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A question for Mistress about "breaking" a sub - 8/8/2008 2:26:51 PM

princessKatt

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Joined: 8/7/2008
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Any mistresses have any god tips on how to break down a male sub(with a lot of potential) who is a genuine submissive but has huge male ego issues? Anyone care to share some insight aside from concepts which I am familiar with already?
Thank you.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 2:39:26 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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princessKatt,

Welcome to the forums. About your question, I'm not a mistress, but here are my thoughts. Personally, I don't recommend addressing ego issues within BDSM. You may or may not be able to help this person see where their ego is causing them difficulties. Then again, perhaps this person is fine with their ego just the way it is. I tend to think that if a person isn't gelling with you to begin with, it's not likely this will improve. Thus, my advice is that perhaps you're better off finding a submissive partner who doesn't have the "ego issues" of which you speak. In terms of "breaking" someone (breaking down their personage), there really isn't any way you can do this and not cause significant harm. If what you mean is help someone change their habits, yes, you might be able to accomplish this. Ultimately though, it's my opinion that if you go into a relationship wanting to fundamentally change someone, this is a pretty big warning flag that the relationship won't last.

Elan.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 2:41:20 PM

NumberSix

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well, I am not god, but I do have tips.

Have no idea what you are familiar with already. But consistently (and you have to be mega precise and mega cognizant of this opportunity constantly)

the idea is that it must be demonstrated (and most often in oblique fashion) that for soulful fulfillment there is a void that exists between ego and submission.

He wants to step into that void, without hindrance or let.

Ego is important sure, but it must have a perspective that is aesthetically pleasing.

That is, in a nutshell this:

There is a place of wholeness, fulfillment and serenity, and then there is an outer void.

Anyone can be anywhere along that line, and if you look at a standard bell curve, well----

but he is wanting to be towards; if not at; one of the end points.

This is how YOU can (and will) make that happen.

The dirty little secret...nothing is for free, there is a payment required and it isn't always coin of the realm, it might be a soul, an ego, an id-------yanno, all that Jung and Siegfreid shit you see in Vegas.

Here's the map, where are you and where do you want to travel to?

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 2:54:30 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

. . . Ultimately though, it's my opinion that if you go into a relationship wanting to fundamentally change someone, this is a pretty big warning flag that the relationship won't last.

Elan.

What he said.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 2:58:34 PM

tingedpurple

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princessKatt, I can't offer too much advice, but it would be helpful if you could provide examples of how his egotism is getting in the way of your relationship. If he is an egoist, he's probably topping from the bottom and trying to break him by being more forceful may just play into his own hands. Just like you wouldn't punish a masochist by spanking them (but, rather, deny them said spanking), consider telling him its his ego or the highway.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 5:45:05 PM

princessKatt

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Thx for the advice

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 6:50:43 PM

thetammyjo

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My advice is to focus on building him up not breaking him down.

When he submits, when he does anything that makes him uncomfortable, praise. Not generic praise, not constant praise, but specific praise for being brave enough, indeed man enough to kneel for you, to submit to you, to do X for you.

I think a huge fear that some men have is that being submissive = not being a man.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Help him see that but never letting him forget he is a man and that you value him for that especially when he serves and submits to you.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 8:59:56 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Praise.

We have found that slaves with ego need reassurance to build confidence instead of scolding. It works wonders. Things like 'Good work, your doing great. Keep it up' etc...

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/8/2008 9:12:43 PM

LadyPact

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I've never understood this term of breaking a person. I don't get the concept of tearing someone down to nothing so I can build them up. If I need to break them down to nothing, a shell of a person, what in the world did I want them for in the first place?

Sure, I can help them break a habit. Train them in the ways that I think will be beneficial in serving Me. Teach them about the protocol I use or different forms of the ways I like to play. I can even go so far as to help them help themselves with their past issues. I can help them learn. I can help them grow. I can help them explore themselves and guide them to be the submissive that they hope to become.

Why not be more interested in building up the person that they already are? If a person already has a good foundation, which is really the only type I have an attraction for in the first place, why wreak havoc on that?

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 12:55:23 AM

crxmale

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A huge male ego is certainly a problem that you must deal with or at least place some controls over. I think in this instance you might use feminization to counter his bloated male ego. Whenever he transgresses you could bring out the bra, panties, nylons, and high heels. Maybe even a corset. This is sure to generate a great deal of begging on his part. He could be commanded to dance like a stripper for you while you sip your favorite wine. It might take some time but I am sure you can get control of his problem. Besides, isn't that a challenge for you. Think of the satisfaction you will have knowing you have conquered his ego.

crxmalesub

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 2:24:41 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Tell him, "If you want a relationship with me, you will need to overcome your Ego." Then, enforce it.

Master Fire

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 3:03:25 AM

Dnomyar

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My sentiments exactly LadyPact.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 3:24:30 AM

MsStarlett

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Joined: 12/23/2007
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I don't like to break my toys. I prefer to bend them gently over my knee and then whip them into shape.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 4:31:04 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

. . . Ultimately though, it's my opinion that if you go into a relationship wanting to fundamentally change someone, this is a pretty big warning flag that the relationship won't last.

