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A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:09:14 PM

CaraCaeth

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

i have an issue that i’m hoping to get some guidance on from both subs and slaves(Masters too). i am a slave, i have been owned for a little over a year and registered for about a month; and i have a drinking problem. While i don’t have the need to drink every day, and most of the time when i do drink i can have a few drinks and be in a great mood. However, occasionally something sets me in a mood where i feel i need to drink to extreme intoxication, and i can’t stop drinking even when i’m so drunk i can barely stand. When this happens i get violent, and have screamed at Master, fought with Him physically, and left the house – to include driving. Master has given me direct orders not to drink unless i am in his presence so that He can control my drinking, but often i have disobeyed Him in order to drink when i visit my children at my ex’s house. The funny thing is that when i drink in Master’s presence i have no problems and generally get a happy buzz. Of course i know the obvious answer is to be punished for disobeying my Master. Fortunately, He realizes that i have a problem and am not doing this out of malicious disobedience. Master wants me to give Him complete control in order to help me, but i’m having difficulty doing this. i’m having difficulty in general completely surrendering control to Him; i want and need to give Him control (after all, i did agree to become His slave), but it’s like a part of me is still fighting it. i’d like to make it clear that i’m not asking for help with my drinking problem(W/we are getting help already); but more for help with why i can’t seem to surrender my control to Master despite the fact that i want to, and despite the fact that i know He’s genuinely trying to help me. Any advice would be welcome, thank you.

_____________________________

property of Master Brenin
There can be a true grandeur in any degree of submissiveness, because it springs from loyalty to the laws and to an oath, and not from baseness of soul. - Simone Weil (1910-1943, French Philosopher, Mystic)

Post #: 1

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:12:40 PM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

Um, you can't surrender control BECAUSE you have a drinking problem. Get that under control first, then worry about the other. I mean, you have to make yourself stop drinking...he can't do that for you. And for either of you to think he can...well, I think you're fooling yourselves.

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 2

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:15:45 PM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Quite simply, your one and only Master is alcohol. That's why you can't surrender to the other one. If you are receiving treatment, you will learn this.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 3

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:17:30 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

You cannot give control until you have self-control. You need to control the urge to drink before you can give control to another. A very wise Dominant I know has said that you "cannot Dom an addiction." That makes sense to me.

I hope you are both involved in programs to help *both* of you deal with the situation.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 4

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:22:56 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaraCaeth

occasionally something sets me in a mood where i feel i need to drink to extreme intoxication, and i can’t stop drinking even when i’m so drunk i can barely stand.

Sorry, I'm not going to give you a pass here. Even though "something" external sets you in a mood - it's YOUR responsibility to respond appropriately. you are using booze as a defense mechanism. And from your post, it could easily kill you or destroy your relationships.

Develop another coping mechanism. And look into Antabuse.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 5

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:24:13 PM

newone11

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline

What she said.

If you have an addiction, then giving up control of it would mean you lose your drug/crutch/thing that gets you through the day/necessity/safety blanket. Until the drinking problem is worked out it's unlikely any of the other issues will be worked out either.

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 6

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:24:18 PM

Ellsa

Posts: 37
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: minnesota
Status: offline

I realize that you may not want to hear this, the reason that you "can't seem to surrender my control" is that alcohol is in control. Not you, not master-the alcohol has full control of you, mind, body, and spirit.
Suggestion: Master orders you to attend AA everyday for 90 days. Master attends ala-non for same amount of time. You two can make it only if you are extremely devoted to each other.
Don't wait until you have lost everything.

from an oldtimer, 12/18/1988

< Message edited by Ellsa -- 8/12/2008 7:34:17 PM >

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 7

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:25:08 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

As the others have said, the reason you can't give up the control is because you want the booze more than you want to obey. And that isn't something that is going to change overnight. It's going to take the help that you are already getting. Once you have control over it, you can hand it over to him. In the meantime, I advise celebrating each minor milestone and the both of you looking into interesting and tasty drinks that don't include booze. Like Shirley Temples or "mocktails" made with rum extract instead of 151. Hope this is helpful!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 8

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:40:37 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

And look into Antabuse.

