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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 10:27:06 AM

Pyrrsefanie

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I think it's all in the presentation of the question.

"HAMG PROVE TO ME UR GIRL LOLOLOL" = get off of my internet.

"Here's my phone number, maybe we can talk more?" = I'll consider it with that *89 thing or whatever it is that blocks your number from caller ID. Really they're still verifying femininity, they're just doing it with more class and subterfuge and I do so respect that. I've done it in the past for business transactions... don't really have much reason to do it anymore, though.

I agree with what's been said though about not being obligated to prove anything to anyone. Maybe because I'm just a badass like that, maybe because of my own issues with gender, who knows. Point is it's a personal choice whether the Domme will jump through that hoop, and if she doesn't, it doesn't necessarily indicate that she's really a guy. Some of us are legitimately phone-phobic too.

I wouldn't ask at all, though, until it's been established that she's showing interest in you. Starting off the bat with "you're hot, can I make sure you're a chick?" is going to raise some eyebrows.

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 11:46:10 AM

Misstoyou

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As I am only interested in real time, if someone interests me, we meet for coffee. Otherwise I really don't care if the virtual somebody is "real"... or if they think *I* am.

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 11:48:06 AM

RumpusParable

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FR to OP

I, personally, feel the idea of "verification" to be foolish and would/have refused it when requested (demanded). Four reasons:

1) If it's to be a realtime, meatlife, play/interaction then you'll meet and see one another, talk to one another, etc. -and on doing so, so many more possible mismatches beyond just sex can be found or found ok.

2) If it's to be only online play, then it really doesn't matter what sex is sending you those titillating messages so long as the fantasy is continued believably.

3) None of the methods of "verification" except for that meeting face-to-face (and not even then sometimes), can be relied on as proof of sex or even identity if the person is truly desiring to deceive.

4) You said that you want to verify gender, but I've addressed sex in my post for this fourth reason listed: there is no way, at this time, beyond just believing what an individual tells you. I can prove my sex (of which there are more than 2, mind you) by visual inspection + genetic testing. But you'd have to ask me whether I'm a man, woman, bi or dual-gender, non-gender, or other classification.

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 6:00:52 PM

MissDita

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I know they are a lot of fakes online, but I still would be offended if a submisive asks Me to verify Myself. When I'm interested I usually meet people irl within a month. Meeting face-to-face is the best way to know who you're dealing with.

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 8:56:44 PM

LPslittleclip

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i had few problems in verifying the truth. if the on line chat seems to interest me i ask if a real time meet is OK and i don't mind driving out of my way to do so. this usually scares off the wannabees. for me the real personality is the most important part for me. it seem to be the interaction of personality's that is the main part. i am real and don't portray myself as anything other than the real me.

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 9:17:05 PM

chiaThePet

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Okay, I'm seeing breasts here.

On everyone.

Just sayin.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 9:28:05 PM

Pyrrsefanie

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But Chia, there are men in this thread!

...

Oh.

OHHHHH.

His name was Robert Paulsen.

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/17/2008 10:05:15 PM

Nikolette

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corysub: I do not think its disrespectful to ask a Domme, or anyone, to verify themselves with cam AND pictures. Since fake pics are easy as pie to steal from myspace or something and some sites sell fake webcam software I really do insist on both OR that they do something specific that the fake cam software can't do.

I get a LOT of excuses about why people can't do that. And I find that is just silly. As a Domme, when my cam broke or was in a box from moving, I didn't really feel terribly motivated to find a quick solution because it wasn't something most people asked of me too frequently. I guess since I am pretty open and consistant and have had a profile for a long while now w/ a wide variety of pics they felt secure. And I've always been happy to verify over the phone if the person didn't demand for my number in an absurd manner.

But when I began to actively seek out a female sub/slave I DID hastily invest in a new one. This was because ~I~ wanted them to verify so I felt like I could offer no less since the question was about gender for me. I never ask for anything inappropriate.

And boy have I heard a long list of excuses about cams. From being too poor to being too stupid to make it work to it repeatedly being used by a roommate... on and on and on it goes. But that says a lot. Even if they aren't actually men, it means that they aren't ready to even appear on cam so I know they are legit. If they aren't ready to that, then they aren't ready for the rest either. And that is fine, but I am sincere and open in my search and I want to be with someone who is also sincere and open and will not just appear on cam, but show up for meetings and follow up on verbal agreements with actions. And I have yet to have someone who blows me off FINALLY appear on cam and be a female. I DO occasionally coax people to confess their true gender though (just last night actually!). And at the end of the day I tell people that its easy to find a cam for under $20 (freqently around $5 off ebay) and even if they are on a limited income, I hope their life is stable enough where after a couple weeks they can invest that much in their search for a partner.

