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Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 7:49:00 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Today, at work, I experienced something...well...odd. I should preface this by saying that I just started this job a few weeks ago. I really like it here, but I don't feel comfortable talking about my private life much, because I don't want people to think I'm weird or have cause to fire me.

So.

I walk out of the office and during the morning meeting, the topic of flogging (as a punishment) comes up between two of my supervisors. The gist of the conversation is: a woman who works at the front desk is going to be late, and one of the supervisors "A" says that this woman should be "taken out and flogged". Supervisor B says, "I thought flogging was being dunked in water." Supervisor A replies that he thinks flogging is like whipping. I come in in the middle of the conversation and Supervisor A turns to me and asks "Do you know what flogging is?"

I stop, for a moment, and answer. After all, I knew what flogging was before I was into S&M. I say that a flogger is an instrument of several lengths of bound leather, used to hit or whip a person, and that priests, during the middle ages, would use floggers to self-flaggelate, or beat themselves for sinning.

The conversation continues, and I ask Supervisor A why he asked me if I knew what it was.

He turns to me and says "I dunno, you look like one of those S&M freaks."



....

I put it off. I didn't implicate myself. I said that I knew because the Spanish Inquistion was something I was vaguely interested in. The conversation moved on to other things.

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? What did you do? What WOULD you do? My dom told me, when I repeated this story to him, that that kind of behavior was completely inapprorpriate at work. I don't know how I was supposed to react. And of course, I was worried that I really DID look like an "S&M freak", which scared me...

So...advice? Comments? Questions?

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 7:54:58 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		Well, having looked at the profile pictures that you have I would have never labeled you as an "S&M freak"
But then again, I would have never pegged myself as one either, but other people have. I don't know, maybe it's like "gay-dar"

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 7:57:30 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Your Dom is correct, it is totally inapproiate behavior for a work situation.

YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. You are totally normal, just like everyone else in this world is totally normal also. ( When you think about it, there is no accurate definition for normal, despite what is listed in the dictionaries)

I can remember growing up, thinking that the kids in school who spiked their hair, and dyed it hot pink were freaks. Until I learned that they were just as normal as the ones who were preppy.

And, there is no reason that you should ever be afraid of someone discovering that you are unique in your own way, whether it be at work, at home, anywhere.

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:09:42 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Kitten,

As a manager in my company, I can say that that is totally inappropriate behavior and if it makes you uncomfortable you should report the behavior to Human Resources or your immediate supervisor. *if they are not one and the same*

Comments like that should not be tolerated in any company and the supervisor should be educated on the inappropriateness of them.

Does your company have educational seminars on harrassement in the work place?

Knight's kyra

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:10:27 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Sooner or later something always slips about your personal life at work. Every Christmass we have the Secret Santa thing where you put on paper some of your likes, hobbies, and dislikes.

Favorite music I put: Korn, Nine Inch Nails, Frank Sanatra, Mozart, and Steven Curtis Chapman.

Favoriate Color: Black and Blood Red

Hobies: Bike rideing, exercise, and sword fighting

Favoriate scents: Whatever turns on the women

Needless to say, some ppl who read this may think of me as an odd ball.

Any how, just think of yourself as a show. You should always leave everyone wanting more. I'm now working in a pharmacy. Everytime I give ppl input on illegal drugs, shrooms, mixing alcohol and such I get questioned "how do you know this?" My reply is "I went to college" And that's all I say. If I mention something refering to BDSM, sadisim, or bondage, and I get quesioned on it, I just give a grin and I might say "you never know"

Certain things will always stand out about me. The way I carry myself, speak about punishment or morbid topics, and taking controll of some if not most situations. Sooner or later I've always gotten the "I don't know what to think of you" phrase. If I decide to respond, I say "I'm just me and I'm enjoying it"

Soon enough you too will learn to roll with the punches and realizes that a wicked grin and a shrug of the sholders will get you out of most of these ppl learning all about your personal life and instead just keep them guessing.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:16:05 PM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		A couple of years ago, my neighbor explained that he was trying to get into my pants, because he just knew i was a freak. In his case, "freak" was a compliment, considering he thought himself to be a pretty big freak.

Not too many people call me on my alternative tastes, but sometimes there are people (all ages, all types, all personas. One was a 45 y/o mother of 3 who was returning to college, and kind of the mom to all of us in the theater dept.)

Maybe Sup. A knows what he is talking about, but really, if he did, there would be better ways to "feel you out" so to speak. i think you handled it well, and maybe they were just kind of testing how you handle yourself around them when they are being dorks.

If they were to push their luck with asking you more explicit questions that can't be related to historical interrogatory methods, you should probably just shut it down with a "Not appropriate, and I am not about to go there. Don't bring up my personal life, again." or something to that effect.

