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Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 2:50:02 AM   
Abaddon2u


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/12/2008
Status: offline
Does it matter whom holds the whip? I am interested in opinions on if it is possible for the bottom to be the Dominate party in a relationship. How would one define such a relationship in the existing D’s structure?

Regards,

Abaddon

“there are stranger things in this world than are dreamed of in your philosophy…” - William Shakespeare
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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 3:08:36 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Absolutely a dominant can bottom in their (or outside their) D/s relationship, so long as it's bottoming to an act where they still feel and maintain their role of control/authority... and the details of that vary per person and relationship. 

Hell, I, as a dominant, bottom all the time to footrubs and massages and have to all sorts of sensation play both in D/s relationships where I was dominant and with friends completely without a D/s dynamic between us  -not all bottoming is pain, and pain is quite enjoyable to many as just another sensation.

Personally, there are a good number of acts that I can't bottom to and maintain my position as dominant in, but I know many can... and vice versa.  I just finished commenting in a thread about one such thing. 

As to how I'd define them... just as a dominant who like to bottom to their sub.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Abaddon2u)
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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 3:22:32 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Ever seen The Secretary? ... Lee is the Dominant partner in that relationship, even though in their play she is the bottom. (my take on it anyway - that worm isn't bratting ... its fucking inspired)

If you negotiate and consent to it ... you can have any kind of relationship you like, just make sure it works for you.

A label that you might come across is Service Top (which people do seem to use like an insult) I know some very stable, happy and genuinely D/s relationships where in play the Dominant bottoms and the submissive Tops because in play that is what satisfies them, but outside of play the Power exchange works the other way.

Just do what works, and enjoy doing it.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 4:23:18 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		Many dominants are masochists as well. They then contol how, when and where the sub lashes for instance. It doesn't matter really to me whether you are on the giving end or the receiving end of the impact/sensory play, if one controls the scene then he/she is dominating. 

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 5:11:51 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, the bottom can be the Dominant in a relationship.   D/s is about the relationship structure itself.   Top/Bottom are the giving/recieving ends of an activitity.

For a mind opener simply compare and equate recieving a body massage to recieving a flogging. 

Some people have one wayesm thinking when It comes to Doms being Topped.  Just make certain your submissive partner is into being a Top for the activities you enjoy.

Some topping activities don't sit well Submissives, and if they were to do it, it would literally fuck with their submissive head space.   With that said, it may or may effect a D/s dynamic.   It all depends upon you and your partner.

Best to simply sit down and communicate things, and go at it from there.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 5:51:45 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Ever seen The Secretary? ... Lee is the Dominant partner in that relationship, even though in their play she is the bottom. (my take on it anyway - that worm isn't bratting ... its fucking inspired)

If you negotiate and consent to it ... you can have any kind of relationship you like, just make sure it works for you.

A label that you might come across is Service Top (which people do seem to use like an insult) I know some very stable, happy and genuinely D/s relationships where in play the Dominant bottoms and the submissive Tops because in play that is what satisfies them, but outside of play the Power exchange works the other way.

Just do what works, and enjoy doing it.


hmmm....  v'seen the movie....but never thought of it that way.......wow.....she is, isn't she?  lol

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 5:59:12 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
Measures footprints on the ceiling.

Ummmmmmmm.

Yep.

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 7:37:29 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		At times at least, I'm the bottom in our relationship *shrugs*.  It didn't seem like that big of a deal.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 7:43:32 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Owning a "princess"
 
Another famous oxymoron.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 7:54:21 AM   
AdamTaylor


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		Is receiving a massage really being a bottom?
I kind of saw that as the one giving the massage being the bottom in that situation, as they are being made to pleasure the massagee.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:00:14 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Abaddon2u


Does it matter whom holds the whip? I am interested in opinions on if it is possible for the bottom to be the Dominate party in a relationship. How would one define such a relationship in the existing D’s structure?

Regards,

Abaddon

“there are stranger things in this world than are dreamed of in your philosophy…” - William Shakespeare


I'm an intensity addict, and complex, by some people's standards. If I weren't able to bottom, I'd lose out on some incredible experiences that I enjoy a lot -- experiences which, for me, are also profoundly spiritually cathartic. Usually, if I bottom, it is for a negotiated high-intensity experience like a tattooing or piercing. I never thought there was anything wrong with it, because I came into this life with a poly household where that was accepted -- but it has been a real issue for a couple of our servants over the years, even though our own personal servants haven't topped me (because they're not trained in the stuff I bottom for...if I could find a boy who was a trained tattooist/piercer, I'd snatch him right up!).

