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Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 11:17:44 AM   
polydomfamily


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		Well I got burned,in the 8 years we have been in the lifestyle I have never had this happen, and it was my own fault.We had been talking to this and I use this word lightly (lady) in AZ for a awhile and talked on the phone and yahoo IM just about every day. we all got along fine she asked if she could come stay and see if this was what she wanted and we said YES of course. Well we drove 15 hours and with gas you can see what we spend just in money to go get her. We arrived at the place she wanted us to meet her and guess what she was not there. had been, but checked out of the hotel. I called the cell and no answer. she had given me the house address of the people she was staying with and we drove there and noone would answer the door. To this day she has not been lady enough to at least say I got cold feet or kiss my ass. I will not make this mistake again.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 11:47:54 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry. That sucks. How childish and irresponsible. On the positive side, at least you found out now instead of going through untold drama later.

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RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 11:52:19 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Unfortunately some people want to keep the fantasy and aren't adult enough to say "I can't do this".  It has happened to us also, just learn from it and move on. Like Stormsslave said better to find out now then when she is in your home.

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Me too - 8/10/2008 2:05:14 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I have had that happen twice to me.   Submissives are not known for being assertive.  They can be hesitant, overcautious, and change their mind.

I suggest calling before you leave, and if it is a long trip, stop and ask for directions half way there.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 2:29:15 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline 		Wow, that does suck! I mean if there was adequate time spent communicating that led up to the road trip, I'd be furious!

I've never had anyone back out of a meeting after it was set and things were put in motion, but then again I was often the one that did the traveling, so that may be a big factor that plays into my personal experience. I've certainly never backed out, as I'm too curious of an individual to be able to live with that decision.

The ones in my experience that do the disappearing act are the ones I have been positively communicating with both online and via phone and we can sense that a discussion about a meeting is going to be coming up very soon. For me, that seems to be when it happens, if its going to happen.

I would much rather hear " I just can't do this." from someone than simply silence...


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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to polydomfamily)
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RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 2:30:54 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		 
she could have sent a text - jesus, im really stunned - i mean i can see how she might have felt bad about changing her mind at the last minute and not having the guts to wait and tell you in person.  and maybe she thinks an apology would be pretty meaningless now.  but i dont see how you can go from 'full on definite' to 'bottle out and not there' when you know the output and input being invested by someone coming to get/meet you - doubts dont suddenly appear, if a person is honest with themselves they will own to their doubts from the start and make them clear.

we all have stage fright a bit - but i wouldnt dream of letting someone come from miles and miles away if i knew that i didnt feel absolutely sure about it.  and at the very least id go along with the thing and at least 'see' how things went after someone had made such an enormous effort - you can always go home again.

i dont think that has anything to do with being a sub and everything to do with being a thoughtless idiot - i think you probably got of lightly. 

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RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 3:25:51 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Yep, been there, done that. Just be thankful she didn't make it back to your home and rob you blind.
 
Jewel

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RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 3:34:57 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		No, I have never had any one no show, but I have gone all the way out to newyork for someone after about a year of talking everyday, just to find out he lived with his aunt and was told no he could not have me come stay w/ith them, AFTER I arrived at his house.

He thought that she wouldn't make a scene andw ouldn't dare throw me out with me standing right there in her house. Boy was he wrong.

His uncle wanted to pay for my hotel room the entire 3 days I had to be there, but I felt bad and said no it was ok after the two days I'd find my own accomidations, I shoulda let the uncle pay for the hotel then take it out of his nephews hide later lol.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 3:37:30 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		but that is what people do not get IT IS THE INTERENT   you chances of meeting a end all be all are against you
or atleast someone you can spend  your life with
on that being siad i have made good friends  and some evil people too

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 4:14:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No, this hasn't happened to Me yet.  Please be aware that I use the word "yet."

Anytime I'm meeting anyone, I plan it around some type of BDSM related event that I am already planning on attending.  That way, if they don't pan out, I still go and have a great time. 


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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 4:22:02 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		 i must be incerdibly lucky as i have met so many people from the internet over the years and i have never had a no show.... some that i wish had been no shows after getting to know them a little though lol.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 4:43:51 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Wow, that does suck.  I've never had anything reach that level of going bad, not yet.   I was involved with somebody LD on the phone and chatted with on IM.  Where when I started making plans on visiting her in Florida, some unexpected problem or Drama came up.  Basically, it was her way of making certain I did not show up there/   Little at the time did I know or understand I was dealing with a married woman on my hands.

