RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub

RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (Full Version)

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SummerWind -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 12:13:54 AM)
I'm a Quality versus Quantity guy. Even if I wanted to...I don't have time for multiple subs

SimplyMichael -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 3:19:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVictory quote: ORIGINAL: joyfulmalcontent i cannot do this type of lifestyle. for those that can, more power to you. it's not for me. if he can play with anyone, then i can too. if he's supposed to be enough for me, you can sure as hell bet i better be enough for him. he's my number one and i'm his or there's nothing. peace, everyone, this isn't a rant against it, this is me being me. if it works for you, i got no problem with it. Yeah, that's that whole equality problem. The problem is that D/s inherently is unequal. Yet, there are those that refuse to be in any unequal or power exchange relationship. I don't call those relationship D/s. They might be T/b, but they sure as fuck aren't D/s or M/s in the definition set I use.... your mileage may vary. Horseshit, your relationship isn't any different. Anyone who allows their woman to be with other women is doing the same crap as being monogamous. The rest of that relationship might be more extreme than yours. I notice that you haven't cut her tongue out, real dominants cut the tongue out rather than use ball gags and I can piss farther than you can. Boring chest thumping...

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 6:02:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVictory quote: ORIGINAL: joyfulmalcontent i cannot do this type of lifestyle. for those that can, more power to you. it's not for me. if he can play with anyone, then i can too. if he's supposed to be enough for me, you can sure as hell bet i better be enough for him. he's my number one and i'm his or there's nothing. peace, everyone, this isn't a rant against it, this is me being me. if it works for you, i got no problem with it. Yeah, that's that whole equality problem. The problem is that D/s inherently is unequal. Yet, there are those that refuse to be in any unequal or power exchange relationship. I don't call those relationship D/s. They might be T/b, but they sure as fuck aren't D/s or M/s in the definition set I use.... your mileage may vary. Horseshit, your relationship isn't any different. Anyone who allows their woman to be with other women is doing the same crap as being monogamous. The rest of that relationship might be more extreme than yours. I notice that you haven't cut her tongue out, real dominants cut the tongue out rather than use ball gags and I can piss farther than you can. Boring chest thumping... did you mean polygamous?

UR2Badored -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 6:07:46 AM)
Fast Reply~ I dont find poly such a bad thing or having my escapades limited. However, finding someone and building a relationship to this degree is difficult and often takes time. In many instances, it is not a healthy situation. There are a whole lot of unions that really work and are very fullfilling for all involved. And there are also those who use "poly" as a guise to procure the weak and naive (lame). On the other side, a submissive can be dishonest with oneself about poly in one's mission to please and is destructful. It usually takes time, especially in the beginning of a situation, to explore needs and hardwiring. When poly works, it can be wonderful.

RavenMuse -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 6:20:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVictory Yeah, that's that whole equality problem. The problem is that D/s inherently is unequal. Yet, there are those that refuse to be in any unequal or power exchange relationship. I don't call those relationship D/s. They might be T/b, but they sure as fuck aren't D/s or M/s in the definition set I use.... your mileage may vary. Horseshit, your relationship isn't any different. Anyone who allows their woman to be with other women is doing the same crap as being monogamous. The rest of that relationship might be more extreme than yours. I notice that you haven't cut her tongue out, real dominants cut the tongue out rather than use ball gags and I can piss farther than you can. Boring chest thumping... Gotta disagree with you there Michael. There is a big difference between a submissive acnowledging they are simply hardwired for Monogamy and can't be secure outside of that, stating they need a Mono Master... and one jumping up and down having a tantrum about fairness and whats good for the goose. M/s IS inherently unfair in that ONE side has the control, the other has given up that control, its Masters way or the highway.... that doesn't mean that needs go unaddressed but the situation isn't "FAIR" there are one set of rules for Me and another set of rules for her. she is accountable to Me, I am accountable to.... oh, ME again. Not fair but it IS M/s What DV was saying doesn't rely on the situation being refered to being poly, mono or whatever, it simply acknowledges that it is upto what the Master decides, not what somebody thinks is FAIR. It looks like You maybe have issue with other things DV maybe said in other threads and brought it here because your responce is very much out of context with what He wrote here. Also it was a purely personal perspective, He was giving the view from his hill, not saying 'everyone must see it like this' or did you miss the YMMV at the end?

SimplyMichael -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 6:58:48 AM)
quote: Yet, there are those that refuse to be in any unequal or power exchange relationship. *I don't call those* relationship D/s. They might be T/b, but they sure as fuck aren't D/s or M/s in the definition set I use.... your mileage may vary. quote: Also it was a purely personal perspective, Really, to me a personal perspective is when you talk about your OWN relationship, not when you sit and pass judgement on others. quote: There is a big difference between a submissive aknowledging they are simply hardwired for Monogamy and can't be secure outside of that, stating they need a Mono Master... and one jumping up and down having a tantrum about fairness and whats good for the goose. If you read the post he was responding to, she was saying EXACTLY what you did and was speaking in strictly personal terms of what worked for her. DV response was anything but personal about HIS relationships but was once again, exactly what I called it, a bullshit chest thumping "I am more uber" than the rest post. Nowhere in it was she speaking about the level or the intensity of power exchange, she was simply stating that for her, the D/s dynamic must involve monogamy and there are plenty of talented dominants who agree.