Elan.

What he said.

Second that.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 4:38:14 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

My advice is to focus on building him up not breaking him down.

When he submits, when he does anything that makes him uncomfortable, praise. Not generic praise, not constant praise, but specific praise for being brave enough, indeed man enough to kneel for you, to submit to you, to do X for you.

I think a huge fear that some men have is that being submissive = not being a man.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Help him see that but never letting him forget he is a man and that you value him for that especially when he serves and submits to you.

Oh! What she said too! I am a big fan of building a submissive up, not tearing him down. I don't want broken toys. I want him healthy and his mind clear as to what he wants and doesn't want. As many of you know, Geoff doesn't have the best confidence in himself - I have been building him up, not to tear him down, but to have a man who isn't afraid of submitting and doesn't feel like it takes away from his macho persona. I saw through that, the day I met him. I love that he is so macho, as I want to bring out the cry baby in him. What fun is there to be had, making a man cry, if he is easily made to cry? I want some resistance. But I don't want to break him to get it...Just sayin'...

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 4:39:22 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I don't like to break my toys. I prefer to bend them gently over my knee and then whip them into shape.

<spits coffee> MsStarlett, you rock!

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 4:41:16 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: princessKatt

Any mistresses have any [good] tips on how to break down a male sub(with a lot of potential) who is a genuine submissive but has huge male ego issues? Anyone care to share some insight aside from concepts which I am familiar with already?
Thank you.

Concepts you might not be familiar with....

One of the many popular mantras at AA and similar 12 step programs is "I had a big ego and low self esteem"

That might seem a paradox but its not: eg see http://www.ehow.com/how_2156763_tell-someone-has-big-ego.html

So tread carefully if this apparent "ego" is just his mask for low self esteem. You could do serious damage trying to rip his mask off before he is ready.

BUT is his "ego" really just that he is challenging your authority? All male subs seem to challenge female authority sooner or later. He is just testing you. he is wondering if you are strong enough to dominate him? Some men don't feel comfortable submitting without being overpowered in some way.

Personally I loathe power struggles with subs, so I would call him out as soon as the macho challenging behaviour starts.

You will earn his respect pretty quickly with a calm, stern no-nonsense attitude. No need to "break" anyone.

Good luck

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 8/14/2008 4:43:55 AM >

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 4:45:10 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've never understood this term of breaking a person. I don't get the concept of tearing someone down to nothing so I can build them up. If I need to break them down to nothing, a shell of a person, what in the world did I want them for in the first place?

Sure, I can help them break a habit. Train them in the ways that I think will be beneficial in serving Me. Teach them about the protocol I use or different forms of the ways I like to play. I can even go so far as to help them help themselves with their past issues. I can help them learn. I can help them grow. I can help them explore themselves and guide them to be the submissive that they hope to become.

Why not be more interested in building up the person that they already are? If a person already has a good foundation, which is really the only type I have an attraction for in the first place, why wreak havoc on that?

As a good friend pointed out to me - - Isn't it part of our goal to have a much better submissive when we part, than to have nothing to show for the work we have done? I happen to think that pup is a better person from knowing me, than he would/could have been not knowing me. I know *I* am a better person, a better Mistress from having known him than I would have been, from not knowing. I didn't have to break him, I simply worked with what he offered to me. If the offer is genuine and it comes from the heart, why would I want to break that?

First cup of coffee, so forgive if I am sounding a bit off. *s*

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 4:59:49 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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quote:

You could do serious damage trying to rip his mask off before he is ready.

MsCfromMelbourne,
As always you hit the nail right on the head here. My Geoff keeps trying to put his mask back on, as we have touched on things that make him feel vulnerable and it is an uncomfortable feeling for him. The only thing I can and do keep saying is, "Take it off, and leave it off, I'm not going anywhere." It is a grand thing to see a man lower his walls to allow someone to see inside. It is hard work, on his part as well as yours, building trust is always hard, but it is so worth it. When you see him reach out his hand, in the darkness and he trusts you enough to know you will be there to take it, then you know you have succeeded.

quote:

You will earn his respect pretty quickly with a calm, stern no-nonsense attitude. No need to "break" anyone.

Exactly.

To the OP, if you really feel the need to break him, and I am hoping it is just a figure of speech, kind of like you want to re-boot him so you can cleanse his hard-drive and incorporate your own training, your own protocols, ect..then might I suggest that you break him gently, without damaging the motherboard. There are ways to introduce your own set of beliefs and needs, without shattering his. I wish I could help with ideas, but I have never "broke" a man, just to simply put him back together.

Good luck to you.

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RE: A question for Mistress about "breaking"... - 8/14/2008 5:40:44 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I don't like to break my toys. I prefer to bend them gently over my knee and then whip them into shape.

<spits coffee> MsStarlett, you rock!

Ditto GF!

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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