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24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 10:06:43 AM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am somewhat confused by terms I guess.  If a Domme is "asking" for a sub to give her 24/7 total power exchange,  then who is in control?  Or, if she says she "wants" total power exchange...is she then wanting to be the sub?  I don't really think so, but it makes me wonder.
A woman who is in charge and truly in charge does not "ask" for anything...she tells, she commands, she explains, she does lots of things, but she does not ask.  Any thoughts?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 10:13:00 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I don't command or tell... consent is important to me, at least once... you give it up to me or you don't

and I might ask, or I might just wait for you to offer

but I won't command or tell

I have been told, more than once over the years, that I have this amazingly polite way of asking so that I am never refused, no matter the context *grin* 


< Message edited by Madame4a -- 8/12/2008 10:14:36 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Steponme73)
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RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 10:22:21 AM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		 
quote:

If a Domme is "asking" for a sub to give her 24/7 total power exchange,  then who is in control?  Or, if she says she "wants" total power exchange...is she then wanting to be the sub?
 
I'd wager if i tried that theory on my Mistress i'd find myself unable to sit for awhile.  lol.  Sorry but a 24/7 TPE does actually still involve real life and *gasp* actual communication. 
 
So, if we were to use your theory, any Dommes is supposed to DEMAND a sub/slave to hand over total control without actually *discussing* anything first?  Otherwise..the Dommes is submitting??? 
 
 
 
 
quote:

A woman who is in charge and truly in charge does not "ask" for anything...she tells, she commands, she explains, she does lots of things, but she does not ask.
 
sorry to burst your bubble but in the real world, Dommes do indeed *ask*, not just order and  command. 
 
Your thoughts may work really well in fantasy however in my world, people wear blue jeans, t-shirts and have real relationships where there IS a power exchange, not a power struggle that requires the Domme to be demanding/bossy to be seen as *Dominant* 
 
And now i need to call the vet because Mistress *asked* me to do such today

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 11:48:16 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I indicate what I 'want' in the context of searching (like in my profile), and when discussing during the "open disclosure" or "lay your cards on the table" part of the discussion. It helps people to know whether, when they are looking at me as a potential dominant force in their lives, our basic wants/needs are compatible. If someone doesn't want to provide the kind of service I want to receive, then there is no sense in us conversing, except for purely social interaction.

I am a lady. I command my servants, but strongly believe that people should be involved in the relationships that are suited to them, so service to me is chosen... I will not waste my time or soil my hands with a servant who is not mindful of hir service. Hence, I -want-... I will certainly not get it from every individual on the planet, but if you know what I want, and you are so inclined, you will know that I am someone you can approach.

Besides, I really think that the whole "I am God/Goddess/Master/Mistress, KNEEL BEFORE ME WORM" on profiles and in chat/email is as tacky and kitsch as the random "I am licking your feet" emails that end up in my inbox (when I've said that I don't get into foot-play).

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/12/2008 11:50:29 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Steponme73)
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RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 12:18:05 PM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		softpjOS...I am stating that I think a Domme should demand everything.  What I am asking is, if a Domme has to ask permission is she really in control?  The 24/7 total power exchange is asking permission to be in control.  In my opinion, she should know who is in control.  She should not have to ask for it.  That is all I am saying.
A woman who is in charge knows she is in charge and does not have to ask for it.  It is hers already.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 12:27:00 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		 
good luck with that...

I think from reading below, you've decided how things are to be, rather than allowing the other person, *ahem* the dominant to do it. 

she should, she should, she should.... maybe you should just let her decide -- isn't that what its all about?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

softpjOS...I am stating that I think a Domme should demand everything.  What I am asking is, if a Domme has to ask permission is she really in control?  The 24/7 total power exchange is asking permission to be in control.  In my opinion, she should know who is in control.  She should not have to ask for it.  That is all I am saying.
A woman who is in charge knows she is in charge and does not have to ask for it.  It is hers already.


