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ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Dolf is somewhat correct. The Internet is a great tool for introducing people to the ideas behind BDSM, and maybe if they hang out in quality information areas, they'll get some idea of what to expect if/when they decide to take it to real life. (It also makes inter-member communications a breeze. I'm in the middle of helping to start a local munch group, and I can tell you catagorically, that it's fantastically easier to do it than it used to be in the old days, pre-internet, when most communications were outgoing via a monthly, printed newsletter.)

But I can't really support his statement that the scene should be more exclusive. To me, that's a load of BS. I don't know about you, Dolf, but I have this crazy idea that everyone has a right to whatever form of sexual expression they desire. Including the nerdy, socially awkward people, or the ones you, yourself find unattractive. Being part of a larger community just makes the newbie folk safer, and gives them more avenues to find quality information, and potential partners.

If you want to be more exclusive, then go right ahead. In most major metropolitan centers, there's usually varied forms of BDSM groups available: some act as "gateways" for the new folk to try the scene out, and see if it's for them; there are "specialty" groups that cater to folks who are just into bondage, or just into spanking, or just in human puppy/pony play... pick a group, any group! I assure you that there are groups out there for anyone. (If there isn't, consider starting one.) There is usualy also a group for the uber serious players, the ones who really "would rather not be seen with the riff raff." (I've been to a few of this type of group's play parties... in comparison, they are usually a crashing bore.) But, to each their own.

Viva variety!

The internet has it's pitfalls. The sheer number of people wanking around on these boards, never intending to move on to real life (ie, they use it as "whacking material") is nothing short of astronomical. And weeding out those time wasting folk from those you might actually meet at a party or other even is often difficult. The honestly interested BDSM folk really just have to keep their gaurd up until some kind of real life meeting takes place. But make no mistake, even the fantasy-only folk have just as much right to be here, and indulging themselves, as the most serious lifestyle player. (I just wish they would be a bit more ethical and admit that fantasy online play is all they are after... it would save a lot of us a great deal of time.)

So, the 'net is a great tool, and the BDSM world has grown by leaps and bounds because of it. But, as with all advances in communications, there will be those who will use the tech for selfish, fantasy-based, non-serious reasons. Guess what? That's the way it's always been, even in the days of kinky sex newspapers, where pen pal exchanges took weeks! The 'net just makes it all move at the speed of light.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

My comments were pertinent to the local scene around me (northern california) --

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ORIGINAL: BlindDescent

Has there ever been any perfect system/club/group/society that lasts? I find that as soon as a system decides to be "exclusive" it tends to become stagnant and somewhat constipated. Systems that espouse "inclusivity" have scant mechanism to regulate  members; and therefore become splintered with special interests. Kink focused "groups" have a slippery slope to embrace...are we forced to not only accept but embrace the depths of all possible behaviors those who wish to associate with us employ? Not everyone has manners. Not everyone has a positive code of ethics. Not everyone cares what happens to those who give freely of themselves once they are used up or no longer entertaining. So "good old days" are perceptions not facts. Memories are selective.  Do a retrospective 20 year survey of everyone who attended a formal ball or such, and see how many felt their life had been improved or found satisfaction over time. I am glad the OP had. What is the percentage of all people who have ever had any connection to BDSM activity pre internet who would rate it as positive? There have been liars and predators since the dawn of time. Is it right to promote "get needs met at all costs" the cornerstone of Dominance? This "lifestyle" is simply a series of choices and behaviors we embrace or avoid at any given moment. Don't make it any more or less than what it is. Reality IS what you create and/or participate in...not what others leave behind. 
It is such a challenge to argue perspective beyond one's own personal experience.

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ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

See- the problem with getting older OP, is that things change weither you like it or not. You may either go with the flow, and accept that the internet, and computers are a major part of EVERYTHING these days, or you may continue to keep your head in the sand, and become one of those crotchety old men that yells at the self checkout lines in the grocery stores.

The internet is good for bdsm, in my opinion. It brings a new mix of people into things, it allows people from across countries to meet, where they couldn't have possibly interacted before. If you want to keep things like they were in 'The old days' and not let anyone in.... well damn, all the old peeps are going to die out, and you are going to have a nice, exclusive, high protocol nursing home. Lots of fun if you're into ageplay and diapers I suppose?

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ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Actually, if you tried to insult people's intelligence in real life by passing off a pack of lies as you have here, you would sooner or later run into someone who would gladly call you on it to your face.

Rude? Grow up.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Local scenes tend to be incestuous, attract people who treat BDSM like a Dungeons and Dragons convention, and the percentage of obese male dominants at the local dungeon is remarkable.

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ORIGINAL: girlfromthesouth

I have to wonder if people starting missing "the good old days" when publication of BDSM magazines (and the lonely hearts ads within) became legal.

