Profiles and such (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

sunshinemiss -> Profiles and such (8/3/2008 12:36:43 PM)

Greetings All,

I've been on this site for nearly a year now (a couple of months under a different name), and I've seen all manner of complaints.  What's wrong with my profile?  Who are these fools who are emailing me?  Why can't I find anyone?, etc.

Over time, I'm happy to say I've made friends - real life friends - on this site.  I've met a Dom that I tried to be with.  It didn't work, but we are good friends now, and he is a wonderful man.  I've travelled to meet people, and I've talked with a number of people on the phone, in a chat room, or by email.

Occasionally I get those ugly emails (you know what they are), but for the most part, I get some amazingly kind and positive ones.  I've been thinking about it, and I believe I know the reason.  I am authentic.  My profile talks almost not at all about BDSM, I have no BDSM photos, I don't list my kinks.  I show who I am, the woman, the person.  I am polite and kind (except when cranky), and people can see the real me without it being all play time.

I used to cringe when I got an email from a male sub, they were often inappropriate for an s-type girl.  And the Doms with IAMUBERMASTER kinds of names with their demanding emails used to upset me.  But now, I almost never get those.  I believe this is because the honesty and openness in my profile and lack of kink has made people feel comfortable being who they are.  I receive photographs - of nature - from people.  I receive compliments on my journal.  People stop by just to say hello and that they like the pix I put up.  And they are almost always polite and pleasant.

Creeps and HNGs seem to know they will get nowhere with me just by how I present myself on my profile. 

I put all this out there to say, do you think it's true?  Does authenticity on the part of one person bring out authenticity from others?  Does it discourage the trolls?  Is my experience an anomaly?

peace and passion,
sunshine



GreedyTop -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 12:50:02 PM)

I think you're right, Sunny.. after I removed most of the bdsm specific stuff from my profile, my mailbox stopped (for the most part) being filled with the QUANTITY...and switched to QUALITY :)





singsomelyrical -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 12:56:52 PM)

On the one hand, I agree with you.  If your profile is strictly about BDSM, there is a tendancy for people to think you are single-minded.  On the other hand, I need some indication from a person's profile that we are compatable kink-wise.  I think a mixture of the two are best.  Tell me a little about yourself in the vanilla world and give me some glimpse of what you're looking for in BDSM.  Keep it short but add enough to the profile so that someone can see you cared enough to think about (and spellcheck) how you present yourself to the world.



StrongSpirit -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 1:23:44 PM)

I think the picture is the most important thing.  I do not suggest removing discussion of kink from your profile.  You need to let people know what you are interested in, not just who you are interested.

Now, first of all, note I like pictures.  One of the things I want in a sub is someone that is willing to let me photograph her in compromising positions.   But it is the single most important thing when it comes to who will email you.    My advice to women that are getting too much of the wrong type of email is to tone down picture.  For some women that may mean follow the rules that the FCC uses.

But for others it may mean REMOVE THE THING ENTIRELY.

Women without pictures get fewer emails.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that if you are getting to many emails, removing the photo will help.



apiercedkitty -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 1:27:45 PM)

~FR~
 
i think it has to do with what's in your profile - not necessarily what's not. i also think it has to do with the amount of time you've been here. i agree - i tend to get more "people" in general making nice comments, wishing me luck, etc. now. In the beginning, it was a ton of "COME KNEEL AT MY FEET" crap... i hardly ever get that anymore tho...



StormsSlave -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 1:28:58 PM)

I think trolls tend to look for newbies. I changed nothing on my profile, and stopped getting the stupid emails after a few months. Now my profile says almost nothing, and I still get troll mail, just not as much of it.



christine1 -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 1:29:08 PM)

sunshine, i think you are right.  what helped me the most though is when Master had me remove my extra photos and added to my profile that he reads all my mail.  it doestn' keep the scammers away,  but now most of my mails are from friends here on the threads.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 1:36:47 PM)

Hello everyone,

I'm glad to hear that my experience is not an anomoly... perhaps new folks need to take a note? 

singsome and Strong- I wonder about the kink part.  I am such an open book - open to nearly everything that I just don't put any of that in my profile.  I do put that I'm intereseted in Gorean philosophy and that I want to be owned.... that in and of itself suggests a strong kink and a willingness to serve as deemed appropriate by a Dom/Master.  I guess I just don't want to be eliminated from possibility because I haven't tried something.  I'm willing to try darned near anything (legal) ... with a few kind of typical exceptions.  But your point is well taken.

As for pix, I want to say "well of course" but there are some that don't realize.  Cleavage shots bring trolls.  Sounds like Christine is a prime example. *winks to Christine

kitty - I think you have a good point about what IS in your profile versus what is NOT.

peace and passion,
sunshine



leadership527 -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 2:22:29 PM)

karma, golden rule, like attracts like, birds of a feather flocking together.  Call it what you will. There are two things in play here...

a)  There is a self-selection process happening in people who are deciding whether or not to engage with you.  People who see themselves as, in some way, compatible will engage. 

b)  People rise or fall to the level of your expectations.  So yes, it's true.  Simply by having a certain veiwpoint about the people talking to you, you encourage that viewpoint to be true.

