RE: The Predator Dom (Full Version)

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subaltern1 -> RE: The Predator Dom (11/18/2005 2:35:05 PM)


yes, true but you make it sounds like he does not know the woman at all. From what i have read it would appear that that is clearly not the case. Of course, woman might get rejected online, but you can truss yourself, get cut with a scalpel and whatever esle he said, only with great difficulty...but if it was self-mutilation...the woman sounds mighty talented and way manipulative...to be it is like denying the holocaust write small.




redheadedfire4u -> RE: Don't you hate duplicate posts (11/18/2005 3:52:26 PM)

Unfortunately a lot of people particularly subs find L/s and become excited and enthusiastic and like a kid with a new toy rush in blindly where angels fear to tread ... hehe I am one of em lol ... but you learn real quick if you are lucky like me it was merely an eye opener and not damaging ... as for the comunity well chat or message boards are full of advice to read and plenty of sites with good advice and knowledge on them ... and lots of people who are glad to point em in the right direction ... there are also a lot of honorable Doms out there that will also provide the newbie with honest direction on where to search for good infomation. Social events in the comunity local to you are also there and not so hard to find ... it is up to the newbie to get out there and get to know people who will help ... no mattter what or where you go in life you still need to find your way and seek info and advice ... L/s is no different
warm smiles to all





subaltern1 -> The Predator Dom--what do you do with the culprits (11/18/2005 4:03:21 PM)


I wouldn't out someone over the internet but i would organise for people to email me, I'd give the bastard's details out, and ask that people "help his re-education" in whatever manner they felt appropriate. Would achieve nothing, but I'd probably feel better.




OsideGirl -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/18/2005 10:20:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
Hell, I did a sexual predator search on Master Archer when we started becoming 'involved'. I also do a search monthly within my zip code.


Keeping in mind that the following things can get you on the Registered Sex offenders list in California:

Public Nudity
Assisting Public Nudity
Sodomy (forced sodomy and sodomy with a minor are seperate charges)
Oral Copulation (Forced and with a minor are seperate charges)

With that thought 99% of the people on this website qualify to be on that list. So, take the registered sex offender list with a grain of salt. Not everyone on it is a child molester. Not everyone on the list is a rapist.

The unfortunate thing is that the way the government has constructed that law has made the list uneffective for the very people that were trying to protect. The San Diego Sheriff's office estimates that 85% of the people on the list in San Diego County are not considered by them to be a risk and it just buries the people they need to worry about.




Kasia -> RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? (11/19/2005 12:04:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
But I AM confident enough to do it directly. Therefore, I cannot answer this hypothetical, as it is one that would never be faced in my reality.

Like she said.
My personal opinion is that there is no predator without the prey - and to be a prey one must have certain personal/mental traits. I just cannot put myself in that position so any answer I could give would be mere speculating.
I do hate abusers though, whenever I found someone being treated by predator of any kind I did my best to stop it and I could go quite far in doing that. I never mind giving someone what he/she deserves.




lovingmaster45 -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/19/2005 3:47:40 AM)

only had one RT situation like that. We callled him the "Walmart Dom" because that is where he met his victims. I set up a dummy profile on yahoo; and waited. I did not have to wait very long. He contacted the sweet little 19 y/o I had invented. Several of us met him. He never bothered any of our members again. This guy actually had the nerve to contact penny at her work and at home and threaten her son. So this was NOT an over reaction on our part. For those of you who don't condone violence, sorry if our actions offends your senses. I have a PhD, but I was born and raised a redneck in the hills of NC. Enough said.

If you are a Dom who only sits in chat rooms giving support; you are less than helpful; in fact you are another type of predator...just my opinion.




BeingChewsie -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/19/2005 5:01:02 AM)

quote:

Should I, for example, send a copy of this thread to the sadist I referred to, and then what ?
He simply puts his photo, changes his profile and goes merrily about his business...


I don't know the whole story here but that sadist you are referring to might be the right fit for someone. It may not be what you like, what you think is right but for someone else odds are he would be damn near perfect.

Yes, he does go merrily about his business, because it is his business.





BeingChewsie -> RE: The Predator Dom exposed (11/19/2005 5:07:02 AM)

quote:

If they were, a group can exert quite powerful pressures against errant members.


