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 was starting to irk me, mostly as I was thinking about it on my way home during the inevitable "was-that-worth-the-effort" all guys I know seem to do on the way home from any "date". 

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ORIGINAL: pompeii

Does artificially playing hard-to-get irk you in BDSM play?

Is it just me or are other Doms/subs tired of the artificially coy attitude some people seem to have to show they don't want what they really want?

It's hard to describe, but, I'll try by explaining what happened last night. I had placed a CL ad earlier in the week for a submissive woman or lovingly kinky cuckold couple to play with on Friday night, and, after weeding out the inevitable spam and wanna-be gay guys, I visited someone who said they'd be very interested, this, after almost a dozen emails back and forth clarifying what I'd do.

Basically, I said I wanted no fuss, her to obey, and me to use the toys we had previously agreed upon on her. Well, in the end, we had a grand time, but, for the first two hours, she kept playing coy all of a sudden (she wasn't that way in the emails at all). I came to like her, but, this artificially coy you-can't-have-me-come-and-get-me-no-no-don't-do-that-why-did-you-stop stuff was starting to irk me, mostly as I was thinking about it on my way home during the inevitable "was-that-worth-the-effort" all guys I know seem to do on the way home from any "date".

Anyway, the date was fine, and, I doubt she would even notice the "feelings" I'm trying to understand more about here, but, the basic question is ... is it just me or are other totally fed up with the artificially you-can't-have-me but why-did-you-stop attitude of some players? (Hope my question isn't too muddied, as it would be great to hear YOUR perspective on playing hard to get for not good reason (as far as I can tell).)

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ORIGINAL: catize

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 was starting to irk me, mostly as I was thinking about it on my way home during the inevitable "was-that-worth-the-effort" all guys I know seem to do on the way home from any "date". 

I’d think you would ask this question during play, not after.  It seems obvious that you put up with the annoyance for a reason---something (gee, lemme guess………sex?)  that you wanted and decided to get at any cost.  Rather than blame her, perhaps you need to take a look at your own reluctance to take charge, even if that meant you walked away without whatever ‘reward’ you were seeking. 

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

I've seen people do this when they were simply shy and didn't know how to act.  It was and is much easier to say what you think and be 'out there' behind a keyboard and monitor.  In person, they can clam up and humor/giggles/coy maybe, are a way to try and deal with it until they are more comfortable.

In a way this reminds me of the 'She said no, but she really meant yes'.  If that were the case, I wouldn't play and send a clear message.  I would leave room for no error in interpretation. 

But then there were times when I let a man know he was going to work for it because after some thing that set off a red flag of... that... 'he just wants to use me', I got turned off by him and made him work for it and that typically meant, he didn't get any that night and most likely never did.  Was I playing games?  Maybe... but I never promised a rose garden and he shouldn't have expected an easy peice if he wasn't willing to put a lil out there.

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

So nobody above is into some force-play?  Or am I reading it wrong?


Cali

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what I got from the op was that the annoyance built over the course of the evening, and that it wasn't until AFTERWARDS, during the 'post game' review that he pinpointed what was bugging him. 

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  and to answer the question: I'm with DV, Calla and others.. I'll call bullshit on that behavior and end the evening.

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  perhaps you need to take a look at your own reluctance to take charge, even if that meant you walked away without whatever ‘reward’ you were seeking.