The problem with Antabuse is that it only works if you take it and then drink. It does nothing to assist with the physical and psychological cravings that occur. If you want/ need more information please let me know.

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 9

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:42:40 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

Cara, as long as drinking remains a problem, do not expect anything else in your life to work. It only works now by accident. Put the BDSM aside. It isn't even faintly important right now. Only your recovery from Alcoholism is. Drinking is a choice. It is a choice you make. Demon liquor cannot pour itself down your throat. Like a submissive may choose to surrender control to his or her dominant, YOU have chosen to surrender your control chemically. Some people can surrender this control temporarily with no particular ill effects. But if you be alcoholic, this is simply something that doesn't work for you. From a pure standpoint of medical efficacy, what is often recommended is brief detox followed by outpatient behavioral therapy and establishment of a long term support group. AA is one of several support groups, and it is certainly prevalent and free. There are others out there. Sleep it off, see your family physician as soon as you can, and take the next indicated step. Or - have more of what you have been having. Its one of those things, if you don't drink, then drinking isn't a problem. But not drinking is the key.

Not meaning any disrespect at all to AquaticSub, but the notion of celebrating sobriety by having "pretend" drinks is a monumentally bad idea. It was a well meaning suggestion, but in my experience, sober people who cling to near-beer, fake cocktails and dealcoholized wine...don't stay sober. It's kind of like going back to an ex who beat you just to "visit".

My sobriety date is 11/25/1987

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 10

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 7:56:20 PM

DominaYork

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline

I highly suggest that you try attending some AA meetings and if your Master is serious about you gaining control over your addiction and giving that new found control to him I'd just as highly suggest he attend Al-anon meetings. It might not be right for you but no one will judge, you can attend and just sit quietly and listen for as long as you need to.

_____________________________

Some will say there is safety in numbers, tell that myth to the edge of the herd. ~ Blood from Gaia's Consort

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 11

RE: A little help, please - 8/12/2008 8:11:46 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle
Not meaning any disrespect at all to AquaticSub, but the notion of celebrating sobriety by having "pretend" drinks is a monumentally bad idea. It was a well meaning suggestion, but in my experience, sober people who cling to near-beer, fake cocktails and dealcoholized wine...don't stay sober. It's kind of like going back to an ex who beat you just to "visit".

I absolutely agree and I am so glad you said it. Fake drinks have led to many, many a relapse. Every substance abuse program that I have ever been involved with recommends you completely avoid fake drinks.

To the OP, please do yourself and everyone who cares about you a favor and get yourself into a treatment program. They say that there are only 2 ways out of untreated alcoholism....insanity or death. Sometimes it's both. I buried my alcoholic ex Master last week. He hung himself. He was 39 years old. He loved me immensely...but his affair with that bottle was one that I just couldn't compete against. The scars that he has left on those of us he left behind are permanent and devastating.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 12

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 9:50:34 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaraCaeth

i have an issue that i’m hoping to get some guidance on from both subs and slaves(Masters too). i am a slave, i have been owned for a little over a year and registered for about a month; and i have a drinking problem. While i don’t have the need to drink every day, and most of the time when i do drink i can have a few drinks and be in a great mood. However, occasionally something sets me in a mood where i feel i need to drink to extreme intoxication, and i can’t stop drinking even when i’m so drunk i can barely stand. When this happens i get violent, and have screamed at Master, fought with Him physically, and left the house – to include driving. Master has given me direct orders not to drink unless i am in his presence so that He can control my drinking, but often i have disobeyed Him in order to drink when i visit my children at my ex’s house. The funny thing is that when i drink in Master’s presence i have no problems and generally get a happy buzz. Of course i know the obvious answer is to be punished for disobeying my Master. Fortunately, He realizes that i have a problem and am not doing this out of malicious disobedience. Master wants me to give Him

complete control in order to help me, but i’m having difficulty doing this. i’m having difficulty in general completely surrendering control to Him; i want and need to give Him control (after all, i did agree to become His slave), but it’s like a part of me is still fighting it. i’d like to make it clear that i’m not asking for help with my drinking problem(W/we are getting help already); but more for help with why i can’t seem to surrender my control to Master despite the fact that i want to, and despite the fact that i know He’s genuinely trying to help me. Any advice would be welcome, thank you.

