RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (Full Version)

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christine1 -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 6:54:43 AM)

i love to be slapped but not out of anger.  i think there is a big difference between slapping out of anger and slapping to assert control and dominance. 



Aliceiscurious -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:01:32 AM)

There is such a wide range of activities I enjoy and I even have some limits I'm willing to push.  However, I don't accept correction out of anger.  When parents correct out of anger, it is abusive to the child.  Why would it be different in a D/s relationship?  It's not even about the face slapping at this point.  If you yell at someone or push someone because you are angry, that's a loss of control.  Since the entire relationship is built on control, that doesn't give the submissive and/or slave a warm fuzzy feeling because they are trusting you to remain in control. 

If you are the type to just hit someone when you are mad, there is always the chance that it won't stop at face slapping.



GreedyTop -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:13:39 AM)

~FR~

quote:

On each occasion we were fooling around but gradually a fun, cheeky response became inappropriate; I was being firm, sub was being cheeky and not paying attention. So bang - an angry slap (not hard, not dangerous, mildly firm).


I'm sure he'll correct me if I'm wrong (and not with face slapping..LOL), but knowing SD, I think the word 'anger' is overshadowing this:
quote:

On two occasions it was what was needed - a sharp pull back to the reality of submission. On one occasion I got the response mentioned frequently in the thread - she slapped back.
I think the third occasion would have had the same motivation behind the slap, with different results.

So, again, knowing SD, I feel safe in saying that 'anger' (in the sense of out of control) is perhaps not the best word he could have used.  Not sure what would be a better substitute... exasperation, maybe?



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:14:07 AM)

goes along with my saying;
A divine piece of artwork made for You. So beautiful so fragile, needing Your skillful touch and watchful eye. Not yet finished, in fact it may take a lifetime but that is why You wanted that divine piece, correct? Than the word broken, seems so harsh, yes?~Never break the spirit, the heart or soul of the most wonderful creature such as the submissive. She lives to please You.~   ~t~



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:15:50 AM)

im extremely submissive to almost anything, but correction done in anger is a really BAD sign and all bets are off in my opinion...........



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:21:45 AM)

and i also apologize Hello to everyone!!!



Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:22:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

I didn't think so until I read the this

"Maybe we doms should get this included in the dom manual - at a suitable point, reasonably early in the relationship, slap sub to assess her subliness. Instant obedience, shocked breakdown into tears - fine; test passed. A slap back - failure and withdrawal of her sub card. "

Sorry but it would be reflex for me to slap back. Has nothing to do with whether or not I am submissive.


Sorry boi - I normally post in P&RS and that was what we call a joke (they're all over the place there). Forgot things are more serious here. My error.



Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:26:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

I definitely would not consider her any 'less' of a sub.
I like a sub worthy of being dominated.  As such, if she slaps me back I would probably tell her to bend over, she's being spanked for slapping me.

Even with repeated defiance, I would simply state that I don't think our relationship is working out, not claim she is any less of a sub.

Finally may I point out that if you are not dominating a woman, than there are two possibilities: 1.  she is not being an effective sub.  or 2. you are not being an effective dom.    But just as failing to sub once does not make you a 'fake' sub, failing to dominante a woman once does not make you a fake dom.  Do not be so quick to assign the blame to her, or to ascribe a permanent change in status to a single instance.



Spot on SS. I didn't blame her - in the post or in r/l. Anything goes wrong - whether a fuck-up by one of my staff or a fuck-up in a dom/sub relationship - bottom line is it's always my fault. I agree.



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:37:16 AM)

i do agree that slapping if mutal can be part of the relationship, but never never in anger
besides (lol) the worst thing You can do to a sub. is leave her alone winks



Daddysredhead -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:50:16 AM)

I can relate to so many different perspectives in the responses posted here.  I have never been slapped really hard in the face by Daddy, so I am not sure what that would be like.  He has, on a couple of occasions, kind of "tapped" me in the face in order to get me to re-focus during play, not hard at all - just as an attention getter.  Recently, I have watched some bdsm videos where there has been face-slapping during play or passion and I have been rather turned on by what I have seen.  I have told Him that this has picqued my interest and asked Him if He would be able to slap me and He said "yes."  He hasn't done it so far, but I am growing more curious as to what it would be like, during a hot scene or rough sex.  I sent Him links to the clips I watched so He could see in what context I found this activity erotic.  He knows that this has always been a hard limit for me because I would have always said, "Slap me and I'll slap you back, no matter what the orientation or situation."  But now, it's something I would like to explore - but only in the realms defined above. 