It has seemed to me, from my end of things, that it is more confusing for the submissive individuals I've dealt with than it is for myself or other dominant individuals. Perhaps, for me, it is just a matter of saying "Ok, this is what I want", and being comfortable with that and secure in my own dominant personality (and with getting what I want as an expression of my dominance)--while, for a submissive individual in my care, it might seem risky -- where a submissive individual might perceive the dominant's bottoming as that dominant 'force' wavering or less 'solid' than one hoped. To me, this is why it is so important that all of these things are discussed over time. I try to get these experiences out in the open during the 'probation' period, so if it is going to be enough of an issue that it rocks the capacity to serve, we can either work through it, or the individual can feel free to find a more suitable situation.

Calla Firestorm


< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/18/2008 8:02:11 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:01:07 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AdamTaylor

Is receiving a massage really being a bottom?
I kind of saw that as the one giving the massage being the bottom in that situation, as they are being made to pleasure the massagee.


Its kind of both. You are definately serving the client. On the other hand, they have to submit their body and trust to you. being a Massage therapist enabled me to get over my fears of being harmed as a submissive. You give people "good pain". You even can use a 10 point scale with them. But it is their massage and ultimately they are your ultimate focus and there wellbeing is your top priority. So that kind of makes them the sub and your concern for their safety is Dominant or rather how a good Dominant should operate.

I know massage therapists that are  dominants in BDSM and I know massage therapists that in BDSM  are submisive.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:01:58 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		**double post removed**

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 8/18/2008 8:02:52 AM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Abaddon2u)
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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:02:35 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Ever seen The Secretary? ... Lee is the Dominant partner in that relationship, even though in their play she is the bottom. (my take on it anyway - that worm isn't bratting ... its fucking inspired)

If you negotiate and consent to it ... you can have any kind of relationship you like, just make sure it works for you.

A label that you might come across is Service Top (which people do seem to use like an insult) I know some very stable, happy and genuinely D/s relationships where in play the Dominant bottoms and the submissive Tops because in play that is what satisfies them, but outside of play the Power exchange works the other way.

Just do what works, and enjoy doing it.


hmmm....  v'seen the movie....but never thought of it that way.......wow.....she is, isn't she?  lol
#

First time I watched it Iwas like ooooooh she is such a brat
Second time I watched it I was like ..... oooooooooh she is such a Domme

The story is as much about her realising her own power, as her own kinkiness. The very last shot of the film is her looking into the camera ... and that is a look of challenge and power.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to TysGalilah)
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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:08:57 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		~skitters off to rent it again....~
 
i watched it long enough to get some equipment ideas for my wishlist. ill pay more attention this time.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:19:45 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It does not matter who holds the whip. I have had a very Dominant Mistress who owned me completely order me to blister her ass red NOW!

That can be confusing to an outside observer at an event, but so what?

Whoever is dominant is so whatever acts you do, and same for whoever is submissive.

Yes some can switch in mid-scene, but not that many do this regularly with partners.

Whatever connection mutually consenting adults work out with each other is their own business, and there are LOTS of possibilities.

If you can open your mind and not be inhibited by "shoulds" that are not the correct inhibitions for your needs, you can find many possibilities that might fit your world.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 8:48:35 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Dominance for me is knowing what you want and making it happen.  It doesn't mean you always have to hold the whip.  It can mean you wish to be serviced by having beat on your backside if that is what you desire. Most of the people I know who do this have sado/maso tendencies. 
If you are comfy in your skin you accept both sides and make them work to suit you.
I haven't seen too many people who are new to this stuff that can drop out of "role" enough to see a physical action which is normally bottom, and demand it if they wish.
But I have had more than a few dominants who want that they want, and they get it!
Kyst

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 9:12:55 AM   
AdamTaylor


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		Well said Missokyst.

I have had my subs and slave on occaision be the top, but I gave them percise instructions on what they were to do, what I wanted. And they followed to the letter. If I wasn't satisfied, they would disciplined. I was lenient the first couple of times of course, because I had to give them a chance to adapt to suddenly being "in control", even though they weren't. It was a little confusing for them at first.
But in time, they learned just what was expected of them. And they performed well.

So yes, even being bottom... I was the one in charge.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 10:22:31 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		As a submissive, I weild crops and floggers and things quite frequently.

Presumably, the person I'm useing them on is dominant to me.

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RE: Dominate from the bottom? - 8/18/2008 10:52:18 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AdamTaylor

Is receiving a massage really being a bottom?
I kind of saw that as the one giving the massage being the bottom in that situation, as they are being made to pleasure the massagee.


That's the same case as the sub giving the dom a flogging or whipping:  the flogger is being made to pleasure the floggee.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to AdamTaylor)
Profile   Post #: 20
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