Since most dominants make damn near a fetish out of their independence, I'm thinking a group _telling_ them what to do would send anybody who was actually power/control oriented as far away as possible.

...or they would just tell the collective group to *get fucked* and not cave into the pressure...the ones that caved would never be someone I woud see as powerful nor would they would be someone I would seek to serve. I don't *dew* sheep.




sunshine333 -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/19/2005 7:12:14 AM)

it seems that i'm alone in saying i would out this person as much as i could. (assuming all things said were 100% accurate.)

if i met a dom who proved himself to be seriously abusive (by my standards) then you can bet that i'd risk being banned from communities and looking like a jerk in order to save even one person. i'd never ruin he reputation of someone who i simply didn't mesh well with or who i thought was a jerk or incapable. but if this person is actually dangerous i'd want as many people warned as possible. and that does not only apply to the world of bdsm. heck ... if i thought he was that dangerous (proven rapist, child molester ... etc.) (besides calling the police) i'd post flyers and posters all over town and the internet with his picture on it if i could. i feel that's my responsibility as a human being. but, that's just me.

~sunshine





Noah -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/19/2005 12:13:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCES OF THE PREDATOR DOM AND WHAT TACTICS AND TECHNIQUES HAVE YOU USED TO REPEL THEM ?

One of the ways I've seen these guys reveal themselves is with a self-righteous and self-serving public communication. This simultaneous attempt at aggrandizement and disguise is apparently designed as a signal to the gullible and vulnerable that, finally, here is the sort of caring and noble creature who can be trusted with someone's gift of submission, and backside.

The more wanton or immature predators might go so far as to call--from behind their secret idenities--vigilante justice down on the sorts of people they are trying to distance themselves from.

quote:


when living in Europe heard (urban legend?) accounts of miscreant Doms being ambushed and abducted for "re-education" by small group of 'vigilante Doms'. In a r/t ftf environment sanction and censure is easier.

Of course the predatory behavior represents a failure to confront the distinction of Right vs. Wrong and the importance of this distinction. This kind of failure is often symptomatic of a broader difficulty with distinguishing reality from fantasy.

While I've only pointed out the one, I suppose there are lots of clues to a stranger's penchant for non-consensual manipulation of another person's attitudes and behavior.
quote:


WHAT MECHANISMS ARE NEEDED TO ENSURE PREDATOR DOMS ARE IDENTIFIED APPROPRIATELY and FAIRLY and RE-EDUCATED ?


How far wrong could we go, folks, if each of were to start acting like a sensible grown-up and holding those he or she encounters to the same standard?









HenryMiller -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/19/2005 12:32:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Seriously folks, these days the cops would rather shoot our kitties out of the tree then save them.


Haha. That's a great line but not completely true. There are plenty of cops that will retrieve your pussy from the tree in one piece, especially if you are female.




jamesthehumanrug -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/19/2005 3:20:58 PM)

