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new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:25:17 PM   
babysbabe


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		I have not been doing this very long, but it seems that dating here is pretty differnt from what I am used to.  How do people deal with getting to know Dominants first before they get really serious?  It seems very rushed to me.  Any advise you can give me I'd really appreciate.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:30:22 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		go at your own pace.  Do not let anyone bully you into moving faster then you are comfortable with.  You are still a true s-type if you tell a d-type "no"

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:31:16 PM   
angelwithhonor


Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		.......yes dont rush!!!...let time take its course, and get to know, know ,know them. trust is the big key here babysbabe. peace to your search and be safe..welcome to the site

(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:32:38 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Don't let people rush you. I personally wouldn't submit to someone unless I had already established a relationship in real life.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:34:05 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babysbabe

I have not been doing this very long, but it seems that dating here is pretty differnt from what I am used to.  How do people deal with getting to know Dominants first before they get really serious?  It seems very rushed to me.  Any advise you can give me I'd really appreciate.


babe,

your right on the money with your observation! While for myself and those that I mentor or advise, I preach take it slow and learn well of the other side of the slash. Most however take the tact of why waste time, they will know in two weeks; thus in my view and opinion there are alot of crashes and then bitterness.

CP

(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:45:42 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		It doesn’t have to be different. Just remember you’re looking for the right person for you. The right person will be willing to go at your pace. Another trick is meet in very public settings (malls, coffee shops ect) that way you both have a chance to act like normal people and not roles thereby having the time to get to know each other.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:48:14 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Aside from the "don't rush", remember to enjoy yourself!  If you aren't having fun, take that as a sign.  A person that makes you feel uncomfortable or bored on a date is going to be even worse in a kink setting.  Look for someone who is a good match for you, just as you would in a non kink situation. 



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:48:52 PM   
babysbabe


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		   Thank you, guys...it can be so very chalenging not to rush into all of this.  I have met two different people I am intersted in, & sometimes it feels like I am being a player or something if I keep talking to them both.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:50:22 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		A date is just a date!  Use the opportunity to make friends, since you never know who you might meet as a result! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 6:51:51 PM   
babysbabe


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks...your right, I need to chill out a bit

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 8:17:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have not been doing this very long, but it seems that dating here is pretty differnt from what I am used to.

First, why is it that you feel that 'dating' here is different than any other kind of dating?
quote:

   How do people deal with getting to know Dominants first before they get really serious?

The same way you would get to know someone who was not on this site. The rules here are no different.
quote:

  It seems very rushed to me.

It can be...if YOU allow it to be rushed.

No one can force you to go faster than what you are comfortable with; if they do, it's because YOU allowed it to happen.

Be responsible; make responsible decisions and choices...and most of all...have fun with the new discoveries that you make.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 8:43:45 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you, guys...it can be so very chalenging not to rush into all of this. I have met two different people I am intersted in, & sometimes it feels like I am being a player or something if I keep talking to them both.


I know what you mean about this.  Some men try and make you feel that you should be only talking with them exclusively while you get to know one another - which is BS, really.  You will be contacted by many men.  I'd advise chatting/emailing with the ones who interest you from their introductory email or their profiles.  See who you feel like talking with on an ongoing basis.  Feel free to let anyone know who is pressing you that you are speaking with others, while you are still in the getting ot know them stage.  If a Dom presses you to let go of others while you're talking - kindly tell them 'no', that you're keeping your options open. 

I found moving to meeting face-to-face in a fairly quick manner helps sort out who it is you are attracted to.  Nothing can subsitute for in-person chemistry, no matter how great the person seems online.

(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 9:23:06 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		I like to start with a submissive right away, gag her, bind her, and enjoy her. If she is a true submissive, and if I'm interesting enough to her (she always cums), then she'll want more. If not, she won't. It's that simple. For me. The hard part isn't that ... the hard part is finding her. This isn't, in my opinion, the place to find anyone. I haven't met anyone myself. Now maybe that's an admission of a failure on my part, so, I do realize that might be the case ... but I'm more successful on Craiglist (by 1000% since I haven't met a single one here) ... so I don't think I'm that much of a different person in the two places.

All that having been said, here is not a place to meet but a place to greet. And, to get opinions. I've strayed from the original intent so I'll leave it at this.

Go for it. You'll know right away (from your orgasms) whether you like it or not.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 9:36:30 PM   
yourbytch


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/6/2008
Status: offline 		Pompeii, I just joined up so I haven't had much time on here and my profile is sub-par and still aggravating ><  I just wanted to say not all of us are on here for sex.  Thats all really.

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 10:24:55 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		First and foremost, take things at a pace you are comfortable with.  Everybody is not in a rush in this lifestyle.

A BDSM relationship is a relationship.  Something that is formed between two people.  

There are a lot of different views and perspectives when it comes to BDSM.  For the most part D/s and BDSM consists of General concepts and labels.  

Find somebody you are compatible with, share mutual interests and have similar goals.   Find somebody you can become a mirror reflection of and vice versa.

BDSM dating is dating.   Just because somebody is into BDSM is no excuse for bad manners.

(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 11:38:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most people crash and burn.

It's no different.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: new to this... - 8/15/2008 11:45:31 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Rushed ? I waited 2 years for a Domme , then a 1.5 year break .Not all are rushed in bdsm , sometimes it takes time and timming , other times its like smacking two pieces of flint together and boom FIRE .Do take your time , build trust , join in the community and invest in you .
happy journey .

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: new to this... - 8/16/2008 1:01:53 AM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babysbabe

...How do people deal with getting to know Dominants first before they get really serious?...


You can always grab one of 'em by the ear, pull 'em real close and tell them "I want to get to know you first before we get really serious."

The good ones will hear you, but for the whole ear-tugging thing, he or she will still probably select a random part of your body and commence changing it to a bright red color...


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to babysbabe)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: new to this... - 8/16/2008 6:16:27 AM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Well, if I like how they look, I throw them over my shoulder and carry them back to the cave .....

Reality ... I like to start with a cup of coffee and some conversation. Let it build from there.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: new to this... - 8/16/2008 6:53:14 AM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		You're in control until you give control.

Dolf

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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