RE: The Predator Dom

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truesub4u -> RE: The Predator Dom (11/21/2005 2:22:22 AM)
ok having read more.. i don't regret my post... but Sirbutch.. i have to agree with you ... i too have seen the sub be just as much as predator.... quote: ORIGINAL: SirButchTX and they are taken in by a pretty face and a willing partner in some kinky fun. Before you know it, said "Dom" is up to his/her eyeballs in debt, their "sub" has moved on, and the "Dom" is left holding the bag. SirButchTX i've met a few in RT and spoken to a few on line, that have fallen for the pretty face or the aspect they found the one the were seeking.. only to be ass high in debt because of 1 reason or another trying to take care of this newly aquired sub. only to be left holding the perverbual hand bag... (which doesn't always go good with leather or lace) but like i stated earlier.... we try... we try to see that we do what we can to help when we can.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 3:05:35 AM)
I don't even know where to begin on this post... I was a victem of a predator and i allowed it for a year of my life, Why? because he was smooth and i fell in love. Two women amoung my community of a club ( which is members only) , knew he was that, and never once approached me until i nearly lost everything including my sanity due to this man. They watched me be a bubbly , charasmatic slave , to a doormat which he loved showing off. He did the same to them , but on a much smaller scale. I was his trophy slave, as i was in his eyes, i believe far more than he had ever been with in the past (looks wise, and submission). After i finally ended it i walked in the club and got a standing ovation. This didn't please me, all it did was infuriate me , as all they had to do was warn me at the beginning and i would have run for the hills. I was also told by one that he used , that i should stop him before he actually causes a female to commit suicide. I told her i planned on stopping him , but where were you for me? Safety is important amoungst a community. If i ever see him out at any social gathering with a sub, not only will she hear about him everyone will. Its not about a scorned sub, its about protecting others. He stole, lied, and took my heart. I am lucky i am strong enough emotionally to be able to stand up and walk again...what about one who can't????

sunshine333 -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 4:36:24 AM)
good for you jenny! good for you for being able to take a stand to not only protect yourself but to also accept the responsibility of protecting others. it's a hard thing to do. and most people (i think) don't feel like being bothered or are too afraid of looking like a fool. personally, i don't care so much about how i look as to how i feel. and i feel that looking out for others is the right thing. humbly, sunshine

MsIncognito -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 10:25:34 AM)
I disagree with that. In the past I've both tried to warn others as well as watched while others tried to warn a sub that her new Dom/Master may not be everything (or anything) she thinks he is and you know what? Easily nine times out of ten the subs ignore all the advice because they are all starry eyed and in awe of their Dominant. I've even heard the old "But I loooooooove him" line. It's easy to say "I would have run if someone had warned me" after the fact because by then you realize the mistake you made. For most new, starry eyed subs no amount of advice or "help" makes a difference and many times the person trying to help ends up being the villain in their eyes for attempting to besmirch the good name of their new perfect Dom. quote: ORIGINAL: sunshine333 most people (i think) don't feel like being bothered or are too afraid of looking like a fool. personally, i don't care so much about how i look as to how i feel. and i feel that looking out for others is the right thing.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 10:54:31 AM)
i have done what MIss Incognito did warn people and have said things to other subs even doms what they did is just get mad at me. and it pushed them more together it just encurage the damage so i have learned. to do outside warning educating people about that type behavior give them the tools to say this is a bad person i am getting out of here. or i am avoiding this one. there are tons of good manipulators that say all the right things. i stay aways from people who are over flirtatous mental abusive people are the hardest to deal with cause they hide there pattern trends well and can respond to signals. best way you can help a friend from someone you know is abusive just be supportive. do not let it take from you emotional or the bonds you have with your partner. just be there for them. if there is abuse i mean physical by law y ou have to resport it or you can face jail and worse. just keep their esteem up thats all you can do you do not want to do anything to encurage a abusive relationship. its very hard to not be but you have to be tackful never out right tell someone who is in that relationshp that person sucks or is bad cause it will turn on you. i love the method of lead by example share the joy of how great your relationship is all the good things your doing. pretty soon they will start to know the differences when they make that choice help them be there for them. the friendship will last a lifetime :) namaste

