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RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 4:49:26 PM

Sindel

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

For me, my vagina is a large part of what makes me a Woman and I feel that Women are superior to men and only the truley amazing sub would ever be so lucky to get the chance to penetrate that sacred space.
It is not out of the question, they just have to be amazing.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 41

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 5:16:46 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Sounds like there are a lot of generalizations going on around here.. and there's another one... *smile*

Everything has been said but I have to emphasize -- everyone IS different, get offline, meet people in person first, let them know sex is important to you (it is to me, and I make sure any potential partner knows it), take time to get to know people and.. maybe you should stick to the no sex/play on the first date -- perhaps she just used you for a moment of sexual gratification?

good luck

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 8/18/2008 5:17:13 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to SmartQuietMan)

Post #: 42

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 6:31:08 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Biologically speaking, the female has more to be concerned about with traditional interactions than the male -- pregnancy is merely one of these.

So some women won't have "sex" with someone they aren't willing to risk those things with -- someone who they think is safe in terms of disease and someone who will stick around should a child be created. No form of birth control or protection is 100% 100% of the time because no one is perfect.

Add into that the greater sigma still attached to women in most societies for being sexual activity.

Given these two facts I think it is more amazing that so many women can let go of the trained in fears and what I'd call rational concerns about having traditional sex.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 8/18/2008 6:32:01 PM >

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(in reply to SmartQuietMan)

Post #: 43

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 6:32:59 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

malloves69,

quote:

shes coming over wednesday sorry elan... and yes there will be ass play :-) and no im not going to stop talking about it just to please you... nice try... :-)

Hey, talk about ass play all you like, but if you spout the exact same phrases over and over again, folks will probably treat you like a poorly trained dog - hence why I smacked your snout!

quote:

by the way hi Ms S... waving have fun everyone... mal

*smiling*

I'm softening up a tad. Your posts are, dare I say it, becoming a comforting part of the environment around here and you do seem like a genuinely kind person. No other submissive would get away with what you post and I suppose this gets my chagrin going. Indeed though, your style is a unique part of your charm.

Have fun on Wednesday mal, :-)

Elan.

(in reply to malloves69)

Post #: 44

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 6:39:04 PM

JerryFrankster

Posts: 188
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

As long as I gets my reacharound, it's all good.

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Post #: 45

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 6:50:45 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Sindel,

quote:

For me, my vagina is a large part of what makes me a Woman and I feel that Women are superior to men and only the truly amazing sub would ever be so lucky to get the chance to penetrate that sacred space. It is not out of the question, they just have to be amazing.

Conversely, my schlong is a large part of what makes me a Man. And indeed, I am amazing (schlong and all), even if I do say so myself. Why just last week a "superior" invited me to snorgle. To SNORGLE! Can you imagine that? Oh. Darn. The blood rushed out of my head. I had a point here, but I forgot what it was. :-)

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 8/18/2008 7:41:13 PM >

(in reply to Sindel)

Post #: 46

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 7:09:49 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

Count me in as a Domme who is very sexual with my sub. I can't imagine BDSM without sexual activity because the two things are connected as far as I am concerned. The only time I separated the two was when I was playing with a couple of subs at a local Domme luncheon, and there was no established relationship or physical attraction to them. I'm in a loving relationship with my sub, and I can't imagine a sexless relationship.

LadyJulieAnn

< Message edited by LadyJulieAnn -- 8/18/2008 7:10:46 PM >

(in reply to SmartQuietMan)

Post #: 47

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/18/2008 7:55:10 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmartQuietMan

I would like to understand why many FemDommes absolutely refuse to combine BDSM with any sort of sex.

If her male is sexy and hot in her eyes, most likely she will say pull it harder, male, I mean,
most likely she will have sex with him.

Though many still don't engage their males, hot or not, in that way. It depends on the Female and her preferences, reasons, etc.

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m y s p a c e

(in reply to SmartQuietMan)

Post #: 48

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/19/2008 6:39:40 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

I disagree.

I have sex with my submissive, and there's plenty dynamic, a certain level of protocol (I'm not that fond of high protocol even in my nonsexual scenes with others) and our play level is way beyond fuzzy handcuffs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

i say: people who do bdsm just for sex = kinksters. there is no dynamic, no protocol, no master, slave, mistress..its just sex.... ohhhh i tie up my partner to the bed posts im a bdsmer....i spanked my wife last night im a bdsmer... no your not...your a kinkster. kink = NOT BDSM.

bdsm=relationship + dynamics (whether d/s m/s etc etc) + sex + bond that is very tight and requires lots of trust, communication, etc etc. not just a quick fuck.

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Post #: 49

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/19/2008 4:28:50 PM

DragonLady5

Posts: 183
Joined: 3/19/2008
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
Every time I see a Dom throat fucking a bound female with an O gag in her mouth I want to shove a broom handle up his ass until it comes out his nose.