dear jack
i dont think it's, only those new, to sm ,and,bd, or psychologically fragile as you put it....are vulnerable,to me very affluent tops; some mega-stars; some full of real dedication ;strong willed ,with a strong constitution- sacrificed their azzezzz, off ,to fight the worst elements a slave can face- snuff-
you sound like a good friend
isolation is the worst thing, for a victim,and,NO ONE ,TO RUN, TO, TO STOP the practice ,or persons ,so they continue, to benefit ,and, walk ,off scott free,like laughing sadists, or jack the ripper types sometimes do...
confrontation is the ,only ,other thing you can do,and ,you did it, so he scampered...good deed!
i lost a top who was forced ,to be the beauty ,with the number signs, in between bouts ,at extreme bizaar wrestling ,and, when she refused, to step ,on a down wrestler ;the 2 nutcases ,front ,and ,back -drop kicked- her,in the neck. she was barely 110 pounds ,in heels, and ,shes dead....with, that pro money ....and pro gang of sadists ....doing such an up to snuf job ;they whisked her ,out ; i was left watching ,and ,on the phone ,with my dom ,as her last call ,for help ,for her slave to run to the fbi(b.s.)...and, nobody did a g.d.thing ,about it .
i know sadists trolls ,that would scare the pants off a regular person ,thats how scarey they are...put my top girlfriend, into the quicy- quarry, and ,sent MY TOP orders ,in their handwriting; right ,up, to her snuf date ,when she was kidnapped; held ,and ,snuffed,and, what did anyone do ....they listened ,to garbage people; mainstreamed it ,and, documented ,garbage pals ,and, this troll ,and, no BODY DID A THING, ABOUT IT .
I KNOW MY TOPS WERE, NOT NEW, OR MENTALLY FRAGILE ,BUT, THERE IS UNFINISHED BIZNESS, NOW ,THATS ALL....
mom said: is'nt ,that sad all the turtles are like your babys ;they run, to the sea ,and, few make it away ,from the gulls..,that's how cold this world is ....try reporting a murder, and ,see what it's really like....you'll wish they murdered you ,instead...,thats how much endless trouble it is...
there are some creepy g.d sadists who exploit, and, STALK the community ,of s ,and, m -b/d ,for slaves ....money...kicks.....like a collector seeks butterflys, for a jar.
thanks ,for saving someone ,and, being sucessful ,just be glad she could get away.
what do you recommend?
an ,underground justice system, of only our kind ,for situations like this?...(i foud s and m lawyers in california but it's a farse,for defense, only) having our own s/m community court would be better late ,than never...hard ,as it seems
there is no justice ,and, people are murdered ;slaughtered; tortured ;every g.d.day ,and, the mainstream won't listen....,and ,yet; who knows better, than the vicitm ,and ,who she had closest, to her .(s / m relationship)....we practically know everyone more ,or less has a rep ,in our community ,and ,we could get fair justice, for ourselves without the mainstream b.s.,but ,when you are a vicitm ,and, a sicky kills you ,or your daughter, or lover ,or mom - no one cares, or does a thing ,about it ,that's reality!...hey ;straight vanilla's have their own system,when you think ,about it.we'd have, to have lie-detectors ,and ,juries and ,all kinds, of similar inner court (justice circle) items -set ,up ,(no cops,as judge, and, jury ; we can't be making the same mistakes),and ,our court, for the community would ,become known ,and ,established,in our own eyes;the eyes ,of the real -s/m community...,so we don't loose one ,of our own ,to someones' exploits ,and, entertainment, unless, by consent ;like i'm willing, to give ,of course....
pro.'s have lawyers, so we need the same, in case someone escapes our courts ,and, mainstream, too....,
as long ,as there's snuf ,and ,sadists, only we know ,about....there's a demand ,to fill.




GddssBella -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/20/2005 9:16:44 AM)

G'morning all:



quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
If I have done things illegal, I'd hope people would prosecute.


Frankly, BDSM is illegal in most states. Lots of old blue laws still on the books. Going to give up your lifestyle because it's illegal? I think not.



quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
If they are mature responsible adults, they know all the safety precautions they need to know to avoid someone who's going to be a bad influence in their lives.


AMEN! Let people be accountable for themselves. Once you reach majority age, act like it. Communication is key also. I'm a bit tired of the "victim" syndrome in this scene.


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
The things is that a large portion of people throw common sense out the window when they come into the D/s BDSM realm. The information needed is out there, they just need to go looking for it. Many don't bother doing any due diligence. Many of these people end up being serial victims because of their own choices.

You can't prevent all of it, but using your head will prevent most of it.


Never have truer words been spoken. Folks are so overwhelmed by concentrating on their fantasies that they forget to exercise sense. Sheer laziness is unforgivable.


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

If you re-educate all the Predator Doms who will be left for all the Knight In Shining Armour Doms to rescue? You'll eradicate an entire niche market.


Stay out of my head Ms.I! *chuckling*


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
Absolutely, I can attest to this. I once belonged to a local BDSM chatroom on AOL (Southern Submissives) and after having a great time with a sub, I decided not to pursue things further. She informed the room that I had beaten her badly, etc. It was all about rejection and not the truth.

How do you know the sub you are talking to is being objective? Even though you saw this same dom beat someone in the club once, it may not be that simple. Tread carefully and if you are really set on this thing, ask the dom in question his side. You may be surprised.


Finally, someone asked the obvious. Is the sub just reacting to rejection? I've seen and heard all kinds of heinous accusations made simply because someone's feelings got hurt. Time for that grain of salt.

Also, I've noticed a bit of back peddling by the OP. Nice to see LA pick up on that. Seriously folks, all kidding aside? Be an adult. Act like one. Grab yourself by your own bootstraps and haul yourself up. Use what mother nature gave you, that higher brain. We became top of the food chain for a reason.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...