< Message edited by Madame4a -- 8/12/2008 12:40:41 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 12:28:55 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think the key here might be in that she already has it.  One cannot just walk up to someone and demand things.  If there is an established relationship, then and only then could I demand anything.  Even then, I prefere to ask someone to do something.  When I demand is typically when things have gotten out of hand for the submissive and he is fighting something when he doesn't need to or in play.

One of the hardest things I have dealt with in my limited experience is a submissive that demands that I demand, based on some misguided concept of what a mistress or dominant should be.  I am not a whip swinging mistress porn story.  I am a person.  Do you know how hard it is to be put in a position where one must demand everything and what kind of mind set it takes to be that kind of person?

When asking for TPE, in my view, it is a relationship that hasn't been established yet and is in the building of what might come to be.  There must be consent to start with and then the control can be put in place.  To demand it right off as if it is expected at a point where things haven't been established is not healthy in my opinion.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 8/12/2008 12:30:23 PM >

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 12:44:40 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

softpjOS...I am stating that I think a Domme should demand everything.  What I am asking is, if a Domme has to ask permission is she really in control?  The 24/7 total power exchange is asking permission to be in control.  In my opinion, she should know who is in control.  She should not have to ask for it.  That is all I am saying.
A woman who is in charge knows she is in charge and does not have to ask for it.  It is hers already.


Sorry, but that's a load of old rubbish.  Sounds like someone's been reading too much femdom porn.  To assume that every man wants to submit to me would be not only rude, but delusional on my part.  If I don't ask permission to sodomise some guy's bum with my strap-on and it turns out he's not so wild about the idea, how long do you think it will be before the police come a-knockin' on my door?

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 12:46:57 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

When asking for TPE, in my view, it is a relationship that hasn't been established yet and is in the building of what might come to be.  There must be consent to start with and then the control can be put in place.  To demand it right off as if it is expected at a point where things haven't been established is not healthy in my opinion.


I agree with Lockit in that this is something that is grown into -- during a relationship, if I am with someone who already knows that I want complete control, I would gradually take control over all the things I was interested in holding, and re-delegate the things that I control, but expect the servant to attend to without bothering me with it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

softpjOS...I am stating that I think a Domme should demand everything.  What I am asking is, if a Domme has to ask permission is she really in control?  The 24/7 total power exchange is asking permission to be in control.  In my opinion, she should know who is in control.  She should not have to ask for it.  That is all I am saying.
A woman who is in charge knows she is in charge and does not have to ask for it.  It is hers already.


I see your point, Step -- I think that the issue is that -before- the relationship starts, you aren't my servant. We're just negotiating terms. Once you're my servant, I agree with you -- but I -also- believe that if I -choose- to ask a question, even if that question is about my servant's preferences on something, that is my -right-.

I feel that it is presumptuous of a servant to expect that I am not allowed to ask a question if I desire to do so, and would think that it somehow lessens my control over hir that I -would- ask. I will ask if I choose to. That, too, is my right.

Calla Firestorm




_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 1:34:37 PM   
DominaYork


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline 		Leather bimbo bitch with a whip mindset, great for porn, not reality. I find it kind of amusing when subs say what a Domina 'should' be. She should be herself and if you wish to submit you will or won't of your own will. If her style doesn't suit you, keep searching but you'll have better luck in finding happiness if you drop the 'she shoulds'.

_____________________________

Some will say there is safety in numbers, tell that myth to the edge of the herd. ~ Blood from Gaia's Consort

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 4:52:12 PM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		I knew I would catch a ration when I started this thread.  However, in my humble opinion the only one who caught on was Ms. CallafirestormBW.  I am not demanding anything.  I am not saying that a Domme "should" anything.  My only point was why is she asking for permission when that should have already been established.  She is suppose to be the one in charge.
In the beginning when you meet someone there is communcation that takes place. 
If a woman wants total control as in 24/7 TPE then that should be estabished.  I would think she would make that perfectly clear that is something she desires.  And again my point is why ask?  Because if she says, "may I please have 24/7 TPE", and the sub says,"ok", then he is the one in charge.
I would think she would make her desires known...not ask for permission.

