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How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 7:53:32 AM

saraUK

Posts: 50
Status: offline

When you have been around the site for a while, and know you have found 'the one' that you truly know you want to submit to. How do you go about doing it? I realise the answers to this are very personal, but if anyone feels that they can share their situation with me I would be eternally grateful. I know I have found 'the one', but am not sure if he wants me. He does know of my feelings, through a rather botched and tearful admission from me last week. He said he felt confused. I don't want to force him into saying yes if he really wants to say no, but on the same hand I don't know how I will handle the rejection if he does say no.

Despite being in the scene for many years, and having played with many others, I have never actually submitted to a Dom properly before. How do I let him know I am offering him my submission? How do I react if he doesn't want it? Anyone got any hints or tips? Thank you all.

sara
x

Post #: 1

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 8:03:46 AM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

....He knows you are willing to give up your submission to Him. He is the one that decides if He wants you to submit. you being open to Him, gives Him something to really ponder upon. taking a girl is something He wont take lightly. take time in this, keep talking to Him about your feelings for Him. He will let you know when or if He wants you. its nice that you want to submit bc you feel He is your One. i have a Dom friend that i fell deeply in love with. He didnt feel the same. but when we meet i have submitted completly to Him even though i am not His girl. i am honored that He allows it. peace to your thoughts and hoping He will look deeply with your soulful servance

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 8:29:54 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Woman,

You have no idea what you found, certainly not "the one"! He is someone who interests you but until you have spent time with him you don't even know if you two have chemistry let alone if he makes you feel like you want and need.

That said, "hey, I think you are an amazing man and an inspiring dominant and I want to serve you" would seem to get the point across rather clearly.

(in reply to angelwithhonor)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 8:46:59 AM

saraUK

Posts: 50
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Woman,

You have no idea what you found, certainly not "the one"! He is someone who interests you but until you have spent time with him you don't even know if you two have chemistry let alone if he makes you feel like you want and need.

That said, "hey, I think you are an amazing man and an inspiring dominant and I want to serve you" would seem to get the point across rather clearly.

Sorry to stand you corrected on this one, but we HAVE spent time together. We have talked every day virtually since I joined the site, on messenger, on the phone and in person. I think at my time of life, and having had as much experience as I have of various dominants, I should know when I have found 'the one' who I know I want to lead me. The others have chosen me and I have followed - perhaps why they haven't lasted. I know deep within my soul that this is 'the one'. He's already told and taught me more about myself in a short time than I have realised about myself in years.

sara
x

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 8:49:55 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

If you have so much experience and know so much, then why are you so confused about simply telling him you want to build a relationship with him as the one you want to submit to?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 8:53:14 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I find rubbing my face pathetically in His crotch while offering up baked goods usually gets the message across.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 8:56:21 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

heh

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:01:07 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I've always found that if both people have the feeling that it's right then it just progresses comfortably.

_____________________________

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:04:57 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I've always found that if both people have the feeling that it's right then it just progresses comfortably.

There's not pretty protocol in that plus it seems to make sense. Sorry.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:18:11 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I've always found that if both people have the feeling that it's right then it just progresses comfortably.

There's not pretty protocol in that plus it seems to make sense. Sorry.

I hate when I make sense....must go do something to change that.

_____________________________

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:25:53 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Serious answer, he's already said he's confused, that is essentially putting you and your wants in limbo at this time. When he's not confused and he is receptive of your submission, he will sugue into a moment when you will know that if you ask to submit to him your request will be well recieved.

don't push him.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:28:12 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saraUK

Despite being in the scene for many years, and having played with many others, I have never actually submitted to a Dom properly before. How do I let him know I am offering him my submission? How do I react if he doesn't want it? Anyone got any hints or tips?

My personal approach is: Actions speak louder than words.

While i will be the first to admit that i haven't a clue how to submit "properly", i have never had any problem submitting to the men i have had intimate relationships with all of my life. When a guy, i liked, told me to take my shirt off and show him my breasts, i unhesitantly and obediently did as he said. (Let's see, that was when i was 13 and he was 12.)

Any way, how do you let someone know that you like him, that you want to be with him, that you want to do what he says? Show him. If he's interested, he'll let you know. If he's not interested, move on. Believe it or not, there really is more than ONE.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:35:20 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

My honest suggestion is to say to you to get the whole 'one' idea out of your head if he is stating he is confused. Why? Because a)you are just heading for a fall and b) if you have told him this - that he is 'the one' - that is manipulative pressure he just doesn't deserve. You are already placing heavy expectations on him and the relationship before it has even started.

You tell him that you want to submit, plain and simple. Unless he has specific protocol or belongs to some sort of family where you must earnt your stripes as it were, you just tell him. Then you either sit and wait it out without adding more pressure by expecting him to come back to you and say yes, or you decide he isn't worth the wait and look elsewhere.

