RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail.

RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (Full Version)

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Leatherist -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 10:25:20 AM)
I see a lot of the paranoia as pretty stupid too. You can't wear a collar if "Master fear" has his on you 24/ 7.

beargonewild -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 10:39:07 AM)
~FR~ I have found that having safe calls and safe words in place is perfect in theory yet in reality quite often they are discarded by the wayside. I'm more for making myself aware of the perceived "dangers" of meeting a stranger for a date or playdate and then rely on my inner voice to determine if things become intimate or not. Quite often I've broken these rules which state I should do this, this and this before I do that, well I am still alive and all my body parts are intact! Granted many things I do are risky to my personal safety and I have met people who I briefly chatted with online and then met for coffee which we ended up at the other person's place or in a motel room. Maybe I enjoy taking these type of risks or maybe I'm just flaunting my luck, who knows? It all boils down to the fact that each person is different and unique, thus each person has to make their own descion regarding their own self. Granted we all can harp about playing it safe and ensuring they do things the "right" way, yet that is simply us projecting our personal concerns onto others. It all boils down to the fact that ultimately we still take a huge leap of faith, break the rules and hope like hell everything works out ok. Sometimes it does and sometimes it fails miserablely. That is a part of life's lessons that we probably had to learn.

softness -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 11:01:47 AM)
Lets put it this way ... I have only ever done it "right" once ... and that relationship ended in a huge ugly non-consensual mess. In that instance I relied upon having gone through all the correct motions, rather than trusting my instincts ... that worked out really badly for me. Now I follow my instincts .. and I live up to the consequences of my actions - like a big girl. That said, because of the particular pool I play in, and the type of softness eating fish that swim in that pool, I tend to make sure that if anything did happen, who and what did it to me could be traced. When I went over to DV I didn't have a safe call, but I did have an envelope on the kitchen table with pictures of DV, His address, His work address, copies of my travel plans, copies of negotioation between the two of us, emails, etc and all the passwords to all my internet accounts that the police would need to prove He had killed and eaten me after an internet seduction. I may play casually with people in clubs that I don't know, but sure as dammit someone there knows them, and sure as dammit someone is watching my back (and not just the pretty marks appearing there)

missturbation -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 11:05:01 AM)
quote: and sure as dammit someone is watching my back (and not just the pretty marks appearing there) *slaps forehead* Oops, must remember to watch your back, not the pretty marks on it [:D]

softness -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 11:08:36 AM)
Yeah .. or making gooey eyes at the Sadists .... I know you were mooning over Ice while I was slumped in the corner

KatyLied -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 11:24:45 AM)
quote: I was also interested on peoples general thoughts on the subject of not playing by the seemingly 'safe code'. I think that people who are mature and give thought and consideration to what they do are probably people who are able to figure out where they and their decision stands along the spectrum of risk/benefit. I do not like it when the safety police try to convince us it is otherwise.. Ultimately people are responsible for the decisions they make and where those decisions lead them. As far as playing on first 'dates', I think it depends on the people and the situation, not on a bunch of safety police protocols.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 11:38:53 AM)
I have to say it, I Love this post. Guess, I'm another person that has done everything "wrong " at times in my life. You comments about the fluid bond and lack of safety nets (at least formal established ones). Dare I express this, my better relationships involved jumping into things together and doing what was natural. I have very few bad things to say about these relationships as well. I've noticed that a lot of things get ripped about and debated to death on the message boards. Hell, I'm even guilty of it. To be honest, I've put far more thought into things (past experience) after fact on this message board. I realize that some really aweful things happen to people. There are some really aweful people out there in the world. But when is playing things too safe actually getting you nowhere? I can't give anybody an honest answer of that one. When hooking up with somebody, it's best to simply agree to let things take their own natural course. As you so put it to only be obligated to being friends. I hate trying to lay down boundaries or expectations. Meaning adding the pressure of play or sex, or making it off limits. I'm more of the "let's see how it goes" mindset and let natural chemistry or lack of it take it's course. For instance one of my best relationships was with a Domme. Nobody tossed me a handbook or guide to that type of relationship, in fact nobody has ever tossed me a relationship guide that fully works from partner to partner. Anyways, we simply felt each other out, and dare I admit it. We had sex and played the very first night we met! LOL.. (go figure). Safety Net? What Net? I just know that we had some chemistry and connection, and we kept coming back to one another. Sure, there are risks to anything in life. At times, some of us take risks. There are moments to simply let go of fear and make that leap of blind faith. What I'm saying is this. If it seems like everything is going great, and there are NO Red Flags, why hold yourself back with fears? Sure, If there are Red Flags, take some common sense and use a little caution. I can't honestly say, I keep coming across the same type of person. Sure, everybody has issues or problems on some level.