Actually, i think you handled it marvelously!

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:25:24 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

He turns to me and says "I dunno, you look like one of those S&M freaks."


"It takes one to know one" Bugs Bunny. You can give him that line.


Sure you can take this up with HR. You could file a Big Complaint and say you feel Sexualy Harrased. There's nothing wrong with doing that. But maybe you could let it go and just kid along with it. Or you could give a stern dominant look and say "That's inapropriate. Don't bring it up with me again" Unless the guy is truely a jerk and just asking for trouble you'll normally get an apology and the topic won't come up again. Most problems in the work force resolve better when you simply confront the person.

Anyhow, a three strike rule isn't the end of the world. The first strike slides, the second gets a warning, and the third is the complaint file. In nothing is resolved after the complaint, not only the offender but the entire company can be sued for allowing you to be harrased. The Waffle House took a big hit for it and the Courts decission on the case makes it a shoe in for you to when if this guy and the company dosen't straighten up and keep it to professional manner.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:31:56 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
quote:

He turns to me and says "I dunno, you look like one of those S&M freaks."


If that person wasn't a good friend, the glare of disgust from my eyes would have knocked him over. That's entirely inappropriate for a professional colleague.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:36:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: obis


quote:

He turns to me and says "I dunno, you look like one of those S&M freaks."


If that person wasn't a good friend, the glare of disgust from my eyes would have knocked him over. That's entirely inappropriate for a professional colleague.

I completely agree. The rest can be written off as idle workplace discussion. But the label like that is completely inappropriate. One can only hope that they are one of those slew of people out there who had temporary amnesia of their manners and thus can be forgiven based on their pitiful state.

Personally for me, I keep work totally separate from the rest of my life. Even if someone outed themselves as being into the scene with me, I'd just accept it, encourage them to have fun and that's it.

(in reply to obis)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:47:16 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		As a supervisor in my Company... such behavior is completely unacceptable... We have a NO Tolerance Policy to this type of derogatory comments to a fellow empolyees... to the point that more than a few have been demoted or fired for this type of behavior.

However, That is my company... What about yours?... What is their Policy? Know the type of working in environment you are working in.

It should be noted that companies do change their behavior over time. In my particular office... colorful language has been an accepted norm. Recently, our General Manger has served notice... He started with us managers... We actually had a money jar where anytime a manger was found to use inappropriate colourful words they put money in. This lasted for about 3 months to allow every manager to change their behavior... It has now being enforced upon the union positions. A company that wish to improve the working environment will indeed have the policies that will protect you from judgemental derogatory comments and seek to improve the environment... but if they don't have it the policies... it could be an up hill battle for you. Judge your situation carefully.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 8:51:59 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings twisty cat
im sorry you got reprimanded and you let a chump at work psych you out first of all everyone who technically speaking has deviant or kinky lifestyles or thots and inclinations naturally feels paranoid and thinks everyone can read their mind,in public.
you think anyone knows what im thinking in public or the adverage sophisticate in the supermarket knows what im really thinking?
try it ,or bring a friend someday who you know is kinko and pushem ,out somplace;be really perverse one day ,then be mr public ;you think people know you ,or can read your mind-?, but, it's simply ,not true.
a word of warning ,tho the more you talk about something ;the more important it is to you ,so say, nothing ,if you dont wanna be linked,to a subject....thats funny ,tho ;its ,not unlike getting stoned,on grass,then you gotta do the public and you think "oh nooo",like everyone knows youre stoned ,when no one can tell youre stoned ,unless you tell them!
if you did look like a sm leather person id look too but only cause i wanna see something nice for a change

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 9:39:17 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

not unlike getting stoned,on grass,then you gotta do the public and you think "oh nooo",like everyone knows youre stoned ,when no one can tell youre stoned ,unless you tell them!



Maybe I'm just odd, but I can spot a stoned person a mile away...........

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 10:50:44 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Kitten,
Can you tell me what an 'S&M freak' looks like? I guess I've never really thought about it, but if you don't have a bunch of bruises or whip marks showing how can anyone else tell?
BTW, your Dom is absolutely correct. That was a totally inappropriate conversation in a work environment. It was also not appropriate for him to address you in that manner.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/18/2005 11:51:00 PM   
Marquisd


Posts: 61
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

He turns to me and says "I dunno, you look like one of those S&M freaks."



....

I put it off. I didn't implicate myself. I said that I knew because the Spanish Inquistion was something I was vaguely interested in. The conversation moved on to other things.

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? What did you do? What WOULD you do? My dom told me, when I repeated this story to him, that that kind of behavior was completely inapprorpriate at work. I don't know how I was supposed to react. And of course, I was worried that I really DID look like an "S&M freak", which scared me...

