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Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 7:42:51 AM   
msprudence


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline 		Reading Dan Savage's blog about the man who died of asphyxia after his wife bound him, gagged him, and left him alone.  One detail:  She didn't want to do it.  According to her statement, her husband hounded her to tie him up and it wasn't something she wanted to do. 

How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?

Link: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 7:58:50 AM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		When I was 16 I tried to get my then girlfriend and first "love" to participate in some bondage. After we experimented she turned into a freak. Not the ME kinda freak, but a freakin' freaky freak. Seriously, she is now more twisted then almost anyone I know. She has taken her submissiveness to levels I could never have predicted. She is happy and I am happy for her. But damn that girl is a freak. She helped me elevate my interests and started introducing me to things I had never thought of. She took my basic, almost vanilla, interest and helped transition me into the kinkster I am today. She introduced me to Ds and BD and SM and threesomes and female bisexuality and all her "best" friends and the hot neighbor and the girl from work and the female cop that gave her a ticket and thankfully she introduced me to me.

Dolf

(in reply to msprudence)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 8:08:50 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Who are you????

(in reply to DomDolf)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 8:19:53 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		nothing wrong with being a freakin' freaky freak...i enjoy it.

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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 8:23:19 AM   
johnnyak


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		When i was with my gf i tended to put it out there when we would come home after a few drinks.Easier that way.Anyway she had a couple of really sexy,Domme type outfits but she got them Because they were sexy and not because she was any way interested in domination.So of course one night i asked could she handcuff me to the bed and a couple of other things including foot domination and queening.I got my wish but the next day she was very awkward towards me.If i asked her say,when we were watchin tv one night i would have certainly heard crickets and got a backhand across the face.Im no longer with her but as far as asking a vanilla partner in future that is a no,unfortunately,unless i feel the person has a genuine interest in it.I would bring bdsm up in conversations gradually and judge by her responses...i guess thats how i would go about it in the future.

(in reply to msprudence)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 8:28:12 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I very carefully presented my kink to my spouse, and he bravely gave it a shot, and I got lucky that he took to it, although there was also a LOT of hard work involved.

(in reply to johnnyak)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 9:42:31 AM   
justjosie


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/31/2008
Status: offline 		My last beau was 'nilla...yeah, I was "taking a break" LOL

I told him right up front about my BDSM "proclivities" ...interesting subject to decide how to bring up.  He was very into it, actually, he LOVED the idea.  Mais tres difficile for a submissive to teach a Dominant who might not neccessarily be one!!

In the meantime, we dicovered that Dolce chocolate, made for heating in the microwave and making chocolate covered fruits ACTuALLY stays liquid for quite some time, hardens JUST the right amount on the body, and takes quite a long time to get off.   MMMMMM if was fun trying. WOW.  I know you aren't supposed to kiss and tell, but WOW.

We broke up for many other reasons...

(in reply to msprudence)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 10:18:57 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?


complete disgust, combined with a condescending recommendation to "get some help for that sick shit".

(in reply to msprudence)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 11:03:29 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence
How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?

Well, not exactly the response you were looking for.  In my case, I was the vanilla partner that was asked to participate by my wife.  I responded in the same way I would any such thing from her.  I gave the matter careful thought.  In this case, I decided that what she wanted was well within my capabilities.  In addition, she was thinking bedroom d/s and I took it more down the 24/7 M/s path.  Then again, I've oft noted that starting this whole thing on the foundation of a decade long marriage eases a lot of the bumps because of the existing trust, respect, and communication channels already in place.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to msprudence)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 11:08:10 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I don't get involved with any one who's not into kink any more. So that's not an issue for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence

Reading Dan Savage's blog about the man who died of asphyxia after his wife bound him, gagged him, and left him alone.  One detail:  She didn't want to do it.  According to her statement, her husband hounded her to tie him up and it wasn't something she wanted to do. 

How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?

Link: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog


(in reply to msprudence)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 11:11:52 AM   
WhisperSupremacy


Posts: 74
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		My vanilla ex's weren't interested, hence why they're my ex's.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 1:48:28 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		My ex husband when we were dating fully embraced the idea of trying it out and learning. He seemed to enjoy alot of the aspects of the kinky sex part right up until about a week after the wedding lol. I think I was a victum of bait and switch to be honest lol

I find if you are with a more straightlace person, best way to ask if they are interested in play is to start discussing their fantasies and what would really get them going, then try and do that for them (i'm sub tho so the idea works for me hehe) And then if they enjoy that work on getting them to delve into one of your fantasies.

