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Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 2:08:52 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

Yes, I know, the threat of "Rum, Sodomie and ye Lash" should be its own reward, but sometimes it takes a bit more to get a slave in the right space. What do you find works best for you?
I use a combination of carrot and stick, punishment the slave dislikes plus rewards. I have upgraded the reward for a sort of BDSM 'capitalism' system using slave points. So many points for this behaviour, so many for that, with rewards being My time, telephone calls, scenes, gifts etc, in return for work done for Me or things endured at My hands.

I have even worked out a system whereby a slave might become a 24/7 slave, but it takes a lot of work and motivation.

Do you feel this is too commercial sounding or do you use similar means? I would be intersted in comparing notes.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

Post #: 1

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 2:10:52 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

in the right space.
=============

yo kay.
explain what is "right space?"

i know "I" am 99% vanilla in my thoughts and views and don't get into or off on s/m....so what is "right space?"
"I" serve...JUST to serve. i ask for nothing in return.
no sex...no romance. no s/m. no special privileges.
please........................explain?
thanks

< Message edited by veronicaofML -- 11/22/2005 2:12:39 PM >

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 2:18:53 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

in the right space.
=============

yo kay.
explain what is "right space?"

i know "I" am 99% vanilla in my thoughts and views and don't get into or off on s/m....so what is "right space?"
"I" serve...JUST to serve. i ask for nothing in return.
no sex...no romance. no s/m. no special privileges.
please........................explain?
thanks

Some people have relationships based on love, lust, mutual affection or purely friendship.
That seems foreign to you.
Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 2:21:30 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

Well, it is becoming My experience that slaves (at least online slaves) insist on a "quid pro quo" arrangement even when they say they don't. So, I have offered a sort of menu of incentives! For instance to earn 200 points, a slave must build a website for Me or to earn 1,000 points, they must perform a service such as drive Me to a store or on an errand. The points are redeemed in phone domme calls, play sessions, etc. NO money changes hands, but the slave feels that he has worked for Me and been given My time in return.

Real life slaves have much higher point totals because they are able to actually physically DO things for Me. OTOH, they are more likely to be the truer slaves as they are putting their body into the equation.

Slaves *ought* to do things because it is asked of them, for the joy of the service. I find that online slaves, however, do not do this and must be coaxed forward with incentives. That is why I reconfigured My site and placed a sort of "menu" on it to encourage them

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 4

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 2:27:44 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Some people have relationships based on love, lust, mutual affection or purely friendship.
That seems foreign to you.
Akasha
=============
because it IS?

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 2:51:48 PM

GentileDomNY

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline

Your system sounds like a retail business transaction.
Try emotional support and generious amounts of your time for a start, and ask them what kinds of things they are looking for.
I've found out that finding out what they want, that you agree with, and helping them get there, can be the ultimate reward and motivator. What that is, is different for everyons. What that is, may not be what they tell you it is at first.

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 3:27:14 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Try emotional support and generious amounts of your time for a start,
--------

whoa!
emotional "support?"
wow. where does THIS come from? i may argue once in awhile but i do not need someone to hold my hand...i take care of myself...
whoa, what a concept.
and time?

SHE is gone more than SHE is here.

not happening.

it's why "I" say being unattached uninvolved WORKS!
i am self contained...
take care

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to GentileDomNY)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 3:27:30 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

Actually, I DO offer generous amounts of love and emotional support! I am a loving and nurturing Domme. The problem as I see it is that I come across as too "soft" at times. Read some of My old postings and look at my journal to see that I do care a great deal for My slaves. It is that they absorb it all then disappear! I am giving and offering and loving and once the slave is "full" he vanishes without any reciprocation! At least with the point system I get a few of my OWN needs met!

Opinions? :)

Lady Sonelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentileDomNY

Your system sounds like a retail business transaction.
Try emotional support and generious amounts of your time for a start, and ask them what kinds of things they are looking for.
I've found out that finding out what they want, that you agree with, and helping them get there, can be the ultimate reward and motivator. What that is, is different for everyons. What that is, may not be what they tell you it is at first.

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to GentileDomNY)

Post #: 8

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 3:39:50 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

It might not be the method or style all would choose, but if a points based system is working well -- why change it? Do you see any weaknesses or any problems with the system.