ExistentialSteel -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 12:44:01 PM)
The problem with this thread is, Jacques, you confuse it with two issues. One is a concrete circumstance that should be questioned for the accuracy while the other is one for an opinionated discussion. You use a situation that at face value makes us all feel anger and refuse to answer questions about the accuracy of it. What we are trying to tell you is make sure the situation is true. You also use the situation to promote the idea of internet blacklisting although you go back and forth with that thought. You debate it with yourself for us with this: “People are allowed to change their minds, and to act as agent provocateurs to elicit opinion.” Cutting a sub against her will, leaving her tied in a life threatening situation and blackmail are illegal. What’s hard to decide there? Call the cops. However Padriag made a good point about the story being highly suspect with the dom threatening to admit he is blackmailing an under aged girl. I notice you did not respond to that. You only respond to questions about the situation by saying you have evidence. How can we help you if you are the authority on what is accurate without sharing the evidence you used to come to this conclusion? So what do you want to discuss? Internet blacklisting or the situation you described? If you feel the situation was not illegal (and I find that hard to believe) why couldn’t you confront the bad guy as you do every other thing in life that bothers you enough to act? Summing up all this, the activity you described is illegal. Why not report him to the police? (If it were real) Having a message board of some type to post comments about doms or subs is silly as even you more or less admit. You say that if even it worked, the dom would only change his screenname. If someone does something that is not illegal, yet you feel it is wrong and feel obligated to do something, why not ask them about it to start with. Personally confront the person who does something that in your opinion is not right. What is hard about that?

sweetpettjenny -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 3:21:40 PM)
no one including me would have been starry eyed after hearing his past...and arrest record and conning, threatening and abusing women. I would have said thankyou from all three or one and quickly exited the relationship. You also need to know this is a family like setting in my club and if someone warns you there , most assuredly you should heed the warning. quote: ORIGINAL: MsIncognito I disagree with that. In the past I've both tried to warn others as well as watched while others tried to warn a sub that her new Dom/Master may not be everything (or anything) she thinks he is and you know what? Easily nine times out of ten the subs ignore all the advice because they are all starry eyed and in awe of their Dominant. I've even heard the old "But I loooooooove him" line. It's easy to say "I would have run if someone had warned me" after the fact because by then you realize the mistake you made. For most new, starry eyed subs no amount of advice or "help" makes a difference and many times the person trying to help ends up being the villain in their eyes for attempting to besmirch the good name of their new perfect Dom. quote: ORIGINAL: sunshine333 most people (i think) don't feel like being bothered or are too afraid of looking like a fool. personally, i don't care so much about how i look as to how i feel. and i feel that looking out for others is the right thing.

MsIncognito -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 3:24:02 PM)
And yet in this "family like" setting they allow such predators to take advantage of "family members?" Interesting. quote: ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny no one including me would have been starry eyed after hearing his past...and arrest record and conning, threatening and abusing women. I would have said thankyou from all three or one and quickly exited the relationship. You also need to know this is a family like setting in my club and if someone warns you there , most assuredly you should heed the warning.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/21/2005 3:47:09 PM)
Yes, because unlike me she was afraid to say what he did to her... quote: ORIGINAL: MsIncognito And yet in this "family like" setting they allow such predators to take advantage of "family members?" Interesting. quote: ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny no one including me would have been starry eyed after hearing his past...and arrest record and conning, threatening and abusing women. I would have said thankyou from all three or one and quickly exited the relationship. You also need to know this is a family like setting in my club and if someone warns you there , most assuredly you should heed the warning.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 12:24:29 AM)
[&:] i am sorry you went through that jenny only thing i can tell you is that being there for your sisters who may go through that can help them and you both heal huggles [&:]

