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Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 8:25:01 PM   
Naira


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I would like to ask experienced Mistresses out there to offer any pieces of wisdom that they have learned over their years of experience. Preferably, not an essay...though most of you could probably write a book on the subject.

I'd like to hear any short bits of easy-to remember advice, as I am very new to the scene and much of my knowledge is only theoretical or of my own random devising.

_____________________________

Ajanma maranantam ca ganghadi tathini sthitaha
Mundukamatsyapramuhaha yogin aste bhavanti kim?
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RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 8:27:15 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Be true to yourself and your own vision.

Listen, watch, and pay attention.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Naira)
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RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 8:37:45 PM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		remember that there are no one set of BDSM rules to live by, with that in mind you have to find yourself, what you want and desire, and make it work.
Too much lube is just enough, anything will fit with enough lube.  Oh yes, and 96% of things you hear on line, are not true.

Alexandra ~

 

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 8:40:42 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

.  Oh yes, and 96% of things you hear on line, are not true.

Alexandra ~



Except the stuff me and Alexandra say, because we are Weal Twue Mistwesses.  And just smart old broads.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to UmbraDomina)
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RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 8:46:28 PM   
blackrosegoddess


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		My Pearls of Wisdom:
1) Don't agree to anything you now, that you may not want to do tomorrow ( If you have to, sleep on it and see how you feel about it later).
2) Be honest. If you dont like something, or wont do something say so.
3) Don't expect others to do for you what you have not or will not do for yourself. ( If  you cant see yourself doing it, then dont put it on your list of things you enjoy, like or want to try).
4) Age doesnt matter! Experience and open mindedness should!
5) Be respectful and get respected.

I think that about covers my pearls.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 9:09:41 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		CapsLock does not a dominant make.

Any sentence starting with "You're not a real Dominant/submissive if" will generally end in total bullshit.

Avoid all absolutes (yes i did have to).

Two weeks of online domination does not make you ready to use a single-tail on someone.

You're going to make mistakes, accept it and move on.

Being dominant doesn't make you automatically right.

The only labels that should matter to you are yours and that of anyone you are in a relationship with.

And added just to be a smartass:  Dominant women are not the only people who might have some useful wisdom to share with dominant women.

I may be back later, this was fun; or maybe i shouldn't, it was too much fun.

-oren
the Imp's pet


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to blackrosegoddess)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 9:15:40 PM   
GreeneGoddess


Posts: 59
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		Never forget that we're all just people - nothing more, nothing less.

A man who approaches you wanting to know if you'll do fetishes x, y, and z may stick around long enough to engage in fetishes x, y, and z - but not much longer than that.

If he's lying to his wife - he's lying to you.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 10:52:28 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Let's suppose you come to have two subs. One day the first comes and complains about a conflict with the second sub, and the next day the second sub comes and complains about a conflict with the first. In that case, the bit of wisdom I have to share is to remember that there are two sides to every.......paddle.

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to GreeneGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/7/2008 11:15:48 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I wrote this a while back.   It may be helpful to you.

Some of the best advice I've gotten.

If you break your toys, you can't play with them anymore.  (That includes the human ones.)

No matter how good you get, there will always be someone out there better than you.  Learn from them.

Just because you're a Domme, don't think there's nothing you can learn from a sub.

If you get a new toy, practice is for pillows, not for people.

Know from the beginning, that in the end, you'll never know everything.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/8/2008 4:22:45 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It you do not own it do not touch it..

Please and thank you are not excluded from the english language because you put a Cap on your name

Remember those who you step on your way up.. will kick your ass on your way down

Cheers
SD

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 8/8/2008 4:23:09 AM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/8/2008 5:40:18 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Do it for yourself first and foremost.

Ds is a human relationship, like all other human relationships, the degree of "specialness" is only of matter of what you do to make it special.

Never forget you are human and that your partner is human too.

You have hard and soft limits too -- respect them as you would your partner's.

If you don't know, ask and learn. Never pretend you know how to do something that you don't. No matter how great the orgasm it is never worth a life or harm.

Stop trying to find "The One" and start learning and exploring so you can become your own "One"; also stop trying to be "The One" for someone else and just be the best you that you can be.