[:D]


Bella




Padriag -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/20/2005 11:23:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000

WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCES OF THE PREDATOR DOM AND WHAT TACTICS AND TECHNIQUES HAVE YOU USED TO REPEL THEM ?

Common sense, basic good judgement, going slow, taking the time to get to know a person as a person, looking before you leap. Those are basic life skills a person needs to avoid being taken advantage of by con artists on any stripe.

quote:

I have often thought there should be a retaliatory dungeon for serious and serial offenders and when living in Europe heard (urban legend?) accounts of miscreant Doms being ambushed and abducted for "re-education" by small group of 'vigilante Doms'. In a r/t ftf environment sanction and censure is easier.

LOL... who made you judge and jury? My guess is its a big steaming pile of myth. Its also a bad idea. Some folks love to talk about being a vigilante as though it would solve all the problems. Try it sometime... but keep this in mind, there is always someone who is bigger and meaner than you, someone with more guns and more friends than you... you pick enough fights and sooner or later you WILL meet that person, and when you do its gonna be your turn to bleed. Want to be a vigilante, go ahead, just keep two things in mind... the law is now against you and you just took your life in your own hands. Good luck, eventually you'll need it because eventually it will go wrong and there will be nobody to bail you out of the mess you got yourself into. Death Wish was a stupid movie and Charles Bronson you aren't.

quote:

WHAT MECHANISMS ARE NEEDED TO ENSURE PREDATOR DOMS ARE IDENTIFIED APPROPRIATELY and FAIRLY and RE-EDUCATED ?

I'd welcome your views.

I'm sitting here wondering if you're really that naive. Identified? Okay... what yard stick are you going to use? Where do you draw the lines? Exactly where is that line where someone is or isn't a predator, an abuser, a good dom vs a bad dom, etc.? And on what authority to you draw this line? Community standards... what community? Exactly what community are you talking about... this online community... this online fantasy world where anybody can be anyone or say anything or claim anything? Some private group in NZ... maybe the rules according to Club Hellfire in NYC... or The Crucible in DC? Maybe some private group from Texas nobody has heard of? House Cerebus maybe? Who's rules, who's standards, what community?

While you're trying to figure out who gets to make the rules... what assurances of fair play do you have? Going to set up a court system, trials, representation, etc? Or are we just going to go on accusations? Okay Jacques... I heard you're a lying bastard who abuses people, that that 18 yr old is one of your victims and you're really just filling her head with crap so you can have your wicked way with her. And of course since I heard that, it must be true. Prove it isn't true. You made the comment you'd be known by your actions... what actions, this is the internet, anyone can say anything here... I can accuse you of anything I can imagine, anyone could do the same to me (and it has happened to me in the past)... prove you are innocent, prove I'm innocent, prove someone else is guilty. You can't. The worst of it is once someone accuses you of something a lot of people will accept that label without ever finding out the facts. Once you get accused of something, its very hard to prove your innocence, especially online. But it happens in offline as well in almost any kind of social group... the accusations start flying, friends side with friends and someone gets smeared because someone else had a grudge. Without some form of organized system to investigate things and ensure fairness and justice, then that kind of miscarriage of justice is virtually guaranteed to happen. So who sets up this court system, who grants them their authority, how do you get anyone to recognize that authority, etc.

Re-educated? Do you honestly think you can re-educate some one, or was that a euphamism for beating the crap out of them?


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

In the end, looking back, i can say in each case my instincts were telling me something i did not want to hear....and i have resolved to listen to them more.

Now there's a workable solution.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The problem of course being that if they aren't using their skills and good heads enough to avoid yucky doms, how are they going to avoid yucky mentors? Blind luck?

ORIGINAL: subaltern1

no, not blind luck...would it not be that is where the community kicks in ?

But that's the rub, what community? If you can't figure out who to trust on your own, how do you know you can trust a community? For all you know you just ran into a local group of cultists who are lining you up as their next victim... they just happen to be a local community of cultists. That's how things like Jamestown, Waco, and the Heaven's Gate suicides happen. Who certifies these "guardian doms" as being qualified? If you aren't going to trust your own judgement, then what proof do you have that you can trust their judgement? On the other hand, if you trust your own judgement, why do you need a guardian? People get legally appointed guardians because they've been declared mentally incompetent... would you have us believe that adult submissives are mentally incompetent?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000


That is quite true. But declaring it publically, or within a defined community would give both parties a degree of security, but point taken. "Beware, anyone acting in a suspiciously friendly manner and offer to be helpful".