(in reply to DominaYork)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 4:56:39 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... so it is all in the wording?  I will say I want what I want and ask if he is interested in that.  How about that?  Two in agreement is all that is needed, why the semantic's on how it is brought about?  Besides, you do what you want with who you want.  How it comes about is nobody else's business.  Or do I need to say... I will have this and you will give it to me, no matter what?  I don't get your point here I guess.  In my world, two people have a choice and there are no should be's or demands except what two agree to.

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 5:28:13 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

I am somewhat confused by terms I guess. If a Domme is "asking" for a sub to give her 24/7 total power exchange, then who is in control? Or, if she says she "wants" total power exchange...is she then wanting to be the sub? I don't really think so, but it makes me wonder.
A woman who is in charge and truly in charge does not "ask" for anything...she tells, she commands, she explains, she does lots of things, but she does not ask. Any thoughts?




You better damn well ask before you declare yourself someone's dom or you may find yourself answering some questions from cops. Anything that isn't consensual is very likely a crime and might be immoral or unethical by a lot of people's standards. It certainly is for me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 5:31:07 PM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		Tammyjo...why can't the Domme say something like, "If this relationship is to continue, I want 24/7 TPE."  That is not asking that is expressing your desires.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 5:37:47 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

Tammyjo...why can't the Domme say something like, "If this relationship is to continue, I want 24/7 TPE."  That is not asking that is expressing your desires.


I think you're the one who's not getting the point.  You've got some pre-conceived notion of how a domina ought to act.  We're all different and we're all going to approach D/s in different ways.  That should be obvious.  A dominant woman is who she is and you're either interested in submitting to her or not.  If you don't like her style, move on.  It's not like she's going to have any shortage of attention if you do. 

(in reply to Steponme73)
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RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 5:42:52 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

Tammyjo...why can't the Domme say something like, "If this relationship is to continue, I want 24/7 TPE." That is not asking that is expressing your desires.


Oh you can.

I did with Fox.

I said "I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I'm looking for a slave. If you can't be that, we can't be together."

We're together.

But I didn't force him to stay, in fact he can walk out any time he wishes in the country we live in, I simply told him the facts about what I was looking for and willing to acccept.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 8/12/2008 5:44:27 PM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 5:58:37 PM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		That is exactly what I have been talking about!!!  You told him what you were looking for, he responded!!!!
Thank you.....finally someone understands!

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 6:04:38 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		What makes you think we don't say what we want?  Where are you getting your perception of things strapon?  If you are so focused on how things are worded... you aren't focusing on a person and the dynamic's that can be created.  I don't know how each domme words things and neither do you, but what matters is that most domme's do expect to be in charge to some degree or another. 

Does it make one less dominant if they ask if someone is interested in a TPE with them?  Most do say what they want when getting to know someone.  We might ask if they wish to give TPE over to us, but we are not asking if it is okay if we have a TPE relationship.  Where are you getting this so we can understand and maybe help you sort it out?

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/12/2008 6:49:34 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

Tammyjo...why can't the Domme say something like, "If this relationship is to continue, I want 24/7 TPE."  That is not asking that is expressing your desires.


As others have said, you're playing fantasy games.  Your own example here *is* the domina asking for the sub/slave's consent/permission.  You just want to dictate that the only twue way is for a dominant to phrase the request in a manner consistant with your fantasy vision of a Femdom interaction.

Not that I expect you to listen to this at all, you've not listened to anyone that didn't agree with you so far in this thread.  Keep that firm grip on fantasy for all you're worth!

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: 24/7 Power Exchange - 8/13/2008 4:07:08 AM   
Allondra


Posts: 68
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

A woman who is in charge and truly in charge does not "ask" for anything...she tells, she commands, she explains, she does lots of things, but she does not ask.  Any thoughts?




So, as long as the woman is not using any question marks, she's behaving in a dominant fashion?  Absolutely doesn't make any sense.  (And who are you to dictate how she should speak?)

(in reply to Steponme73)
Profile   Post #: 20
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