CreativeDominant
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Joined: 3/11/2006
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ORIGINAL: subtee
Great questions. However. Faux News "fair and balanced?" My eyeballs almost rolled out of my head.
Anyway, I think it’s less a matter of quantifying higher vs. lower than it is of different higher standards. I agree Doms are expected, as leaders, to exhibit the “qualities” of leadership that are generally understood and accepted, but also with whatever individual shadings of those characteristics that are specific to each man or woman. Petty behavior, to my mind, would not likely factor in neither generally accepted nor individual definitions of a leader.
True, petty behavior would not factor into accepted definitions of a leader. But then, given that we are dealing with two adults here...one of whom always has the right to say "I withdraw my submission at this moment/for this month/forever" ...neither should the submissive be allowed the leeway of petty behavior. I can see your point regarding differing high standards but they should equate to each other and be reflective of each other, rather than vary widely.
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There is also a huge responsibility in ceding your life to another and obeying. There can be accountability in any number of things at any time of the day or night. There is the maturity it takes to truly trust enough to yield to his or her guidance; to have become an adult and yet give over aspects of your life you’ve been taking care of by yourself—most of which society expects us to self direct. It seems to me a sub must have excellent self discipline and great willpower to “do as you’re told” in any number of situations. There is much responsibility in being a worthy reflection of a dominant both to the outside world and back to him or her.
I cannot argue with this paragraph. There is not only responsibility and trust, but the breaking down of the walls that submissives seem to instinctively put up around themselves, despite the dominant's want...and the dynamic's need...for transparency.
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Dominants may hold subs to a higher standard in doing that which they’d rather not. They may find it difficult to imagine the standard of ceding self motivation over for his or her impulses—whatever they may be.
Some may do exactly that. In areas such as vulnerability, transparency, communication, many dominants do hold the submissive to a higher standard than what they set for themselves. I cannot speak to their motivations as I make an effort every single day to be open about my feelings towards others, to allow others to see my thought process in the best way I can, to speak clearly and distinctly and at length about what I feel is right or wrong in my life, their life, the particular dynamic. Is it difficult? Sure. Do I understand that I run the risk...something not addressed in your paragraph above...as being seen by some submissives as being somehow "less" dominant because I do display vulnerability and openness and transparency that many dominants do not? (an you all know that there are submissives who do view dominants who are open, vulnerable, and transparent as somehow "less" dominant).
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Complete selflessness may not be completely possible, but I could imagine a dominant would hold a submissive up to much higher level of selflessness than they would be able or willing to give. It seems to me there is a very high expectation and standard of vulnerability often; to be “transparent” it’s termed, I think quite aptly…to be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and, let’s don’t forget, physically open, why, when, how and where he or she wants.
I would suppose it would depend on how you define "selflessness". In giving herself over to the dominant and considering his needs before her own, the submissive is being selfless. But let's not forget that it is not total selflessness as she would not be doing so if she was not getting something out of it that satisfied her, either emotionally or physically or mentally or spiritually...something that satisfied that which resides within her that she addresses as submission. It was noted on a thread the other day that even submissives, selfless as they are, will not remain in a relationship where something within that is needed is not being fulfilled.
Is it selfless of a dominant to give time up to try and help the submissive improve in an area of her life that she has ceded to his guidance? Is it selfless of the dominant to nurture her when she has doubts about herself, as either a human or as a submissive? Is it selfless of a dominant to take on not only the responsibility of making decisions but also the responsibility of stating "I fucked up" and ONLY that and not lay it off on the submissive when his decision turns out to be wrong, even if the choice he made was to try and do things in a manner suggested by the submissive? Is it selfless when he accepts the fact that things are not great in her life right now and rather than rail at her for not being able to fuck him, cook his meals, be his "safe spot", he steps up and says "I know things are rough for you right now. I am here for you, use my shoulder and use my heart and use my head and feel the love I have for you and the safety I provide by being the best me I can?"
As for transparency and vulnerability, I discussed those above. Many dominants do not feel that way. Many do. Michael has certainly opened himself up and made himself vulnerable with his postings over the last couple of months by speaking out about his fuck-ups and his flaws. I've certainly never been shy about revealing my faults and flaws on the boards and to those select few in my life that I deal with on a personal basis. Do I hold some things back? Sure...I do. But my walls aren't as high as some and probably a bit higher than pretty few. That isn't said to proclaim my being better or Michael being better, it is said to state that it is what WE are.
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RE: Fair and Balanced? This ain't Fox News! On Double S... - 
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. I expect to be held to a higher standard as well. 
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