In reponse to LA, some are in the community, some are not. If they were, a group can exert quite powerful pressures against errant members. When you say "Our" I am not sure what they collective pronoun refers. I don't see it as meddling at all. If you are told someone is destructive or dangerous, you still have a personal choice to make irrespective. You take full responsibilities for all decisions you make. If we step beyond your own personal circumstances for a minute, if you had a child, would you allow them to make all their decisions ? At what age or level of experience do you stop ? THough a crude metaphor, the analogy holds...

...think of it as BDSM with trainer wheels. People still fall off as they learn to ride, and every those who have been riding for years need to maintenance their fitness and equipment, and still they have the occassional spill.

I am geting a sense you are anti-communitarian, which is fine. Am I right about that ?

Declaring it publicly online tends to create more problems than it solves. It stirs up drama in a situation where rarely does anyone really know what the facts are and nothing can be done about it anyway. As for a defined community, if you mean a local munch group or private club, that's fine. But guess what... that's already how it is. If a person is a member of a club, breaks the club rules, they get asked to leave... end of problem (and if the club allows such to go on, time to find a new club to hang out in). Same thing can be done with a regular munch group... that individual is not invited back... end of problem. If they insist on coming anyway, you inform them they have to leave or the police will be called and they will be arrested for tresspassing, or some similar and simple solution. No vigilante's required.

LA isn't anti-community, she's against the idea of individuals appointing themselves judge and jury over others. You don't seem to get that.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000

however...what do you do about a guy who has have acted in the way above such they are traumatised a person with un-expected knife, needle and blood play whilst that person was suspended and then left....

Naming and Shaming ?
Vigilantes with burning torches ?
Silence ?

This is where the community could stand and say: This is unacceptable.

If its a private club you report it to the DM or the bouncer and let them handle it... they can take care of escorting the person to the door, its their job.
If its a munch, you let the person in charge of organizing it deal with it, and that person can then ask the person to leave and call the authorities if necessary.
If its your home, you ask them to leave... call the authorities if necessary.
If its none of the above, mind your own business.

Naming and shaming is just making accusations and that leads to witch hunts and lynch mobs. Funny thing about that, once you get it going its hard to stop or control... and what happens when you end up being the target of it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000

Did you really expect me to give you a blow by blow analysis ? The woman thang started at 15. She wanted to end things, he tried to extort with photos taken. He is the same guy, who had the person needing to be cut down. If you want to speak to him, get his perspective a la Diane Sawyer....

Jacques... I'm going to be blunt, I'm very suspicious of your story. Correct me if I'm wrong but you said... and I quote... that this "dom" threatened to send pictures of an under-age girl to the principal of her school. I'm sitting wondering about this because my first thought was... yeah... and this adult male is going to explain his having these pictures of an under-age girl in "compromising" positions to the authorities how??? I mean, either you're lying, or she's lying (in which case you've been duped big time), or this guy is the world's dumbest paedophile. Why yes Mr Principal... I have dozens of pictures of Lil Miss Under Age showing me her tits and pussy... she's a very nasty girl... I just love underage nasty girls... do you think my room mate in prison will be a nice guy? :: joins LA in the eye rolling ::

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000

Another good post but...the question I was addressing more was:

YOU HAVE BEEN VICTIMISED BY A DOM WHO HAS DONE SOMETHING THEY CLEARLY SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE. IT MIGHT NOT BE ILLEGAL...SO WHAT DO YOU DO NOW ??

I'd be interested in subs experiences and other Ds responses

The same thing anyone does anytime anyone takes advantage of you. If it was something you can prosecute them for, you hire an attorney and have at it. If not, you perhaps confront them and give them a piece of your mind. But regardless of all that, you learn from it, grow wiser and move on with your life. That remains true whether you are a dominant or submissive, within the lifestyle or vanilla as ice cream.

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

1)Leave the person.

2)Tell the person what they did was wrong, in a letter or to their face.

