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Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 4:24:14 AM   
blondebarbie


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I have an old Dom that is having a hard time letting me go.  He is constantly wanting still try and care for me.  I won't let him.  He states alot now that he has video's of our sessions from him camera phone.... infact he has shown me a few and I had no clue he was doing this....  I'm hurt and confused.... I trusted him at the time.  He tells me that I better be nice to him or the video's will get out to my friends and family....  He still believes he Own's me cuz he has not released me yet, even though he has admitted I am too much for him and he needs different qualities in a sub.  How do I get him to stop??  I'm so embarrassed that he took these video's without my knowing... he always had me keep my eyes closed during sessions... I really trusted him.... 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 4:45:19 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Tell him that if he does anything to damage your reputation you will sue him.
Tell him that if he does not leave you alone you will go to the cops.

Ask him if the possibility of getting his name in the papers  for stalking and extortion is worth the risk of his embarassing you...(which is the bigger embarassment?)

And be prepared to follow through.

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 4:53:13 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, threats aren't going to do it.  However, it's been my experience that vids taken with a cell usually aren't that good.  Are you sure he can PROVE it's you?  Can you take the chance?  Personally, I wouldn't let someone try and blackmail me, but I'm not in your position so no judgements here.

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 4:53:33 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Tell him that if he does anything to damage your reputation you will sue him.
Tell him that if he does not leave you alone you will go to the cops.

Ask him if the possibility of getting his name in the papers  for stalking and extortion is worth the risk of his embarassing you...(which is the bigger embarassment?)

And be prepared to follow through.



There is your solution ... all the rest of the advice you get will simply be  variation on this theme.

You are in a situation that you have to accept is likely to get messy. You can either be in control of the mess, or let him be. Sadly nsome people we put trust in are not worthy of it, and will abuse that trust. Yuo now need to accept and deal with the fact that he has abused his position of trust and is likely to continue with that unless you give him good reason not to.

Plus, all that stuff he says about you not being released until he says so, IS HORSESHIT dont let anyone ever tell you any different. You have ended the relationship, the relationship has ended. There is nothing else to say on that matter.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 4:55:01 AM   
MR526


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I am sorry to hear that you are having to deal with such a miserable man.  Most people into this lifestyle are good people, but there are some who use the power to cover their idiocy.  I would actually record the next conversation that he has with you on this and go to the police.  What he is doing is illegal and I would be afraid he might escalate the behavior.  My ex-husband threw out my bdsm choices to my family in an effort to embarrass me.  I held my head and said So what?  Inside I was mortified.  Most of your friends who care about you will support you regardless of this idiot.  Whatever you do, don't give in on this.

I really do wish you the best of luck.

Robin

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 5:00:24 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		my advice - get everything documented as much as you can about this person and what he tells you. then report him to the police. you may have to reveal the nature of the relationship to them but at least he'll be listed as a stalker - a serious offense - in which you can obtain a restraining order.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 5:20:05 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

my advice - get everything documented as much as you can about this person and what he tells you. then report him to the police. you may have to reveal the nature of the relationship to them but at least he'll be listed as a stalker - a serious offense - in which you can obtain a restraining order.


Good advice regarding getting everything documented, store any mails (Compleat with headers) tape any phone contact, etc. you shouldn't HAVE to take it to the police once you have such, just point out that should he carry out his threat you WILL hand it all to the police. You risk being outted, it is unpleaent but you will survive. He however risks a criminal conviction and spending time in a cell as bubba the weightlifters bitch..... he has far more to loose.

As for the utter crap about him still owning you, treat that with the contempt it deserves. I run a TPE household, My girl has but ONE right... guess what that is.... to remove consent and walk away, I couldn't remove that even if I was the kind who wanted to. The law of our society precludes that happening. Everything else where WIITWD steps over any law is done with both partys consenting. consent is what makes WIITWD possible, without that then the law is on your side, you can NOT be forced where you do not consent.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 6:09:15 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'll echo all the good advice you already received here, but will just add this thought - People who make threats like this ("I'll expose your videos/photos") are typically making bullshit threats to scare you, because they have nothing else to hold onto.  He realizes he doesn't have your attention and respect enough on his own merit, and that the only power he wields is through threats.  It is unlikely he will actually act on his threat, unless he wants to show himself to your friends and family, too. 

You might have a case for being filmed without your knowledge (Rob Lowe, anyone?) and if I were you I would let him know that I will press charges against him for that.  Call your local police station and have them give him a call.  I'm willing to bet the threats will stop, pronto.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 6:17:42 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		 
  Beg him to take you back. 
 