RavenMuse -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 11:57:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Meh. Just to add, I was kind of interested on why people do set out the whole 'this is the safe way to do things' list that generically comes out on a regular basis. That is the 'safe way' to do things. A part of being responcible for Your Own actions is knowing the options, knowing the rules, knowing the risks BEFORE you choose whether You break them. metalmiss and I also broke all the 'rules', not because We didn't know them but it was a case of RACK, We knew the risks being taken and decided they where worth taking.

stella41b -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 12:35:18 PM)
I just follow two rules. Firstly I trust my instincts and secondly I never get myself into a situation I cannot get myself out of independently. I'm responsible for me and equally responsible in any relationship or arrangement I enter.

IvyMorgan -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 12:58:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Even a cake doesn't have the same ingredients, even if you follow it to the letter. Time of day, humidity, water tempreture - even the egg itself - are never the same. Even a packet mix would be completely different from one to another. As a cook, it is generally accepted that you should never cook the same recipe and expect it to be the same each time - you have to notice the subtle changes in each procedure, otherwise it is totaly doomed to fail. Luck doesn't come into it - skill does. I am not entirely sure if we are phrasing shit differently or not though, but thanks for clarifying. the.dark. Well, see, yes. I can do the exact same things, but it turns out differently. I can follow the same set of "rules" for meeting people and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. It depends on more factors that just what I do. At least for the original meeting, and finding someone you click with. Once you've met them, and decided that there's something, then it's down to hard work and elbow grease. Was that what you were meaning?

Dave1947 -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 1:20:24 PM)
I have found some people like to have a security blanket ie safe calls, safe words, are the things that have been discussed. Some people find the risk of taking a chance of turning themselves over to a stranger exciting. A lot of the idiots will give themselves away in their emails, chats, and over the phone. We are all different. What is important is what works for you.

Mercnbeth -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 2:24:30 PM)
quote: ...I was also interested on who might 'fess up to not being 'the perfect first meetings' etc and who are in really good solid relationships... We met within two weeks of knowing each other existed. We "played" and "fluid bonded" within 4 hours of "first meeting", and this slave didn't even know what a safeword was, much less have one and use it. that was over 5 years ago...we have been married for almost 2. this slave gives it an A+++

softness -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 2:33:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: ...I was also interested on who might 'fess up to not being 'the perfect first meetings' etc and who are in really good solid relationships... We met within two weeks of knowing each other existed. We "played" and "fluid bonded" within 4 hours of "first meeting", and this slave didn't even know what a safeword was, much less have one and use it. that was over 5 years ago...we have been married for almost 2. this slave gives it an A+++ I have heard one or other of you tell that story many times and I still get all gooey when I hear it grins

TreasureKY -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 2:43:31 PM)
You so rock... [;)] quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark ... I met Darcy on the net. Same with Firm and I. quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark We knew zero about each other apart from that we had one common interest. Now, being 8 hours away from each other doesn’t exactly make it easy to get to know each other on a one to one basis or even confirm what each other was telling each other was true. But we both had to trust and have faith that there were no lies being presented. Eight hours apart. Ditto. quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Now as some people know, I was married. I still am pending divorce going through. Was it worth lying about when I met Darcy? Nope. Yes I could have risked not being with him had he different ethics to me. But I had to take that leap of faith. Or face the consequences. Same situation, except reversed. quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark So after a few weeks we decided to meet up. Took about seven weeks for us to arrange our schedules to meet. quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark ... We arranged the whole stay over would be together and that if we were not to feel obliged to be anything but friends. Same here. Starting to feel like a pattern is forming? [;)] quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Before we met, we never cybered, never had phone sex or any of the generic online things people seem to get involved with. We didn't either... just talked and shared. quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark And within an hour (that is a guess because I wasn’t clock watching) we were playing. There was no standard protocol, no safe-set ups. I cannot and would not claim to speak for Darcy, but I certainly was aware of my actions and responsibility to myself and I was ready to accept the consequences should it of all been a terrible mistake. We fluid bonded. We played. We have never used a safeword – not even from the very start. We didn’t really have any kind of safety net set up. We did everything ‘wrong’. We did everything that people suggest you should not do. lol... Yep. Same here. quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark ... in solid long-term relationships ... living together, sharing our world with each other and the people around us. [:D] Two years, three months since we met. Three months living together. I've always been an advocate of personal responsibility, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Like I said, you so rock!