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 9

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 3:54:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Sooo not wanting to sound "awesomer" or anything, but I find the relationship is its own reward. I give him tasks and small rules to follow. He can see for himself how they make his life better and thus our relationship together.

If us just being us isn't enough, I'm not going to keep draining just to keep him "inspired."

That said, regular discussions and reassurances of progress help immensly. Making sure he knows that *I* see his progress and am not simply just letting him run rampant help a lot.

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 4:22:11 PM

sudja

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySonelle

Yes, I know, the threat of "Rum, Sodomie and ye Lash" should be its own reward, but sometimes it takes a bit more to get a slave in the right space. What do you find works best for you?
I use a combination of carrot and stick, punishment the slave dislikes plus rewards. I have upgraded the reward for a sort of BDSM 'capitalism' system using slave points. So many points for this behaviour, so many for that, with rewards being My time, telephone calls, scenes, gifts etc, in return for work done for Me or things endured at My hands.

If they're not doing it because they enjoy your smile then they "serve" you then you may want to rethink the relationship, unless you want a quid pro quo relationship rather than what most of us experience in D/s relationships.

quote:

I have even worked out a system whereby a slave might become a 24/7 slave, but it takes a lot of work and motivation.

Do you feel this is too commercial sounding or do you use similar means? I would be intersted in comparing notes.

There is nothing wrong with setting goals, etc., but in my experience it is more important to find your complementary person, where you each need what the other has to give, naturally.

sudja

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 4:23:24 PM

sudja

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySonelle

Well, it is becoming My experience that slaves (at least online slaves) insist on a "quid pro quo" arrangement even when they say they don't. So, I have offered a sort of menu of incentives! For instance to earn 200 points, a slave must build a website for Me or to earn 1,000 points, they must perform a service such as drive Me to a store or on an errand. The points are redeemed in phone domme calls, play sessions, etc. NO money changes hands, but the slave feels that he has worked for Me and been given My time in return.

Real life slaves have much higher point totals because they are able to actually physically DO things for Me. OTOH, they are more likely to be the truer slaves as they are putting their body into the equation.

Slaves *ought* to do things because it is asked of them, for the joy of the service. I find that online slaves, however, do not do this and must be coaxed forward with incentives. That is why I reconfigured My site and placed a sort of "menu" on it to encourage them

Lady Sonelle

I should have read ahead.

aka "Never mind, I didn't realize that you only think you are a Domme."

sudja

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 4:25:53 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySonelle

Well, it is becoming My experience that slaves (at least online slaves) insist on a "quid pro quo" arrangement even when they say they don't. So, I have offered a sort of menu of incentives! For instance to earn 200 points, a slave must build a website for Me or to earn 1,000 points, they must perform a service such as drive Me to a store or on an errand. The points are redeemed in phone domme calls, play sessions, etc. NO money changes hands, but the slave feels that he has worked for Me and been given My time in return.

Real life slaves have much higher point totals because they are able to actually physically DO things for Me. OTOH, they are more likely to be the truer slaves as they are putting their body into the equation.

Slaves *ought* to do things because it is asked of them, for the joy of the service. I find that online slaves, however, do not do this and must be coaxed forward with incentives. That is why I reconfigured My site and placed a sort of "menu" on it to encourage them

Lady Sonelle

Ok... I will be blunt!!! In my opinion your incentive system will doom you to nothing but short lived instant gratifications relationships of no substance or long-term potential.

Your incentive system is very much an Extrinsic Motivation system that is fundamentally flawed. Essentially reward systems for specific behaviors have a diminishing return. Meaning... that the reward for a specific behavior will have less of a motivational factor upon a person of the course of time. As result, to gain a specific behavior from a person that is extrinsically motivated means you would in your system increase your point value to maintain the basic behaviors that you are expecting. You would in effect be giving more to get the same behavior from a specific person that is motivated by your reward system. Reward systems are very much a slippery slope. If you don't give more... the person that is extrincially motivated will move on.. ending the relationship or you will have to give more to maintain the relationship.. this doesn't even reflect what would be need to grow the relationship.

Also, a person that is actually intrinsically motivated (self-motivated) will be negatively impacted from your reward system. A person that is self-motivated to do the behaviors that you desire and enjoy would be de-motivated by being reward as such. It is as if your reward is actually an insult to their own self-motivation or more important, they realize that the behavior they do have an extrinsic value.. and thus in the relationship with yourself they will slowly be less intrinsically motivated and become more and more extrinsically motivated for your rewards... It is akin to killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.