3)If you believe it was serious enough to warent this, document anything that might be illegal and go to the police. Be prepared to deal with accusations based on your lifestyle choices. Keep records of any further contact that individual has with you.

4)Warn your -immediate- friends. That is, individuals with whom you have close, personal relationships.

5)Do your best to go through -legal- not reputation-challenging avenues to get the individual removed from a place where he/she can hurt others.

6)Do -not- smear the person on the net. It makes -you- look stupid, and as if you're trying to get revenge for being scorned or something similar. Regardless as to the truth of the situation, the person 'telling' ends up looking like the bad guy when they call out names. Feel free to tell your story, in fact, do so if it will help educate, but to say "DOMX is a bastard, look what he did to me" no matter if that's -true- or not, makes theperson reporting look bad.

Thank you for being so sensible.

quote:

Yes, I htink mentors can be a good idea, but we put too much emphasis on trusting the -mentor- to make the judgement, and trusting the White Knight Dom to make the rescue. I think we need to be teaching people how to stand up for themselves, be safe, and make safe choices. AND how to take action through -legal- means should something awful happen INSTEAD of some anonomous internet reporting.

You know I used to advocate the idea of mentors... and have actually been one on several occasions. I don't advocate it anymore and won't do it anymore for precisely the reasons you give. It too often turns into being someone's crutch, them wanting me to rescue them and be their savior which never works in the long run (voice of experience speaking). These days I will be a person's friend, I will give them advice as a friend, I will share what I've learned over the years with them as a friend, among that advice will be to make many such friends and get lots of advice (its very difficult for one person to take advantage of someone new if someone new has lots of sources of advice and perspectives). Ultimately we all have to be responsible for ourselves, for our own choices and the things we do. Abdicating that to a guardian, a protector, a mentor, might seem like an easy way of avoiding trouble but my experience and observation has been it usually ends up leading to trouble.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subaltern1


yes, true but you make it sounds like he does not know the woman at all. From what i have read it would appear that that is clearly not the case. Of course, woman might get rejected online, but you can truss yourself, get cut with a scalpel and whatever esle he said, only with great difficulty...but if it was self-mutilation...the woman sounds mighty talented and way manipulative...to be it is like denying the holocaust write small.

But have you wondered if he's telling the truth? I don't want to call him a liar, but I do have questions about this story. Where did this happen for example? If it was at a S&M club, where were the DMs, bouncers or management? If this woman was so traumatized why didn't she safeword out or call for help from a DM? If it was a Private home or a play party... again, why did no one else step in before anything happened? I don't get that part, it sounds suspicious to me and that makes me question what really happened. I'm not going to call Jacques a liar because I can think of several possibilities... one being that the woman did agree to it and then played being a victim afterwards and Jacques has been duped. It wouldn't be the first time someone agreed to an intense play session then freaked out afterwards and even lied about having agreed to it.

Bottom line nothing can take the place of good judgement, your own good judgement. You are responsible for yourself and it is up to you to do what you can to safeguard yourself. Anyone, from used car salesmen to "doms" who try to push you into making choices against your own judgement or without having all your questions answered are people to steer clear of. Anyone who doesn't want you to think about what you are doing, have all the information to make an informed decision, who doesn't want you to be certain about what you are choosing is someone who has an ulterior motive. Whether you want to be or not, you are ultimately responsible for your decisions and the consequences that follow (good or bad)... so make sure you're making the best decision you can.




MsIncognito -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/20/2005 3:37:13 PM)

Best advice in the whole thread. Worth repeating so I'm quoting it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella
Be an adult. Act like one. Grab yourself by your own bootstraps and haul yourself up. Use what mother nature gave you, that higher brain. We became top of the food chain for a reason.
Bella




Vancouver_cinful -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/20/2005 4:11:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
If they are mature responsible adults, they know all the safety precautions they need to know to avoid someone who's going to be a bad influence in their lives.


I agree, and one of my safety precautions as a mature, responsible adult is that I know I am human and prone to occasionally see exactly what I want to see.

I do have an informal mentor; he is simply a friend I can bounce my thoughts and perceptions off of, a reality check, a touchstone. He just happens to be an experienced dominant, and that experience is helpful to me as I am not a switch and see things basically from the submissive angle.

In all aspects of life it's vital to have friends who care about us and can be trusted to help us keep an eye out for the hurdles that threaten to trip us.