# 1 thing is don't expect your partner to ever fully embrace bdsm, all you may ever achieve is some kinky slap and tickle games.

_____________________________

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(in reply to WhisperSupremacy)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 2:23:10 PM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I was in a vanilla relationship that lasted nearly 10 years, mentioned kink a few times, my ex-partner was well aware of my tastes and needs and other than once blindfolding me could not get into it at all.  My current Master (who i've now been with for 6 months) is someone who when i met knew very little about BDSM but liked rough, kinky sex.  A few websites and some books later He was looking to try to deepen these experiences, we do that together, it's lots of fun.  As to when to bring it up, personally i found that the first time i got laid by each of the partners mentioned above was the right time, after all we had talked about likes and dislikes of other sexual natures, kink just naturally became part of the conversation.  As for converting people, personally, i don't think anyone is every converted, i think someone is either interested and stimulated by certain things or not.  The pace at which any transformation takes place can only be dictated by those taking that journey.

The above statements are from a position of personal expriences only other people's mileage can and will vary.

(in reply to akisha)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 2:28:47 PM   
tingedpurple


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		For those of you not familiar with the TV series 'Californication' here is a clip of one of the characters trying to spice up his sex life after his secretary introduced him to BDSM:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWyHBOPmX4U

(in reply to Deliena)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 2:35:06 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Up until about twelve years ago all of my partners were vanilla. Two decades worth. On a percentage basis I'd say I did ok in the realm of finding willing partners who would indulge my kinks. Of course, my kinks prior to twelve years ago were really benign in nature - simply bondage, gags and blindfolds. These days if I were to venture out into vanilladom I doubt I could have the same success at my current level. Vanillas do not play like this. I'd probably have a hard time even finding a self proclaimed submissive who would agree to dance.

(in reply to msprudence)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 4:07:51 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I got a LOT of success with:

What do you like in bed? 
Her Answer:  Surprises.   My response: Hm, lets try a blindfold.   (later moved on to much more stuff).

Her Answer: I like massages.  My response.   Let's try this very weak flogger.  You can use it on me first (Get something very wimpy, they make for good massages)

Her answer:  Well  I have this fantasy about ... My response:  ROLEPLAY.



(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 4:23:06 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		   I'm a pretty broad hinter. I had a box full of sex toys including handcuffs, whips, nipples clamps. I watch more hentai and porn in general than any other girl I know...and it's not softcore shit. I made no secret of these things. Still, the message never got through. After years of hinting, I grew some cajones and asked if we could roleplay. I'd be his sex slave. His first order? That I dominated him.

Anyone surprised that relationship didn't work out?


_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 6:17:45 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The last two vanillas I was with:

#1 - I gave her a few gentle spanks while kissing her and making out.  I have her more later.  I think she liked it a little but we didn't mesh on other levels.  Had we done so, I think I could have gradually made her a sub.

#2 - We went straight to sex rather early and I gave her a few light spanks during the heat of the moment.  She freaked out and figured I was a violent, abusive sadist and dropped me like a hot potato.

Sometime ya win...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 6:33:39 PM   
SageFemmexx


Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		My ex and I got married very young--in our teens. We agreed to experiment and had quite a few rp adventures. The marriage worked well until I decided I was bi-curious and acted upon it. Afterall, I thought we were into kink and adventures.

Apparently not--he totally freaked that I had a female lover and nothing I did after that made up for ME being BI. The marriage downward spiraled into abuse as his insecurities took hold and I ended up packing my car, taking my kids and moving in with the friend who was also a girl. Most guys enjoy the two girls scene but for him it was a disgusting, against nature tirade that he used as a weapon forevermore.

So watch out, sometimes the vanilla are into pretending they are kinky as long as it's on Their terms.

Be well,
Sage

A

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? - 8/7/2008 6:35:40 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Ponders the idea of "Having a vnailla partner"...and just wanders away scratching his head.......

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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