I'm kind of amazed that I read so many "bashing" posts on this site.  Honestly, I often wonder if the people that person X is seeking are all so uniformally awful, then why are they looking for that sort of person.  Put specifically, when I see a male sub post at length about how horrid all the female dommes are, I really need to be asking some questions about whether this person ought to be looking for a female domme or not.  In the vanilla world, I see this all the time when two single women get together and spend the first half of the conversation bashing men in general and the second half bemoaning the fact that they cannot find a "good man".



newone11 -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 2:45:21 PM)

Maybe I'm just lucky but, overall,  I've received very little troll mail.  Based on the other postings I guess it's because there's not a lot of kink discussion and no naughty photos.  And I'll be just as happy to continue not receiving it.

*Yea!  My first post!  



seababy -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 2:51:26 PM)

I agree.
I have had no negative or impolite cmail.
My profile is almost blank, (too blank I know I should fill out something) and no pictures.
The only way people would know what I look like is if they catch me in vid-chat talking to a friend.
My experiences on the whole here have been very positive.

If you want to send naughtier shots or divulge in further detail on your sexual proclivities that can always be done as you get to know the person.
I think its a choice thing - If you use strong advertising it will work, just be prepared to use your delete key a lot.

Edited to add : Unless your a Domme.
Then you could have a completely blank profile, no pics, never post in the forums and STILL get too much HNG mail. At least that's what I'm picking up.









Missokyst -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 2:52:55 PM)

I rarely get email from uberdoms anymore.  The first 6 months here, yeah I got tons.  Even when I lost my name for a while and created another name, that name got slammed with "dominants" wanting immediate game.  I don't see it as a change in my profile, as I have changed little.  I see it as my no longer being new, and by association, clueless.  I have been here long enough to be seen as someone who has been exposed to the fools and unlikely to buy into that game.
New people are just easy targets for the people who find those the easiest to trick.
I rarely get emails from doms now unless they are passing through my area and are hoping to meet.  And those drop off after an email or two when I make it clear I am happy to meet for coffee, but I have no interest in playing.
The rest of the people that email me are women who can relate to what I write.
Kyst



born4serving -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 6:48:58 PM)

i used to experience quite a lot of complaints about people thinking i am wrong for writing with too much honesty in my journals and my profile.



MidMichCowboy -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 7:18:59 PM)

Well, I wax poetic (OK, OK, I run off and write and write) but, it's all me. I figure if I'm looking for someone to submit to a barbarian like me and share my life, I should warn them of all my faults, wants and dreams. There is nothing like scaring them away before they get to know me. [8|]



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 8:18:45 PM)

I mention shitloads of kink stuff in my profile, because I am looking for kinky play partners.  Still, I do think my profile is a pretty authentic representation of my views in that arena.  I don't get heaps of troll mail, either--and I do not consider the compliments troll mail!  [:)] 



azropedntied -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 8:32:55 PM)

Its a different mailbox world  for me , apparently i am not appealing enough to write to"perhaps its just cuz i am male " with a few exceptions of  some locals and board posters " thanks " i get very little in the way of mail . I do get the  form letter  once in a blue moon like a phone sales person randomly dialing  everyone who has a phone .
I do very much agree with you sunshine when you get rid of the dillweeds  there are some great amazing people on here .as far as what is or is not in a profile i have had  literally nothing and  then a ton  no pics and some  the journal had nothing  now it does .I am not here to impress  some random  distant person who i shall never meet , i am just me , and try and be the best me i can be , mail , contact or not . I think if your here for yourself  , here to help , learn  , grow , explore , and just be involved , perhaps the rest shall  come . And if it does not  then your still able to have the other .
Women do have it rougher than men in the mail troll dept , and that will remain  be it here or any other site like this or date site .
enjoy your journey .



dawntreader -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 8:55:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I think you're right, Sunny.. after I removed most of the bdsm specific stuff from my profile, my mailbox stopped (for the most part) being filled with the QUANTITY...and switched to QUALITY :)





Absolutely![:)]



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 9:11:31 PM)

For me, email has been a function of newness (more when new), time logged in (at the top of the list as 'logged on') and name (Mistress got WAY more than Master). What I had in my profile didn't seem to matter, too much, as far as email amount.

I'd never really thought about the aspect of not having bdsm kink stuff in my profile as a deterrent. Perhaps I've just never had that much?

Master Fire



ChicagoAmy -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 9:17:17 PM)

I haven't gotten any emails from trolls I don't think. My profile is really lame but I am not looking to meet anyone. I have checked friends only but I still get emails for people looking to actually meet. I've talked to some really cool people but no one is looking to be "just friends". I try to respond to everyone to everyone though, I hate being rude, even to the weird or creepy emails. Maybe if I take out all sex related interests it will discourage people from wasting their time by emailing me? I never thought of that.



subinlife -> RE: Profiles and such (8/3/2008 10:34:32 PM)

I think I have been lucky so far, I am new to CM and have only had one email that was not saying something nice about my profile. Hope it stays that way, it is nice to talk to real people and get good feedback.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.078125