How do you cope? (Full Version)

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serisa -> How do you cope? (8/14/2008 8:35:07 AM)

How do you cope when you are unable to see your Dominant/Master for a longer time then usual.  Perhaps they are ill or on vacation?
Do you find  it very hard? for some of you do you find it makes you bad?



DesFIP -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 8:46:13 AM)

Some people can handle long separations, others can't. It helps if the relationship has been strong for some time prior to the separation. A new relationship probably won't survive a year long posting to another country, one of ten years is more likely to make it.

But a two week vacation? Ten days in bed with the flu? That's different. There's still phone calls and email. In the meantime you go on with your life. Do your job, clean your house, visit old friends, rent all the movies you've been meaning to see that he doesn't like. You could even write him some porn, bake and freeze his favorite dishes, etc.

If you feel the urge to disobey just to see if he'll notice afterwards, then I have to assume you have been feeling neglected for quite some time. Write about it, figure out what you need that you aren't getting and talk to him when he comes back. Decide for yourself if you can handle a relationship with that need unmet or not.



softness -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 8:58:40 AM)

Hmmms ... don't know how helpful I can be ... but lets have a go ... I am in an LDR .. so actual *active* present service is almost non-existant right now .. I get maybe 30 minutes in his company over the phone at the moment. Often not even that.

I find other ways of being pleasing ... too numerous to mention, and make sure that I am as happy, sunny, and interesting company as I can be, so that HE feels what time HE does spend with me, is not wasted. Its not about me, its about Him, and in making it about Him and not about me, my needs get met, my needs to be giving, and generous and caring - my other needs are unimportant at that time.

The single most important thing I learned about how to please Him when I can't be there ... is to remember that I am in service to Him, the relationship serves His needs first and not mine. Getting mopey, pissy, princessey or passive aggressive because I have nothing active to do does not serve Him or His interests, in fact it works against them. If there is genuinely nothing to do, then simply accept that, and deal with it. Don't create any drama, or any need to "cope" when there is no drama or anything to cope with.

As for making me bad. I don't buy into that for a second. I make me bad, or good, or whatever ... nothing makes me anything. BEing distance from DV might make it harder to behave as He wishes me to, because I lack the motivation for example to spend ages on my hair and makeup and clothes when He is not there to see it, but it is me LACKING the motivation, and therefore is ME causing the bad behaviour.

My advice? .... suck it up, be pleasing to him, don't demand an emotional dishrag from your D when what he actually needs is for you to take care of yourself for a bit.

edited to add
and if anyone wishes to kick my ass for use of the term "princess" as a negative .. please do so on the other side



serisa -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 9:00:22 AM)

thank you,
by 'bad' i meant makes you feel ill and depressed.  Dont know if anyone  else ever feels like this



LittleWench -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 9:33:59 AM)

I get to see my Owner in 3 more sleeps (yes a kid before xmas), after just over 12 months separation.  We almost didn't make the year apart, at one point I was so awful that he released me.  It got to the point where I was so tired of words that I just didn't want to talk any more.  So things like frequent emails, phone calls, none of that helped, because I didn't want to hear words any more, I needed a live warm person beside me.  I don't know how we got through it to be honest, one day at a time I suppose.



serisa -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 9:37:56 AM)

12 months, thats a loooong time, no wonder you feel like a kid before christmas with three more sleeps to go.  Hope its really special when you both meet up again



sillyslaveboy -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 9:39:18 AM)

Depends on the time period, the reason, communication during the separation and the future of the relationship. If the last is not threatened, i do not see need to change anything.

Words like illness or depression i threw away from my assortment of feelings long ago. i am happy when i am owned and if it came to a longer term separation, and without communication, i'd find a way to serve Her even in total and totally unexplained absence of Her and Her orders. Be it kneeling every morning 5:30 - 6:00 for Her, writing Her name on the chest and/or ass every day, or something else -- depends on the person. If i suspected She actually dropped me, i'd have to make a choice: either leave it or live up with it till i am sure there's nothing left to be hoped for. But no, no regrets allowed.



batshalom -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 10:44:38 AM)

I have an extremely busy life (happily on summer break until 8/25 though ... yeaaahhhhh) so there isn't much time for me to feel sorry for myself if I don't get a call or see him for a period of time. And no, it doesn't make me act out - I have no interest in that set of behaviors.



AquaticSub -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 12:21:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

How do you cope when you are unable to see your Dominant/Master for a longer time then usual.  Perhaps they are ill or on vacation?
Do you find  it very hard? for some of you do you find it makes you bad?


Same way I did for any long-distence relationship, be it d/s or otherwise. I call, write letters, send them drawings, buy some of the soap they use so I can smell the familiar scent on me...



randsboy -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 12:26:10 PM)

to cope Master has me enema and wear a butt plug every night and day. It helps me to know He is still there. He also calls me 2 or 3 times a day. That really helps alot as i do not drive and have had to learn to handle my Irish temper around people. Now i just need to sofen my tone of voice.



katie978 -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 12:49:15 PM)

 When I can't see my boyfriend for our relatively short breaks (we see each other every weekend, but sometimes we hop one or two in between), I find that I actually have loads of other, less fun things to do. And, sure, cleaning my room and getting my oil changed isn't as fun as spending time with him, but it sure beats sitting around the house weeping. I don't let myself work myself up to a point where I get sick...I find that I only have physical representations of my emotional turmoil when I nurture the turmoil.