Getting a lot of experience does not make you a slut; it makes you knowledgeable, self-aware, more capable, and more competent.

Do not rely on the Internet.

Get involve in some local community but not just any old community of perverts.

That's what I've got off the top of my head.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Naira)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/8/2008 5:44:00 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Op pay attention to everything I tell you. There is no rule book. If you need a rule I will make one up for you. Beware of people who tell you to ignore me.  

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/8/2008 9:37:47 AM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		Pay attention to your "random devising"--it's what will make you unique.  Bring the talents, strengths and skills of your past experiences into your role as a Mistress--you know more than you realize.

Stay humble, honest and human. 

Start small with tools and work up.  Examples: do you really need to master the singletail now, if you have little experience in real life scenes? Floggers are easier to control, lightweight ones cannot do too much damage. Learn to spank before you buy canes.

Oberve, observe, observe. That means going out to the community, watching other dommes in action and attending demonstrations and seminars. Over time you'll figure out who will mentor you.  Not necesarily a formal apprenticeship--but learning who are the ones you'd like to ask for advice, or to show you how to use a tool.  Which subs can help you?  Subs can be terrific educators--they explain from their viewpoint.

Most importantly--take your time, build confidence, relax and Have Fun.
Welcome to our world!

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/8/2008 11:30:55 AM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		Remember that respect is on a two-way street and should be given, as well as received, and is only earned with honesty and temperence.

Experience is gathered in real life, not online fantasies..... (dang it) so, as others have said-- get out from behind the monitor and be involved with the local community where you live.  There are some truly wonderful people around!

(in reply to Naira)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/8/2008 12:25:02 PM   
blackrosegoddess


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		There are things you wont do and things you shouldnt do. Be brave enough to know the difference and stay away from the things  you shouldnt do.

(in reply to MamaDomme1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/9/2008 1:13:12 AM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

I may be back later, this was fun; or maybe i shouldn't, it was too much fun.




  I liked reading that.


I'd say some of the stuff here that's already been said.

There's no rule book, forget if you ever had one.

Age is irrelevant, as are many other things you may think are. It's about the person.

Forget people who are arrogant and rude.

Don't think of this "scene" as being any different than any other. Treat people like you would like to be treated.

Never put someone though something you wouldn't go through yourself. Have a serious think.

Remember that "top space" does exist, and that no (or safeword) means stop.

Trust is everything.

I'll think of more later on.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/9/2008 8:51:27 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		(1) Know Yourself

(2) Ask clearly for what you want.

(3) Don't be shy about walking away when the fit isn't "right"... you're under no obligation to concede your "self" for someone else's satisfaction.

(4) The only person who can decide how "true" you are is yourself -- by how true you are -to- yourself.

(5) A "Lady" can be determined and courteous at the same time -- they are not mutually exclusive.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/9/2008 8:52:29 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Naira)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/9/2008 2:39:16 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		You can read and listen to advice BUT use your own common sense in a relationship. I've met more Dominants who have messed themselves up by something they read or heard on a chat channel instead of using their own common sense regarding it.

Always remember slaves/subs are people with wants, needs and desires just like us D types. Don't ever think that as a Dominant you are so mighty that you can't fail, you can.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Naira)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/9/2008 2:53:03 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I'll share some advice more related to actual topping:

99% of submissive men are incredibly affected by the clear knowledge that their dominant partner is enjoying his plight.  This is even more true if she's sexually enjoying it.  Multiply that times infinity if she not only tells him, but she shows him how turned on she is.  Men long to be dominated by a woman who is passionate, excited and stimulated by his suffering, surrender or despair.  He wants her to be into it.


Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Naira)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Short bits of Wisdom - 8/9/2008 3:01:52 PM   
paulr1980


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/2/2008
Status: offline 		Lashra has given the best advice on this matter.  No two people, regardless of their orientations are the same--something often forgotten.  I personally cannot stand formulaic approaches.  It is always done theatrically and mistaken for being passionate or being somehow a unique ability.  Men, even submissives, respond to a woman's vulnnerability and her ability to show that side of herself and her desire to be wanted.  If that man is really into her, he is willing to demonstrate their acceptance and want of her through submission to her.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 20
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