RE: Is there a downside to submission?

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RE: Is there a downside to submission? - 8/21/2008 6:23:15 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to the OP,

I'm going to make this short, and (maybe not so) sweet. I apologise if this seems rude, or terse, or just plain "elitist". It is not my intention to have it come across that way. I am writing from my own experiences (I've served in an M/s relationship for nearly four years, live in, real time) and know how hard it can be to learn to submit. A submissive person is changing all sorts of pre-conditioned mindsets in their journey. It doesn't happen overnight.

You will have up days, and down days, and all sorts of days in between. Learn to just "roll with the punches" and take one day at a time.

Let go of your "prior self" and everything you thought you knew about yourself. You canot submit, and retain your "old self", mentally, and sometimes, even physically (believe me, over the years, I've tried). You will change, and grow, and may evolve into something that not even you recognise. It is all part of the journey. As hard as it is, embrace it, you will be a better person for it.

Your post tells me that you are still trying to be "in control". That is what your Dom/Master/Sir is for. Trust him, relax, and let him do his job.

If you wish, you are more than welcome to cmail me.

have a wonderful day!

well wishes,

(in reply to leadership527)

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Post #: 21

RE: Is there a downside to submission? - 8/21/2008 10:58:01 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Are we "good" submissives because we wait? Or are we "good" submissives when we voice our needs?

Or are we "bad" submissives because we dared have needs, wants of our own? Because we expect reciprocity for our service?

I was repeatedly told I had too much attitude to be a sub. That just because I had some ideas of what I wanted and needed from a long term relationship it meant I wasn't truely submissive. Fortunately I was found by a wonderful Domme who didn't want a door mat. She encourages me every day. She considers it part of her job to help her subs grow and aid each of us in reaching our full potential. One of the most difficult things that she demands of me, is that I must ask her for what I need.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

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RE: Is there a downside to submission? - 8/22/2008 12:46:40 AM

westernbutterfly

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

simpleplan2,

Yes, we are all responsible for our own choices. I totally agree. I don't place any blame on what's happened on anyone but myself. This was a new experience for me. It's doubtful that it will happen again. :-)

(in reply to simpleplan2)

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Post #: 23

RE: Is there a downside to submission? - 8/22/2008 1:06:46 AM

westernbutterfly

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded -- more food for thought. I didn't give a lot of detail because I didn't want to go on and on .... and of course there's more to the story. And I should say, it was law school, so it could have just been hard ..... Your responses were great and much appreciated. Thank you.

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Post #: 24

RE: Is there a downside to submission? - 8/22/2008 3:26:36 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: XaviersXian

Your post tells me that you are still trying to be "in control". That is what your Dom/Master/Sir is for. Trust him, relax, and let him do his job.

Quite obviously, if she is failing at most everything in her life except the M/s part, he Dom is not doing his job.

" but I have never been in my life as unsuccessful as I have been these past two years. Everything that I have always been good at has seriously gone downhill."

Because if he was she would not have had the above issue noted in the OP.

After all, following your line of thought, her Dom is responsible for insuring she does well.

So how long should she relax and wait and not worry and trust her Dom to handle it while the rest of her life falls apart before she does something about it?

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 8/22/2008 3:27:03 AM >

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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Post #: 25