RE: Question about Masters and love and body

RE: Question about Masters and love and body (Full Version)

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califsue -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 9:07:34 PM)
We are all different in how we perceive ourselves and what we would like to hear from our Master/Dom. If you have communicated your need with him and he doesn't change then you have to decide if you can live with it and is the love you have for each other enough. When you ask for an opinion you will get a variety of answers. It is funny, my Master, one day came for a visit and stated something along the following "you have never told me if you find me attractive or anything, and in high school i was told i was a cute, a boy doesn't want to think he is cute". It is true, I had not said anything to him about his looks, and I told him but I don't tell him all the time and neither do I expect to hear from him. However, what does surprise me, is that he tells me he loves my 'porcelain' skin. Now...I have always felt I looked 'too white' but he loves it. And while he will tell me when he sees me how much he enjoys a few of my physical attributes, I doubt if would hear it from him in an email and the only reason I do hear it from him is because he takes the time to visit on a fairly weekly basis. If this is a long distance maybe that is all he is of capable of giving you at this time and maybe in real time it would be more. Ultimately, the decision on what is acceptable for you is only you.

Secretslave1138 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 9:20:02 PM)
califsue...thank you so very much. You have completely hit the nail on the head. i am not asking for all the time, it would cheapen the compliments. So, thank you for really seeing what i am trying to convey. i know i love my Master, and perhaps he will change a few things. i will hold onto hope, because i love to serve him. Hugs!!!

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 9:26:56 PM)
I know life isn't always peaches 'n cream ... but your last statement really stood out to me. You identify as a slave. You're waiting for him to collar you, per your profile. Yet you hold out hope for him to change on this issue which seems to mean a lot to you, even after discussing the issue with him and his NOT changing. Perhaps you need to decide whether this is truly an important issue for you and whether it's a dealbreaker. He's either wired differently than you wish or just chooses not to compliment you the way you ask (geez, that sounds odd, doesn't it?) But either way, you're patiently waiting to wear his collar as a slave, yet want to change something pretty basic. Look, I know what it is you're asking and what it is you want from him, and I understand where you're coming from. But he's not going to provide it. Do you walk or do you accept?

Secretslave1138 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 9:35:15 PM)
i love Him and i am loyal to Him. So, i would have to accept it. i know that alot of Masters hear the pleads from their slave and accompany them in some way. He is the "ONE" so i guess i will just have to take what i can get. i guess deep down inside my emotional slave-self just wanted alittle taste of the feeling of being admired and told so. i guess i am selfish for wanting that...i guess i need an attitude adjustment. Thank you!!!

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 9:39:36 PM)
Just make sure that what you get is enough for you, that's all. [:)] Compatability is so important - perhaps not an attitude adjustment, just a realization of what you do have and how important it is to you. We all need that at times, I know I do.

Secretslave1138 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 9:45:02 PM)
Yes...i can understand that. i just believe in going into something at 110%, and i guess i need to realize that not everyone does things like i do. When i give, i give all i can...that can be a flaw in itself. But, for the lifestyle it is a positive attribute. Thank you for being so kind to me!!!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 10:01:44 PM)
Secret, I hope you find your bliss. My email box is always open, so of course feel free to message whenever you like.

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 10:06:50 PM)
You're welcome!

