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When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 12:02:10 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm trying to wrap my mind around something at the moment.

What if.........

The Dominant has a middle economic class family background.
The submissive comes from a higher economic class family background. 

I've not read too much posted on the boards in regards to social class background differences in a D/s relationships.

I'm interested in hearing from anybody that's experienced a D/s relationship, where the submissive was literally a little more higher classed (pun intended) compared to the Dom.

The challenges, experiences, wisdom and insight gained from such a relationship when worlds collide (snarky Seinfeld pun intended as well).   Be it internally between the sub and Dom, or with family interactions.   
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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 1:06:10 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		That's the case with Master and i. i am a University academic about to be starting a PhD, He used to fit car audio, was out of work for a long while despite trying everything He could think of, now He has a job retailing car audio and accessories, whereas i am currently looking for another academic job, but earning some $$ with online work.W/we have also formed a music duo so have some joint earnings. So there is, in theory, not only an economic difference but an intellectual one too.

Certainly the economic one is real, even though it has seesawed back and forth, but it hasn't really bothered U/us a lot. Master now has control of the finances and He's careful with the $$, whoever is earning them. He has conflict within Himself regarding spending on His main hobby (racing rc cars) as that can get expensive, especially when He was out of work, and always talks expenditures through with me though the decision is His. In the early days when i was still married and the 3 of us were poly, I (as in My Domme side) controlled all the finances and Master paid board. Essentially W/we've not let the economic changes affect the M/s, though a general lack of finance obviously affects both of U/us!

The intellectual difference isn't a concern to me as He is very bright, just lacked education opportunities in His early years, being in a rural location and with parents who sent Him to a small religious school. Sometimes it worries Him (as in He won't play me at Scrabble LOL!), but i am careful to demonstrate my respect for His intellect and to point out areas where He knows a lot more than i do (electricity and other aspects of physics for eg, despite my being a science type). He is a more avid reader of the science magazine Cosmos than me, He pays a lot of attention to news and world affairs and W/we have some fantastic discussions. After a lot of saying He couldn't do them, i began involving Him with crosswords and other puzzles, and it gives me a warm fuzzy when i now see Him picking up the puzzle book and having a go on His own. Master is interested in what i do, and i appreciate His insight when i ask Him to be a "naive reader" of my writing. While it scares Him a bit, He is very good at picking up where i have assumed the reader knows something, and makes great positive suggestions for how i can improve.

As far as others are concerned, yes, some of my family and friends were a bit surprised, especially when I was married to an optometrist (with a degree and a higher earning capacity than Me). However, the optometrist was not actually particularly bright, knew scarily little about the rest of the human body, was appallingly badly read, totally out of touch with what is happening in the world and really could only hold a conversation about motorbikes. Yes, appearances can be deceiving! And oh, did he spend the extra $$ he earned! Racing real motorbikes, especially overseas every 2 years, is VERY expensive! At the same time as always crowing about how much he made and that My job was inferior to his etc. he was never interested, never read anything for Me ... the economic and intellectual differences were far more significant in that relationship even though in theory, they barely existed. However, as friends and family came to know the hubby's true colours ... and Master's ... they happily accepted Master's place in my life, seeing how very happy i am to be with Him ... and how happy He is with me.

In summary, I think it very much depends on the individuals involved and much difference they allow it to make. And others should not be quick to judge by appearances ... they can be very deceiving!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 1:26:56 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline 		Master and i could be said to fall into this category.  i came from a place/marriage where i didn't have to worry where the money was coming from; i drove a nice car (still do) and my ums were in fee paying schools etc  He came from a completely opposite situation, but just as valid.  Now however, since my divorce i find that it is me who has to watch where every penny goes and my children are now in state schools; the economic tables have turned.  It has taken me a while to get used to my change in circumstances, but Master has been the one constantly teaching and guiding me in learning to cope.  i would not have it any other way, my happiness goes way beyond the dungeon and i am truly grateful my life changed so much.  Wwe are really lucky people lol!

Hugs

Gabrielle x

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 1:57:10 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I'm interested in hearing from anybody that's experienced a D/s relationship, where the submissive was literally a little more higher classed (pun intended) compared to the Dom.



