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How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 4:46:25 AM

corysub

Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I have been on CM for quite some time now and wish my butt got the workout my fingers get answering emails that go on and on. A number of the
"Mistresses" here are really men posing as a woman it seems to me. This is all too common on other venues, and I was wondering since we have "two-way interaction" possible, do you immediately "verify" that the person on the other end of the cyber leash is who you think he/she is, at least as to gender? Do you think a subbie who is seeking real time relationships has the right, as I have just added to my profile, to ask for this verification, or would you consider it disprespect of the Dom/Domme?

Post #: 1

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 4:57:50 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

I think anyone who meets people online goes through this - are they what they say they are (whether that's gender or orientation or anything), and probably most importantly, are they wasting my time.

A couple things that I've found if one is actively looking to meet a partner that are effective: get involved in their local scene, to meet face to face relatively quickly, and to keep the conversations rated PG. Going to local munches and such gives you a point of reference (you can ask the other person if they attend such things, if they'd like to meet you at one, etc, plus it shows that you're not just another guy sitting behind a computer yourself). Meeting relatively quickly - say within a month over a cup of coffee - tends to put the discussions in perspective. If they're looking for a r/t relationship as well - then you need to meet r/t, not futz over email and the computer forever. Last but not least - spend the contact time online getting to know each other as people, not having in depth sexual discussions or playing on cam or the like. I've always found that someone who wants that kind of interaction online first and foremost is not likely to be pursuing meeting and developing a relationship.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to corysub)

Post #: 2

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 5:01:30 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's the internet. Nobody has a right to demand anything of anyone else.

I have no need to verify the identity of anyone who just happens to be on a message board or someone who randomly sends Me an email. As to the reverse, I would consider it rude. I've met more than enough people in real life who happen to be on this site. If that's not good enough for anyone, I'm not doing back flips to satisfy them.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to corysub)

Post #: 3

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 5:16:23 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

You have the right to ask -- and she has the right to turn you down or ignore you for it.

I do not voice verify with men as I have had my phone number abused by the people I give it to (actually, I've had women overruse it as well, so it's rare I give out my number at all -- I hate the phone anyway.) I try to meet potential submissives in real life shortly after meeting them online, and I am active in the local scene. It is not hard to meet me, and I quickly lose interest in someone who can't or won't meet for a cup of coffee.

Go ahead and put this in your profile and see how it works for you, then you'll have your answer.

(in reply to corysub)

Post #: 4

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 5:21:47 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

I would find it a bit rude being asked to "prove" I am female.

However I always know when I am talking to a man pretending to be a woman. They always want titillating talk about girl on girl action. They ask intrusive questions about my experience.

I agree with everyone else - if the "lady" is not keen to meet you over a cup of coffee or at a munch within a few emails, probably back off and look for someone else

_____________________________

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(in reply to corysub)

Post #: 5

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 5:56:12 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

Off topic, but Ms C -- I just ate my souvenir Vegemite from my travels, and its not half bad! I thought it would kill me or something, the way people describe it.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 6

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:07:55 AM

Allondra

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMistressa

Off topic, but Ms C -- I just ate my souvenir Vegemite from my travels, and its not half bad! I thought it would kill me or something, the way people describe it.

Unfortunately, Vegemite *will* kill you, eventually. It is evil, nasty stuff. Throw away any you have left.

Now, Marmite, that's manna....

(Apologies OP for running off track, but I had to point out that LaMistressa may be endangering her health.)

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 7

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:25:44 AM

corysub

Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

On the contrary, Ms Allondra, now all of us who never heard of "vegemite" are goggleing it .....Anything that brings a smile is most me. :)

(in reply to Allondra)

Post #: 8

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:32:41 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Hell No! I detest subs who start bitching and whining that they have to call me on the phone or see me on cam to verify my gender. That just pisses me off! I would put your sorry ass on ignore. Subs don't get to make demands on Dommes. Demanding 'verification' via phone or webcam is like demanding that I spend my time letting you wank off to my voice or my image on your cam. That's not my job.

I have more photos of me up than just about anyone else. Those are shoes that were GIVEN to me by my boys. I 'verify' myself every time someone is sweet enough to send me a gift by posting photos of myself using that gift. (Actually, I'm a touch behind on that but those are gifts from favorites who know me.) If you feel the need to 'verify' that what I say is true - ask one of my boys.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Allondra)

Post #: 9

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:36:48 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

And furthermore... There are SO MANY cross dressers, female impersonators and Transsexuals... You STILL have no way to know if that person on cam with long hair and make up is what you think she is.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 10

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:41:41 AM

corysub

Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

...and a good morning to you, MsStarlett.

I think that is a wonderful thing you do for your boys..a picture with his gift in tribute to you is one that would be treasured. That goes well beyond the minimal verification that any subbie would dare to expect. Thank you, and all the other Mistresses, who took precious time to respond on this thread. It has been very helpful, indeed.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 11

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:47:35 AM

DianeB

Posts: 166
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Hell No! I detest subs who start bitching and whining that they have to call me on the phone or see me on cam to verify my gender. That just pisses me off! I would put your sorry ass on ignore. Subs don't get to make demands on Dommes. Demanding 'verification' via phone or webcam is like demanding that I spend my time letting you wank off to my voice or my image on your cam. That's not my job.

MsStarlett is right. I get the same crap emails from subs. My block user list is growing bigger and bigger...