MaamJay -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/21/2008 11:26:50 PM)
Secret, reading all of this, something has struck Me. This is primarily an online r'ship at the moment, you 2 have only met once real time ... right? What does He see most of? I'm guessing ... your face! If He's only seen the other bits once in the flesh, how do you realistically expect Him to be complimenting them? Even if He sees them from time to time on webcam, it doesn't have the impact that seeing and touching the real thing does! Did He give you any indication during that time you were together, that He liked the other bits? Not necessarily by what He SAID with His mouth ... but with His eyes, His hands? I think you're expecting something that a lot of guys would find difficult here. Master and i started out online so i'm not going to knock you for that. W/we had 3 real life meetings of increasing lengths before the decision was made to be together. Neither of U/us are necessarily physically attractive to other people and i freely admit, that, hypocritical as it always seemed even to me, as a fat woman i wasn't previously attracted to fat men! [8\|] But ... it was different with Master ... originally it was His mind that was the attraction ... then i came to absolutely adore His "buddha"! Now W/we are together, compliments flow between U/us and that's lovely. BUT ... He would never have said "I love your boobs" when W/we were apart. He might have said He was missing them or was wishing He could play with them! But that also was only AFTER He'd had the experience of playing with them. Strikes me that you and He need to spend quite a bit more real time together before you try to take this relationship much further in depth. Where there's a will there's a way! Master and i were diagonally opposite from each other in Australia ... trust me, that's a LONG way! Now W/we've lived together for over 4 years and i still love His buddha (and He loves my boobs!) Maam Jay aka violet[A]

KnightofMists -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/22/2008 7:39:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138 ........ You do not know me well enough to accuse me of posting without permission. See this is what is called Projecting your own feelings into another. I didn't accuse you of anything... I actually asked the questions.... Now the question is.......why would you make an inaccurate statement of me accusing you of posting without permission... why are you projecting.... Clearly there is alot more not being said on your part. quote: you obviously have me pegged all wrong and need to read all my posts. Respectfully read before you rant about my feelings and thoughts. You like me are entitled to our own opinions. And I see you read my response as a rant... alittle more projecting on your part I think. quote: As for honesty, W/we have complete honesty, and i would never ask him to lie. You have missed my point obviously, so thank you for what you did write, but it is not at all how i see things. Well.. YOUR honesty was never in question.... so you talked to him... and told him... and still doesn't do it... But... did you actually ask him the questions that really matter..... Do you think I have a sexy body?.... Do you like my Ass? What is it that you like? Did you actually Ask him? Do you know how he thinks of these things that Matter to you??? Or did you just say that you like to have compliments that are more than just about how cute you .. he agrees!... but as you said in other post... nothing changed. In the end... you are no further ahead from the talk.... Which I have look said.... Having communication is not the same as having Effective communication. Now... I see you have some distance between you and him..... Just so happens I have alittle experience with dealing with Distance with someone I love very much. I am unclear just how often you actaully see each other face to face. It appears that you don't really see each other very much that all........so.... what does he see? Men in general are very visual. We speak about what we see..... I suspect that he sees... your pretty picture... it's what he sees and it's what he will compliment on. I wonder ... if you spent time together... would he compliment you on other things... I suspect he would. My girl Kyra lived 3000+ miles away from me until last December. We saw each other about every 2-3 months over a about a 2 1/2 year period before she moved in. How long have you been in this relationship? how often do you get to see him in the flesh? So... I speak from experience when I say.. with Distance... There is a hell of alot more than just words! But... often the words we do share are very much connected to the situation we are in. chatting on the computer is much different than on the phone and different again when it's in person. Also the activities we do will be different. How often does he see you walk away..... an opportunity to see all the beauty of the movements that will make him smile and growl at the same time? How many times does he get to see you lay asleep beside him on your side and look at the delicious curve of the hips? In person... compliments in most cases can become alot more personal and specific. I wonder... talking on the phone... Does he compliment you about your mind.... and thoughts? Lastly... We do seek validations from the intimate people in our life and this doesn't have to be about insecurities of a mental headcase either. In new relationships, it is particularly important to have these validations... it's part of the process of building trust and security. Distant relationships have some challenges on how that validation can occur. Physical validations are some of the most challenging to give and recieve when in a distant relationship. But it can happen... I did it... Many have done it. Can he and you do it? that remains to be seen and only the two of you can decide that.

KnightofMists -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/22/2008 7:41:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MaamJay Secret, reading all of this, something has struck Me. This is primarily an online r'ship at the moment, you 2 have only met once real time ... right? What does He see most of? I'm guessing ... your face! If He's only seen the other bits once in the flesh, how do you realistically expect Him to be complimenting them? Even if He sees them from time to time on webcam, it doesn't have the impact that seeing and touching the real thing does! Did He give you any indication during that time you were together, that He liked the other bits? Not necessarily by what He SAID with His mouth ... but with His eyes, His hands? I think you're expecting something that a lot of guys would find difficult here. I really should of just read this... and said DITTO... and save myself alot of typing.