Tyring not to grin widely at the possible humiliation scenes that could/should/probably arise from this ..........
wants to add that social class is inherently deep within British Society and although measures subjectively across somewhat different criteria, class is also evident acros Europe.
It is exeprienced as an invisible wall by those who enter the UK and try to scale its heights. Although Europe is in transition at the moment and many of the dualistic walls within peoples' minds are being torn down, the wall of ascribed social class still remains in Europe.
Different indicatorspertain to different cultures. In England it is indicated not by conspicuous consumption but by accent generally. In Italy it is measured by aesthetics andones ability therefore to buy into aesthetics. In Moscow (Russia) it is now measured by conspicuous and imo gross materialism.  However in most academic circles it is measured by qualification and meritocratic achievement. Since that is predomonantly the circle i movein i also apply that to those with whom i interact socially in my life in general and in the lifestyle.
Although i havein the past been successful for a short while with those of different educational achievement this would not and did not lead to a satisfying long term relationship. I suppose it depends not only on how one classifies others in the firsst place but on ons goals gor that relationship in the first place.
I am now in relationship with a Master who met me here on collarme. We actually go back over 40 years, arefrom the same background and within streets away from each others schools, pubs, clubs, colleges, art centres and so-on.
With shared 'inner classification' it just makes for easier communication, body languageand expectation. However
commonality can support a relationship thre are very many examples where opposite attract, very many exampls of those who are in LDR's and have relocated where difference rather than sameness is a magneti force.
Now if you are talking simple economic classification i think a well-heeled submissive (if you excuse the pun) would make a fine economic contribution contribution to any house hold.
prin


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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 7:06:07 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I've really enjoyed reading these great and thoughtful responses.

This thread probally won't go on for endless pages.  It's really not a fun filled one packed with a lot drama, such somebody's pussy hurting all the time, because their master beats it to death with beer bottles.  Help, my master wants to watch me fuck myself with Barbwire, what should I do?

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 7:24:24 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
I grew up pretty…affluent…is a good enough word. My parents had money. When my grandparents passed away, I inherited not only money, but several houses, stocks, bonds, shares in my grandfather’s company.

When I met my late husband; everything was signed over to him. The money, the houses, the shares…everything. I had no second thoughts about doing this. It was no longer mine; it was his…and what became his, became ours.

It never mattered to me, nor to him, that one of us had more money than the other. What mattered was how we combined our lives into one. There were no conflicts about it; it’s just the way it was and we accepted that.

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 7:40:28 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I read once that the thing most likely to keep a relationship going is differences that cannot be completely overcome.  It keeps things interesting.

Differences could be economic, racial, intellectual (though I can see how this could be very difficult if there was much of a gap), cultural, etc.  Financially I have run the gamut from dirt poor (picking up potatoes that dropped off the truck and selling blood to get by) to upper middle class and traveling around the world on business.  Finances simply aren't important in my relationship.  I know which piece of silverware to use at the fanciest of restaurants or can enjoy eating chicken strips with my fingers.   I can enjoy the ballet or symphony or else music in the park.   If the Dominant is more affluent they may be able to teach their sub the finer things in life.  If the sub is the one with more money then it could be used as a reminder that the money does nothing in making them more powerful when it comes down to it.  It certainly doesn't need to be looked at as a collision, but simply another dynamic to play with.


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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 7:40:56 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I was raised at the rougher end of Glasgow (Believe Me there IS a rouger end to Glasgow *g*) With all the reverse snobery of the working class.... I grew out of it early on and didn't accept that My Only choises where the shipyards (Good choice as what was once seen as a job for life collapsed decades ago) or the Military (Though I did do a stint in the MedCorps). Comparing standard of living, todays working class are distinctly middle class from what I was raised with.

From what My early formative years built an expectation of then ALL My girls have been of supposedly higher social strata. What impact has it had? Absolutely none. I can mix with any social group, from rough to royal with ease, decent social skills are more important than 'class' background. Accedemic achievement is also non-relevant, I went straight into the work enviroment and didn't go to Uni, but have put two of My girls through it and who did they come to when they where struggling with coursework... Me. So long as it wasn't spelling they needed help with (I'm partialy dyslexic) I could usualy grasp the problem and work out the solution. University educated I may not be but I have no shortage of IQ and common sense... again of far more importance than being able to 'learn' facts parrot fashion.

