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Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:19:23 PM

subsong

Posts: 77
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

    Inevitably , one will meet some possibly compatible people on here , who happen to be far away . The other end of their state , out of state , or even out of the country .
    Because I know that I have no interest in relocating - I bring that up right away . I've had a few people get downright pissy - when it was clear I wasn't moving .

" what - a submissive who isn't willing to shut down her long established business , sell her home and rental properties , and leave all that is familiar - to come take a chance on whatever with whomever !?    How DARE s/he ! "

It seems the attitude goes like this - IF you're as submissive as you say - you should be willing to do anything for me - because I'm the Dom/me .     Arrgh ! Sure makes me want to pack my bags ...

Obviously , all our life situations are different - but for those that choose to stay put ,   I'm curious as to what your experiences have been in regards to the  dreaded "distance factor " ?

    Happily nested in the Sunshine state .

Post #: 1

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:23:00 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

Let 'em get pissy ... it's no skin off my nose. I am not open to relocating, and should someone contact me from outside my distance parameters, I make that perfectly clear. I also have no interest in an online relationship, so I tend to not speak with dominants who are located far away - I see no point, unless we're simply pen pals, outside of any D/s.

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:23:21 PM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

i've always been upfront about not being able to relocate. i don't usually give too many details except i have um's and a new career. i've never had anyone argue with me over it. i've also declined based on someone being hours away - even if that person was willing to do all the traveling. i just tell them i need someone in my life more than once a month and i've never had an argument over that either. i don't know - maybe i'm not that desirable or i'm that polite... lol

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 3

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:27:25 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

Why don't they move?

Also, as to the 'real' thing, I've come up with a new answer:

"Oh, you caught me. I'm not real, I'm just a hallucination. Ever notice how you only get emails from me when you do mushrooms?"

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 4

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:33:05 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

2 years ago i woulnd't have relocated for anyone because my youngest was still underage and under my care. as it happens, he is now over 18 and not relying on me so much anymore so i'm able to relocate. either way, i wasnt' less of a submissive then than i am now. circumstances don't make the submissive.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 5

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:40:55 PM

MissAidan

Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline

I had a Dom get rather nasty with me once, even after I gave him my reasoning for not wanting to move. Not only have I left my city and state three times and come running back each of them, but I have also recently been offered an amazing job in the field that is my first love and life-long passion, and I am being groomed for a position even higher up that could make for a very comfy income someday. Sure, I could work in this field anywhere in the country...other places might even be better. But I could not work for this place anywhere else, or have the opportunities that I have poured out blood, sweat and tears (all litterally) for. If someone needs someone who can relocate, they had best keep looking. When that Dom threw the "well, what about the Dom's career" card at me, I will admit I was a bit stumped, but honestly, if someone isn't open to the idea of moving themselves, we probably wont be compatible in the long run.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 6

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:43:59 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsong

Obviously , all our life situations are different - but for those that choose to stay put , I'm curious as to what your experiences have been in regards to the dreaded "distance factor " ?

Last time I told someone I wasn't interested in relocating, he went off on a tirade about how I've been brainwashed by the feminists and don't deserve to find somene if I buy into the idea that career is more important than being his sub. He's probably right, but it's not appropriate second email talk.

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 7

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:49:26 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsong

    Inevitably , one will meet some possibly compatible people on here , who happen to be far away . The other end of their state , out of state , or even out of the country .
    Because I know that I have no interest in relocating - I bring that up right away . I've had a few people get downright pissy - when it was clear I wasn't moving .

" what - a submissive who isn't willing to shut down her long established business , sell her home and rental properties , and leave all that is familiar - to come take a chance on whatever with whomever !?    How DARE s/he ! "

It seems the attitude goes like this - IF you're as submissive as you say - you should be willing to do anything for me - because I'm the Dom/me .     Arrgh ! Sure makes me want to pack my bags ...

Obviously , all our life situations are different - but for those that choose to stay put ,   I'm curious as to what your experiences have been in regards to the  dreaded "distance factor " ?

    Happily nested in the Sunshine state .