KnightofMists -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/22/2008 7:46:40 AM)
quote: as a fat woman Maam Jay aka violet[A] Based on the picture of your profile.... I would hardly call this a fair comment about yourself! Not accurate at all in my opinion. No I am not saying your skinny either g...... I think we label ourselves very poorly at times.

LaTigresse -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/22/2008 8:02:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138 RedMagic...eloquently said. And i respect what you have spoken here. But, i am not clingy. i have gone days without speaking to my Master and i am fine. i do not need his constant attention and aknowlegdements...but when you have distance, words is all you have. i am not insecure about the things mentioned in this post. My insecurities lay with other things. i know how men look at me, i know that i have "it" persay. i am talking about a simple compliment. Has this world really lost it luster sooo much, that a simple compliment is misconstruded as insecurities and clinginess. Some of you are making me out to be a mental case in constant need, and that is not the case. i am a well educated, independent woman...just because i would like to hear i am sexy every blue moon makes me clingy and insecure. Dang!!! As for actions...there have been none. i am really dismayed by the stereotyping going on here. Geesh. And here i thought i may get some support...well boohoo on me for reaching out. Keep in mind that A.) We can only base our opinions from the words you have typed. If you are getting feedback you do not feel fits you then the responsibility to clarify rests on you. Not us for not understanding. If your words led people to believe you are clingy and insecure, it is not their responsibility to ask for clarification. B.) When you put something out here there are no guarantees that you will only get replies that you like. That's not the way it works. We each have our own filters and will reply accordingly. Just as you did to KoM's post and read things into it that were not there, based upon your own personal filters.

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/23/2008 6:57:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138 i love Him and i am loyal to Him. So, i would have to accept it. i know that alot of Masters hear the pleads from their slave and accompany them in some way. He is the "ONE" so i guess i will just have to take what i can get. i guess deep down inside my emotional slave-self just wanted alittle taste of the feeling of being admired and told so. i guess i am selfish for wanting that...i guess i need an attitude adjustment. Thank you!!! You don't "HAVE" to accept anything. You have a choice. Though you are a "slave"...you are actually quite free to make decisions for yourself. You choose to be in a "relationship" (such as it is....being a LDR ... almost exclusively online) with someone who isn't giving you what you want and need. That's your choice. You CANNOT change another person!!!!!!!! You either accept him just the way he is...or you don't. Sure, you can bring up to him that you would like him to give you a compliment about your ________ (fill in the blank) every few weeks or so. But what if he doesn't? If you listen closely enuf to your gut, you know whether he finds you attractive (even if it IS more about the attractiveness of your being a twue slave). If he doesn't, but wants you to be his slave anyway, that will be up to you to decide whether to remain his slave or not. You do have the RIGHT to make up your own mind about that...and whether you will just "take what you can get". Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

KnightofMists -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/24/2008 8:10:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I strongly agree with this quote........ However... for one to believe in it... you have to believe you are responsible for the way you feel and what you do because of those feelings.... I find many can't or don't want to take that responsibility

Racquelle -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/24/2008 8:41:43 AM)
Knowing this is mostly on-line changes the whole dynamic. When you play on-line, all you do is "talk". You and he have a lot of space to fill up with words. In light of that, and the fact that he knows you crave positive comments, that he chooses not to give them is telling. I have not always felt confident about my appearance, and that manifested in a lot of ways from dressing too frumpy to not doing my hair and makeup. I am not sure exactly what the cure for that was - something about turning 30, getting sexier shoes and having a very kind and accepting companion perhaps. I am not by any means "perfect" in body, and I could certainly be in better shape, but I get nothing but positive comments and copious quantities of such as well - which reinforces my sense of self, which enhances my appearance, which in turn engenders more positive comments. If YOU feel flawed, take a good look at yourself, and see what you can actually do about your flaws. Can you dress in more flattering clothes? Take better care of your skin and hair? Wear more attractive make-up? Yes, these are superficial things, but how we look on the outside can often be a reflection of how we regard ourselves. Just like a house - we can choose to trim the lawn and keep up the piant, or we can let it get run down, and people who pass by will notice and form an opinion based on what we do. Most of all, when you look in the mirror, do you know, deep inside, YOU are worth the effort to pretty yourself up? Once YOU know you are, then everyone else will too, and they will want a glimpse at what is so special about you.

