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Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:18:06 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hello Everyone,

Recently I've contacted a female dom introducing myself and expressing my interest to serve her. Her profile was filled out, but from her description it sounded like all she wanted was a tribute. Luckily for me I found an in; she had a journal entry asking for intelligent subs who could do work for her.

Now I am a smart guy. I figured, sure, a little math and I'll be in the door. Unfortunately she sends me 5 written assignments on a topic I haven't studied for over 3 years, with no guarantee / offer of furthering our relationship attached.

So now I am stuck to make the hard choice. She is beautiful and from her profile it seems as though we share similar interests, but the fact of the matter is that I really have no idea what she is like or if this is just some ploy she uses to get her homework done.

Have any other subs been in a similar position? Did you take this risk, or pass on what is probably a scam.

Along those same lines: When first contacting a dom, do you play it very straight or immediately throw yourself at their feet? I do enjoy submitting, but I also need to get to know this person first, so I guess I tend to present as a mixed bag, which may be a turn off. Perhaps that is a better question for the doms.

Thanks for all your thoughts!

-JT
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:23:11 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Do you have hard evidence she is who she presents herself to be?

Question rephrased: How do you know the profile is not being operated by, say, me?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:24:30 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Stop thinking with your cock! "I figured, sure, a little math and I'll be in the door"... Thats YOUR assumption, not what She was offering, in fact She offered NOTHING just stated apparently in Her journal "asking for intelligent subs who could do work for her"

So you had your own expectations based on what you could get out of it... in the door = in her knickers no doubt.... but she stuck to what SHE offered now you are not sure if you will get what you want.... tough! It isn't about you being used in a bad way, this is about you trying to get more from Her than she offered!

Do it or not, but DON'T try and play the damn victim here


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:35:59 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		didn't we just have a thread about a ProDomme using subs to get her homework done

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:39:08 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Yup, a few weeks back. The interesting thing is that these two posts are nearly verbatim.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:40:06 AM   
Ferns


Posts: 36
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry JT, but I would say yes, you are being used.

You say from her description "it sounded like all she wanted was a tribute" and you thought you found a way to circumvent that, however what she is asking for from you is essentially a tribute, just not monetary.

If you can't have a normal, sensible conversation with someone in the early stages to get to know each other, I don't see how it can lead anywhere.

As a comment on your question about first contact... don't throw yourself at anyone's feet.  As you say, you don't know them, so how do you know you want to submit to them?  It makes Dommes feel as if they are being treated as interchangable fantasy fodder if you indiscriminately say you want to submit to them.  It makes no sense for either party.

There are a number of good threads here on how to put together an introductory email - I suggest you take a look if you think your approach is a turn off.

Good luck.

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:43:14 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Stop thinking with your cock! "I figured, sure, a little math and I'll be in the door"... Thats YOUR assumption, not what She was offering, in fact She offered NOTHING just stated apparently in Her journal "asking for intelligent subs who could do work for her"

So you had your own expectations based on what you could get out of it... in the door = in her knickers no doubt.... but she stuck to what SHE offered now you are not sure if you will get what you want.... tough! It isn't about you being used in a bad way, this is about you trying to get more from Her than she offered!

Do it or not, but DON'T try and play the damn victim here



I thank you for your response, but I was looking to get a subs perspective on the situation.

That being said I complete agree with your observations. I thought it was an easy way into her life, and now that it's not I am crying about it.

It seems that it is so hard to find a female dom willing to even let you in. I've read all the posts about doms sifting through tons of emails and being overwhelmed, but I'm one of those emails that keeps getting overlooked. When I see something like this opportunity, I think, "Finally, a way to make myself stand out". Only problem is that I then step back, stop thinking with my "cock", I realize I am probably just being used.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:46:01 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
Did I say ANYTHING about coming here and asking questions boy?!

Five assignments wasn't enough to keep you busy boy?!

Ummmmmm

Oops

Sorry, logged in on the wrong profile.

I uh, do that, um, every now and then to, uh, um, test you, yeah that's it.

Now get to work.

chia* <pay no attention to the pet behind the curtain> (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:47:49 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for your feedback everyone. I sure am glad I didn't go through with it!

