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bdsm marrige - 8/2/2008 10:17:13 PM   
devotedOwner19


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Hey all im looking to see if anyone knew any rituals or type of wedding generally used by Dom /sub couple ive looked for sites but i can see to find any
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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/2/2008 10:24:21 PM   
leadership527


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I'd recommend just finding a suitable ceremony as a whole (appropriate based upon your religious or atheistic leanings), then customizing the vows part.  Honestly, most of the wedding ceremonies I've attended had a lot of preamble that is just good, sound relationship advice and applicable to any sort of marriage I've ever seen.  99% of a BDSM relationship is identical to a vanilla one.

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/2/2008 11:46:46 PM   
AquaticSub


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We're just planning on a fairly traditional Jewish wedding. Possibly me vowing to obey and him not.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/2/2008 11:52:40 PM   
NumberSix


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Step on  the fucking glass........


Jeshua Ha'Notzri

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Be seeing you...

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 12:41:39 AM   
MaamJay


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In most places, there are certain words that have to be part of a marriage ceremony by law, so they are non-negotiable. You'd also need to consider the celebrant and the guests (especially if children are present) if you want to include something overtly bdsm. It could be possible to include some subtle aspects in the vows, especially where the promises of obedience come in. One option a lot of couples choose is to have a vanilla marriage for the general friends and family, and then a D/s collaring which may/may not be on the same day.

However, in the hopes they might offer some ideas and inspiration, I have pasted in some of the words I have used in a collaring ceremony, most of which aren't too "in your face", or could be modifiable without too much drama. It's always best to write your own, but sometimes it's good to have something more than a blank sheet of paper to start with!

Dominant says:
I promise to trust you and cherish you, to always place your welfare above all else, to take care of you and your needs (as a submissive) and to keep good control of you as your heart desires. I want to help you explore yourself and your boundaries, to help you grow as a person.

I acknowledge that I am human and thus fallible, I know I will make mistakes at times, and I will never be too proud to ask for your forgiveness.

I promise to use the skills of leadership and organisation that I have been blessed with to guide us both and to carve out a joyful pathway for our lives together. That is why I want to know your thoughts, ideas and opinions, especially before I make a decision for us both. I will continue to help and encourage you to realise more of your dreams. I promise to treat you with respect and love as befits the one God made to be My partner in life.


submissive says:
i am (lists good qualities). i joyfully surrender these qualities to You (my Mistress), who knows and cherishes their value. i offer myself in heart and body to You, so that i may be fulfilled by meeting Your needs and helping You to realise Your dreams as You have helped me realise mine.

i will serve You with honesty, valour and trust. i will avoid putting myself first, but not at the expense of my identity. i seek always to clearly communicate my needs and my fears to You. i am Your champion and i will defend You to the uttermost limits of my strength, but, standing before You, i lay aside all defences. i offer You my trust and respect and i ask You to lead me in turning my weaknesses into strengths, so that i may better serve You. i ask that You protect me from harm and surround me with Your warmth and guidance when i am faced with my darkest self. i look to You to have the wisdom to know when to push me to grow, when to teach me discipline and when to show me Your gentleness and mercy. i trust You to heed my voice and views, to nurture my love and desire for You, to approach my failings with humour, compassion and firmness for the good of us both, to bring shape and meaning to our lives. In return, i offer You all that i am, in joyful and complete devotion.
 
sub: Knowing my power, i kneel humbly before You.
Dom: Knowing your power, I stand before you and accept the power you yield to Me.

sub: Knowing my intelligence, i am guided by You.
Dom: Knowing your intelligence, I seek to guide you.

sub: Knowing my creativity, i am inspired by You.
Dom: Knowing your creativity, I seek to inspire you.

sub: Knowing my wit, i gain pleasure from Your laughter.
Dom: Knowing your wit, I share in your laughter.

sub: Remembering my honour, i am loyal to You.
Dom: Remembering your honour, I value your loyalty.

sub: Knowing my courage, i place myself at Your mercy.
Dom: Knowing your courage, I shall be merciful to you.

Hope that helps!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]


Edited to try to make sense of the fonts LOL!

< Message edited by MaamJay -- 8/3/2008 12:44:15 AM >


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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 1:13:04 AM   
sunshinemiss


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wow.  that was beautiful Ma'am Jay.  Just beautiful.  Where is that from?  Did you write it?

Sometimes the people on this board just rock my world.  Thank you.

sunshine


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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 1:53:11 AM   
angelslave77


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I remember reading somewhere about a ceremony that involved a red rose a white rose and a length of chain. I remeber it being very beautiful and I bookmarked it on my old computer (hell it may have been from castle realm who knows) but it kinda sweet and fairytailish but my puter died and now i dont know wher to find it. But there is info out there.


Hmmmm Jay you think we can borrow those words sometime

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 2:11:38 AM   
MasterFireMaam


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Use the search function to the top right of the page. There's been lots of topics about it.