If he doesn't want it, you thank him for his honesty and not try to persuade him or add pressure. You remain friends (or not if you cannot both be mature about it) and look elsewhere.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:37:57 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It is a fact that we humans can be very contrary critters, which certainly can be frustrating to all concerned.
Yes it is hard to find a person who matches your dreams but who shows little personal interest in you. You already know that if you do NOT ask and the person drifts away or connects with someone else, you will feel very bad about it. This is a dilemma that most guys face whether dom, sub, switch or vanilla, in making connections with women. No matter what the liberated male or female politically correct "wisdom" is, in most cases if the man does not reach out to the woman and risk rejection, he will not make connections. For submissive men this can be an agony because they often do truly want to be the ones who get approached.
My suggestions are that you ask for advice about things this dom likes to talk about, ask for advice about making contacts, sharing personal information, insuring your safety, reasonable sorts of play one can try, and especially ask advice about things you find out are big interests of his. I suggest it usually is positive to attend local BD/SM events such as munches, socials and discussion groups together. If you confide in him that you really want to go there to learn but are nervous about going alone (and if this is true), you may bring out his protective mentor/teacher/daddy/big brother side, which could lead to developing something.
Please be aware that even though you may feel your adoration for him is so strong he must respond, that may still not be true for him. But by getting out together and making scene connections, you may actually find someone even better for you!
Just like in the vanilla world, often we value what we can not have and fail to value that which lies open to us. This is often fact for all, men and women, dom, sub and switch, of all gender preferences.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:48:54 AM

saraUK

Posts: 50
Status: offline

I'm sorry, my mistake.....I thought those of you also into the lifestyle would be the best ones to aproach to ask a genuine question. I apologise for getting it wrong!

I may not have made many posts here, but I do have several years experience in the lifestyle. As yet, I have never made the first move to offer my submission as I have never before found 'the one'. I'd rather wait several years than rush from one to the next making several mistakes. That's just me.

Feel free to crusify the rest of the thread.....I shan't be checking back on it.

My thanks to those who DID take the trouble to respond in a decent manner - very much appreciated.

sara

< Message edited by saraUK -- 8/4/2008 9:49:55 AM >

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:56:38 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Sara, if you come here wanting answers about your personal life you are going to have to expect that some of them will not be what you want.

Lighten up already.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:59:10 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

*sigh* If you stop trying to make it so outside the ordinary, it won't be so hard. How do you tell any guy that you want to whatever (go out, jump his bones, get to know each other better). He knows how you feel, now leave it alone. How do you react if he doesn't want you? The same way you would for any man... you eat too much ice cream and drink too many margaritas.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 9:59:10 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Ohhhh...you just wanted to here "poor you" answers. Why didn't you say so.

_____________________________

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 10:04:56 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If I am fully aware of the girls feelings then she doesn't need to ask, I already know and if I am interested then I take up that submission. My girl never verbalised her wish to submit, her feelings and her submission where clear enough without words. I already knew she understood what she was getting into, who I was and what level of Dynamic I run.

If you are sure He knows your feelings, then next move is His, if He wants you then He will clarify anything He feels is outstanding and then He will take what He wants, knowing already that it is what you want also.

If He doesn't want you then He won't... unpleasent though you might find it, thats just life and you WILL find a way to deal with it and move on, it isn't like you have any rational alternative.

If He does neither and simply leaves you hanging for more than a few days without at least starting those final checks and clarifications or taking you as His... then are you dealing with a Dominant at all?

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you tell a Dom you want to submit to them? - 8/4/2008 10:11:27 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saraUK

When you have been around the site for a while, and know you have found 'the one' that you truly know you want to submit to. How do you go about doing it? I realise the answers to this are very personal, but if anyone feels that they can share their situation with me I would be eternally grateful. I know I have found 'the one', but am not sure if he wants me. He does know of my feelings, through a rather botched and tearful admission from me last week. He said he felt confused. I don't want to force him into saying yes if he really wants to say no, but on the same hand I don't know how I will handle the rejection if he does say no.

Despite being in the scene for many years, and having played with many others, I have never actually submitted to a Dom properly before. How do I let him know I am offering him my submission? How do I react if he doesn't want it? Anyone got any hints or tips? Thank you all.

sara,

You write a rather complete survey of yourself and desires, as I read your profile reference your thread, I had to ponder, girl your reails are set straight and if you have spent the time with this "D" that I think you have, just go for it and tell him you would be pleased to offer yourself to him for a agreed upon period of time. Methinks he will agree to it.

CP

[

(in reply to saraUK)

Post #: 20

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