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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 3:25:11 AM   
softness


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Status: offline 		<< closet evil me ... the softness is just a cover!

< Message edited by softness -- 8/15/2008 3:27:11 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 6:37:06 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		*peeks under the covers*...........
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 7:13:30 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Whilst I get where you are coming from Cali, my only thought on this would be why are you(generic) advise a safe call and not simply say - thats fucked up or hinky and adivse against meeting at all?

 
Actually, I do say "don't do it", and "here's why...".  But I have found that people who cannot see why there's a problem also have decided they're going to go thru with it no matter what.  So after the "don't do it" comes the parting words, "well at least set up a safe call so we know where to find the body parts after you hang up."   
 
Cali


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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 7:20:56 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores Darcy and thedark*

if I didn't love you two so much I'd be jealous :)

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 8:38:07 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
[Snip]
  I don't see the point on blaming or crediting anything on external forces.
I do believe in fate and destiny.
 
the.dark.
 

 
I can't get my mind around these two sentences; seems oxymoronic to me. Would you mind elaborating?

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 8:55:34 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		This is Darcy

I'd also just add that anyone who feels unsure enough to post on an interweb site as to whether they should or should not go and meet up with some random stranger probably already has the answer.

*grins at GT an sends much love back across the Pond*

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 9:05:53 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Personally, if I had to point someone to a good post on just how possible a relationship can be achieved, it would be to one of yours beth. I'm really thankful you posted.
 
the.dark.

 
thanks, the.dark.!!!
 
the relationship we have is the most precious thing in this slave's life.
 
it was accomplished with a certain degree of uncertainty about it's future, yet, with plenty of confidence in the faith that comes from a "Leap, and the net will appear" attitude...not by making Him jump through pre-determined hoops as some sort of "proof" that comes with a no play/no sex before a specific period of time/collar/marriage frame of mind.

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 9:42:43 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
[Snip]
  I don't see the point on blaming or crediting anything on external forces.
I do believe in fate and destiny.
 
the.dark.
 

 
I can't get my mind around these two sentences; seems oxymoronic to me. Would you mind elaborating?


Sure tee
I can see how it looks oxymoronic, until I clearup that although I believe in fate and destiny - I believe we make our own.  In other words, the ending(s) are already there, we just get to the one we have created into being by our choices.  Like death.  That is destiny - fate - whatever - you can't change that, but how we get to 'death' is the path we chose.
Make sense?
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 12:31:49 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Death is inevitable for all...do you believe that your connection with Darcy was/is inevitable in the same way?
(Tell me to bugger off at any point...I'm curious but it's certainly none of my business.)

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 12:57:53 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Ask away tee -
Inevitable? Hmmm... I think it is more 'there', just whether we choose to see it or not.
I will try and explain.
 
Since meeting Darcy, it has become apparent to us that our paths have crossed numerous times.  We have been at the same places at the same time, known the same people without realising it, have the same connecions to places etc.  But we have either been blind to 'seeing' each other or just taking a different route at that moment.   I even believe there are little 'hints' that are thrown at us to help validate future decisions we make.  It's not necessarily 'spiritual' - some are totally practical.  I strongly believe that our 'destiny' wasn't so much of being together, but that is a possibility that was inevitable but only because of the paths we chose to take seperately, but at the same time.  Does that make any sense?
 
So although it is fate/destiny - it is because of our own making and decision process.  I believe you can use that as a generic 'we' as well as placing that just on our relationship.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 8/15/2008 12:58:42 PM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 2:03:17 PM   
Maxwell67


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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
Since meeting Darcy, it has become apparent to us that our paths have crossed numerous times.  We have been at the same places at the same time, known the same people without realising it, have the same connecions to places etc.  But we have either been blind to 'seeing' each other or just taking a different route at that moment.   I even believe there are little 'hints' that are thrown at us to help validate future decisions we make.  It's not necessarily 'spiritual' - some are totally practical.  I strongly believe that our 'destiny' wasn't so much of being together, but that is a possibility that was inevitable but only because of the paths we chose to take seperately, but at the same time.  Does that make any sense?

YES!!!  It makes perfect sense to me and Mine.  This is what we have experienced also.  Same social circle, same places at athe same time but never knew each other.  She used to date the ex-boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend, hehe.  We had lots of acquaintances in common.  We had been to the same parties, but in different rooms.  We both were big fans of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and had been at the same theater for it dozens of times without ever really noticing each other, until we played roles opposite one another.. suddenly we KNEW we were perfect together (yes, we spent the night together that night).  There was never a doubt.  And now, well over a decade later, we still have no doubts.  Oh sure we have had troubles, but never doubts.  We tell others the same thing.  In our experience, when it happens, you will simply know that it is right. 

