Question about Masters and love and body

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Question about Masters and love and body

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Question about Masters and love and body

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 3:36:54 AM

Secretslave1138

Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline

Hello Everyone...

i have never made a post here on the site, but i need a few questions answered.

i have been seeing a Master for a while now, and we are both in love with eachother. However, i am aware that i have weight issues, but those are not really my fault, they are because of medical reasons. i have always told my Master how sexy he is and how much i find him attractive, his hands....yadda, yadda, yadda. But, he never compliments me in any way. He has told me over and over how cute i look, but never says i have a nice chest or that i have a nice ass...or anything like that. Is there something wrong here? If someone loves you, do they not love all of you, and compliment you no matter what. i mean i know people who are in their 60's and although their wives are nowhere near the size they were, their husbands always call them beautiful or sexy.

i need to know...i feel like a wilting rose right now.

Any thoughts would be most welcomed. Thank you very much!!!!

Post #: 1

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 3:43:42 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I'd say that most likely it's your own insecurities wreaking havoc with you. Some people are just not complimentary in that way. You did say that he tells you you're cute....maybe that is as complimentary as he gets. If it's an issue for you....TALK to him about it and tell him how you feel. He can't know how it effects you if you don't tell him.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 2

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 3:48:00 AM

Secretslave1138

Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline

Thank you Erin for your thoughts. i have told him how i feel. i told him that i used to feel like this diamond in his pocket, and now, since i know of his displeasure with my body, that i feel like a cubic zeronia, that is flawed.

He knows of my insecurities and i know of his. Yet, i try to go above and beyond to make him feel better about himself.

i am lost!!!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 3:53:16 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

some men just do NOT compliment. at all. my ex husband was like that....he would literally go for YEARS without a complimentary word coming out of his mouth other than to tell me whatever meal i put on the table was good. (he was good about that saying i was a good cook.) the last compliment he gave me was telling me i still looked good in a bathing suit i hadnt put on in about 4 years. the one before that? was about 3 years before that, saying he liked a shirt on me.

not that i looked good in it, just that he liked it on me. Daddy and TheEngineer both compliment me regularly.

kitten

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 4

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:01:58 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138
i told him that i used to feel like this diamond in his pocket, and now, since i know of his displeasure with my body, that i feel like a cubic zeronia, that is flawed.

Has he told you he is displeased with your body? Is he displeased enough with it that he doesn't look at you? touch you? give you pleasure?

Seriously hon, every one of us has something about our bodies we don't like. My own isn't 18 years old anymore. There are sags here and bags there, stretch marks....and due to some recent surgeries my stomach looks like I could be a good candidate for the bride of Frankenstein. Ok...so what? My body shows the history of living. It isn't who I am, it's just the wrapping. It doesn't lessen me or my value....and yours doesn't lessen you or your value. If you have a man who loves you and you love him....don't get all twisted up over superficial stuff that doesn't mean a damn thing.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 5

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:01:59 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

Why do you think he's displeased with your body? Just because he doesn't compliment you? Nah. Ok, you have weight issues because of medical reasons...are you still in good shape? Don't forget, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe he really likes your body just the way it is. Ask him.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 6

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:27:13 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Erin has already said most of what I would have.

Only thing I can add is that, it's all you not him. It sounds to me like you are projecting your own self loathing on him and hoping he will turn around and prove you wrong. Well the reality is, it isn't his job. You are going to have to find a way to see your own worth regardless of how anyone else looks at you or what they say..........or don't say.

Some sort of physical activity is a great way to help change that. You don't have to create unrealistic goals, like a size whatever supermodel body. Just do something that makes you FEEL stronger and more beautiful. Walk, try pilaties, yoga, ride a horse, something that makes you stand up taller and look at the world through different eyes.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 7

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:39:21 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Well, it could be a sign that he is not in love with you. My former sir would tell me I looked attractive but never beautiful. he'ld say,"you look nice". I found this curious. I have a new Sir that thinks I am beautiful and calls me beautiful whenever we speak. So it could be a sign that although he likes you he doesnt see you in the light you would like. yes, of course this can be your insecurities. But if him not saying these things matter than perhaps he is not the right sort for you. Of course the advice to feel good and feed yourself is good advice to take.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:40:46 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Some people just don't think to or know how to give compliments.

_____________________________

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 9

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:43:57 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

From your own profile:

quote:

i would consider myself to be an extraordinary girl.

I believe that if you wrote that there are reasons for you to believe that.