In the mean time I give them the benefit of the doubt for about a week, maybe two if their stories are especially "good". I don't connect with them in that time though, I just exchange information and see if they are compatible. I certainly don't play with them online or allow them to digress into a lot sexual nonsense. I might ask their top likes and dislikes and share mine and answer a few questions, but that is about it. I tell them we can talk about things in more depth after I've verified their authenticity. If they have pics and verify over the phone I might give them a bit more time to come up with a cam, but I usually discontinue contact until they do. A frequent response from me in regard to no pics and no cam is "I have pics and a cam and can verify over the phone. IM me or Email me when you can do the same."

So in conclusion, unless you are asking them to expose themselves in a compromising way on cam there really isn't a reasonable arguement why they can't appear. Just be prepared to supply what you're asking for.

Edited to add: the reason I rely on verification is because I, personally, relocated to be with someone from across the country and have had others do this for me as well. So I am open to talking to people from far away where an quick face to face meet isn't necessarily possible, but eventual relocation is the goal. That means I'd be wasting an intense amount of time on fakes if I didn't verify quickly that they are at least the gender they claim to be.

< Message edited by Nikolette -- 8/17/2008 10:13:01 PM >

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/18/2008 1:15:45 AM

corysub

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So in conclusion, unless you are asking them to expose themselves in a compromising way on cam there really isn't a reasonable arguement why they can't appear. Just be

Thank you for your comments Ms Nikolette. I could not agree with you more. In no way should I or any sub ever ask
a Domme to expose herself in a compromising way. That really would be over the top and really define that sub
as a person to be avoided. My principle reason in starting this thread was that I have a pretty hectic real life and
don't have a lot of time to spend online. I have learned a great deal from monitoring these forums and appreciate the real life advice from experienced people in this lifestyle like you and others here. It's what make CM quality time versus just another online game.
along with a couple of other venues, has

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/19/2008 12:45:20 AM

BadBoy83

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Everytime Ive run into the "man posing as a woman" on the internet, I knew almost immediately, but what this really goes to is the fact that most men still can't believe that it could possibly be a woman, operating a computer and using the internet. I dunno, it seems to be an issue that's not really one, or at least not what it appears to be.

penny for your thoughts

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/19/2008 5:50:08 AM

MySweetSubmssive

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The first few times someone asked me to go on cam, I didn't realize it was to verify my gender. It took me quite a while to understand that angle, and I do have sympathy for submissive men who don't want to be jerked around.

However, if you read the text of my profile and what I am after (and read the letters I send someone), it's patently obvious that I'm a woman. If someone can't grok that, he's too obtuse, and not my cup of tea.

Mss

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/19/2008 6:33:48 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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I am more than happy to verify who I am... if you want to meet me, all you need to do is attend a local munch, ClubFem or WiPS event, or schedule with myself and my Darling for a scheduled brunch/coffee.

If you don't want to meet in person, I don't give a rat's ass whether you think I'm real or not. Harsh? Probably.

Calla Firestorm

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RE: How many emails are enough? - 8/20/2008 4:14:37 AM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: corysub

I have been on CM for quite some time now and wish my butt got the workout my fingers get answering emails that go on and on. A number of the
"Mistresses" here are really men posing as a woman it seems to me. This is all too common on other venues, and I was wondering since we have "two-way interaction" possible, do you immediately "verify" that the person on the other end of the cyber leash is who you think he/she is, at least as to gender? Do you think a subbie who is seeking real time relationships has the right, as I have just added to my profile, to ask for this verification, or would you consider it disprespect of the Dom/Domme?

corysub,
I wanted to add a couple of thoughts to this discussion for your consideration. First, you can ask someone anything you want, whether or not you'll get an honest answer from them is an entirely different matter. A D/s relationship requires a great deal of trust in order for it to be a sucessful one. There's far more to be concerned with than just matters of gender when meeting someone over the net.

Would you be happy knowing your potential partner ran a background check on you? Many Dommes do that, whether you realize it or not. Would you feel the need to run one on them? Quite honestly you might want to consider doing just that! Why? Does she have a criminal record you should know about? Is she married? Is she divorced? Have you seen the papers to verify her marital status? If not, how do you really know she's single and available regardless of what her profile might say? You don't do you? Believe me when I tell you these things happen right here on CM!

Finding out it's a man posing as a woman that you've been exchanging emails with would be far simpler to deal with than finding yourself collared to a woman who is actually married to another man wouldn't it??

- pixel

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