Diane

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 12

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:47:58 AM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I wish you luck on that one. Are you looking for cyber or real time? If you are seeking real time then you should be meeting soon. If I am interested in someone I will meet them at a munch or some event with in a month of talking to them. There are alot of fakes out there and you just have to deal with them. The ones that mass e-mail are really funny. I have recieved a few e-mails from "Dominants" claiming to be interested in me and found my profile interesting. I just laugh as I know they are just mass e-mailing and posing as a woman. If they had even bothered to look at my profile they would know I am not a submissive or a switch. Best of Luck in your search.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 13

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 7:35:09 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

If by immediately, and from everything you’ve written it sounds as through it is within the first email, then no I wouldn’t be ok with it. As has been mentioned I don’t like to feel all I am is wank.

I’m going to give you one of my screening tools, if you ask for a picture within the first few emails I’m going to start watching how you talk to me. If I tell you no, I’d like to get to know you better and you keep going on about the picture. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to meet you. If you tell me I’m fake there is no way I will meet you or that you’ll get to see a picture of me. This also goes if the conversation is always sexual and you don’t ask me any questions about me. I also do trade pictures or talk to the person on cam before I meet them. Mostly because I want to know what you look like so I can find you.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to mztresn0w)

Post #: 14

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 7:57:12 AM

DominaYork

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline

I left my photo of my profile for a reason. It isn't because I'm secretly a man. I have no desire for online play or as MsStarlett says to be some strangers wank material. I dislike a sub who makes demands, especially before we have any sort of relationship.

I will, however, request a photo from a sub before we meet. If I think the sub is lying through his teeth I will request a personal photo, holding a sign saying hello to me. Generally that scares off the nitwits pretty fast but also allows that the one in a million who sounds to good to be true but IS true to not be brushed aside. At the least I will have a photo of the sub I'm about to meet on the harddrive. For one, it shows he's willing to listen and for another if I go to meet him and disappear the husband has a picture to take to the police. Well, and I like the whole, I know what you look like before you know what I look like concept too lol!

_____________________________

Some will say there is safety in numbers, tell that myth to the edge of the herd. ~ Blood from Gaia's Consort

(in reply to mztresn0w)

Post #: 15

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 8:20:48 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

No, I don't immediately verify that the person on the other end of the communication is the gender I think they are. No, I would not agree to such a verification if a sub asked for it immediately. As a matter of fact, one did. He wrote to me and demanded that if things were to go any further, I would have to agree to a cam session to prove who I was. I thought it was pretty presumptuous for him to think there was any interest on my part, because he did nothing to try to gain my attention or interest in the rest of the letter. As I recall, I wrote back and told him to get real, then blocked him. I was far from impressed.

While I understand there are timewasters online, it is something we all go through. For me, it's not so much people who lie about their gender as people who will act extremely interested, waste time, and then get cold feet at the last minute.

After I am comfortable with a submissive through the exchange of several e-mail and chatting online a bit, I will usually offer to call him. If things go well, we would meet shortly thereafter. This should prove to him I am who I say I am.

Yes, he would have to exercise a bit of patience, but it pays off in the long-run. If he insists on an immediate cam session or open mic session, I'm afraid that would be the end of it. It is rare for me to reply to a submissive's profile, but I probably wouldn't if I saw such a request.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 8/17/2008 8:22:27 AM >

(in reply to corysub)

Post #: 16

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 8:29:21 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

wooo...another classic men posing women thread...okay....i have a question...

how do i go about verifying that i am biologically/genetically...both?(intersexed) kinda hard to do...

and its funny that when people get asked to verify by cam..the person asking never has a cam themself!

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 8/17/2008 8:30:49 AM >

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Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 17

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 9:36:07 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Amen Faery!

My apologies to the Ladies. I'm in a rather pissy mood this morning as I'm having to discipline my favorite boy. That always bothers me.

I've had a couple of the extremely good looking photo guys message me... wanting me to send more photos, etc. (Like posting over a dozen is not enough.

) When I ask them to do as DominaYork suggested, and ask them to send me a photo with my name on a sign, if they get all huffy and start squawking "I don't verify myself toANYONE!"

I put them on ignore. It generally means one of two things. Either they are not actually submissive because they can't honor a simple request OR they clipped the hot photo from a web site. (I've even had one guy admit that the hot photo of his legs in a kilt was not him. Later on, I found the photo on a male model site when I was searching for a pic for my G/F's birthday.) It's not just guys pretending to be females. There are also guys pretending to be something that they are not. That's why you have to just keep sending those emails until BOTH parties are comfortable with each other. It's the internet! Practically EVERYONE is lying about something!

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 9:54:27 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

And furthermore... There are SO MANY cross dressers, female impersonators and Transsexuals... You STILL have no way to know if that person on cam with long hair and make up is what you think she is.

Er. begging your pardon, but transsexuals are females too.

Yeah, but 'men posing as women', like fake, wannabe, true, real.. call it what you like, but it's still YOUR problem, not the problem of the person you're addressing.

I know who I am, so do the people in my life, so do my doctors, so do people here, I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I don't need the validation of God knows who to validate me or define me. When you ask me to prove who I am, you only prove yourself to be an idiot and there my interest ends.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 19

RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 10:07:11 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

My apologies to any TS's that I inadvertently slandered. That really was not my intention. I know that they are now the gender they were born to be. As mentioned, I'm just in a pissy mood and taking it out on the world.

I was actually indenting to slap down the people who think they can 'verify' anything via computers or phone contact. It's just not possible. Honestly, it comes down to what does anyone consider to be a real TWUE female, male, sub or Dom? You can twist this puzzle any way you want to. Where does one draw the line in such a fuzzy plain? If you tell someone on an internet site what you want, there will be people who will bend the truth to tell you what you want to hear. There are people who can carry on that lie and pretend to be what you want them to be even in full blown relationships. How many of us have had our hearts broken by someone who played the part we wanted - then we found out later that wasn't who they were at all?

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 20

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