If we were going to be without each other for a longer period of time (months or a year!), I'd probably find some hobby or class or something to immerse myself in. I'd be going to martial arts class 5 days a week, so I had less time to miss him.



akisha -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 2:40:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

How do you cope when you are unable to see your Dominant/Master for a longer time then usual.  Perhaps they are ill or on vacation?
Do you find  it very hard? for some of you do you find it makes you bad?


Before Master and I lived together we made sure to talk every day. If for some reason we didn't get to talk i'd be unsettled but make me be bad?? ya no. But I'm not sure I understand what you mean by being bad.

Did I sass him or get snarky and moody with him? Why the heck would I do that? Would only make him not want to talk to me at all anymore. Kind of counter productive.

Now if Master is ill, i better be there taking care of him and if he's on vacation I'll be with him. Except rare occasions he goes to see his daughter if I can't get the time off but that is very unlikely.

There may be occasions that he has to be out of town for work and well then we'll go back to the talking at night thing like we did before we lived togeher.

Anything is doable if you want it enough.



CalifChick -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 3:53:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

thank you,
by 'bad' i meant makes you feel ill and depressed.  Dont know if anyone  else ever feels like this


I am never so dependent on another person that I feel ill or depressed if they are not around.  "Sad" perhaps, but "depressed", not so much.


Cali



pixidustpet -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 4:40:21 PM)

before i moved away, i got to see Daddy on an irregular basis.  in the begining, it was every 2-3 weeks.  at the end, it had been nearly 3 months since i had seen him, and we met up LITERALLY on the last day possible before the yardape's last day of school and me moving a couple of weeks after that.

i absolutely understood the "why" of it.  i loathed it.  i have always been allowed to state plainly how i was feeling, including that i hated missing him.  i *still* miss him terribly and will continue to do so, especially as he refuses to release me and i dont think we'll be together physically again.

he has allowed me to enter into a D/s relationship with TheEngineer, which will eventually also be a marriage...that doesnt mean Daddy is replaced, not at all.  he loves me enough to make sure i am safe (which was kind of iffy where i was before) and loved, which i definitely am.

kitten



whiteslavebitch -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 5:18:57 PM)

Recently MasterK had to go out of town on family business. I didn't see him for almost three weeks, and we couldn't talk on the phone as much as we are used to.

That threw me off badly, I hated every minute he was gone. But I had to deal with it as best as I could. No temper tantrums, no misbehaving, being as supportive to him as I could be. But then, temper tantrums are not something I usually do, not since I was a child.

Why would I want to do something that would disappoint him while he is out of town, any more than I would while he is at home?



littlewonder -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 6:10:37 PM)

I would miss him terribly but just try to be there for him and be good and do those things in life that I know would please him, maybe learn something new that would help in my submission so that when he is well and back on his feet again or back from a long time away I will not be a burden or hindrance to him.

I also learn to get on with my own life because that's what adults do. I can't sit around and mope about how much I miss him. He's always on my mind but if I let that interfere with my daily life then what kind of slave am I? I would say one who is not being all she can be for him.



natasha66 -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 6:31:30 PM)

i see my Master every couple of weeks, BUT we talk/chat/email pretty much every day.  For me, it works.  Would i like to see Him more often? Yes of course.  It just doesn't work out that way.  So i deal....it is what it is.  And thus far, it is GOOD.



CarrieO -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 6:49:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I would miss him terribly but just try to be there for him and be good and do those things in life that I know would please him, maybe learn something new that would help in my submission so that when he is well and back on his feet again or back from a long time away I will not be a burden or hindrance to him.

I also learn to get on with my own life because that's what adults do. I can't sit around and mope about how much I miss him. He's always on my mind but if I let that interfere with my daily life then what kind of slave am I? I would say one who is not being all she can be for him.



excellent advice.....i couldn't have said it any better.

carrie



angaothsi -> RE: How do you cope? (8/14/2008 10:39:46 PM)

For 12 years it worked like this, he was gone for 20 days and home for 10, then gone for 20 days and so on and so forth. You deal you cope you work and dream and live for the few times he can call. As for desiring to be bad, no, I can't say that is the case because I always wanted to reflect well His training, and I wanted His pride and pleasure more then I wanted His disapointment.



eepsy -> RE: How do you cope? (8/15/2008 7:45:12 AM)

A month after we got together, i had to go away for almost 3 months. We're still in the middle of the 3 months. How do I cope? Not well initially... now, it's actually quite manageable. I'm needy and there were days when I felt insecure and more needy than usual. It didn't help that in the beginning, I had too much free time while he was all caught up with work. There were days when I got pissy and bratty... and overall quite crazy. There were days when emails weren't good communication tools and there were misinterpretations of stuff said etc. I had to keep reminding myself of the dynamics of our relationship, that my behaviour then was unacceptable. At the same time, we were able to talk about the way we feel openly and honestly... :) It was also great that there were people around me reminding me that space helps a relationship grow... and as I become more confident in myself and more secure in the relationship, I'm happy enough to cope with the time apart alright.

Now... 1 1/2 months more to go......



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