I will forgive you all the above affronts as long as you send me sexy shoe and boot pictures to add to my collection.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 8

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 1:50:06 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I only date local. period. f someone goes off on a Tirade, there is a lovely feature called block. As Christine mentioned when talking about her now 18 year old, I have a son entering 4th grade. he is part of the equation in everything I do. he deserves to not be uprooted, to be near his father and his entire family. Its hard enough to seeing a Sir who is 25 miles away. Luckily this Sir is very gentlemanly and insists on picking me up and dropping me off. That is a big drop in money spent on the former dom when you are paying 2 dollars in tolls each way and over 4 dollars a gallon on gas.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to flower2007)

Post #: 9

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:00:31 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I state right up front that, in terms of considering someone for service, I want someone in the local area. My companion's job is not transferable and is a b*tch+2/3 to close out -- a minimum of 9 months from the time she says she wants to leave until she can actually walk away from the job. I'm more flexible, but I won't leave my Darling behind to go chasing someone I don't even really know yet.

That being said, if someone approaches us and says that he's in a position to consider relocation, we'll start a conversation with that as a 'back burner' option. Nothing definite, mind you -- but at least conversing in good faith. If it turns out later on that he can't or doesn't want to relocate... ok, well, maybe we've made a new friend. I'll be direct in saying that I have -zero- interest in forcing someone or bullying someone into being with us. We simply don't need it that much.

Real is real... even the posers and wankers on here are real, in that there is a human being of some shape/form on the other end of that screen. I'll be honest in saying that I wouldn't pursue someone who clearly stated that xhe wanted a full-time relationship and did not want to relocate, unless xhe was already pretty darned close to our city. It has nothing to do with 'real'. It has to do with bloody common sense.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 10

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:07:48 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Aside from the fact that you can immediately write off anybody that says "you're not real if you won't (whatever)", because circumstances change all the time, I don't rule out anything. I had someone move for me, and now I'm trying to get him to leave and go far away. LOL.

I rule out nothing because of my career. Look at people who have lost businesses to unforseen tragedies (terrorist attacks, hurricanes, etc.), or people who suddenly lose a good job due to death of the owner (one of my jobs is working for a man in his 70's; the odds are not good for lasting another 20 years).

My older one is very involved in sports, and alot of it is directly tied to her fabulous basketball coach. But realistically, something could happen and he could be gone any time. Would she quit ball without him? No, and there may be another fabulous coach waiting in the wings.

The only thing I would do differently this time than last time (when the ex moved here), is that I would spend more time together first, even if it were not as frequently. For instance, we were spending a week together about every 6 weeks or so; I would change that to two weeks together even if it meant only every 12 weeks or so.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 11

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:14:56 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

This happens whatever side of the paddle one might be on. Yes, submissive's can be rather pointed in conversation and do get upset if one cannot just pick up and be willing to be a relocating mistress, swinging a whip. I am able to move around if I desire and I have. At the moment I cannot, but will be able to shortly. I have been considering where to move to. For many reasons, one direction... for many other reasons... another. So getting invloved locally isn't really a good idea unless they could or would move with me. Where ever I go and whether or not someone is a part of deciding where... I am not going someplace where there isn't much going on in the community of bdsm'ers!

There are some places I just will not go to and I came by way of that, by actually trying an area, I sure as heck wouldn't have picked had it not been for who was there! People can be important enough to want to move, but sometimes you just can't move and their response will often prove exactly why one shouldn't want to pack up and go or every reason why you could consider it. If people can't see real life and want to be critical... tough... seems as if they have a few problems more than attitude.

Real to me is someone who will be real with you and is realistic about life and bdsm. Willing to relocate has nothing to do with it! lol

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 12

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:19:19 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

None of you can be real if you post in this thread.

Seriously, if the "Dom" starts namecalling right at the start of a relationship, when he's presented with his first challenge, what does that portend for down the road?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:27:01 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i was open to relocating however now that i have established myself as a journalist/music critic here, moving out is definitely out of the question. plus i have attachments (minors) in which i would have find new schools, doctors (including neuro/counseling therapists for my oldest) to reliable, board certified peds doc and etc. i hate everything that goes with moving - like packing, tossing out junk i don't need, unpacking and then tossing more stuff i really don't need.

let the prissy dominant get upset because you don't want to move. if they're that adamant about relocating, they could always move to where you are.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 14

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:38:40 PM

MsJssk

Posts: 67
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline

I won't relocate so why on earth would I even browse profiles that dont' have "relocatable" on them. Come on, this is a no-brainer. If she lives in Texas then I will entertain the idea of a long distance relationship for a while, if there is hope that the status could change one day. But I'm not into cyber and I am not about to ask someone to pack up their life and move across the country if it's not something they are already open to doing.

