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A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 8:36:47 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I read something yesterday that got me thinking. A slave had written that she knows that no matter how hard she tries she knows she always falls short. I have had my moods when I have felt like that, but thankfully they are fleeting.

I gave her some advice and commended her on the things she was doing well. It made me wonder, though, about how nice it would be for slaves to be able to turn to each other for support and guidance. In Kalamazoo there is a Yahoo group specifically for female subs/slaves and they meet together once a month. Obviously the people here on CM are scattered, but I wondered if there would be some way that those willing could make themselves known to others as a support system. Sometimes it is very nice to have a pat on the back, even from a stranger, when you are trying your best but things seem a little difficult.

I volunteer to help any other slave whenever they need it. Anyone else? Anyone else even think this is a good idea?

_____________________________

Post #: 1

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 8:53:46 AM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. I think we can all use a pat on the back at times from others especially if we are going through a challenging time and wondering if we are doing everything we can. I am sure she was glad for your assistance.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 2

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 8:59:49 AM

felicean

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline

I think it's a wonderful idea as well. I am more than willing to offer support, advice, friendship and a shoulder to lean on.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 3

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 9:28:35 AM

HisBeauty

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

I too think this is a wonderful idea, I am always here for anyone who would like to talk.

hisbeauty

(in reply to felicean)

Post #: 4

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 10:56:43 AM

TheEvilBstardsMo

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

This is a great idea. I'm always available to brainstorm with. We might not have answers but at least we can provide other points of view or some honest suggestions.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 5

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 11:33:40 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

it's a nice idea however i doubt anyone would want to hear my (brutal) honest advice.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to TheEvilBstardsMo)

Post #: 6

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 12:06:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I find most subs don't really want support, they want blind approval.

Local sub only groups are not that uncommon, however I have found most of them to be cliquish back stabbing queen bee contests with occasional dom bashing games. However, I will say that the one in Austin is pretty good, focused on socialization and discussion topics.

I worry about people who need pats on the back from others so deeply. Sure it's nice to get approval, but just because someone shares a relationship orientation with you doesn't mean they are any more able to judge than others.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 12:23:21 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I find most subs don't really want support, they want blind approval.

Subs, doms, doctors, lawyers, indian chiefs... It's true pretty much across the board.

People who truly want support, will generally find a way to get it. The rest are just looking for something that doesn't require actual effort to obtain.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 1:24:35 PM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

May i recommend Sub's Den? http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sub_den/ It is a great place to ask advice from a variety of subs/slaves with varied backgrounds and experience.

AS for a place on CM, in the Gorean Forum, fairerthanshe started a thread for slave support and companionship. i don't recommend it for those who do not hold a Gorean viewpoint, but there is no reason someone could not start such a thread in this forum. On the other hand, really, the whole forum serves that sort of function and it could be considered redundant. *shrugs*

Have a good one.

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 9

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 3:46:55 PM

dragon2760

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline

I know that I am not female but there is also the "Ask a Submissive/Slave" chatroom link located at the top of this page where you can go to talk in real time to others.

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 10

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 5:37:05 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I think it's a great idea and something that I would be interested in. I agree with LA that they can go wrong easily but it would be something that I'd like to help out with if I can.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 11

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 6:18:05 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

How about we start chapters in our areas too? We can get a website going if anyone here can do that,......Maybe a hotline one day that would be cool....anyway, lets get this started!!!

thing we need:

A website, or chat room or forum based only for this.
Moderators
site builder
volenteers for running columns/ask a sub advice/ fall out girls/guys (aka sholders to lean on)

anything else yall can think of?

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 12

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 6:31:32 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

And a way to screen out wankers with female profiles...

And LA is right, those who most want this are the ones you least want and the ones who least want it are the ones who you will really want there.

Good luck!

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 13

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 6:36:37 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I think that while many probably do need support, most are seeking validation for their brattiness and topping from the bottom behavior. And seriously, if a slave needs support wouldn't it be more appropriate to get it from the person she is having a real time relationship with?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 14

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 7:06:45 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

While I use these boards as a way to educate myself at times, or to hash out how I feel about something, when in a relationship I'd always finally discuss the issue with my Dominant, because after all, he's the one who needs to understand me most and who needs to correct my understandings if they are not aligned with his.

I'm trying to think of a support group set up this way for slaves ... what would a typical question addressed be - Master asked me to do "X" and it's too hard (a whine); Master asked me to do "X" and I don't know how (should ask the Master to clarify his instructions); Master worked hard today and didnt' have time for play (wah! wah!); Master doesn't understand that I worked hard today and don't feel like play but insisted on it anyway (double wah! wah!) Really - they all seem like examples of a place to go to bitch about Master.

