RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit?

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tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:38:23 AM)
we should start a thread on that one! lol

GreedyTop -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:38:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sundowner quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop His jokes arent always the best Oh Greeds - you are so so wrong! [:D] ok, perhaps I should have said..." his jokes aren't always FUNNY....."

KMsAngel -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:38:59 AM)
jokes are just too "british humour" subtle, sd i've been infected with the virus that makes one understand them. not always a good thing, lol

gypsygrl -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:40:43 AM)
quote: And this I still can't quite get - rape is a pretty firm and deeply personal taboo. People who go around raping girls get put in prison. Yet the rape fantasy is hugely common and can often form part of play. I don't have rape fantasies. I have never expressed an interest in fantasy rape. I do do some role playing with a friend who likes that kind of stuff but it hasn't been a huge turn on for me. Its a challenge for me not to really fight back--he prefers feeble resistance, and its hard for me to keep my resistance feeble--because sometimes I slip into a head space where I can't tell the difference between real and pretend. I accept this challenge as a service, because he likes it. The same way I let him slap my face. We're not compatible as Dominant and submissive because I know deep in my heart he wants to go places I can't go and I don't trust myself to go there. I might lose control and kick the fucking shit out of him. He's a good friend though. Which is why I won't risk submitting to him. Its pretty much the same with play-slapping. He likes it, I have issues with it. I reserve the right to stop the scene whenever I go in a bad space. But, I'm not his submissive, and we both know that, so thats ok. I don't know if this helps make sense of things.

Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:41:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang ... a slap that comes out of the blue, can trigger a natural reaction of defense - hence the slap back. No thought - just a reaction...does that make sense? ... Makes sense entirely blt. It's what's behind the response that I'm struggling with - why does this over-ride a normal submissive response? And as so often, rs puts a context well - "I’m talking about that corrective slap, that mild slap ... you apply when a slave is so far out of line she needs a little physical jolt to get her thinking straight again." So for those anxious to help me with my "anger" and "control" - just pretend I can handle those and look instead at the different issue. Why is blt's reaction a common one?

Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:44:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KMsAngel jokes are just too "british humour" subtle, sd i've been infected with the virus that makes one understand them. not always a good thing, lol Oh you get today's hug Angel. Good girl! [;)]

tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:45:20 AM)
blts is a common one, i once had a Dom who loved nothing more than to slap me, my God i was just on the verge of having a hit taken out on him lol

OTKkindaGirl -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:49:24 AM)
one of the best interviews i have ever seen on this subject transpired between Barbara Walters and Sean Connery. i'm on his side. sometimes the best attention getter is a slap to the face and sometimes, yes, people deserve them. i don't condone abuse and there is a difference between a single slap and a punch to the face, and i certainly do not agree with hitting when anger is present. i understand the tone in which this OP was presented and not even knowing this guy, i understood his position and knew that he didn't mean "truly" angry.... not when there is playful barb going back and forth. to me, it would have been a shattering experience to be slapped not knowing that i had crossed a line in playful mincing of words. i wouldn't have slapped back but rather stepped back, withdrawn and assessed the situation quietly. if i felt i was in fact out of line or insulting with disrespect i would accept it as a mild correction and hopefully we would talk about it. if it was done out of true anger and i had unwittingly hit an old nerve with my barbs then i would expect a conversation about the incident and what caused the reaction (i'm fair and maybe i'll stay a sub/slave or maybe we'll part and stay friends). in an extreme case, if i intentionally said something maliciously disrespectful that i knew would provoke such a response, then i deserved it and would be accepting of it, but i should probably be reassessing the relationship altogether and walk away from it. if i want to hit you, you no longer have my mind, my heart, or my spirit and the best thing for me to do in such case is to part ways and you aren't my friend. imagine my surprise when i met my first face slapping Dom earlier this spring! grin love ya C

gypsygrl -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:51:55 AM)
quote: I think having the readers project their own personal lack of control or previous bad experiences onto you is unfair and foolish. He, in effect, asked for projection when he asked for our thoughts. So, its not unfair. In fact, it strikes me as the epitome of fairness. It may be foolish, though. But, thats another issue.

tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:52:05 AM)
that honestly made me love Sean Connery even more! if that was possible winks

christine1 -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:52:34 AM)
Sundown, somehwere you mentioned getting slapped on the ass. i can take a harder slap to my face than i can my ass and i've often wondered if it is becuase of the severe spankings i used to get as a kid. shrugs. aren't we all so beautifully, wonderfully intricate and interesting in what makes us tick? edited for clarity

Daddysredhead -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:52:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead I can relate to so many different perspectives in the responses posted here. I have never been slapped really hard in the face by Daddy, so I am not sure what that would be like. He has, on a couple of occasions, kind of "tapped" me in the face in order to get me to re-focus during play, not hard at all - just as an attention getter. Recently, I have watched some bdsm videos where there has been face-slapping during play or passion and I have been rather turned on by what I have seen. I have told Him that this has picqued my interest and asked Him if He would be able to slap me and He said "yes." He hasn't done it so far, but I am growing more curious as to what it would be like, during a hot scene or rough sex. I sent Him links to the clips I watched so He could see in what context I found this activity erotic. He knows that this has always been a hard limit for me because I would have always said, "Slap me and I'll slap you back, no matter what the orientation or situation." But now, it's something I would like to explore - but only in the realms defined above. I still believe that any act of physical violence that is done to me during an actual argument or fight is still likely going to get an "in kind" response just out of automatic reaction, though I've never had to worry about that with Daddy in the 5 years we have been together. The amount of restraint and respect I have been able to muster during any disagreements with Him is nothing short of miraculous in comparison with my typical past reactions with others. I have always been the typical hot-headed, short-tempered redhead that loves to rip into my opponent during an argument. This doesn't usually lend itself well to being "naturally" submissive IMO, but it has led me to a deeper connection with Daddy, in that, He knows this about me, and doesn't take advantage or press my buttons just to see if I can remain in my submissive place with Him. (My submissive place has only been occupied by me during the last 5 years of my life, before that, it was merely a vacant lot.) [;)] Just my [sm=2cents.gif]. DRH Dear Confused SD... My quote that you used was not in the full context of how it was written, and I have bolded and highlighted it for clarity. In the initial paragraph, I mentioned that Daddy has used very mild face-slapping as a method of re-focusing me during a scene, and I haven't been offended or retaliatory at all. It was very effective, and put me back where I needed to be. The bold portion in the second paragraph is that physical violence, in a non-scene context, that was just out of uncontrolled anger or rage would never be ok with me. There is a difference between hot, sexy, rough play and slapping the shit outta someone just because you've lost your temper and are no longer in control of your actions, no? This is what I was talking about. In a nutshell: (and for my situation only) attention getting smack = ok... bitch slap because Dom can't think of any other way to get things under control and Dom is really pissed = not ok Signed, Hoping to have cleared things up

OTKkindaGirl -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:56:27 AM)
smile me too tammy!!!! i love to imagine his voice saying "drop your panties" and i seriously can hear it in my head! gigglez love the man.

fyreredsub -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 8:56:46 AM)
I'ld be afraid that if someone slapped me in the face,hard, they would get more than my attn... some of that ole PTSD..would get rereleased and i would find i wasnt as over the past abuse as i thought i was. and I would see red and look out ya'll........[:o]

CalifChick -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 9:03:28 AM)
SD, I was trying to explain to someone what touching different parts of me does to me. I cannot say it is logical, although I feel there are reasons for all of it. My dad loved a quick, hard smack to the face. He especially loved to do it when I had braces (the old-fashioned metal kind that tore up the inside of your mouth). Try being a 12 year old and having the orthodontist ask you how on earth your mouth is getting so shredded... you don't exactly say, "my dad is quick with the hand" - at least, I didn't. So my reactions to a face slap would go back 30 years to very bad places from childhood. I can see very clearly how that would override anything else going on, including any sort of submissive response you would normally expect. Cali