.
.
.
.
steal the damn phone and pitch it in the nearest body of water..
.
.
.
.
and then walk away...telling him that if he comes near you again HE will end up in the same place his damn phone did.
.
.
.
hopefully learning a lesson about trust and technology
 

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 6:20:10 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I like the idea of stealing the phone, but I think I might put it somewhere else (see the "sub with a temper" thread).  I know it may seem hard to accept now, but you've learned a lesson about trust, right?

(in reply to TysGalilah)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 6:24:13 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
Get a lawyer.

Now it's all about royalties.

You could be the next Jenna Jameson.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 7:03:46 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		What they said.

Text him and get him to talk to you in text about blackmail.  Then nail his balls to the wall with that.

Being kinky is embarrassing, being an extortionist is a federal crime and gets you a big tall hairy boyfriend named Bubba...

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 8:02:05 AM   
AdamTaylor


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		The blackmail works both ways. He wants to threaten to go to your family?
You threaten to go to the cops.

Who do you think has the most to lose?

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 10:12:32 AM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet


Get a lawyer.

Now it's all about royalties.

You could be the next Jenna Jameson.

chia* (the pet)


LOL, Chia!  At least demand 50% of the royalties!  Seriously, if you can afford one, get an attorney and see what rights you have regarding state laws.  If you cannot afford an attorney, you may have to call a legal aid association as there are some attorneys who take on a certain number of civil cases on a pro-bono basis (free of charge).

It appears that this dom recorded you without your consent or permission!  An attorney can explain to you what rights you have and that perhaps, you should consider filing a restraining order against him. 

A letter can also be mailed to Mr. Doofusdom stating he will need to cease his blackmailing against you or face the consequences of being sentenced and/or fined with this level of extortion. 

I wish you well.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 8/18/2008 10:14:02 AM >

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 10:42:59 AM   
angaothsi


Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, though, personally, I would get even nastier about it, I can think of several ways.......

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 11:19:29 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I would probably get nastier as well... But then I am a vindictive bitch with a love of techo-stealth/spy stuff... That being said, if it were me, after his initial threat of blackmail, I would have immediately contacted the police AND my family and told all.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to angaothsi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 12:02:31 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Along with documenting every time he contacts you, let him know that you have been doing this from the very start of his blackmail threats ( lie if you have to ) and that if he does not cease & desist that you will prosecute him for stalking and extortion...and that if he exposes your videos that you will sue him in civil court for damages.

I would be willing to bet that if you were in Georgia that I would know who this guy is. Good luck. Be strong.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 12:04:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Talk to your lawyer. Have your lawyer send him a cease and desist letter. Have your lawyer do the responses. Be prepared to go to the police and charge him with blackmail, and sue him for damages. When he knows you're serious and that he could find himself in jail he will back off.

Honestly, your lawyer will understand. Lots of people put up hidden cameras to video partners. However spreading the tapes around without a written release is something that will bite him back. Let your lawyer and the police talk to him, not you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 12:12:44 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blondebarbie

I have an old Dom that is having a hard time letting me go.  He is constantly wanting still try and care for me.  I won't let him.  He states alot now that he has video's of our sessions from him camera phone.... infact he has shown me a few and I had no clue he was doing this....  I'm hurt and confused.... I trusted him at the time.  He tells me that I better be nice to him or the video's will get out to my friends and family....  He still believes he Own's me cuz he has not released me yet, even though he has admitted I am too much for him and he needs different qualities in a sub.  How do I get him to stop??  I'm so embarrassed that he took these video's without my knowing... he always had me keep my eyes closed during sessions... I really trusted him.... 



barbie,
dam I would feel better is you had just said ex dom!! grins!

yes broken trust is a really bad thing and you apparently did not spend much time with this asshole prior to taking a collar.

Being released is a formal protocol, but he has violated all protocols so just inform him that you have released yourself.
Next he sounds like a blowhard coward that  does not have the guts to face up to consequences for his actions.
My suggestion is to calmly tell him that just as you did not recognize his capacity for mischef, he also has not recognized the same for you.

In a calm and firm voice let him know that any pain that he may cause you will fall two fold on him both physically and pfrofessionally. Do not let him drag you into explaining / just let him ponder.

CP 

(in reply to blondebarbie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 12:17:15 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		~FR~

Most people threaten others with what they most fear themselves. Exposing his BDSM predilictions is probably very frightening for him. Besides, how much can he really prove? You enjoy a little "play" with your sex? Even 'vanilla' people enjoy that. You had sex with the guy? Why is that so bad? You may have made a bad choice but that's not the worst thing in the world. Even the most stickily fundamentalist people can understand making a slip into sin with someone who is capable of threatening you.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
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