I guess, her and her husband finally split up.  I actually heard from her a few weeks ago, after a year had passed.  It's a shame really.

People who invest so much time and effort into things LD (phone,email and IM) only to have it turn out to be nothing but a waste of time in the end.

I can only imagine your confusion, frustration, disappointment and grief in having shown up to her not being there in the end. 

(in reply to polydomfamily)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 4:52:17 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i've never had a no-show, or been a no-show.

now i HAVE met up with someone and felt no chemistry whatsoever (after talking online and on the phone for about a month) and that was distressing at his level of anger at being "led on".  *sighs*

kitten

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 4:53:26 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		my long distance meetings have been fine...never an issue...its the local ones that never showed up...but you see i get the long distance ones to put up half the travel fee's.  then they are invested and have to show up.  while the travel fee's are not usually more than 100 bucks (half of greyhound)...its still incentive to not fuck around.  

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 5:04:31 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
Submissives are not known for being assertive.  They can be hesitant, overcautious, and change their mind.


Oh what a load of chicken shit. Sorry to burst your bubble but dominats do this nonsense too.

Yes, this has happened to me. With people off this site and normal dating sites or just normal meetings. Though I never traveled that far to meet someone first (never would really) but local people have flaked out on meetings, flaked out at the thought of meeting and flaked out after the meeting. Has nothing to do with BDSM, it's just a lot of people are dipshits.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 5:56:07 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Well I got burned,in the 8 years we have been in the lifestyle I have never had this happen, and it was my own fault.We had been talking to this and I use this word lightly (lady) in AZ for a awhile and talked on the phone and yahoo IM just about every day. we all got along fine she asked if she could come stay and see if this was what she wanted and we said YES of course. Well we drove 15 hours and with gas you can see what we spend just in money to go get her. We arrived at the place she wanted us to meet her and guess what she was not there. had been, but checked out of the hotel. I called the cell and no answer. she had given me the house address of the people she was staying with and we drove there and noone would answer the door. To this day she has not been lady enough to at least say I got cold feet or kiss my ass. I will not make this mistake again.


Why on earth would you have spent your own money to see if this was what She wanted? You'd think you would want someone who's self supporting and self sufficient.

Next time, you'd probably be wise to have them pick up the expenses. Seems only right considering you said she wanted to see if what you had to offer suited her.

PL


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(in reply to polydomfamily)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Anyone else have something like this happen? - 8/10/2008 6:05:46 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The next time you drive 15 hours for the possibility of a meeting perhaps you should also plan some other fun activities in case it doesn't work out.  Or meet halfway and have the other party also put forth an investment in the situation.

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(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 6:30:32 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

...Submissives are not known for being assertive.  They can be hesitant, overcautious, and change their mind...



I believe that could be applied to just about any group of folks though. Except those who would be described as not being hesitant, overly-cautious, and who don't often change their mind.


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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 6:46:22 PM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
Submissives are not known for being assertive.  They can be hesitant, overcautious, and change their mind.


Oh what a load of chicken shit. Sorry to burst your bubble but dominats do this nonsense too.

Yes, this has happened to me. With people off this site and normal dating sites or just normal meetings. Though I never traveled that far to meet someone first (never would really) but local people have flaked out on meetings, flaked out at the thought of meeting and flaked out after the meeting. Has nothing to do with BDSM, it's just a lot of people are dipshits.



I agree i have had it happen several times with Dom's and from CM.  I spent 2 yrs talking with a dom he still hasn't showed up.  had everything from heart stents, to gall stones, his daughter had a car wreck,  6 months later she lost a baby.

I was willing to go there but then he had a car wreck, that is when i realized he didn't want the relationship no matter what he said.  i did not just sit and wait on him during all that time until a collar is on my neck or we have met and agreed to be exclusive i am still free to look and check out the equipment ?  could not think of another metaphor sorry guys.
i have had many doms talk and talk, exchange phone no. but then when we get to setting up a meeting time they disapear.  Most of them want phone sex which i refuse to do so am told off which i just laugh at. 

Sorry didn't mean to rant.  just i had to deal with one of those morons earlier. 

patina

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a diamond in the rough

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Me too - 8/10/2008 6:51:51 PM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		~~FR~~

Yes, it has happened to me and it really does suck.

(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 20
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