RE: SURPRISE !!!!! (Full Version)

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SelectiveService -> RE: SURPRISE !!!!! (11/19/2005 2:13:39 PM)




quote:

Got to love that name, selective service...hehe.


thank you



FTopinMichigan -> RE: SURPRISE !!!!! (11/19/2005 2:17:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService
i am who and what i am because greater powers inspire me. However, in return, i expect such powers to be honest, forthright and already have his sexuality in check.


You're absolutely right, Selective Service. In reading through your responses throughout this entire thread, I think that it's clear you made an informed decision that was right for yourself. This discussion has helped even me to view the situation more from "your" perspective too.

If you continue to seek it, I'm sure that you will find that one special "Dom" that is more 'worthy of you.'

K



Sunshine119 -> RE: SURPRISE !!!!! (11/19/2005 2:24:48 PM)

Perhaps I am looking at this all wrong and if I have incorrectly interpreted this situation, please feel free to correct me. There are several things that seem to be missing in this post. First how long had you and your Master known each other? Were you living together or was this an internet relationship?

While betrayal is always a terrible thing, is this betrayal? Did he seek a Domme for a sexual/relationship? Or did he just want to bottom occasionally with no sexual activity involved? Seems to me that we all have a wide spectrum of needs and wants. And even though he described himself as a male submissive, he clearly is actually a switch if he could Master you. But, it should have been hoped that if you were wearing his collar, he would have told you about this side of himself.

If this WAS a long term, live-in relationship, and he was only investigating some desires he may or could have had, while remaining monogamous to you, is this a deal breaker? All relationships change as we learn more and more about our partners. If it was short-term, non live-in and you think you can't live with this new facet of his personality, it is clear you need to be free from him. However, it seems to me that there is much missing here, which, if provided, might substantiate the vehement response to your ex-master from others.

Without that information though, I can't understand the overwhelming negative response.



anopheles -> RE: SURPRISE !!!!! (11/19/2005 2:45:43 PM)

I think the biggest problem here is that there was not the trust in the relationship that anyone, and especially someone in a power exchange relationship.

My personal mantra is that there should be absolute comfort between Top and bottom, but I don't think that your former Master felt that way. He apparently thought that it was something to be ashamed of, because Dominant males tend to want to present this hard, stern wall of strength to their submissives, when often times, there are insecurities, weaknesses, or desires, that the sub would be happy to help them deal with, without that Dominant having to surrender any of their control.

I'm not sure if you are at the point where you no longer want to have a relationship with your former Master, but if you do, then he would simply have to be willing to be completely open and honest with his desires and wishes. If he can't do it, then you can't be fulfilled and it's probably not worth pursuing.

--Anopheles



LittleMissSub -> RE: SURPRISE !!!!! (11/19/2005 3:14:15 PM)

ok, i might seem like i'm playing devils advocate here, but just hear me out.

do you know for a fact that he wasn't monogomous? a profile is just a profile. it might exhibit some intent, but communicating, getting up and meeting, and eventually subbing to somoene is a bit of a process.

maybe him telling you he was a switch was like when cousin brian told his parents he was bi, not gay....he was softening the blow. if the guy loves you, he's probably torn up about what to do with you if he realizes he's sub. he's taken you on..that's a responsibility...and maybe trying to fight the sub urge because of you...seeking out a profile to see if it's really for him or not.

if you do stay with him...you don't have to be involved in scenes with him subbing, or know any of their particulars. but you do need to know that's something he's exploring. maybe he's exploring the full sub role to understand how to treat you better, rather than just a switch to fulfill his one desires....sort of killing 2 birds with one stone.

he should have been forthright with the information that he was looking to explore something new (especially if it's outside of your monogomous relationship, or would lead to the outside of it) you may not have a "right" to all the answers (depends on your relationship and view point) but you do have the right to information that can effect your health at the least.

maybe he was waiting to tell you until anything real panned out from it.

Dom's should always give all information pertinent to a contract.

and last...maybe...he hasn't talked to you about this because he's ashamed and embarrassed about what he's done. kind of like when you haven't called a good friend in awhile...and you know you need to, but never do, and it eventually perpetuates itself because you're ashamed of not calling all those other times. it's not correct behaviour, but it happens. if he took steps to hide this from you, it's obviously not something that he felt comfortable talking about in the first place.

as to his remarks of you not releasing yourself...well...if he lied to you or withheld the truth, or broke any term in your contract you can release yourself. However, i wouldn't personally do it rashly out of anger. i would take time to think and talk before releasing myself. it takes a long time to make that contract. it doesn't mean much if it's so easily broken.



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