And it does limit my options. Come on, I want a stable, educated, self-motivated girl who happens to be at a point in her life when she could pack up and move is she wanted to. Hmmm, there aren't that many out there. But that's where I'm at.

MsJ

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:45:34 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
Status: offline

Excellent point DarkSteven......

I understand what you mean Subsong....my roots go deep in this sandy soil, over the years i've learned never to say never.. it would take an exceptional Man and relationship for me to relocate.....but life is short and i also wont pass up a chance for happiness either........

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

None of you can be real if you post in this thread.

Seriously, if the "Dom" starts namecalling right at the start of a relationship, when he's presented with his first challenge, what does that portend for down the road?

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 16

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 2:57:43 PM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

I've had a crash course on how real and/or submissive I am. If someone is going to try to manipulate me into feeling like I'm not a real submissive, perhaps they're correct: I'm not the real submissive for them.

I chat with quite a few people in different states and countries. If a Dom from out of state approach me regarding a possible relationship, I immediately advise them that I'm unable to relocate; I'm not saying this won't change in the future, but it's not an option at this time, but I don't even mention that to said Dom. I usually receive a response saying, "well, if we're meant to be together, you should be able to relocate". I put the burden on them: Why do you think we're meant to be together? How often can you visit me for lengthy time frames to determine that it's "meant to be"? Do you have frequent flyer miles because I'm not willing to travel to you? The usual response after my gazillion question is: Do you have a pic?

If they've already determined I'm "the one", should looks matter?

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 17

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 3:16:14 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I wont relocate. I always let people know that upfront and only a couple have made statements like "if we are meant to be together you will" I had some guy on aol contact me every time I logged on telling me I was the ONE for him. It got to the point where I would avoid logging into that name for weeks at a time. I have to wonder how come those people arent looking closer to their area. Are there really no candidates for romance where they live?
So.. now I ask.
Him: Of course you will come to me."
Me: Have you been turned down by everyone you approach locally?
It seems to shut them up.
Kyst

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 18

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 3:30:20 PM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

For me, in the area where I live, it is pretty much a foregone conclusion that if I should happen to find a compatible Mistress then one or the other of us is probably going to have to move, so I only look at those that say they "can relocate". I can also relocate if necessary. It will just be a matter of whether they WANT to relocate, or if they simply can relocate.

For a bit of humor, here is what i am up against locally going only by those listed on CollarMe:
In the last two months there have been 10 women active within a distance of about 100 miles, or what i would consider "local". (there may be others, but they list the whole state and not any specific town or area.) One of those women wants a slave that will bring her marijuana. One states that she wants one or two slave boys to bring her "lavish gifts" (her words) and pay for her to go shopping and to spas. One lists herself as being in a neighboring city, but in reality lives 700 miles away in a different state. One lists herself as a Bible Believing Christ follower and the most Right Wing Conservative she has ever met. (again, all her words). One has a cut-off age well below my own. Two are professionals. And three i have written to, but they never bothered to answer.

And yes i have looked at other venues such as munches and such, and honestly the picture does not look any better!

(in reply to sblady)

Post #: 19

RE: Are you REAL - if ya won't move ? Ha. - 8/3/2008 3:50:58 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Inevitably , one will meet some possibly compatible people on here , who happen to be far away . The other end of their state , out of state , or even out of the country .
Because I know that I have no interest in relocating - I bring that up right away . I've had a few people get downright pissy - when it was clear I wasn't moving .

" what - a submissive who isn't willing to shut down her long established business , sell her home and rental properties , and leave all that is familiar - to come take a chance on whatever with whomever !? How DARE s/he ! "

It seems the attitude goes like this - IF you're as submissive as you say - you should be willing to do anything for me - because I'm the Dom/me . Arrgh ! Sure makes me want to pack my bags ...

Obviously , all our life situations are different - but for those that choose to stay put , I'm curious as to what your experiences have been in regards to the dreaded "distance factor " ?

Happily nested in the Sunshine state .

If moving isn't in the cards for you, and you are truly desiring meeting someone for an RL relationship, you'd probably do yourself a favor by looking locally or within a comfortable radius from home.

There's no real sense in the drama and stress that looking online can cause if you aren't willing to relocate.

PL

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 20

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