ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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SmartQuietMan, I can only speak for myself so I'll express a few, probably not terribly well constructed thoughts. I like to fuck. Generally, I only fuck people with whom I share a monogamous relationship. Being honest though, from time-to-time, during periods when I'm single, there have been a few, scant occasions where I've fucked someone who isn't a romantic partner. To me, romance, sex, BDSM, cerebral connection, and emotional connection are wonderful ingredients, and I can think of no more mouthwatering recipe than one that includes all of these. Due to the fact I'm largely monogamous, I only consider romantic partners (dominas) who enjoy having sex with their submissives. It's true that some dominas prefer not to have sex with submissives for various reasons (impact on power dynamics, other relationships they have with non-submissive partners, avoiding pregnancy, just a preference, etc.). In my own experience, I've found the number of dominas not wishing intercourse isn't any different than women (or people, for that matter) in general. As I've alluded above, there are various reasons why someone would make this choice. In regard to your OP, the issue I see is one of compatibility. Dominas who don't wish to engage in sex are not compatible with you. It's good that you know this, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. For example, writing "push off if you're not willing to have sex with me" isn't likely to increase your courtship chances (even if the dominant women reading actually do have sex with their submissives). The situation with the dominant you met is frustrating. Emotionally, I see where you're coming from and I've experienced this situation myself. Still, I don't think this implies or supports any correlation that a great number of dominas are stone. I fully understand what a letdown it is to feel initial chemistry leading to play and/or sex, and have this evaporate over the period between dates. The way you've described the situation, I don't think this has anything to do with BDSM or with the fact that your partner happened to be a domina. People try out play and/or sex all the time. Sometimes the mood and connection happens to be there at that instant. Other times, there is no particular connection, but both people are just plain horny. It's hugely confusing when the connection is there for you, but not for the other person and yet that person decides to engage anyway. This happens though and it's what I think happened on your date. So the domina engaged, but she either changed her mind about your mutual compatibility, or decided, for other reasons, that she didn't want to start a sexual relationship with you. This is why she was immediately cold next time around and it is also why no play or sex has come up again. In vanilla dating, the same thing happens and as frustrating as this is, it just is. I'm sorry this happened to you, however, the best thing you can do is move on and find someone who is compatible with you. Please don't allow this failed courtship to jade your thinking about dominant women in general. Elan.
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