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RE: Sir - 11/23/2005 10:42:03 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

When your HEART and mind start to say it naturally.

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to missdriver)

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Post #: 41

RE: Sir - 11/23/2005 12:31:11 PM

Webmaster60

Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This is a serious inquiry, and I'm certain that the reply will be illuminating. I thank you in advance.

Rover, I don't think you've made a serious inquiry of me "ever". Your sarcasm is noted..

But in the interest of fair play, I'll answer. If you respond, as I'm sure you will, take issue with some verb or noun that I'm about to use,
Please start another thread.

I identify Master because:
I distinguish between Master, and dom. Masters seek ownership of slaves, doms seek dominance of subs. (my opinion only)
I am a Master Instructor (Army)
I am a Master Designer (industry certification.. you have to have three)
I am a Master Marksman with a variety of weapons (expert actually.. specific title)
I am a Master Trainer (industry certification)
I am a Master Teacher (State certification)
I am a Master of self (here is where you'll undoubtably have fun). This is a work in progress. I Master myself (not always successful) as even Masters at ANYTHING make mistakes, it does not make the perfect, it makes them proficient to a degree entitled to the ranking. Since there is no measurable standard YOU will accept, I'm sure you will find issue here. A Master of self always "attempts" to control self, mentally, emotionally and physically. TO be fair and impartial in both reward and punishment. To be the Master of his home, and his life. To live his life as HE sees fit, to have moral courage and stand for what he believes in regardless of circumstance.

Good enough?

MASTER Michael

_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to Rover)

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Post #: 42

RE: Sir - 11/23/2005 4:28:13 PM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

My two cents worth or is a $1 now days....never sure...any way

I do not expect to be called anything by a sub/slave until one of two things happens....

1) we are in a consensual scene then it would be: SIR

2) If you have been collard by me then I would expect to be called MASTER..

I find it to be respectfulness to the dom/me. Obvioulsly if you are doing the first one, then there has been a trust bestowed to the dom/me, and the second is a give......

(in reply to missdriver)

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Post #: 43

RE: Sir - 11/24/2005 7:40:56 AM

SlayerZ

Posts: 100
Joined: 3/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missdriver

Thank you all for your comments.

I have been talking to a Dom and he insisted i call him Master on the first night i spoke to him. I didnt know what i should do so i did call him master although it didnt feel right. After reading the memos on here, i realised i was jumping in at the deep end.

I have wanted to submit to someone for a long time. I am only interested in submitting to one person and i want to make sure that it is the right one.

I told him my concerns and asked if we could take things a bit slower. I thought he would be understanding because i am new to this but i did not expect the reply i got. He got very angry with me. He said i was childish. He was the Master and he would determine the pace and how he dealt with my doubts. My place was on my knees. He wouldnt listen to anything i said and told me we should part company. I had insulted him.

I know i shouldnt have jumped straight in, i should have insisted on getting to know him first. Perhaps i am acting imature and the yearning i have had inside me is real and maybe he is right and i am not a true sub.

Can you give me any advice on this, even if it is to tell me i am being childish or to give up on this because i am not a true sub

If he didn't get the fact that you're a novice starting out in this lifestyle, if he didn't respect you enough to listen and give you some time to get bedded in, then I would suggest that he was the one who was being childish in this scenario. It's not about instant gratification, it really isn't. If that is indeed what he looking for, then I don't think he's the Dom for you.

Time should be spent, getting to know one another, opening up and generally building foundations. A d/s relationship is really like any other relationship, a bond should be created, earning trust through time, (key word there being "time" - being patient with one another - it isn't always a one way street. Just because he's the Dom, it doesn't render you useless, it doesn't mean that it's wrong for you to express an opinion, let alone have one. It isn't wrong for you to ask him to slow the pace down a bit, it's understandable, I mean, if you thought that it was going at a fair ol' pace, then it's only natural that you would ask for the pace to drop, it would be abnormal if you didn't.

If he isn't willing to give you the time that you need, if he isn't grown up enough to realize that you have a mind of your own, then I would suggest seeking out another Dom.

And let's get this clear: you did nothing wrong. You aren't being childish, you are being sensible. It doesn't mean that you aren't a true sub, it just means that you aren't a doormat, willing to bow down without reservation. The d/s relationship should be consensual, you should not just do those things because your Dom says so, you should also want to do them. And that only comes after time.

I'm sorry if this is coming out sounding harsh, and I apologize if I show a lack of respect; but I'm just being honest.

(in reply to missdriver)

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Post #: 44

RE: Sir - 11/25/2005 3:00:34 AM

CaptainsPet

Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline

I agree with SlayerZ. Don't let anyone rush your pace. If he is demanding too much too fast, and he knows your uncomfortable, then he should slow to consider your feelings. If he doesn't; I'd move on. Master never pushed me, and it made me want to give even more to him, because it showed me that he cared what I thought and what I felt. If he'd tried to bully me from the first; I'd have bolted.