Prinsexx -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 2:52:01 PM)
I just love reading your story. I love reading other people's get togethers. As to the exchange of body fluids, playing within the hour, going on instincts...great and i love the syzergy...apart from being a great scrabble word the truth is you two together have craeted far more than the sum of your parts... i also feel that creations and break-downs have their own inherent timescales....some like it hot and quick and some like the come together slow and cool.... but break downs...break-ups...deaths....endings....they happen in bdsm as well as in life and i think it's true to say that the both of you would not define the lifestayle as existing outside of life or everyday life..... i've just experienced soooo many endings, break-ups, deaths of various kinds.Far too many deaths; from frugs, OD's, HIV, suicides, illness...that's what happens at a certain age and you know out of the 60's?? The death of my father which happened right in the middle of my univesrsity finals exams on the ONE day i was not having an exam....well i had to continue revising and did sit my examinations under tha same conditions as everyone else and got a classified degree even though under the circumstances the Uni said they woudl award me my degree anyway....i sat those exams because i knew my dad wpuld have wanted me too. i didn;t grieve unti that September along with the grief of leaving all my Uni buddies behind. It's the same with the two break-ups from collars i have gone through in a year....i have a house to run and two kids who depend upon me totally and hell of a work case load too...so there isn't the space or the time to physically emotionally or indeed psychologically catch-up with myself because on the everyday life circuit i just have to carry on as if nothing happens. I know it doesnt look like it here on the forums or in my private mails but here is the ONLY place where i will discuss it as there is no public community i exist within or clubs or public meets i attend. All processes take time...so rather than an A, B,C, D, E or even an F grade all I'm saying is that i;m giving my self the chance of a re-sit at the moment and using the skills i had to do it again.....differently but as i'm me i'll do it like me anyway. You guys get a A grade from me... But you know what? You are nevr ever too old to learn or love again.... Prin xxx

Mercnbeth -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 2:55:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: ...I was also interested on who might 'fess up to not being 'the perfect first meetings' etc and who are in really good solid relationships... We met within two weeks of knowing each other existed. We "played" and "fluid bonded" within 4 hours of "first meeting", and this slave didn't even know what a safeword was, much less have one and use it. that was over 5 years ago...we have been married for almost 2. this slave gives it an A+++ I have heard one or other of you tell that story many times and I still get all gooey when I hear it grins awww, shucks...thanks, softness!!!! it has GOT to be the most succinct Reader's Digest version of the story this slave has ever told...and it gets this slave all gooey every time, too!!!

softness -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 3:06:07 PM)
lol ... as it should do ... its like Hamlet in 18 seconds ... still just as good ... just verrrry compact

pixidustpet -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 4:19:19 PM)
Daddy and i talked online and on phone for nearly 2 months....and played the first time we met in person. that would STILL be an ongoing (although LDR) thing if i hadnt moved. i met TheEngineer a little less than 8 years ago now. we were in bed about 2 hours after we met in person. hell, when he came to move me from florida to texas? we'd only spent a week or so total in person! thinks about this geez. [8\|] no regrets. at all. kitten

DarkSteven -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 4:27:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR ACTIONS! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!! CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T!!!! Phhhhhbbbbbtttt! -------------------- Hee hee hee.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. (8/14/2008 4:29:44 PM)
I did things all backwards when I met MasterK as well. We had been chatting online for a week or two, I flew to New York (on a previously planned trip), called his cell phone, met him that day: No safe call, played on the first meet, played again two days later. It may have gone against all the safety "rules", but I'm very happy with the outcome at this time. I've never been happier in my life.

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