Cara,

A little rouch comments here! You dishonor yourself and your Master, get a grip of ask to be released before you crash and burn.

CP

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 13

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 10:29:29 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Cara,

A little rouch comments here! You dishonor yourself and your Master, get a grip of ask to be released before you crash and burn.

CP

She dishonored him by asking for advice on a situation she is having with him?

I'm just picturing the laughing fit Valyraen would have if I asked him if he felt dishonored because I got advice before going to him with a problem.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 14

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 10:30:35 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I have not had an alcoholic drink of any kind since I was 23 and completely destroyed the house with no memory of doing it after. I have never had an urge to drink; but, I am the kind that becomes extremely violent after a couple beers; and God help anyone if I start on whiskey.

I was never told that I had to give it up or only drink in his presence; I was taken aside one day and told to watch my father when he got together with his friends and drank whiskey. I was appalled at his behavior; the following day it was pointed out to me that I was the same way. It was enough to stop me from picking up a drink again.

As others have mentioned; you can not obey your owner because he is not who is mastering you. YOU are mastering yourself; and lying to both yourself and him that he’s the one in control. Make a decision on whether you want to pull the strings or you want him to pull the strings. You can’t have it both ways.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 15

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 10:53:26 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

The OP said in her post she is already working on treating the problem. Simply giving her Master control was not going to stop the issue, and they are both getting it worked on.

The reson you cannot give up control to him is becasue you do not have it to give yet. Once you beat your problem wit Alcohol and are in control of yourself again, you can begin to give that control to someone else. However, something to think about. Is the only control issue you have with him your drinking? Are there other places in your lives together where you do not submit?

Recovering from a drinking problem is NOT easy. You and your master are going to be in for a very stressful emotional and physical roller coaster. Until that ride has come to a stop, dont even think about whether or not you can give control to someone else. You need to keep all the control you can get, in order to best the addiction.

I wish you both luck
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 16

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 11:10:25 AM

subeos

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

i would say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Okay so your getting help. And, your Master is willing to be a part of that treatment. Good deal. But! You must be the one who surrenders to the AA program, get a sponsor, work the steps. There is an old saying: Alcohol is just part of the problem. Get the person sober and then we will see what happens.It's like pealing a onion. i hope things work out. Next suggestion: would be asked to be released and find some treatment center they can go from 3 to 6 months...... It's your choice.
BTW- i do not endorse nor agree with the aa program, but it has helped many.
Good luck,
slave eos

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 17

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 11:23:08 AM

MasterHermes

Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

First hand experience speaking: You have to go to the roots of the problem and figure out whats causing you to drink and then it will stop . Otherwise you can try all kind of methods, you can even succed in not drinking but if it doent come out as drinking, it will in a different form. So there is no running away from yourself. Either you observe it, face it, and let it go or you live with it.

You are lucky he understands it, because this has got nothing to do with BDSM, or submission. If you try to see it as a Ds relationship problem, you will be avoding what really is going on..

Good Luck
Hermes

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 18

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 11:27:31 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...why i can’t seem to surrender my control to Master despite the fact that i want to, and despite the fact that i know He’s genuinely trying to help me...

perhaps because you do this, "occasionally", (which, to this slave, means more than once):

quote:

...drink to extreme intoxication, and i can’t stop drinking even when i’m so drunk i can barely stand. When this happens i get violent, and have screamed at Master, fought with Him physically, and left the house – to include driving...

sounds suicidal/homocidal...but that could just be the end result of the MADD presentation this slave sat through a few years back.

for this slave, the first time it happened would be:

a. a representation of more than just a little "something that sets her in a mood". it would represent complete and total disrespect for Him/this slave/our relationship, the destruction of our joy/relationship, utter disregard for this slave's life/His life and the life of whoever she ran into with the car.

b. the last time.

it's great that you are getting help for your alcoholism. with help, many folks have been able to get past abusing themselves and others with it and move on to productive, happy lives.
best wishes.

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 19

RE: A little help, please - 8/13/2008 11:32:32 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I'll chime in with those who have said to get your ass into AA. And if you don't, ask for release rather than bring him down with you.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to CaraCaeth)

Post #: 20

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