Was it fate?  Abso-fuckin'-lutely it was!  We could have/should have run into one another hundreds of times before the night we did.  Given the paths our lives took, it is so amazing that we did not know each other before that day that we have come to the conclusion we simply were not yet ready to meet.  When we were ready, fate simply made it happen.


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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 3:59:11 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
it was accomplished with a certain degree of uncertainty about it's future, yet, with plenty of confidence in the faith that comes from a "Leap, and the net will appear" attitude...not by making Him jump through pre-determined hoops as some sort of "proof" that comes with a no play/no sex before a specific period of time/collar/marriage frame of mind.

Yes, this is exactly it.  I wasn't sure just how to state it but you really summed it up.  It is as if that's expected as some sort of "proof" in many cases but proof of what really?  Great way of putting into words what I was trying to say........luci

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 4:08:40 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oblige


I suspect some people who post here about meetings or relationships gone bad are missing something. I just have never figured out what exactly. Maybe it is the personal responsibiltiy piece.


Just this part of what you stated started me thinking. I don't believe that people who post here about relationships gone bad (myself included) are necessarily missing or have necessarily missed anything.
The strap line in the thread is about A,B,C,D, E or Fail. Thus far the majority of stories here have been delicious, heart-warming and relate the initial dynamics of relationships that went long term.
I don't think longevity is any marker of a successful bdsm relationship. It's like grading it an F if it doesn't last and sustain over time.
There are probably otherwys in which there is a generalised 'grading' of what makes for a good and bad relationship but
i spent one week recently in 24/7 spatial and temporal Master/slave relationship. Integrated into His family, cooking, eating, sleeping and sceneing absolutely completed integrated for that week after a month of 300 texts per day and phone calls emails and pics from the US to Britain.. There was no difference in its intensity than there would have been 2 years down the line. For me there was ecrtainly no difference in the berievement or the drop. Indeed the sense of berievement, the drop, the loss i experienced was as equal to that of a relationship which had lasted 4 years and equalled to a marriage that had lasted 12 years.
i also learned MORE in the intensity of that week living together than any other relationship. I learned more about total surrender and i learned more about the reality of no limits than i had ever done before in all my invovlment in bdsm.
NO: longevity is a grading system that i and many i know use to determine success from failure.


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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 4:36:10 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		While i don't completely disagree with the concept that longevity is not a mark of whether a relationship was successful or not, i find it astonishing that the end of a 12 year marriage is less than the end of a week long experience. i guess i over reacted to the end of my 23 year marriage, i should have equated that to coming back from a 2 week vacation.

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RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/15/2008 4:47:17 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

 
Don’t place the blame at the door of someone else.
Don’t fixate and blame your childhood.
Don’t blame your own mental state.
 
Don't wallow in self pity and expect others to either - it's self defeating and unproductive.
 
You either know, or you don’t and if you don’t then learn first.
Just don't blame the 'exam' on your 'failiure'.
 
the.dark.

 
... and remember there is just plain "dumb luck"

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/16/2008 12:59:21 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Like I said before in this thread, I am not superstitious, nor do I allow external forces to dictate my 'moves'.  Maybe that is cool for you, for me, not so much.
'Luck' doesn't exist - dumb or otherwise.  It's nothing more than a scapegoat - something else to blame, or give credit to, when reality is humans are already quite capable of taking responsibility for their actions.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/16/2008 3:51:22 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I don't see the point on blaming or crediting anything on external forces.   


If I meet someone who happens to be a frog; that is an external force over which I have no control.  My responsibilities start when I meet a frog and decide that I should walk away, or see a frog and talk myself into “seeing” a prince because that is what I want to see.  The reverse happens as well; some people meet a prince but only see a frog because they have only met frogs before.
Odds are good that most people are (relatively) harmless, but there are a few anti-social personality disorder bad ones who can fly under our well honed radar.  No safety ‘rules’ are going to help me if I run into a serial killer. 


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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/16/2008 5:08:56 AM   
Alix8


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline 		What an amazing thread! Nothing to add personally, just wanted to say kudos for an informative and enthralling read 

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: .A,B,C,D,E or Fail. - 8/16/2008 5:50:29 AM   
kimba1


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		A+++ for outcome, Fail for following the rules.

to Darcyandthedark, Mercnbeth, slaveluci and so many others, your stories make me smile with joy that we are not alone.

Our story is much like many others -- we did what was right for us, which goes against all that is said to be safe and correct, and constantly against the well-meaning advice of the very few who knew. We met online, live 5 hours apart, within 2 months met in person, first meeting involved much play and Him collaring me, and always, i just dived right in, knowing in every fibre of my being that this was right. Now, after 3 years, we have moved in together, just as we had once hoped, and contrary to all the naysayers, we make our dreams come true.

smiling happily, what a great thread!

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Profile   Post #: 79
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