Master Fire


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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 8:09:28 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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I usually work with a couple or household to write these individually. They are so much more powerful when the people involved create the ritual for themselves. I've performed four of these ceremonies and they were incredible... very powerful. We even did two of them in such a way that the family didn't even realize that there was a 'collaring' going along with the wedding, and it was still incredibly amazingly powerful, because the symbolism was chosen by the individuals involved.

Calla Firestorm

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 8:38:21 AM   
califsue


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MaamJay...that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 9:06:41 AM   
Shawn1066


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While I personally can't tell you what everybody else does, I can tell you what my Owner and I plan to do.  For the most part, we plan to have a fairly traditional non-religious wedding (Our families are of different religious backgrounds).  We do, however, plan to have extremely subtle nods to one another and perhaps to any other members of the lifestyle present.  My Owner will be taking the traditional male vows and I will be taking the traditional female vows.  There have also been rumors of having the official say, "I now pronounce you Ma'am and wife." but we currently don't know if we'll go through with that or not...it's kinda not subtle, heh.

Just a few of our little plans currently...and by the time we get to the actual wedding, we may scrap them in favor of a Star Trek wedding, for all we know.  Or an Elvis wedding...we -are- in Tennessee, after all.

DV's Fox


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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 10:44:21 AM   
sphynxE


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The Ceremony of the Roses can be found here: http://seekers.org.uk/The%20Ceremony%20of%20the%20Roses.htm

It seems CastleRealm has, for all intents and purposes, been taken down, this ceremony included. A shame, because while CastleRealm was very fantasyish, there were some lovely ceremonies there, and some information was actually quite good.


^sphinx^[E]^

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 11:23:52 AM   
slaveluci


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
We're just planning on a fairly traditional Jewish wedding. Possibly me vowing to obey and him not.

  That's exactly what we recently did, AS.  We had a very traditional wedding in a small church with family and friends. We took traditional vows but there were two points that meant alot to us.  One was as you said.  I vowed to obey Him.  He will not be obeying me.  Secondly, whenever it was time to say I (state your name) take you (state His name), I did not say His given name.  I never call Him that and I wasn't about to start there.  I said, I (stated my name) take you and there was what seemed like a very long awkard silence while waiting for the preacher to continue.  I think he thought maybe I'd forgotten Master's name...lol....but I waited him out and we continued.  I'm sure no one else even noticed but it was very important to us both that I not call Him by a name I have never called Him by.

After that we had a "normal" cake and "normal" punch and opened "normal" cards full of "normal" money.  We didn't choose to have anything blatantly BDSM (whatever that may be) involved in our ceremony.  We gathered with friends and loved ones and took our vows and enjoyed ourselves knowing in our own hearts just what our M/s relationship truly consists of.  That's all that mattered to us................luci

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 1:06:18 PM   
AquaticSub


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*laughs* I bet anyone who did notice just thought that you were so overcome with happiness that you forgot that little bit of the vows. I'm just hoping I don't have a stuttering fit during the vows. Valyraen has threatened to kill anyone who laughs at me if I do though.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 1:22:03 PM   
slaveluci


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
*laughs* I bet anyone who did notice just thought that you were so overcome with happiness that you forgot that little bit of the vows.

I guess.  It seemed like an eternity that the preacher waited for me to spit it out though.  I guess time just seemed to stop for a moment.
quote:

I'm just hoping I don't have a stuttering fit during the vows. Valyraen has threatened to kill anyone who laughs at me if I do though.

Awwww, now that's what a true love is for.  I wish you both all the happiness you can stand.........luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 8:20:23 PM   
angelslave77


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thankyou sphinx

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RE: bdsm marrige - 8/3/2008 9:51:50 PM   
MaamJay


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Thank you all for the compliments. Yes I wrote it, the sub had some input into what he wanted to say too. he was particularly concerned with not appearing weak for being sub, hence the rather knightly words included, also the bit about not losing his identity was a great concern for him. The inspiration for that knight and queen approach came from a website that sadly disappeared, a Mistress Fox and Her sub teaseme, though I didn't steal their actual words, just the concept.

I posted it here with the full knowledge that people may want to borrow them ... I am more than happy with that, just massage them to suit your needs! If you would let Me know how it worked for you, so much the better! And angel ... would love to be present and hear those words spoken between you and your lovely Sir! That is a love story I am so happy to be personally witnessing!

This wasn't the whole collaring ceremony btw, it began with a bit of an explanation of D/s for the brave and open-minded vanillas who were present, and after the section above, continued with an explanation of the imagery and meaning behind the choice of matching golden anklets with opals. Then we sang together ... and out of that, got 2 of the bdsmers there who we'd known for a while but not discussed singing with ... as new recruits into My choir! That WAS a bit bizarre LOL!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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