I consider myself to be an extraordinary girl also. I live my life with a high degree of integrity. I have many skills that I bring to the table. I can put a delicious meal on the table, keep a beautiful home. I am warm, caring and nurturing. I am intelligent and can use that intelligence in many, many ways. I am hard working. I have raised two wonderful boys that stand in testament to my skills as a mother. I can chop a cord of wood as well as any man I know, hunt, clean and cook my own dinner, take care of the lawn, remodel the house, change my own oil, and make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I can balance a checkbook, stick to a budget and run a business. I am loyal and faithful, I am a good friend and I am an awesome, passionate, responsive and skilled lover who can suck the chrome off a Harley. I am respected in my family and in my community. I have the love of a wonderful man who gets every bit of that love back in return.

Yeah, I've got a few pounds I probably could do without...and yeah, I've got "mommy boobs" and some scars. Pfffffftttttt! If I started to feel like that somehow makes me "less" I would have to bitch slap myself right into the second Tuesday of next week....and if anyone else measured my worth by that criteria they would not be someone who was long in my life.

Sir once made me point out to him each and every physical imperfection I have that I have ever felt uncomfortable about....and when I was all done he looked at me and told me that that was the LAST time he ever wanted to hear me talk that way about the woman he loves.

I would suggest that you sit down and list out the things that led you to put that line in your profile...and once you are done doing that ask yourself how important those few extra pounds are in determining your worth.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 10

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:48:14 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well, it could be a sign that he is not in love with you. My former sir would tell me I looked attractive but never beautiful. he'ld say,"you look nice". I found this curious. I have a new Sir that thinks I am beautiful and calls me beautiful whenever we speak. So it could be a sign that although he likes you he doesnt see you in the light you would like. yes, of course this can be your insecurities. But if him not saying these things matter than perhaps he is not the right sort for you. Of course the advice to feel good and feed yourself is good advice to take.

Wow, that's kind of a huge leap dontcha think? Maybe it means your Sir doesn't really love you???? Did you miss this part of her OP?

quote:

i have been seeing a Master for a while now, and we are both in love with eachother.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 11

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:58:22 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

I've put on weight, some of it because of medical issues. Master has not said anything to compliment me. In fact while getting ready for a company outing He was asking me about how He looked and said absolutely nothing about how I looked. I was feeling insecure, recognized it for what it was, my insecurity and nothing more. But at another time when I was dressed in nothing but rope, He sure the hell chubbed up just fine, so I've got nothing to worry about.

You say He is in love with you. Were you thin when that happened? Is the weight gain something that happened after He fell in love with you? Most men don't fall in love with body parts no matter how much they lust after them.

I agree with erin, talk to him about it. Then, stop your emphasis on your weight, do something positive and think positive thoughts, focus on your positive qualities, choose to be happy and you will be amazed.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 12

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 5:08:52 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If what you have works then it works. you expect Him to accept you for who you are, why are you not accepting Him for who He is. What does it matter if how He expresses Himself doesn't conform to what others do? Does His actions show He has a problem with parts of you? Does He turn away with revultion when you take your clothes off, or does He enjoy His girl? Actions speak louder than words.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 13

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 5:16:49 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

OP quit being so insecure. If a man tells you that he is in love with you that says it all. Could it be that he likes the whole package. Why just pick on body parts. Mmmm I love your tits the rest of you is crap. Let the other jealouse women ask what he sees in you. He is YOUR man. What more needs to be said.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 14

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 5:25:01 AM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

But at another time when I was dressed in nothing but rope, He sure the hell chubbed up just fine, so I've got nothing to worry about.

I havent heard that term in quite a while.

C-D "Who still gets a chubby around a sexy lady"

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 15

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 5:36:57 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

some men just do NOT compliment. at all. my ex husband was like that....he would literally go for YEARS without a complimentary word coming out of his mouth other than to tell me whatever meal i put on the table was good. (he was good about that saying i was a good cook.) the last compliment he gave me was telling me i still looked good in a bathing suit i hadnt put on in about 4 years. the one before that? was about 3 years before that, saying he liked a shirt on me.

my ex was the same way. throughout the marriage, i would receive compliments here and there but nothing that would make me feel good about myself. the last compliment from my ex came on the day our divorce was being finalized.

Daddy loves to compliment me about my appearance and photos i snap of myself with bands/musicians. it makes me blush and all gooey inside when He says i'm sexy (though looking like hell after an all-nighter).

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 16

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 5:38:59 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

Thank you Erin for your thoughts. i have told him how i feel. i told him that i used to feel like this diamond in his pocket, and now, since i know of his displeasure with my body, that i feel like a cubic zeronia, that is flawed.