Daymn, MsStarlett. You are speaking my language loud and clear. Out his nose might be just a tad extreme, but I can deal with it.

Sorry, didn't mean to jack the thread, just got too enthusiastic at that mental picture. lol.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 50

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/19/2008 6:33:54 PM

Reigna

Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

What a great question!

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmartQuietMan
The reason for BDSM should absolutely not be the genitals.

With all due respect--who says? What "should" the reason be? Why?

quote:

Part of my issue is why some (it seems many) Dommes insist on looking down on others who do not share their view. Instead of just sayig, "Thanks but that's not my style" they feel the need to belittle and degrade men who like to have sex mixed in with their BDSM.

It's not just Dommes who often look down on those who want sex with their BDSM. That attitude can be found in individuals in just about all the subgroups of BDSM. MsCfromMelbourne's post on this thread is really very good, and her explanations can be expanded to explain this in just about any BDSM'er.

I agree with you that something sometimes is broken. I'm not entirely certain what it is, but I strongly suspect it lies in kinksters' need for control. To really enjoy sex, you have to let go; a fabulous sexual encounter demonstrates that in many ways we really have very little control over our most excellent selves. Some people simply cannot afford to let themselves get anywhere near knowing this.

quote:

Oh, and let me bring up the elephant in the room. Bisexual Dommes frequently have no problem having sex with their female submissives. I see that a LOT. They won't touch a male submissive, but they are all over female submissives.

Some women prefer to have sex with other women. Being a Domme open to male subs doesn't change this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix
Actually, I much prefer sex with BDSM. There really is a multitude of types out there; keep exploring.

Venatrix is correct. The type you're looking for is out there. Keep the faith, and keep looking. What else are you going to do with your time?

(in reply to SmartQuietMan)

Post #: 51

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/19/2008 6:43:24 PM

Reigna

Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmartQuietMan
Frankly, its almost enough for me to give up on this whole thing. Which would be sad becaue I am submissive and very much enjoy BDSM.

Good luck with that.

What's that line from the Eagles song? "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

(in reply to SmartQuietMan)

Post #: 52

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/19/2008 7:07:13 PM

girlfromthesouth

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/7/2008
Status: offline

It just sounds to me that OP hasn't found what he's looking for yet, is growing increasingly frustrated, and when a user posts an opinion different than his own current one it will be wrong. That is just what I assume from the tone of the thread thus far, and I'm very much amused by the responses on both sides. There have been a lot of funny, boastful, and insightful posts and in my opinion, those are the best ones ;)

Going back on topic though, I think that women have a higher regard for who they have sex with than men do. We're the ones who risk pregnancy, we're the ones who are going to feel stigmatized if we have "too many" sexual partners, and honestly, some girls don't have to have sex to get off.

Personally, I only have sex with people I feel love for, but will top someone I'm merely fond of and attracted to. Love (and trust that this new person won't give you a nasty disease) takes time to be nurtured and grow; I have started out just fond of and attracted to someone, and that turned into love, and with it, a sexual relationship. It could be that some of the women you're meeting are the same way but feeling that you're so impatient to get to teh secks that it turns them off. No one likes to be pressured, so I can't say that I blame them.

(in reply to Reigna)

Post #: 53

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/19/2008 9:32:26 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

Sex and bdsm are interelated for me. If I engage in casual bdsm play then I do not include sex for the most part - although sometimes yeah I may just be horny and go for it. What I prefer is a longterm committed relationship that includes bdsm and sex and all the other stuff that comes with being in a collaborative partnership. Like coupleofwhats I am very sexual with my boy and sure we are kinky starting with fairly intense rope play - no furry handcuffs here either.

_____________________________

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Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to girlfromthesouth)

Post #: 54

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/21/2008 12:32:11 AM

torch7777777777

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Sex and BDSM can go together nicely. It is up to the 2 consenting adults. i am looking for a life long partner. i like the best of both worlds. That is what my heart desires. E/everyone has different needs. Good luck to E/everyone on their search...

< Message edited by torch7777777777 -- 8/21/2008 12:33:32 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 55

RE: Why the strong penchant against sex? - 8/21/2008 5:47:36 PM

NextDoorMan

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline

For me being submissive is sexual, but it isn't about sex. Are we talking about any sexual contact or just what Clinton refers to as sex? I just feel that they can be two very seperate things or they can be done at the same time and with the same person. It's kind of like watching a football game with your significant other in a vanilla relationship; watching the game is great, getting some during halftime just makes it better.
I can have D/s play without sex and have a wonderful and fulfilling time. Now as soon as I am alone I may be yanking it like a monkey in a bananna tree. That is what makes it sexual, but sex does not have to be a part of it.

Personally I would prefer to find a relationship which would give me everything I need, and sex is a part of that. But until I find what I ultimately seek I don't mind a bit having fun along the way.

(in reply to torch7777777777)

Post #: 56

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