Such trivia are only important in a relationship if you buy into them and LET them be important.


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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 8:02:32 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

It's really not a fun filled one packed with a lot drama, such somebody's pussy hurting all the time, because their master beats it to death with beer bottles.


FYI -- a high class master beats a pussy with a champagne or cognac bottle.


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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 8:04:21 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Ever read D.H. Lawrence?

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 8:07:43 AM   
AdamTaylor


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		When the collar is on, there is only two "classes". Master and slave.
I've always been the "working stiff" I suppose. Doing good work, but not making the 6 figures.

My slave was a lawyer. Higher class as far as society saw things. Making the big bucks.

None of that mattered. I was her Master. She was my slave.

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 8:58:56 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I came from total poverty. I am now basically middleclassish. I am cool with that.

The last mad passionate love of my life, the one and only woman that really showed me what submission was, was completely and totally, filthy stinking rich. She came from a very wealthy family, her father is an important man in politics in the NE, she was a model and actress, and in many ways, was completely miserable. I remember when she called me and asked if I had seen her photo in the paper. (I got the NYC papers via the net) I just didn't get that one.....she was in the paper because of an inheritance from her aunt. 26mil. She didn't need it, was already very well off.

It was not the money or the culteral status that caused problems, it was the expectations her family placed upon her that caused her problems. She spent most of her young life running from them. I think the greater responsiblity for her death can be traced back to those pressures.

She and I, never allowed the $$ to be an issue between us. It was a seperate entity. Trust me, wealth of that magnitude is a living entity. Aside from a few beautiful gifts and travel expenses, I gained nothing materially from that relationship, or her death. I wouldn't have had it any other way.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 9:59:58 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		honestly, i was somehow hesitant about Daddy because i was ashamed of my economic and financial situation after a divorce compared to his. yet, he made me realize (after hearing how He grew up in the ghetto) that it didn't matter which side of the tracks we're from or let the size of our income determine the relationship. what only matters is that we're compatible for each other.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 8/19/2008 10:00:47 AM >

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 10:51:48 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Class vs "class attitudes"....

A person that lives in a "trailer trash" manner isn't likely to change once they bond with someone who is used to a more affluent type of life.  I know this one from experience. (only ask if you really want to know and have a strong stomach)

A person used to being "very well off" can bankrupt a partner of more humble means with ill considered spending.  Sorry, I can't take you to Nassau for the weekend or even afford to go "dutch" for such a weekend.  Nassau would have to be a planned and budgeted trip with the planning done months ahead.  (Had a breakup in a vanilla relationship over such things many moons ago.)

The problem across socio-economic boundaries comes from unrealistic expectations.  Not having had much growning up can leave a person not realizing how much responsibility and work is required to actually maintain something like owning your own home.  Growing up with mucho dinero can leave to a "disposable" attitude about things and lack of care for one's possessions and unrealistic expectations for what can be done for leisure time.

I have a feeling communication and realistic expectations are the key to making things work when you have two people of differing backgrounds.

Stefan

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 11:35:19 AM   
Daddystouch


Posts: 162
Joined: 10/20/2006
From: South East England
Status: offline 		I'd love my submissive to be of a higher social class than me. As in, come from a richer family than I did. I like posh girls, and there's something very naughty and satisfying about taking a prim and proper girl of gentle breeding and turning her into a filthy, wanton slut begging for me to do as I want with her. How good it feels to know that despite all daddy spent on schools and colleges and tuition, despite how very much mummy wants her to find a nice doctor and settle down in the country, she's tied up in my basement drooling onto a ball gag and writhing as I flog her soaking pussy.

Ahem. Not so sure about if she were actually better off than me financially. I guess from a practical point of view it would be great - she can buy all our kinky gear! But despite the pressures it's nice to be the bread winner, it's nice to be superior in that aspect of life.

< Message edited by Daddystouch -- 8/19/2008 11:36:11 AM >

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 1:13:02 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
Help, my master wants to watch me fuck myself with Barbwire, what should I do?


Check on her bank balance and class staninding first before seeing if you can help her out?