I still believe that any act of physical violence that is done to me during an actual argument or fight is still likely going to get an "in kind" response just out of automatic reaction, though I've never had to worry about that with Daddy in the 5 years we have been together.  The amount of restraint and respect I have been able to muster during any disagreements with Him is nothing short of miraculous in comparison with my typical past reactions with others.  I have always been the typical hot-headed, short-tempered redhead that loves to rip into my opponent during an argument.  This doesn't usually lend itself well to being "naturally" submissive IMO, but it has led me to a deeper connection with Daddy, in that, He knows this about me, and doesn't take advantage or press my buttons just to see if I can remain in my submissive place with Him.  (My submissive place has only been occupied by me during the last 5 years of my life, before that, it was merely a vacant lot.)  [;)]

Just my [sm=2cents.gif].
DRH



Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:51:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

He has slapped me when I've forgotten a particular protocol in our relationship.  It's not done in anger, but as a reminder because sometimes I just get caught up in the moment.  He has also slapped me during rough sex. 

I love it and it puts me in a dreamy, hot headspace and/or brings my focus back to where it should be. 

But not long ago He was softly stroking my face and noticed just the faintest of evidence of an old bruise.  On some occasion when He had slapped me it had left a very, and I mean very light bruise.  No one would ever notice it unless they invaded my personal space.  But it seemed to bother Him that He had left a mark on my face.  He said He loved my face and didn't want to leave marks on it.  He hasn't slapped me since, although I'm hoping that He will still do it.

I would never, ever dream of slapping Him back, nor do I think it's in me to do such a thing.  That would cross a line that, for me, would make me question what was happening mentally and emotionally...... and would have a lasting, detrimental effect on our relationship.




Greeds is right - "in anger" wasn't the right word, even "in exasperation" is a touch strong - more "as a serious reminder"?  And controlled too; I agree that if one loses one's self-control one hasn't yet grown up.

I think you've expressed what I would have expected (and what 2 out of 3 happened) far better than I did NaughtyAngel.

So let me re-phrase. I wouldn't expect someone who was (I can't think of another word, sorry) "truly" submissive to respond aggressively to something, doesn't matter what, which was a "controlled serious reminder".

And yet it seems that for many the act of slapping the face, even lightly, is such a deeply rooted taboo, such an unacceptable invasion of personal space, that they will react back with aggression!

Does this make ppl like NaughtyAngel and holly and tricia and lushy the only twue subs here and gypsy and samba not twue? Unlikely. Or is there something exceptional about a face slap which takes it outside normal boundaries?



Daddysredhead -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:51:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Never break the spirit, the heart or soul of the most wonderful creature such as the submissive. She lives to please You.

This is just beautiful, tammy.  [:)]



Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:54:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

i do agree that slapping if mutal can be part of the relationship, but never never in anger
besides (lol) the worst thing You can do to a sub. is leave her alone winks


Sheesh tammy - when they're as beautiful as you the concept of leaving a sub alone is I guess not within the realms of possibility for most. *winks back*



gypsygrl -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:55:54 AM)

I can only respond to what he wrote and he used the word anger.  But, even if exasperation is a suitable replacement, it doesn't change the basics of the plot:  he let a situation get out of control to the point where he was exasperated and chose to get physical as a means of regaining control.  Its 'the letting a situation get out of control' part that's the root of the problem, at least in my mind.  Then, the problem was compounded by the slap. 

In general, I don't really see a substantial difference between slapping out of anger and slapping out of exasperation.  Exasperation is pretty much the same as frustration and suggests he was at the end of his rope behavioral management technique-wise: he didn't know what else do do, so he slapped her.  I don't know that that's any better than slapping out of anger.  It also raises the question of what he was exasperated with: the sub's behavior or his inability to control it?



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:58:38 AM)

Hi darling so sweet of you to say so and i love Your  quote of letting the hair color being a warning !! too perfectly yummy  kisses ~t~



CalifChick -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:58:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner
And yet it seems that for many the act of slapping the face, even lightly, is such a deeply rooted taboo, such an unacceptable invasion of personal space, that they will react back with aggression!


I think for so many of us it takes us to such a bad place that the instinct is to slap back.  I don't know that I would, I think instead it would crush me, although I might raise my hand first in instinct, then realize what happened, then be crushed.  I dunno.

It reminds me of something that happened recently.  I tweaked someone's nipple for the first time, just playing around, and he raised a fist to me.  He stopped immediately, and we both had shocked looks on our faces.  Apparently he had a bad place too that triggered an instinct to fight back.

Cali
(now cured of nipple tweaking permanently)



Daddysredhead -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:59:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

Or is there something exceptional about a face slap which takes it outside normal boundaries?

Dear SD,

I think it may be a trigger for some people, thus making it a hard limit, lest it rear its ugly head in an inappropriate way.



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 7:59:44 AM)

You need to read my profile please, it gets me in
SO much trouble but hey i have the right right now to be a bit picky winks



tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:02:30 AM)

Awe Sundowner thank You... (He doesnt know me very well , does He lol) kisses ~t!~



KMsAngel -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:02:59 AM)

quote:

So, again, knowing SD, I feel safe in saying that 'anger' (in the sense of out of control) is perhaps not the best word he could have used. Not sure what would be a better substitute... exasperation, maybe?

rebuke, maybe?



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