Ferns:

Thank for for the advice. I have read several excellent posts on introductory emails and I just have to make sure I stick with what they suggest.

Thanks again!

(in reply to Ferns)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:48:07 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		OP...take a look at this thread, it is a lot like yours........

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2014049/mpage_1/key_homework/tm.htm#2014158


_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:50:58 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		There are plenty of real people out there not just spongers after tribute. I don't have much respect for Them personaly but They are usualy upfront about that being all They are after, so at least They are honest about it.

If you set yourself up for 'being used' then you are not a 'victim', you are taking up what they offer and have nothing to really complain about.

I know male subs oft find it frustrating, thats a reason, not an excuse. Stick to your guns and wait till you find someone looking for what compliments what you are looking for, not trying to find ways past the tribute thing when the type of person who wants that ISN'T ever going to be what you actualy want.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 6:57:58 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		softness / mistoferin:

Crazy stuff. I my case she didn't move it over to yahoo, but did ask that they be sent there. Different topics as well, and she never said it was a quiz for me. So I guess in a way she at least was more up front about it, which is why I hesitated and don't go through with all the work.

RavenMuse:

I don't believe I ever said I was a victim, although it certainly can across that way. And looking back you are right: I have no desire to spend time with someone so focused on tributes and not our common interests. Best piece of advice:

quote:

Stick to your guns and wait till you find someone looking for what compliments what you are looking for



(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 7:04:37 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		Are you being used in a bad way?  IMO.....yep.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 7:08:55 AM   
sillyslaveboy


Posts: 169
Joined: 7/28/2008
Status: offline 		Mmmmm... why didn't i come across these Ones? :) <ad> i am good on math and stuff. </ ad>

Are you being used - well, yes that is what the slaves are for. If you don't like it, maybe it is not what you want.
However, sole doing work without being paid attention to would not satisfy me either, unless i know person much more better than any other stranger.

*sigh* The best possible situation would be preparing Someone bloody spoiled for an exam in rl.

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 7:15:45 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

*sigh* The best possible situation would be preparing Someone bloody spoiled for an exam in rl.


Indeed

(in reply to sillyslaveboy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 7:55:51 AM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubikscube
Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way?

Are you being used?  Yes.
In a bad way?  If it feels bad to you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
wait till you find someone looking for what compliments what you are looking for, not trying to find ways past the tribute thing when the type of person who wants that ISN'T ever going to be what you actualy want.

This is an excellent piece of advice.  Though we are not interested in tribute, we do encounter a surprising number of boys who seem to think that pretending to be what we want will get them "in," and that once that happens, we will suddenly become whatever it is that they want.

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 8:21:31 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubikscube
Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way?

Are you being used?  Yes.
In a bad way?  If it feels bad to you.


I guess that is the interesting part. If I knew her, and we had a good relationship established, I really wouldn't mind doing the work. In fact I'd probably enjoy it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
wait till you find someone looking for what compliments what you are looking for, not trying to find ways past the tribute thing when the type of person who wants that ISN'T ever going to be what you actualy want.

This is an excellent piece of advice.  Though we are not interested in tribute, we do encounter a surprising number of boys who seem to think that pretending to be what we want will get them "in," and that once that happens, we will suddenly become whatever it is that they want.


Again I have to thank RavenMuse for this piece of wisdom. Over time I will find someone who is truly interested and compatible with me.

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 9:02:37 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		You should pay the tribune. Is'nt that what your here for to get used? Why are you crying about doing a little paperwork. If you were'nt so cheap and paid the money in the first place then you would not be here bitching about a little paperwork.

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 9:16:24 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		And .... no

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I Being Used ... In A Bad Way? - 8/12/2008 9:27:39 AM   
rubikscube


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		And I supposed I should clarify.

quote:

Is'nt that what your here for to get used?


In a way yes. But first I am here to find someone that I am willing to let use me. I know there are some subs out there who just need to be used and abused by anyone. I want to first have a solid connection and understanding with my dom.

I'm afraid no matter what I say, it won't be enough for you my good sir. So have at it, and you may have the last word.

(in reply to rubikscube)
Profile   Post #: 20
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