Now if it does remain positive and it's all slaps on the back by other submissives - then go for it, and more power to you!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 15

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 7:44:47 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello All,
I am active on the slaves board on the Gorean Forum, and it is nothing like what you are talking about. Sometimes there is some whining, but the girls are really good about policing themselves. More than once something has been said to a girl that was not sweet and a pat on the back. It was hard and bitter truth. Sometimes it's just good to have a place to be silly (like the random stupidity forum here), and sometimes it's just a way to handle things like, oh I don't know... He asked me to do this and I did it and now I feel guilty. Have you all felt that? It's a place where I've said things like "how do you handle the shift from very structured to no structure when your relationship ends?" I don't recall ever seeing a post about "mean Master wah wah" as you've pointed out up there. Geez. No wait, there was one, and that girl got laid out so fast for her behavior, your head would spin. But whiny, princessy girls are not tolerated. Intelligent conversation is encouraged and appreciated. Topping from the bottom? Oh lord, I'd love to see the reaction of that . lol... I mean I'm actually sitting at my computer laughing out loud.

I believe this forum fills some of those same kinds of needs. I mean folks here certainly do the same thing on this whole forum that is done on the Gorean slave thread. Nonsense gets called for what it is.

BTW, g, I tried that link. It didn't work and I did a search on yahoo... no group found.
peace and passion,

sunshine

ET change thread to forum

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 8/17/2008 7:47:35 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NeedingMore220)

Post #: 16

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 7:52:32 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think that while many probably do need support, most are seeking validation for their brattiness and topping from the bottom behavior. And seriously, if a slave needs support wouldn't it be more appropriate to get it from the person she is having a real time relationship with?

I honestly don't understand that view. Valyraen doesn't "get" being owned. He has no experience with it. When a issue I'm having comes up I can certainly talk to him about it. But that isn't the same as hearing from someone else "Oh, I've been there before. You'll get through that and this helped me". Sometimes it just helps to know that others have been there. There would definately be the bad apples but there are plenty of bad apples here too.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 17

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/17/2008 8:13:56 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

This is a repost of what I posted on this topic awhile back....I still feel the same way:

The problem with submissive/slave "support" groups is that it doesn't ever seem to take long for them to turn into a safe place to bash their dominants. One side of the story comes out and before you know it they are all jumping on the "you deserve better" bandwagon....and well....I guess you can figure out where it usually goes from there.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of an all submissive/slave group is awesome to me if it could be a place of sharing, laughter and comraderie.....I've just never seen one that was actually able to accomplish that. In the short term maybe, but in the long term it always seems to end up as a gossiping, meddling, catfighting competition to see who is doing it right and who is "subbier" than the next....or on the flip side it can become the place where some submissives turn to get sympathy and validation by presenting half the story. Her dominant ends up being the "asshole" of course....at least until the two actually break up and then all her "subbie sisters" are lining up to try their luck at him.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 18

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/18/2008 3:27:36 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

That's what happened here - in real time. Someone started a support group. It seemed like a good idea. It quickly became a place where the people there could bash all sorts of people in the community, not just the dominants they served.

It took about two meetings for me to realize that if I wanted support, many of those women were the LAST people I'd turn to. And in a group? Oh no way was I saying one word that would cast the person I served back then in a bad light. They did enough of that on their own.

Eventually, the group went away.

Nowdays, we have a group of women who meet monthly to play pokeno. It's not a large group, but on every SINGLE one of the invitations we send out, it says "we support each other but we are not a support group."

In other words, leave your drama at the door.

We do this to relax - not solve the world's problems (even when many of us HAVE had problems that have taken over our lives at the moment.) This little group has been meeting now for nearly two years. We've had some down time where economics, health and family issues have kind of clouded things over from time to time, but when they occur, we step back, take some time out and take care of us. Some of us have dealt with major life changes. But for most of us, the "leave the drama at the door" idea has served us well.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/18/2008 3:29:04 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: A Slave Support Group - 8/18/2008 3:49:47 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

i host a subby munch in NE Pennsylvania. The last thing i and the other two founding members want is what is described above. One way we fight that is to have a meeting every three or four months where the Dominant halves of the group are invited along. It keeps things in perspective. Also, membership is not a right. Any of the three of us can un-invite someone if they begin Dom-bashing.

Our group is a friendly meeting of minds, more than a support group. We wanted a safe place where someone who was new could ask questions or sit with like-minded people and realize that they aren't the only one in the world who likes these kinky things. A place where we could share the little triumphs and giggle over the blunders. i will do whatever it takes to make sure it stays that way.

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 20

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