cantilena -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/24/2008 10:08:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists ...snipped... Well.. YOUR honesty was never in question.... so you talked to him... and told him... and still doesn't do it... But... did you actually ask him the questions that really matter..... Do you think I have a sexy body?.... Do you like my Ass? What is it that you like? Did you actually Ask him? Do you know how he thinks of these things that Matter to you??? ...snipped... I really couldn't agree more with the above comment. The way I read it, the issue could be one of many things. Could be that he's just acting like himself and doesn't usually give a lot of compliments. Could be he's a normal guy who, like 98.6% of men, go through life with no clue about female vocabulary (i.e. "you look nice" is not the same as "you are an exquisite creature".) Being you two are mostly online, it could be he always just sees your face, and frankly finds it cute. And says so!! [:)] Could be he actually doesn't see anything else about your figure he wants to genuinely compliment. [:o] None of this will be clear unless you ask him specifically. Exactly what part of you do you want him to compliment you about? I know it won't lead to the head-rushy pleasure of his spontaneous observation, but if you really want to know how he feels about a particular thing.... ask him directly. Say it's your butt. Ask him. Do you think I have a sexy butt? If he says yes, then cool. Accept that from now on, when he says "I think you're so cute!", he encompasses your butt with the statement. Take it as man-code for "WOW, I think you have a totally sexy ass in that picture!" And leave it at that. If he says no, he doesn't really like your butt, come to think of it.... well, that's another problem for a different post, I think. To me, the guy sounds exactly like a guy. Not a lot of them dish out touchy-feely compliments regularly, if at all. When my other mentions a blouse I'm wearing, or my hair, or whatever - and it doesn't happen all that often frankly - I beam about it. I know it's his way of seeing me, and letting me know he likes the whole me. I wouldn't try to make him a Harlequin dude... not saying that's what you want... but still.

natty08 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/24/2008 12:07:56 PM)
Wonderful advice from Racquelle :)

AMaster -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/24/2008 12:22:06 PM)
secretslave: You don't have much to worry about, you are quite lovely. As for myself: I can always find the beauty in the one I care for. However it is sometimes difficult for her to see it herself. Part of my mission as a Master is to make sure she discovers it.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Question about Masters and love and body (8/24/2008 12:22:24 PM)
quote: i have been seeing a Master for a while now, and we are both in love with eachother. However, i am aware that i have weight issues, but those are not really my fault, they are because of medical reasons. i have always told my Master how sexy he is and how much i find him attractive, his hands....yadda, yadda, yadda. But, he never compliments me in any way. He has told me over and over how cute i look, but never says i have a nice chest or that i have a nice ass...or anything like that. Is there something wrong here? If someone loves you, do they not love all of you, and compliment you no matter what. i mean i know people who are in their 60's and although their wives are nowhere near the size they were, their husbands always call them beautiful or sexy. I have a recommendation: do not be concerned with what he says, but what he does--specifically, how he makes you feel. Some guys will spout endless homilies to the wonders of the female breast, others like me will look at a rack and say "yum!", and still others won't say a damn thing (possibly because their mouth is full of nipple). Ditto for any part of your anatomy. However, any guy that wants a woman will let her know that he wants her....that he wants to bend her over the nearest piece of furniture and have at it. He doesn't have to use the word "sexy" to communicate said desire. How does your master make you feel? Do you feel built up around him? Do you feel sexy and desired around him? If the answer to any of these is "yes", then I would say don't worry. If the answer is "no", you and he have some talking to do.

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