In my opinion though, it's pretty pathetic when people judge character by their "member since" date. You must also keep in mind the people who are extremely closted in their kink, are homebodies who don't like going to parties and gatherings, or simply do not like their local community. These are the people who websites like this were made for.

I also have to wonder though, if you're so against it then why are you here? Go to your fancy masked ball and leave us alone :D

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P.S. until you have been to a masked ball please dont be so bitter about it.

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ORIGINAL: youngstownsubm

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In this modern era we live in where most communication seems to be done via electronic means are we missing the good old traditions of BDSM and what was a select community of people who lived the lifestyle and only initiated the select few into their ranks?

Dominance and submission have existed since long before the old leather community was even an idea. In fact there are examples of BDSM practice as far back as ancient Rome (see the festival of Lupercalia).

BDSM is a concept, not a club. It therefore has no traditions, and no one need be "initiated" into it--nor have they ever needed to be. You need not look very far back to see that the "old guard" didn't invent BDSM--just look at all the BDSM literature written in the 19th century. The pretension with which people talk about all these old "traditions" honestly baffles me. It's almost accepted without challenge in modern society that BDSM was once this secret club that only a select few could join. No one makes comparable claims about any other fetish.

I'm willing to bet that while you were at your masked ball, couples around the world were engaging in BDSM activities without even having heard of your community.

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ORIGINAL: incantatrice

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ORIGINAL: girlfromthesouth

I have to wonder if people starting missing "the good old days" when publication of BDSM magazines (and the lonely hearts ads within) became legal.

In my opinion though, it's pretty pathetic when people judge character by their "member since" date. You must also keep in mind the people who are extremely closted in their kink, are homebodies who don't like going to parties and gatherings, or simply do not like their local community. These are the people who websites like this were made for.

I also have to wonder though, if you're so against it then why are you here? Go to your fancy masked ball and leave us alone :D

If people like myself and all the other people who lived what we term as "the good old days (and no its not from dukes of hazard)" hadnt used the internet, where would everyone else have got their knowledge from!


Master Gio

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

The BDSM world is far, far better now that there is an internet.  And, hell, I've got a few T-shirts myself, though I am certain your dick is far bigger than mine will ever be.  I'm a fake dom with no credentials except for over 1,700 posts on a free-to-join kinky message board.  And I'm posting to tell you this:

Every aspect of your position is a flat-out lie.  Read the Leather Archives.  The BDSM world before the internet was dangerous and insane.  Besides that, I have conversations with women on a regular basis, in which they tell me they are active in their local scene for fun and to gain knowledge, but they have to go online if they want to find a relationship. Why?  Local scenes tend to be incestuous, attract people who treat BDSM like a Dungeons and Dragons convention, and the percentage of obese male dominants at the local dungeon is remarkable.

Please put me on your fake and dangerous list.  I scened with a baseball bat recently, on a first meet with the woman.  I just had a woman fly to me and I picked her up from the airport and we drove to my place.  No meet for coffee.  No check of BDSM "references."  I'm a menace.  Please add me to your profile.  You can do it: R-e-d-M-a-g-i-c-1.

I have no patience for loseristic posturing, while the rest of us are actually living life, and bringing happiness to ourselves and others.

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ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Actually, if you tried to insult people's intelligence in real life by passing off a pack of lies as you have here, you would sooner or later run into someone who would gladly call you on it to your face.

Rude? Grow up.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Oh, and another thing.  For someone like me, who dates mainly women of color, the internet is absolutely indispensable.  Why?  Because non-white women are regularly treated in slimy slimy ways at local dungeons.  Anyone unable to see this needs a major reality check.  Imagine being born with something that makes you a fetish: the Asian sub, the black slave, the black massa/mistress.  A significant percentage of local sceners are blind to how negative this fetishizing is, causing women (and perhaps men, too, I'd be interested in hearing) to look for dates online instead of in real.

I don't have to click on your profile to know that you are very, very white.

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ORIGINAL: Aynne

Oh god, I am in 100% complete agreement with Alumbrado, armegeddon must surely be approaching.

Seriously, between the against TOS blacklist and the "I have been in the lifestyle since the 80's" and you are 30 and 37, I am gonna call bullshit. Thanks for playing.

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ORIGINAL: Alumbrado




Actually, if you tried to insult people's intelligence in real life by passing off a pack of lies as you have here, you would sooner or later run into someone who would gladly call you on it to your face.

Rude? Grow up.

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ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

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P.S. until you have been to a masked ball please dont be so bitter about it.

NAMBLA has masked balls? 


Basically, no amount of tap dancing is going to undo the impression you've already created.
Perhaps you should try again under a new profile name...may I suggest King Bob?