RavenMuse -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 7:11:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: Yet, there are those that refuse to be in any unequal or power exchange relationship. *I don't call those* relationship D/s. They might be T/b, but they sure as fuck aren't D/s or M/s in the definition set I use.... your mileage may vary. quote: Also it was a purely personal perspective, Really, to me a personal perspective is when you talk about your OWN relationship, not when you sit and pass judgement on others. Again I disagree.... I would never be involved with a pro-dom... I have My own opinion of what they are (pro-service-tops) however if someone uses them and gets something out of it. Cool, what works for them works. My personal perspective is that they are not Dominant at all.... However I don't decry those for whom it works, nor those who view it differently. You don't have to be refering to Your OWN relationship to have a personal perspective (AKA an OPINION) on it. quote: quote: There is a big difference between a submissive aknowledging they are simply hardwired for Monogamy and can't be secure outside of that, stating they need a Mono Master... and one jumping up and down having a tantrum about fairness and whats good for the goose. If you read the post he was responding to, she was saying EXACTLY what you did and was speaking in strictly personal terms of what worked for her. No she wasn't... quote: f he can play with anyone, then i can too. if he's supposed to be enough for me, you can sure as hell bet i better be enough for him. he's my number one and i'm his or there's nothing. That is "Whats good for the goose" just in different words. she is saying the rules for Him must be the same as the rules for her... personaly I wouldn't see anything of that nature being D/s or M/s either. Totaly different than a girl realising she needs mono and seeks a Master who's rules are compatable with that need. quote: DV response was anything but personal about HIS relationships but was once again, exactly what I called it, a bullshit chest thumping "I am more uber" than the rest post. Nowhere in it was she speaking about the level or the intensity of power exchange, she was simply stating that for her, the D/s dynamic must involve monogamy and there are plenty of talented dominants who agree. Where you reading a different post than the one I just quoted Michael? Read what it SAYS not what you want it to say to justify your rather vitriolic responce to DV. She is clearly indicating she wants an equality of rules.... not simply a need for Mono to be accounted for. Now it maybe bad wording and indeed she maybe MENT she seeks that need addressing... but that ISN'T what she wrote!

UR2Badored -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 7:15:38 AM)
delete double post

Aileen1968 -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 7:17:14 AM)
I've gone full circle with my thoughts on this. I'm now at a point where monogamy is required. If he wanted another, I'd be out of there.

SimplyMichael -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 8:24:40 AM)
Vitriol? And here I thought you knew me! I am not ALLOWED to be vitriolic... Everything we post here is personal opinion, but there is a vast difference between stating what works for me and my passing judgement on what others do. She wrote: quote: he's my number one and i'm his or there's nothing. Which to me, I read as saying what you claimed she wasn't which was quote: simply a need for Mono to be accounted for. And few here would call Aileen a bottom, I mean she has a GREAT bottom but she isn't one...

Aileen1968 -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 8:36:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael And few here would call Aileen a bottom, I mean she has a GREAT bottom but she isn't one... Huh?

RavenMuse -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 8:37:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Everything we post here is personal opinion, but there is a vast difference between stating what works for me and my passing judgement on what others do. Passing judgement, stating an opinion... you say tamato I say tomato... plus We ALL pass judgements Michael... you certainly did on DV. Saying you like or dislike a post is passing a judgement..... there is a difference with saying "This is the way I view that" and saying "people should not do that".... The latter I find objectionable, the former I don't... this is a discussion forum and the former is what We do in discussions. quote: She wrote: quote: he's my number one and i'm his or there's nothing. Which to me, I read as saying what you claimed she wasn't which was quote: simply a need for Mono to be accounted for. TSK Michael... quoting out of context to obscure the truth of what was said... shame on you... she also said... quote: if he can play with anyone, then i can too. if he's supposed to be enough for me, you can sure as hell bet i better be enough for him. he's my number one and i'm his or there's nothing. Which turns that around... if he can then I can... seeking equality of rules! If this applies to him then it sure as hell applies to me.. seeking equality of rules....... = whats good for the goose mentality! which is all DV was saying He didn't view as D/s or M/s which by their nature are unequal. I happen to agree with that point. quote: And few here would call Aileen a bottom, I mean she has a GREAT bottom but she isn't one... And all she said is Mono is a requirement for her.... which fits with what I said... she isn't looking for equality of rules. Just seeking rules which encompase that one need.

SimplyMichael -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 8:55:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael And few here would call Aileen a bottom, I mean she has a GREAT bottom but she isn't one... They are trying to state anyone who might desire monogamy is "merely" a bottom, something I would never think to call you. Huh?