candystripper -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 2:19:07 AM)
quote: Most of the real predators in this world seem to shy away from the scene simply because sharing information is so prevalent. JohnWarren i respectfully disagree Sir. It seems abusive men have it in their heads that submissives and slaves are easy prey compared to vanilla women (who i am sure are also hassled). I started a thread on "preventing abuse" which listed some indicia which i felt should give anyone pause, but it turned into a flame and i asked that it be pulled. So, without naming any indica, let me just say, not every Man who calls Himself a Dom or Master is trustworthy; women (and men) need to use common sense, like obtaining a background check before relocating. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 2:36:15 AM)
quote: well, each to their own, but I don't want to trivialize someone's trauma either. This would same akin to telling a rape victim "to harden up and get over". I am not asking you to go a witch-hunt: I was asking you what your response would be to the situaton described. Let's not be hypotherical about things--it did happen. Jaques1000 Without knowing what state this occured in, generally speaking, the "Dom" committed assault with a deadly weapon; false imprisionment; and battery. However, going to the authorities rarely pays off. DA's care about their win/lose ration and generally take the tack that if the Man ignored her safewords, etc. that will be too hard for a jury to understand. They are also generally hostile to BDSM and its practitioners. And some people cannot make a police report because they cannot take the chance of their family or workplace finding out. Still, prosecuting him is a delightful idea. You might guide the injured or threatened person to the local Rape Crisis Center or Victims' Assistance Program, where hopefully they will find trained people to help them deal with the trauma as well as an advocate for dealing with law enforcement and the DA's office. This may still not result in a prosecution but it may heighten the chances. As for what You should do, Jacques, i applaud You for caring and trying to protect these women. A protective instinct is something i expect to find in a real Dom. i think You should assess Your ability to help these women deal with the trauma and if necessary, assist them in finding a BDSM-friendly therapist. i have heard such horror stories; women put in the ER by a "Dom" who ignored their safewords after they were bound...i wish such men were more easily identified. However, IMO, hard-core abusers are very adept at inspiring trust, etc., to lure a woman in. To everyone who said "she should just use common sense" let me assure you from my experience ANY woman (or man) can be drawn into an abusive relationship. It is never the woman's fault, and telling her to "use her head" is blaming the victim and letting the abuser get off without a slap. CM will bann for abuse; i know, they have done it for me. However, it's easy to change isp's and make a new nick and return; and CM has no way of identify the person twice. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? (11/26/2005 2:44:18 AM)
quote: Well, since you use the words "might not be illegal", that makes this harder to answer. As far as legality goes, there is no grey area. Something is either legal, or illegal. IrishMist O that it were so...and that law enforcement and DA's were required to take action. However, when safewords are ignored, it becomes a "he said/she said" situation which generally results in nothing more than taking a police report. i doubt a woman could even get a permanent restraining order in this situation...and if she did it would be unlikely to barr the bastard from her munches, etc. BTW, you have such a lovely nick. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 2:56:30 AM)
quote: There are all kinds of predators out there. I have been in a r/t abusive "vanilla" relationship. I never want to go through that again. I hope by taking my time, and using the fact that I can't yet begin to try r/t to find a Dom for me, spending my time learning and talking with those into D/s even only online, that I will be better prepared and able to avoid being the victim of a predator. I have also found a group in my area and hope at some point soon, early next year maybe, to attend my first munch and begin making r/t friends in the L/s. SweetSarijane The best advice i can give is follow your instincts; take time to allow a Man into your life, and LEAVE the first time he hurts you. The first blow is a critical decision-point and while the Man is on bended knee saying it will never happen again with a dozen roses, it WILL happen again. Additionally, there is no substitute for verifiable information. At some point, when you feel He may be your One, ask for a background check showing His credit, criminal and property records, and go through an attorney so that His social security number can be blacked out but you can be sure the report is on Him. You can also ask for a work history from the Social Security Administration, once again, using a lawyer to redact the ssn. You can play private detective...and there are on-line sites which offer some information based on His name and address, but the most important information requires His social security number...so an attorney as a go-between who has a duty of confidentiality is the ticket. An abusive Man in His 40's or so has abused other women; you cannot be the first. It usually begins with the first wife, but i had cases of teenagers being abused. Questions about His past may be revealing...if you listen well enough. Pay particular attention to any anger or hatred He espouses for someone who left Him, particularly if the break up is quite a long time ago. Lastly, miss, anytime you wish feel free to email me on the other side. i represented battered women for all my years in Florida and feel i have some insight and experience that may help you....and i very much want people to be safe. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? (11/26/2005 3:03:09 AM)
quote: Yes, I htink mentors can be a good idea, but we put too much emphasis on trusting the -mentor- to make the judgement, and trusting the White Knight Dom to make the rescue. I think we need to be teaching people how to stand up for themselves, be safe, and make safe choices. AND how to take action through -legal- means should something awful happen INSTEAD of some anonomous internet reporting. perverseangelic i disagree as to Mentors who hold the power to agree/disagree to real life meetings with Men (and i suppose Women) but i was so blessed with my Mentor i cannot identify with people who have been exploited. i feel He held the reigns long enough for me to stand on my own feet; and i still miss Him. In His decison-making, He always explained when He said "no" and i learned quite alot from Him. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: The Predator Dom (11/26/2005 3:21:35 AM)
quote: BUT have any of you considered the predator sub? Oh yes...they too are out there and I've seen more than you might think. SirButchTX There are crazy-ass mean-as-hell women on CM who hate Men. One that i heard about was speaking to about 5 Doms at the same time and each thought she was interested in His collar. She was eventually found out but not before she caused a lot of grief. i can name other instances. i always -- always -- encourage Men to obtain background checks on women before inviting her to move in. And Men can no more afford to ignore Their instincts than women; each of the 5 Doms "felt" something wasn't right but none cut the communication off until they were slapped with absolute proof (not by me). candystripper