(in reply to SlayerZ)

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Post #: 45

RE: Sir - 11/25/2005 8:24:56 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i always use "Sir" in my emails; but any man who wishes to correspond with me must give me his real first name, just as i give mine. You'd be surprised at how many men this runs off. And then there are the men who email me as "slave candy"; that has to stop immediately. i will NOT accept any indicia of ownership until actual collaring takes place.

It's as if these men have no interest in getting to know me; place no value on me; want to skip the "getting to know one another" stage altogether and leap into a D/s or M/s relationship...online usually, although some have wanted real life. i am mystified at a man my age being so indiscriminate, but knowing anyone would do is my signal to leave.

candystripper

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 46

RE: Sir - 11/25/2005 7:01:02 PM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missdriver

Thank you all for your comments.

I have been talking to a Dom and he insisted i call him Master on the first night i spoke to him. I didnt know what i should do so i did call him master although it didnt feel right. After reading the memos on here, i realised i was jumping in at the deep end.

I have wanted to submit to someone for a long time. I am only interested in submitting to one person and i want to make sure that it is the right one.

I told him my concerns and asked if we could take things a bit slower. I thought he would be understanding because i am new to this but i did not expect the reply i got. He got very angry with me. He said i was childish. He was the Master and he would determine the pace and how he dealt with my doubts. My place was on my knees. He wouldnt listen to anything i said and told me we should part company. I had insulted him.

I know i shouldnt have jumped straight in, i should have insisted on getting to know him first. Perhaps i am acting imature and the yearning i have had inside me is real and maybe he is right and i am not a true sub.

Can you give me any advice on this, even if it is to tell me i am being childish or to give up on this because i am not a true sub

Seems to me you behaved like an adult him the child your well out of it....

_____________________________

Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
—Voltaire

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
—Voltaire

(in reply to missdriver)

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Post #: 47

RE: Sir - 11/26/2005 11:58:35 AM

Lepidoptera

Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline

Usually you call a Dom "Sir" when you are playing. In a relationship, "Master" is more appropriate. Frankly, I feel silly saying "Master" and it breaks the moment for me. I have no idea why.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 48

RE: Sir - 11/26/2005 1:37:35 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lepidoptera

Usually you call a Dom "Sir" when you are playing. In a relationship, "Master" is more appropriate. Frankly, I feel silly saying "Master" and it breaks the moment for me. I have no idea why.

Perhaps this holds true for *you* - but you speak as if it were a general Truth. It's not.

Different things work for different relationships.

(in reply to Lepidoptera)

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Post #: 49

RE: Sir - 11/26/2005 1:42:39 PM

WildSpirit2001

Posts: 143
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

Simple answer, if you want to call him Sir or Master ask. He'll tell you. In short it is up to both of you and the input from anyone else is superfluous.

Great answer! No I'm not just saying that because I happen to love the word superfluous.

Paula

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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Post #: 50

RE: Sir - 11/28/2005 9:28:49 AM

B1gbear

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline

Lots of good answers here, but understand what those names are. 'Titles' Titles are used in different ways by different people and none are wrong. Those in an active relationship like the ones we practice typically follow protocols defined by the Dominant. That part is easy. For all those who are not in a relationship with the Dominant just understand that 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' denote a level of respect and protocol. The title 'Master' or 'Mistress' denote a role that the Dominant occupies. (Unless your Gorean, in which case it is the standard protocol equivalent to 'Sir' or 'Ma'am'). A Dom can be a specific sub or slave's Master, but not Master to any sub who doesn't wear his collar for instance.

Which do you use? Answer that by answering what protocols you practice of your own accord, or by the direction of any current 'Dominant' you happen to wear the collar of. What does that mean? It means quite simply, you are bound to no Dominant's rules and protocols till you wear their collar. Until then, call him or her by any title you wish or call them Bob if you want. Tis your perogative.

Now don't be suprised if they lose interest in you quickly if you don't show them a level of respect they feel they deserve and/or have earned. *Note: If they are a real Dominant, they will probably correct you right off the bat if you call them Master or Mistress, and promptly let you know that they are not yet that to you. True Dominants are rather protective over the level of authority presumed to them from one who is not in their collar. (Again, Goreans excluded from this generalization.)

(in reply to missdriver)

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Post #: 51

RE: Sir - 11/29/2005 10:26:09 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: missdriver

I am new to this scene, can anyone tell me how long it should it be before a sub calls a Dom Sir or Master

Simple answer, if you want to call him Sir or Master ask. He'll tell you. In short it is up to both of you and the input from anyone else is superfluous.