SimplyMichael -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 8:56:17 AM)
quote: Passing judgement, stating an opinion... you say tamato I say tomato... plus We ALL pass judgements Michael... you certainly did on DV. Saying you like or dislike a post is passing a judgement..... there is a difference with saying "This is the way I view that" and saying "people should not do that".... Interesting point, but I need to run off to work but I will ponder it.

Satyr6406 -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 8:56:37 AM)
I think the original question wasn't: "To 'poly' or not to 'poly'". I think - as someone said earlier - it's more a question of the non-parity in a PE relationship. I'm kind of of two different minds, here. First off; I do side with the "This is the way it is" mentality. In my mind, that is what PE relationships are all about. I take it one step further: I reserve the right to be a complete and utter pain in the ass. Here's the wrinkle: While I reserve that right, I rarely exercise it. If I have a lady who is pleasing to me; one that I wish to keep in my company, why wouldn't I treat her well? When it comes to relationships - be they sexual or emotional - I don't believe that humans are inherently monogamous (Here come the flames). There have been many threads about this and I know that many disagree. That's fine. I'm stating my opinion. Since I don't believe that humans are monogamous, I don't put too many restrictions on what my lady can and can't do. In reality, to me, it seems kind of contra-indicated to do so. I will NOT have someone else become more important to her than me. I will NOT allow her to have anything to do with someone who has been disrespectful or hurtful to me but, other than that, as long as her obligations to me are met, he is "free" to do as she pleases. Peace and comfort, Michael

Aileen1968 -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 9:06:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Huh? quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael And few here would call Aileen a bottom, I mean she has a GREAT bottom but she isn't one... They are trying to state anyone who might desire monogamy is "merely" a bottom, something I would never think to call you. Ohhh...I didn't realize that dipping your wick into different holes made one more dominant. Or agreeing to that kind of relationship made one more submissive. To me it's just a preference for a certain kind of relationship and has nothing at all to do with d/s. Someone can fuck ten different women, but if they can't make me drop to my knees with one word or one look then they aren't dominant in my eyes.

RavenMuse -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 9:08:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael They are trying to state anyone who might desire monogamy is "merely" a bottom, 'They" are no doing any such thing, I am certainly not... if you have read anything I have written in this thread you would see that.... and I don't see anything in DV's post that would indicate He is saying anything of the like either. Seeking equality of rules on the sub and her Dom is quite another matter. Acknowledging a need for Mono and seeking a Dom who is likewise mono and thus who's rules will be from a Mono standpoint is not the issue here, that isn't saying things need to be 'equal'... M/s is inherently NOT 'equal' which, as far as I read DV's post is the point He makes, and is the point I am agreeing with. Have a good day at work, no doubt We shall tie up any loose ends of this another day.

hopelessfool -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 9:32:34 AM)
My two cents... I kitten am a very sexual creature, and rarely have my sexual needs met. I understand that as a sub I do not get to have ALL of my sexual needs met. But many will agree agree that for a relationship to flurish most needs of the people involved need to be met. If my Owner can satisfy me sexually, as well as another woman, I do not mind him doing as such, because He is fullfilling his obligations of owning me. But, seeing as after many many many hours of enjoyment on our parts together I'm usually left whimpering what do you mean its over, him going out and having another woman while Im to sit at home doesnt give with me. Ive never asked my partner to allow me to be with another man, It simply doesnt sit well with me. But, as long as I his devoted sub, come first in his "escapades" I dont mind. But then again I guess I control the relationship because after me theres no chance of another woman.... Bad kitty. As for my owner having multiple women, he knows from the start the only way I'll agree to a poly relationship. I Much prefer monogamy, its so complicated these days with only two people involved, Im sure 3 would make it just that much harder. Anywho, I dont think negotiating, makes me any less of a sub, I dont think letting my partner know that my death is more important then getting his dick wet is being a bottom or a bad sub. Just someone that doesnt want herpes, or hiv, or hep c from a partner. Relationships are based on Compromise, Love and Respect for each other. And ususally If its good for part of the goose its good for all of the goose, even the dangly bits. And rules of that only benifit one party and not ALL parties tend to create resentment, as well as the party being minus 1 in the long term. But this is of course only my opinion, flame if need be.

Aileen1968 -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 9:36:17 AM)
So I had to go and read all of the replies to the thread since I had originally responded after only reading the OP. I don't think any relationship is ever equal in terms of rules and who can do what, go where, etc. etc. That would be almost impossible or at the minimum would require a tremendous amount of work and mental power to never step on toes. I think successful relationships focus in on a few major rules that define the basis of that relationship. If both parties are in agreement and abide by those rules, then the relationship tends to flow nicely. In bdsm...monogamy/polyamory tends to be one of those defining rules. The details are unique to each individual relationship. What's right for some will never be right for others.

akisha -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 11:48:46 AM)
We do not have sexual partners outside of each other. I am allowed to play with others in a S&M sense as long as there is no sexual contact, and Master has to agree with whom and is present. He has said i am allowed to be sexualy involved with another girl if i want but again he has to know whom and agree beforehand.

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