legs with my back and head against His chest. He holds me tight while we talk, and I don't have to look at Him while I try to put my thoughts and feelings together into words. This made me smile. Sometimes the hardest thing is having to look into the other person's eyes while trying to stumble through an explanation of feelings. I can't be in a relationship where I can't express what is going on in my head, although I do need to work on figuring out how to respectfully communicate that. I tend to let things smolder and then bam them come flying out, in not the most productive of ways. I do find that journaling and personal blogging helps that a great deal.

IrishMist -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 7:36:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi When I was in a relationship....absolutly not. He encouraged me to express every and all emotion whenever and however I felt like it. Of course...in some instances...there were repurcussions [8D], but I knew that and accepted the responsibility that went with making those kind of decisions.

AquaticSub -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 7:43:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi While I respect that is your view on things, that's one we adamantly reject as do most we spend time with.

barelynangel -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 8:19:23 AM)
Hi all, When i was owned, my Master knew me better than i did myself on most cases. i have always struggled with my emotions be they bad or good and mostly i express them in the extremes lol. My emotions are always extreme and he always said as a man if he wants the extreme of my positive passion he knew he would have to not only understand but DEAL with the negative. He used all types of methods of dealing with the negative explosion of passion (that's what he called my emotions lol my passions). Sometimes he would push my buttons until i did blow up at him screaming and attacking him (disclaimer before someone starts saying how wrong that was, he was a big guy we had a very physical relationship), sometimes he ticked my desire and need so high and use me roughly and deeply. and all encompassing wherein i would struggle and cry until i was begging , sometimes he would be so tender it would all come out in a torrent of tears and agony. grins my positive passions were expressed in a lot of the same extremes lol so it was always interesting. I could never and still can't really "talk" out about my passions, but i have to express them and he always blew my mind afterwards that his control over me extended to knowing me so well he many times picked withuot me realizing it lol how those emotions would be expressed -- positive or negative. No matter what way he chose for me to express them or if i beat him too it and expressed them -- sometimes discipline would ensue -- mostly when i directed my passions AT him without his decision for me to do so. He didn't care if i kicked the couch, but he did care if i kicked his shin and he hadn't chose for me to be allowed to "attack" him to relieve the energy. Many times he just watched lol as i paced and ranted and raved lol or jumped up and down and hugged myself or him in my happiness. Not much caused him to believe i was taking control from him or trying too, he just knew me as his slave and chose to deal with me in ways that he controlled. angel

sunshinemiss -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 8:50:54 AM)
Hi Surrender, edited to remove a non sequiter I've been with someone where I couldn't express myself. I went slowly crazy and had to walk away. No, not walk, I slammed the door and ran in order to preserve myself. I told him he was HARMING me by not letting me express myself - I was on speech and writing restrictions for 2 months and thought I was gonna die. When I left, my emotions just tumbled out of me in great gushing waves. I learned pretty quickly that I can't be with a man who has no regard for the emotions of a slave. Yes, he told me on several occasions that I was being selfish and not a good slave because I had some fears come up. Since then, I found a wonderful man who believes in emotional clarity, and he loves mental bondage. He couldn't hold me in slavery if I didn't share what is going on for me. In the beginning I just poured out every little emotion I had, and he enjoyed the process of getting to know me. After awhile, he would very subtly give me ideas of how to handle things that frustrated me - keeping my keys in one place every day, keeping a calendar, setting extra alarms on my phone to remind me to do something. Practical things that decreased my frustrations and then we could get to meatier issues. He would check in... where are your keys? If they weren't where they were supposed to be, I had to find them and move them. He taught me how to shore up my emotions, handle them and then bring them to him. He read me well, he listened and he saw patterns. When I would be upset or lash out at him or shut down, my punishments were always the strangest things. He made me take a nap, read a book, take some photographs at the park, go for a bike ride, etc. He would tell me that I wasn't taking my "sunshine time" and that was what was getting in the way. He was right. He would tell me to journal about my feelings and then come back to him...I always came back clear about what was going on, and I could articulate it. He realized the truth about me - I live with fear. I don't want to, but it is true. I am sometimes paralyzed by the thought of making a mistake or not knowing what to do first. I used to just get so angry at the situation. If I was angry, it stemmed from fear, if I was sad, it stemmed from fear, if I was hopeful, it stemmed from fear (that was a hard one - how is hope from fear? For me they are combined because of the fear of losing the thing I hope for after I get it). He knew my emotions for what they were, and he became very adept at setting up things for me to do daily - one hour of gentle exercies like riding my bike, yoga, a walk - journaling a few times a week, he even gave me a book to read because he wanted to be able to talk to me about it. These things helped solve the problem of the underlying issue of why I was lashing out. He didn't punish me in any typical way except in the beginning (corner time one time) because he knew I was already punishing myself. His punishment would only add to it. He knew I need to be owned and that by not letting me serve, and taking care of myself (as a service to him) were about all my mind could handle. It was a step by step process. He saw the potential in me, my deep need to serve, and my willingness to grow into who I truly am. And then he took the time to strip away the falsities that were weighing me down. We are no longer together, but he still is my good friend and we talk on the phone frequently and chat on line, and he still tells me - go to the Farmer's Market. You need to buy yourself some flowers. smiles So was I permitted? Oh yes absolutely permitted and expected. Could my emotions run rampant? Heck no. I still had to be respectful. If my fear was overwhelming me, he would hold me close and let me cry. But I was always able to find the fear under the rage. The rage was not permitted, but the true fear beneath it was. I apologize if I went on too long. I just wanted to be able to do for you what you've done for me. *smiles I wish you well, sunshine

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