JohnWarren -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 6:14:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper quote: Most of the real predators in this world seem to shy away from the scene simply because sharing information is so prevalent. JohnWarren i respectfully disagree Sir. It seems abusive men have it in their heads that submissives and slaves are easy prey compared to vanilla women (who i am sure are also hassled). I started a thread on "preventing abuse" which listed some indicia which i felt should give anyone pause, but it turned into a flame and i asked that it be pulled. So, without naming any indica, let me just say, not every Man who calls Himself a Dom or Master is trustworthy; women (and men) need to use common sense, like obtaining a background check before relocating. candystripper[/font][/size][/color] Perhaps I should have said "face to face scene." Of course, the anonymity of the internet attracts bad people. It's not just scene sites, but regular dating sites and even hobby ones. The problem here isn't the kinky stuff but the internet. That's why I recommend people meet others in face to face groups and leave the internet for chatting. If you never meet someone, it doesn't matter if he's Jack the Ripper. If someone is going to meet someone through the internet, then I agree that lots and lots of testing needs to be done before there is any face to face contact.

Wildfleurs -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 7:34:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren Perhaps I should have said "face to face scene." Of course, the anonymity of the internet attracts bad people. It's not just scene sites, but regular dating sites and even hobby ones. The problem here isn't the kinky stuff but the internet. That's why I recommend people meet others in face to face groups and leave the internet for chatting. If you never meet someone, it doesn't matter if he's Jack the Ripper. If someone is going to meet someone through the internet, then I agree that lots and lots of testing needs to be done before there is any face to face contact. I agree that theres more propensity for finding that kind of person on the internet (particularly the internet relationships where there is a long "online courtship"). But on the other hand I know of cases of abusive and suspicious dominants in my local community. The sad thing is that I don't see them usually being pushed out of the scene. I know that no one wants to take sides in he said she said things (hell I don't want to) but at the very least in cases where charges have been pressed successfully or you they shouldn't be re-accepted (I haven't seen this happen frequently but I have seen it happen). C~

MHOO314 -> RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? (11/26/2005 7:57:49 AM)
has anyone noticed that our thread originator has vanished? no profile found?

perverseangelic -> RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? (11/26/2005 10:58:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper i disagree as to Mentors who hold the power to agree/disagree to real life meetings with Men (and i suppose Women) but i was so blessed with my Mentor i cannot identify with people who have been exploited. i feel He held the reigns long enough for me to stand on my own feet; and i still miss Him. In His decison-making, He always explained when He said "no" and i learned quite alot from Him. candystripper yes, but was he teaching you how to make decitions on your -own- or just making them for you? My point is that we put over-dependance on mentors that rule rather than teach. That is, that tell their mentor-ees what to do, but never how to do it for themselves. I think we, overall, foster submissive dependancy, just as in the past women were fostered in dependancy. To generalize vastly (and, yes, not 100% correctly) there have been times in history where women went from father to husband, from one "protector" to another without ever learning how to do the protecting themselves. I think that is something that the mentor system as the people I have known used it does, to an extent. The submisive people learn to rely on an outside source for "protection" and to mediate judgmentes. Instead of being taught, or learning on their own how to better make informed decitions it is reinforced over and over that submissivep people should be "protected" and 'nurtured." I'd rather new submissive people be informed.

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