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 2:39:18 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I "talk posh".  I was told this a lot when I did bar work.  I talk so "posh" people don't believe I come from where I do.  It bugs me, sometimes.  I think people say I "talk posh" because I use "long" words in normal conversation.  So, they don't mean I'm posh, they mean I'm bright.  When they discover my uni background they smile, and nod, as if it were inevitable.

I understand the "want to take daddies little girl down to the dungeon" mentality.  I've met it a lot, indulged in it a few times.  The thought that, "I'm a such-and-such student" contrasting with what I'm currently doing, or the ever niggling "what would your grandmother say!" in the back of my head... does wonders for the degrading humiliating feeling that works well for me.

I don't have a lot of money/possessions/etc.  Everything I own fits into a Corsa, pretty much.  I owe more money in student loans than I have.  I work, and claim disability benefits, and ends meet.  I place a high value on savings, and saving.  It's important for me to have something to fall back on.

In my last relationship, he paid for pretty much everything, which was fine when he was earning many many times what I earn in a week in a day, except I never felt wholly comfortable not paying my share.  I'm very "dutch" in that attitude, I split bills, unless I've invited someone out, then I pay.  Call me old fashioned.  He would buy me things when we were out and about somewhere, I would express an interest in something, he would ask if I wanted it, and it would be mine.  I'd try (and fail) to pay him back (he declined).  For me, him having more money, more disposable money, made me uncomfortable.  I didn't want to seem ungrateful, didn't want to seem needy, didn't want to seem like I was only with him for gifts, etc.

In terms of educational/intellectual class... I like to be able to have a conversation.  To me, an example of a conversation would be something that wanders all over the place; physics, religion, politics, music, IR... I can't say I'm an expert, but I'm fairly well/broadly read, so that "what's the working environment/cultural enviornment like in Oman?" is a question I'm perfectly capable of commenting on, even if the answer is prefixed, "I'm not 100% sure, but it's something like..."  So, I want a partner I can have these conversations with.  If there were a massive disparity, I'd want to be the dumb one *smiles*

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 2:43:08 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		I loveeeeeeeeee those girls who fear not....crossing over to the south side of the tracks....

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 4:53:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not only am I from a higher economic background, these days he's working for me. Talk about a weird set up!

Honestly, it isn't of any importance. The area it comes into play the most is food. I'll squeal with delight at seeing octopus salad with wild asparagus on a menu, he looks at that with severe distrust and orders the steak. It limits what I might cook, but having ums limits that even more. At least he'll eat some fish, one of the ums won't.

As far as the job thing goes, he's a contractor, I'm the client. We go shopping for stuff together. If he needs a rare vent cap, I do the research when the usual plumbing supply houses don't have one. I send him the link and he tells me if it will work or not. If so, we order it, if not then back to the drawing board. But like everything else, we communicate about it.

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RE: When worlds collide - 8/19/2008 5:30:43 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		My D/s relationship that I'm currently in is the only relationship where this hasn't mattered. I was raised in an upper class atmosphere and my owner wasn't. For a long time I withheld the details because of past problems caused by it. He knew a few basics but it took me quite a while before I showed him photographs and stopped downplaying things. The chances of meeting someone who grew up in a similar socio-economic background are pretty slim and that sort of life is not something I feel at ease in despite where I grew up.

However he has spent his life learning and growing, he is comfortable in every situation that I've seen him in. I like that it makes no difference. He doesn't use my background as a source of humiliation play, its simply how I was brought up in his eyes. Being able to be myself around him is important to me.

My marriage on the other hand was a disaster in this regard. He resented my background, was unwilling to learn proper grammar or make any sort of social effort. I was young when I married him and honestly thought that love would overcome the disparity. Maybe it could have if he had been willing to drop his anger, realize that he was good enough and wasn't afraid of personal growth. He was unable to his resentment and anger in a positive or energetic way. Actually he claims to blindly hate anyone above a certain income marker.

The funny thing is that it isn't my money, it never has been. I just happened to grow up that way under my fathers money. I don't expect my closet to be filled with designer clothing, or to drive expensive cars. I cherish the memories of where I grew up and count myself fortunate to have been able to experience it. I've one sister who makes it a point to introduce herself as having grown up in the City Of Bloomfield Hills which strikes me as hollow and sad. It may have shaped who I became but it isn't who I am. If that makes any sense... which it may not because I'm super tired heh.


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