Daddysredhead -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 9:06:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sundowner quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang ... a slap that comes out of the blue, can trigger a natural reaction of defense - hence the slap back. No thought - just a reaction...does that make sense? ... Makes sense entirely blt. It's what's behind the response that I'm struggling with - why does this over-ride a normal submissive response? And as so often, rs puts a context well - "I’m talking about that corrective slap, that mild slap ... you apply when a slave is so far out of line she needs a little physical jolt to get her thinking straight again." So for those anxious to help me with my "anger" and "control" - just pretend I can handle those and look instead at the different issue. Why is blt's reaction a common one? For me, the "normal submissive response" isn't so normal for me. I don't think that I am naturally wired towards submission the way some subs describe it. It has been a process for me, so my "normal" response would be to fight back. With Daddy, there is a natural tendency for me to comply without arguing and fighting, with others, that has not been the case. So, I only speak for myself. I totally understood your OP and what RS wrote. I understand the difference in a corrective smack and one that is out of control and abusive. I don't think that you are describing abusive tendencies in your posts because I "know" you from other parts of the site and I get what you are saying. So, if you were to correctively give me a smack, I don't think I'd be ready to pop you one. giggles Don't you feel safer now? [:D] hugs to you, SD...

Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 9:06:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl ... sometimes the best attention getter is a slap to the face and sometimes, yes, people deserve them. i don't condone abuse and there is a difference between a single slap and a punch to the face, and i certainly do not agree with hitting when anger is present. i understand the tone in which this OP was presented and not even knowing this guy, i understood his position and knew that he didn't mean "truly" angry.... not when there is playful barb going back and forth. to me, it would have been a shattering experience to be slapped not knowing that i had crossed a line in playful mincing of words. i wouldn't have slapped back but rather stepped back, withdrawn and assessed the situation quietly. if i felt i was in fact out of line or insulting with disrespect i would accept it as a mild correction and hopefully we would talk about it. if it was done out of true anger and i had unwittingly hit an old nerve with my barbs then i would expect a conversation about the incident and what caused the reaction (i'm fair and maybe i'll stay a sub/slave or maybe we'll part and stay friends). in an extreme case, if i intentionally said something maliciously disrespectful that i knew would provoke such a response, then i deserved it and would be accepting of it, but i should probably be reassessing the relationship altogether and walk away from it. if i want to hit you, you no longer have my mind, my heart, or my spirit and the best thing for me to do in such case is to part ways and you aren't my friend. imagine my surprise when i met my first face slapping Dom earlier this spring! grin love ya C You have expressed beautifully what I had expected. But (apart from the standard missed-the-point posts we always get [sm=rolleyes.gif]) there's plenty here to make me revise my view somewhat.

tammystarm -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 9:08:49 AM)
i have watched everything that man has ever done, my God i would rearrange my hard limits for that voice!!!

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 9:08:52 AM)
fast reply If he EVER EVER hits me in anger its over. I will not put up with that and you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be heartbroken and would leave. I'm a firm believer everyone keeps their hands to his/herself. We are adults and if we can't handle things in an adult fashion there's a issue. Now...when it comes to play. I do not like facing slapping at all. My play partner has though gave me a couple fast taps to my face during sex a couple of times. That does not bother me and as long as we don't get any heavier with the taps then alls well.

Sundowner -> RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? (8/3/2008 9:14:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 Sundown, somehwere you mentioned getting slapped on the ass. i can take a harder slap to my face than i can my ass and i've often wondered if it is becuase of the severe spankings i used to get as a kid. shrugs. aren't we all so beautifully, wonderfully intricate and interesting in what makes us tick? edited for clarity Sheesh Christine - you are the epitomy of beautiful, wonderfully intricate and interesting. I just wish I were clarity. <sighs> Not for Angel. Possibly for Greeds. That was a joke. I pretended to mistake "clarity" for a person's name as a humuourous device. Following my compliment to the delightful Christine it suggests a flavour of admiration and longing for the beautiful girl. But does so through the device of pretended misunderstanding in order to lessen any offence which might be caused by a too bold declaration of my undying love. Thus one hopes that Christine will read the post and, rather than seek out her lawyers, will instead allow a wry smile to play over her lips. Might even have worked if I hadn't had to fuck around with this explanation. <sighs again>

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