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CreativeDominant -> RE: If Y/you have Others besides your Dom/sub (8/18/2008 12:12:49 PM)
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I can agree with LA, even if she was being a bit flippant: Ds = double standard. The dominant does have privileges and perks (and to be honest, responsibilities) that the submissive does not. And hopefully, all those P&Ps and Rs will have been discussed and negotiated and agreed to before either enters into the dynamic.
I disagree with the perspective that refusing to enter into a D/s dynamic without limits or in which you retain some measure of control over certain aspects of your life and/or behavior and/or thoughts disqualifies the dynamic you are entering into from being D/s. Hell, even the slaves on here have made noise about the fact that they are not "dictionary" slaves and therefore, retain the right to say "no" even if that statement costs them the M/s dynamic. D/s agreements are generally not as all-encompassing nor as restrictive as most M/s agreements. Agreement over whether your relationship will be monogamous or polyamorous ...be it one-sided, two-sided...or polygamous is but one aspect of a relationship and, while it can be made to be part of the D/s dynamic, it concerns areas of a person's belief system that do not necessarily play into D/s.
Sharing. Alright, it does not quite fit the situation but take from it what you will. My first submissive was married. I knew that she would be "sleeping with" her husband from time to time. They loved each other and it was an important part of their marriage. Their marriage had involved swinging but she wanted to get away from that and had made her husband aware of that. She wanted outside control of that area of her life so it was discussed and agreed that she would, of course, sleep with her husband. She would no longer be allowed to sleep with other men besides him and me. Since she was bisexual, she still wanted to play with girls but wanted no control from me in that. Compromise was reached in that she was allowed to sleep with other girls but only with permission and not with dominant girls. As for me, it was made clear by me that since she was married and would be sleeping with another that I would engage in casual play, including sleeping together, with other submissives. I made it clear to them that I had a submissive partner that came first in my heart. I did not seek permission from my submissive when planning on playing with another though I did make her aware of it, either before or shortly after. Usually, she was MY safecall, given my experience with the "nutcase". (detailed elsewhere and before in these threads).
I'm a pretty flexible guy...I've done a type of poly, as described above and I have been in monogamous situations. It is something that gets discussed from every angle before entering into a D/s dynamic and/or romantic relationship with anyone. But it is only one of the areas that gets discussed...an important one but only one of the areas.
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