RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO ENJOY IT ??

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO ENJOY IT ??

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 1/21/2007 9:27:57 AM

Aine

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I'm confused as to why people always think that.

There are people that have led perfectly unabused childhoods and perfectly well adjusted adult lives that are masochists and just plain old LIKE pain.

We're not all people that have been abused, yaknow.

And there are those of us that have dealt with different kinds of abuse that are -not- using BDSM as an outlet for some twisted need to "go back" to those times in our lives.

I've dealt with my past, I'm over it and I didn't enter into the lifestyle with that bad mindset. I waited until I felt I was past it before even bringing up my interest of BDSM to my current boyfriend.

My life since I've been with him has gotten a hundred times better, he has been an amazing thing in my life and everyone that knows me has seen such a huge positive change in me, even I see it. I'm happier, calmer, and more balanced than I have been in many, many years.

Does him spanking me have any kind of negative connotations? Does it put me into a bad headspace? Does it make me think of my childhood? Absolutely not. It's a choice I made as an adult to try, and it turns out to be something that I truly enjoy. My life before this new life with him has all but faded into the background. It's my current paradise.

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Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 1/21/2007 9:32:39 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

There are people that have led perfectly unabused childhoods and perfectly well adjusted adult lives that are masochists and just plain old LIKE pain.

We're not all people that have been abused, yaknow.

or that those that have a passion to inflict pain on you lovely consenting masocistic beauties have not had some tramatic or abusive life. Some of us lived a typical home life that was loved by dad and mom.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 1/21/2007 9:55:28 AM

Aine

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Joined: 4/12/2005
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Amen.

And those that do it out of making their loved one happy.

My boyfriend isn't much of a sadist. But he spanks me from time to time because I like it.

He's a lot more comfortable with some of the other things we do, like the sensationplay....scratching, brushing, hair pulling, etc.

Our relationship is perfectly healthy. Much healthier than any of my previous relationships.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

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Post #: 43

RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 1/22/2007 8:31:44 AM

luv4softbutch

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Joined: 11/10/2005
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I like the gradual building of pain. Spankings mostly. And yes it frees you to do anything your mistress asks of you. My body respondes to pain, the more intense the more I can take, the more pleasure I feel. My girls (young adults now) are the same way, All of them and they all have experienced spankings from there partners purely out of accident and found they are all turned on by it and heightens their sexual experience. They are all of age by the way. I have no idea why I like it I just know my body craves it. When my mistress comes up to me and brushes her nails across an area that has been spanked properly I am immediately sexually excited all over again almost like a fever of wanting more. It's too bad the body bruises so easily.

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 1/22/2007 8:34:32 AM

luv4softbutch

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I had a healthy childhood also concerning discipline in the home.

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"SUBMISSION IS A WONDERFUL GIFT TO BE GIVEN.... MY DESIRE TO SUBMIT IS MY ADDICTION, MY ABILITY TO SUBMIT IS MY STRENGTH, MY FREEDOM TO SUBMIT IS MY POWER AND MY CHOICE TO SUBMIT IS MY WISDOM."

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 1/22/2007 8:59:40 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

There are people that have led perfectly unabused childhoods and perfectly well adjusted adult lives that are masochists and just plain old LIKE pain.

We're not all people that have been abused, yaknow.

or that those that have a passion to inflict pain on you lovely consenting masocistic beauties have not had some tramatic or abusive life. Some of us lived a typical home life that was loved by dad and mom.

Those (false) prejudices continue because of the persistent insistence that various "orientations" include some sort of environmental (experiential) component (ie: the nurture side of the "nature vs. nurture" debate).

John

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Post #: 46

RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 5/22/2007 6:07:59 PM

saltie

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I wonder why myself why I do. It is not a lifestyle for me just in case that makes any difference. I just know I do and even when it will be to much I still want it again. I am also a masochist.

(in reply to MasterDaveKa)

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 5/22/2007 7:39:57 PM

sublimelysensual

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From reading the thread thus far, I think I come at this from a bit of a different angle, so here goes.. I absolutely hate pain, detest it, vehemently abhore it, doesn't matter whether it's coming from a stubbed toe, or being scened ...but I love pain play. The biggest reward in it, for me, is knowing I'm serving as a vessel for the Dom's needs as a sadist, taking the pain for Him. Are there other ways to serve? Absolutely, and a lot of them are extremely satisfying, but because I do dislike pain so much, taking it for Someone, knowing it's pleasing Him in a major way, is pretty close to the top of my list satisfaction-wise.

That being said, the other thing I've found is that when I'm in pain is one of the only times my brain stops going a hundred miles a minute. I completely lose focus of any and all stress/disappointment, etc that may be going on in my life at the time, everything disappears within probably five minutes of the time the scene starts. At that point the only things going on in my head are "god, that hurts", and "I love pleasing Him this way". Oxymoronic maybe, but true. Eventually even those thoughts go away and that's when I space. When I'm completely in the moment with my whole being, body, soul, and mind.

There are very few things like it that I've experienced, and that's why I keep coming back for more. What I've discovered is that it doesn't matter what tool is being used, things I thought I would hate are just as wonderful as the things I knew I would love, because it isn't about how good or bad it feels, it's about how it's making the Dom feel, and where it can take me. Not sure how much this will help You, but hoping it might...

-a

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 5/22/2007 7:44:10 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

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just what IS the big thrill of pain anyway?

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 5/22/2007 8:33:23 PM

zindyslave

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I have always liked pain to an extent, when I entered the lifestyle we started slowly and I have built a tolerance to what is too much and what isn't. The pain turns me on, I can't explain why or how but it does. I noticed some things in this thread about childhood abuse linked to this or something, I feel the need to add that I was never abused, I was disiplined by whippings when I was little if I did something bad which is why I hate being punished with pain now. It didn't mess with my mind that I want pain or whatever because of that, I beleive if someone has been abused more than likely they would stay away from that side of the lifestyle, so it wouldn't bring back those feelings.

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 5/22/2007 9:58:49 PM

homework

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Joined: 11/11/2006
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I just love pain... I love the pain that I receive now. I haven't been pushed very far or hard. It has been built up slowly over time. Each new scene it goes just a little bit further and the endorphins kick in just a little bit more. Now He isn't a sadist, I only get a good smack down once in awhile. When I do ooooh....I am to the point that I have developed a craving for them. I am now allowed to look for a playmate to push me further.He cares too much to push much further. I like the pain because for us it is a time for me to let go. I get to be as loud as I want, let go of all my tension, let go of alot of emotions, and find a clear head space I don't usually have because I am in such control during my regular day. for me it is just what I need.

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RE: WHY EXPERIENCE PAIN, AND WHAT MOTIVATES A SUB TO EN... - 5/22/2007 10:08:31 PM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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woohooo, finally evidence that i am from another planet...how a liberal monogamous nilla woman could raise such a conservative poly masochist has been a running joke as of late...
chelle,
House Infernus
PS. I like pain for pains sake, when i am in the right head space...i don't know why or how it works, but it has taken years for me to accept it...and now that i have i am not giving it up

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Post #: 52