So...advice? Comments? Questions?



yes, borders on sexual harrassment (sic)

When I started work it took me six month and a healthy dose of guts and I went to my supervisor and let him know that I am active in the local BDSM community.

Ever since then I get interesting looks from fellow workers (when I see them which isn't too often).

After a while the interest subsided and everyone found something else to gossip about. At one point I did a whip demo in the office with a single tail and a shirt as target.

I am now working at the same job for 4 years. I have an excellent relationship with my supervisor and the owner of the business.

For me it was all about protecting myself against harrassment and not being able to be who I am.

if this helps you a little with your story then great :)

I am happy to share my experiences.


cheers

Marquisd

_____________________________

Relationships develop at the speed of trust

"Official Sadist and Dom of the 2010 Winter Games"

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/19/2005 12:15:52 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

Soon enough you too will learn to roll with the punches and realizes that a wicked grin and a shrug of the sholders will get you out of most of these ppl learning all about your personal life and instead just keep them guessing.


i think i woulda laughed it off too..i found that changes situations around easily.

also wanted to add... being defensive is actually a lot of the time an admission of guilt on the eyes of other people..we can be defensive by making too much out of something...we can be defensive by appearing irritated...we can be defensive by being angry over something...

I do professional massage...its amazing how many people make comments like.."oo it hurts so good" or...inferring that they like a bit of pain and there are sexual connotations to the way they say it....i just laugh..or i might even say..."be careful i can be a sadist"...its no biggie.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/19/2005 12:24:38 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I stop, for a moment, and answer. After all, I knew what flogging was before I was into S&M. I say that a flogger is an instrument of several lengths of bound leather, used to hit or whip a person, and that priests, during the middle ages, would use floggers to self-flaggelate, or beat themselves for sinning.

The conversation continues, and I ask Supervisor A why he asked me if I knew what it was.

He turns to me and says "I dunno, you look like one of those S&M freaks."



....

I put it off. I didn't implicate myself.


You did implicate yourself to those that would witch hunt (by having knowledge past those asking) and by the sounds of it the guy either a) has a problem with things outside his world b) is joking with you (i.e. a freak (as he sees it folks I don't consider us freaks)himself) c) hasn't a clue in general d) to infinity - something outside our imaginations (happens frequently).

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/19/2005 12:52:35 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

So...advice? Comments? Questions?


I'd recommend a course in polite behaviour at the workplace for your supervisor A, unless it was entirely clear that he was joking. You don't tell a colleage he/she is looking like a freak, of any kind. That's plain rude.

Roe

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/19/2005 1:59:30 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Being somewhat of a devils advocate here I would also like to point out to you that you do have distinguised pics of yourself on your profile. A fellow co worker who may also be a CM member could pick you out. However, not being 100% that it's you, could make S&M reference to try and make confirmation that you too are a CM member as well.

If that's the case then he could and should have been more suttle about it. It's not that I'm trying to defend the idiot but giving bennifit of the doubt, it's possible that what he meant to say just came out wrong. Anyone who is this relaxed at work should be able to handle the "Can we just stick to work and stay professional" attitude. Yes he gave you a not needed commit but what happened after that? And what has been going on at work from him since then?

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/19/2005 2:39:32 AM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? What did you do? What WOULD you do? My dom told me, when I repeated this story to him, that that kind of behavior was completely inapprorpriate at work. I don't know how I was supposed to react. And of course, I was worried that I really DID look like an "S&M freak", which scared me...


I am "out" at work.....and everywhere else, so i don't forsee a situation like this happening to me. Is that behavior appropriate for a place of employment? Do you work at a dungeon?? If not, i am thinking the behavior is completely inappropriate. I think that you handled it wonderfully. If this topic of coversation does not die out, you might pull the Sup aside and let them know that you don't find it appropriate....and ask them to stop. If they don't....well i see no other recourse than to bring it to the attention of their manager, or the HR manager. We don't have to put up with things that make us uncomfortable.
As for looking like an "S&M Freak".....i go to great lengths to look like an S&M Freak, and a mother, and a grandmother, and a manager, and a business owner, a community volunteer........don't let it scare you honey, there is nothing to be afraid of.


Peace,
cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

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RE: Extrordinary Situations - 11/19/2005 4:03:50 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Some of the advice here bothers me.

quote:


Comments like that should not be tolerated in any company and the supervisor should be educated on the inappropriateness of them.

Does your company have educational seminars on harrassement in the work place?


Maybe I'm hard core but this isnt even a sticks and stones kind of thing,
all those boy's appeared to be doing was bumbling or at the worse, fishing.
Running up the ladder to complain will only cause more attention to turn your
way. Possibly a better response would have been to smile and ask them
what BDSM was............ *come on girl, toss the ball back in their court!*

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
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