I just don't believe that being independant, intelligent and strong means being invincible or infallible. And it doesn't mean we don't need friends in our corner.

I used to think I shouldn't need anyone...but I've learned through the years that when we allow a friend to help us we give them a gift as well.

Jacques: There's not much one can do to weed out all the bad apples, but knowing there are people in the community like you who care enough to try is one reason I keep in touch with my local community.

Cindi




LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The Predator Dom (11/20/2005 10:05:44 PM)

[&:] i have to agree with sunshine on this one. people need to pay more attention to history. masses can be fooled by anyone its been proven one man did and killed millions of people changed a country. and they fallowed him blindly. it can happen to anyone or anybody understanding predatory behovor is very important. they come in all forms shapes and sizes. but maitain the same identy of being a preditory. sexual preditors are not do different from drug addicts. selfcontrol is a big one. but instead of harming your self you hurt or mental damage others. It would be in my best advice is say nothing to them just cut them off and move on. they are the leaches of society and feed off of greed and suffering at your expense. there is no harmony or balance with this type of personlity. only dispair and worry. maslow is a great one to study for this type. our lifestyle is become so messed up there is no honor among people anymore. i am so sick of people comming up with patched excuses for bad behavior stop it somethings are black and white. and if you choose the road of hard knocks one hopes you learn your lesson afterwards if not your just poison to the masses [&:] namaste
latexbaby




LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The Predator Dom (11/20/2005 10:08:48 PM)

[&:] i have enjoyed reading this formum please always look out for each other
namaste
latexbaby




SirButchTX -> RE: The Predator Dom (11/20/2005 10:24:25 PM)

I did not read every response to this thread, so bear with me if I repeat something someone else said. Yes, Predator Doms are out there...I see em all the time and I do my best to help steer the newer subbies away from them...not always successfully. BUT have any of you considered the predator sub? Oh yes...they too are out there and I've seen more than you might think. "But how can that be" you ask...well, it normally happens to Doms that are relatively new to the lifestyle. In general, these "Doms" have no clue what's really going on, and they are taken in by a pretty face and a willing partner in some kinky fun. Before you know it, said "Dom" is up to his/her eyeballs in debt, their "sub" has moved on, and the "Dom" is left holding the bag. This is the common theme, the variations include a "topping from the bottom" sub that picks fresh meat regularly because they are incapable of holding up their end of a LT D/s relationship, or possibly chemically imbalanced folks that have an occasional good day and can "score" a newbie Dom. Am I jaded?...Perhaps I am...but I see it frequently and I see the harmful effects. So, while villianizing the predator Dom....keep in mind that the pendulum swings both ways.

SirButchTX




truesub4u -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 2:12:29 AM)

ok i'm going to start this by stating.. i only read first 4 replies....not even being able to get past them.. i felt i needed to state this. (i may regret this later)....

when i first enter the "Online" BDSM community... i was wrapped up in the world of excitement.. and erotic idea of knowing there were more people out there that i could of ever imagined that had chose to live their lifes the way we all do.


i was sought out be many weirdo's just wanting to fullfill some freakish fantasy of having a woman the can rape and abuse all they wanted and not worry about going to jail.

as time wore on... i too could spot a fake within mins of coversations..... but as all things go.. people learn.....

not only do we learn to read and weed out the fakes... the fakes have learned to play better games.

in my beginings ..... had not some very considrate and kind people grab me and yank me back a few times.. hell i could be dead by now.

we can't save everyone.... and some don't want help.. they know it all... the jump right in... well hell... at least we can say we tried.

Jacques... i think it's great that you even remotely take the time to spot or listen to one who is being preyed upon. ... turning a deaf ear.. a blind eye.. even on here... is no worse that than anywhere else when someone's being victimized... and you know it's happening... and so do nothing....

my first day on CM.. i got help right off the bat by a caring Dom that spotted right off that i was new here... and because of him.. i've learned how to move around on this new site.. for the most part... i'm still staying close to my "known" area's.. and untill i feel more relaxed... i'll stay here before venturing out further..

it's people like him and you Jacques... that makes others.. feel more at ease and more eager to learn.. and adapt.... and become who they really are.. instead of being afraid .....

(like i said, i might regret this later.. but for now.. i don't.. be well A/all..... )




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