Now, these opinions are based on much of the reading i have done on Motivation. As a quick starting point for you.. I refer you to the web site of "http://www.psych.rochester.edu/SDT/" . it would be a great place for you to start in understanding Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. There is much to learn and understand.... learn or do not learn the choice is yours.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 4:39:25 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!
==============
Ma'am? i MUST ask, please.......from what "I" see in YOUR site..it seems You are but a Pro. if i am wrong i am wrong...but it looks that way in MY eyes.
i have no reason to doubt Your claim to taking-care and nurturing...but i do NOT see THAT on Your site...instead i see a huge pix of money and gadgets of play.....
no where does it indicate otherwise.

i like what You type here but Your site???? gives ME a cold feeling in my belly.

take care

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 4:40:49 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Slaves *ought* to do things because it is asked of them, for the joy of the service
----------
and "I" am one of those. i "hired on" here with my Ms to DO that...as a domestics only!

take care

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 15

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 5:32:01 PM

lilpetslave

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline

I am not a dominate, but a very experienced slave...if you have to Motivate so much you are seeking extra ways, well somethings wrong he or she isnr in full submission....

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 6:14:50 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

Thank 7you for the information and the links. I shall read them! I am always interested in learning. Always.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 6:24:39 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!
==============
Ma'am? i MUST ask, please.......from what "I" see in YOUR site..it seems You are but a Pro. if i am wrong i am wrong...but it looks that way in MY eyes.
i have no reason to doubt Your claim to taking-care and nurturing...but i do NOT see THAT on Your site...instead i see a huge pix of money and gadgets of play.....
no where does it indicate otherwise.

i like what You type here but Your site???? gives ME a cold feeling in my belly.

take care

Sorry about that... I have been a Domme for 24 years and have 25 years experience in RL BDSM. I have less than two years of *online* experience and that shows.

I am not a Pro-Domme in that I have never charged for my scenes. I play at parties and at home and for the love of it. I have been trying to branch out into Financial Domination and that is where the site comes into play. I have tried to stay away from the "red lettering on black background animated torches" type of website or the "kneel and worship ME, you craven dog!" approach. I've gone for pastels, clear photography and Lessons (which are free of charge! Also my emails are free and IMs etc... because I care about the craft of BDSM. Sadly, I find that the RL slave is a VERY different (and in My mind superior) creature than the online slave! I believe that the true BDSM practitioner is one who invests heart, soul and experience in the craft. I am tailoring the website to what I have perceived of online slaves rather than real life ones.

Even with a quarter century under My belt, I am still a learner, a kitten, standong on the shoulders of giants who went before Me and I welcome all input, even (perhaps especially!) negative commentary because it teaches Me.

My difficulty has been that I am unable to quite grasp the exact flow of online BDSM. Or even if it is real. That's why I ask questions and *listen* to replies, even the ones that are not what I "want" to hear!

I will consider your commentary. I will also ask you to read some of the Lessons, to see the gestalt of My view of the RL slave. I am thinking strongly that rL approaches will never work online and that is sad.

Thank you again, all, for your input and feedback.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 6:26:58 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Why does anyone do anything? I don't get it..........

Why do you go to work in the morning???????

Why do you whip somebodys ass and they love you?
Why do you whip somebodys ass and they try to kill you?

Why do you take?
Why do they give?

Why does the TV turn to channel 13 when you order it to?
(P.S. if it don't it is usually batteries)

Will your knowing quantum mechanics make the world's going 'round any more or less agreeable? At some point you say, it just is. And you can easily live with it. Don't have to know every little detail?

You put hot in a thermos and it come out hot......
You put cold in a thermos and it come out cold......

How do it know?

One can inspect this ad nauseum, and of course I want the best for my subs/slaves but ..........

Some things come to an unfathomable ponderance at some point for most of us, and we accept they work.....for us.......

Sometimes this type of discussion is like the child saying Why? Why? Why? to every answer you have.....

It comes to needs and not wants.....
Why do I care what how a need is fulfilled if that's what they want?

Responde vous......

Adamant!
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 19

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 6:44:32 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Lady S?
read Your email on otherside here..........

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 20

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