He knows of my insecurities and i know of his. Yet, i try to go above and beyond to make him feel better about himself.

i am lost!!!

Wilting rose?
Cubic Zirconia and flawed?
Lost?

What kind of picture of yourself are you painting?
to others.....to him....to yourself ??

is this how you want to be seen?

Like others have said > we all have flaws we can highlight and emphasize....but why not accentuate the positives ?
Project yourself as you want others to see you.

Even the most beautiful person (on the outside) will become unattractive and unpleasant to be around if they act unbecoming.

Take him out of the equation...
Lets say you have a very good girlfriend....You care deeply about her and love your relationship/friendship.   Yet, she is constantly needing your approval. Asking about her body..her clothes..if she looks ok? do you think Im pretty?  I'm fat aren't I? You reassure her over and over and over again (out of love and wanting her to know you don't think like that ) ......she listened but she continues to need that reassurance every time you are together...
to the point that the fun is sucked out of your friendship....there is no room for anything that isnt shrouded in her insecure feelings..
You just WISH like heck she would get past that and see herself how you see her without the constant neediness and dialogue about what is now becoming a nuisance..
You don't want to dislike being around her but you do now.
You want to care about her but you want her to care about herself and love herself too..
so you both can just go back to enjoying each other and having fun as it use to be.

What do you do to convince her?   or can you?????????? what could you possibly say to her that would make her feel good about herself if what she chooses to see is negative.
what part of this responsibility is hers??

When I first starting seeing Tyson, I was insecure about my body. I had been use to cutting myself down. Some of it I did because I felt it was easier to be the one that pointed out my flaws first before the other one did ( ya denial about that one too ) and partially because I wanted to hear the other person tell me verbally how they saw me...for affirmation that they were accepting me but also because I had trouble SEEING myself in a positive way so I wanted to hear that from others..

ACK!!
anyway

Tyson took ahold of that problem right away..
forbid me from ever cutting myself down again.
no negative words about myself my body my looks
were to come out of my mouth again..period

it was hard...really hard
I didnt "FEEL " it but I wanted to please and obey him more than I wanted to say the old habit words...and so
slowly they left my vocabulary
and eventually they left my way of thinking... I began trusting Tysons words to me ( when they would come naturally NOT because I had prompted them ....btw they feel better that way anyway unprompted)..... I saw myself reflected in his eyes when he would look down at me.   Pride replaced my insecurities and the rest took care of itself...

How can your guy be proud of you, if your disapproval is louder than his thinking and feelings.??

if you are submitting to him....aren't you already trusting his way of thinking? his words?
what do you think you rejecting his words ( about your body) does to his feelings? about your submission to his authority? about how you talk about something HE desires?

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 17

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 5:50:57 AM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

.....erin i just loved what you wrote to the comment of "i would consider myself to be an extraordinary girl. ......if only we all looked at how we feel about ourselfs in such a positive manner. we are all insecure with many issues with our bodies, even with the smarts dept. thank you for that post on such a lovely way that you see yourself and the postive way you have on life family and your Master....hugss ....and op this is very good advise from everyone, we are only the ones who point out really what we dont like...keep pointing them out and he may see them....things you cant change you leave it to be..but things you can change, as i am always told by a wonderful Dom friend..change the way you think..HUGS

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 6:02:22 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to answer this. On the one hand, I completely understand wanting to hear the words from him - how he adores your breasts or loves your hair or ... you get the idea. It's great for the ego and boosts self esteem.

On the other hand, if his actions are meeting your needs, and I assume they are because you say you are both are in love, then perhaps you need to overlook this 'flaw' of his of not complimenting you. Some men aren't expressive. It doesn't have to be that they don't feel it - they just may not have the words or think to say them.

Like eyesopened said ... does he chub up when you're together?

If so, then I don't imagine he has many issues with your body. If not ... then something else may be going on.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)

Post #: 19

RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 6:05:17 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Well, it could be a sign that he is not in love with you. My former sir would tell me I looked attractive but never beautiful. he'ld say,"you look nice". I found this curious. I have a new Sir that thinks I am beautiful and calls me beautiful whenever we speak.

Interesting - the choice of words makes the difference as to whether he loves or likes her? I do think this is a leap. Someone else might think that being called 'beautiful' whenever they spoke was disingenuous or becomes routine after awhile, rendering it a bit meaningless. I think sometimes it comes down to a matter of style, and which style of man suits you.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Question about Masters and love and body

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078