RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 6:48:28 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

One can inspect this ad nauseum, and of course I want the best for my subs/slaves but ..........
-----------
YOUR slaves????? i wasn't aware you were a He........i thought you were like me...on the s side of the D.

sorry about that.
but since ya growled at my last post i sent ya........maybe don't make no nevermind/
take care anyway.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 21

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 8:30:44 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Sooo not wanting to sound "awesomer" or anything, but I find the relationship is its own reward. I give him tasks and small rules to follow. He can see for himself how they make his life better and thus our relationship together.

If us just being us isn't enough, I'm not going to keep draining just to keep him "inspired."

That said, regular discussions and reassurances of progress help immensly. Making sure he knows that *I* see his progress and am not simply just letting him run rampant help a lot.

Luck, i'm in complete agreement with you here. If us ain't enough, then what do you have? Objectifying a task can be fun, i.e. if you clean the kitchen, you get to cum as much as you want, but it doesn't, in my humble opinion take the place of talking things over and finding where your submissive wants to go next. To me, being the guide to a sub to take them to higher places is just as much as getting your rocks off.

--Anopheles

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 22

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 8:55:10 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Yes, I know, the threat of "Rum, Sodomie and ye Lash" should be its own reward, but sometimes it takes a bit more to get a slave in the right space. What do you find works best for you?

I must say this is a post and question I'd sooner expect from me than I would you LadySonnelle. I really do think that compatible people can simply be themselves, and not need extra motivation. If this is not true, and you an experienced domina find that immediate rewards must be shown in order to get him into a good space, I am screwed, because I don't think that way at all. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 23

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 9:09:42 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

No, Black, tall FullFigured, you are not screwed! :D I'm using the point system for online and distance trained slaves. NOT in person slaves! I have no problems with in-person slaves but the online breed is much more fractious! I really OUGHT to have been more clear in my post! Mea Culpa!

I am reading every response and inwardly pondering and digesting them. If the point system is not a good idea, it will be discontinued. My goal is flexibility with consensus and as much information as I can get.

Thanks EVERYBODY for comments, good, bad and humourous! I love to learn and this is the place to do it!

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 24

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 9:15:23 PM

firefey

Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline

i think the thing that isn't being addressed here is that lady sonnelle is talking about strictly online d/s. no real time at all. menaing, she doesn't have any kind of, or highly limited interaction with these people.

the only comment i have speaks to the amount of knowledge you give your slaves. if you are telling them how things work, and providing them with a full list of points and rewards, i would tend to question that. you are setting up, in my eyes, a highly shifted power exchange. your slave knows they need 50,000 points to get the thing they want. so they are going to bargain, plead, and beg their way into the most points as fast as possible. there is a fine line you have to walk between filling the needs they are paying to have met, and keeping controll of the situation. i might recomend you pick the brains of a pro-domme for that information. i would also recomend that, if you are going to keep a tally, you keep it to yourself. don't let the slave know how, when, or why you are doing and commanding the things that you are. just keep things in a little notebook, or other sutable file.

luck

< Message edited by firefey -- 11/22/2005 9:16:40 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 25

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 9:35:08 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I'm using the point system for online and distance trained slaves. NOT in person slaves!

Thanks, it's very kind of you to reply and clarify.

I can definitely see the need for a system when it is online.. What in the world do you get out of it, if not a personal servand and not money (I know I'm setting myself up for some stone throwing, talking about money)?? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 26

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 10:36:44 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

I'm using the point system for online and distance trained slaves. NOT in person slaves!
Thanks, it's very kind of you to reply and clarify.
I can definitely see the need for a system when it is online.. What in the world do you get out of it, if not a personal servand and not money (I know I'm setting myself up for some stone throwing, talking about money)?? M

Actually, I am glad you brought this up, M! It was what I was going to say anyway. I am a part time (very part time) Pro. I will take on a session after I have met the client, and all things have been throughly discussed. 99.999% of the time they are married. I will have live-out boys, (not married ones) and they will do personal services for Me. I am very D/s oriented as opposed to kink oriented. It is important to Me that the service is its own reward and that they learn. I have found that even the live-out boys do not do very well most of the time. Their dedication wears off quickly when it begins to interfere with there reguarly scheduled programming. I will not do online, other than an online class which makes them a student, and not My slave. And they do pay for that...tuition. Those boys (not that many of them) are more likely to stick out their training since they have invested some dollars. The rest of them are just trying to find a way to get My phone number or convince Me to chat online for a freebie thrill. I don't have the time, energy or inclination.
So, if a boy, at a distance, is serious about training, he will still pay for the privilege of My tutelege. Otherwise, they can call My special phone line or get their thrills in the chatrooms. I don't believe there is much of a way to motivate any submissive online. It's way too easy to drop out as soon as boredom sets in or the discipline of simple repetitive tasks wears thin. And I don't get any big thrill out of playing online games. I do thrill to the blossoming of a submissive, however, IRL or online.
On a final note: LadySonelle, I absolutely love your 2257 disclaimer! Made Me laugh out loud! Thanks!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 27

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 10:44:10 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

I don't believe there is much of a way to motivate any submissive online. It's way too easy to drop out as soon as boredom sets in or the discipline of simple repetitive tasks wears thin.
--------

and i suppose........i am again thee exception but it is JUST as easy to walk out even if you are 24/7........

at least for ME. either it flows or i go.

ask my 3 ex wives...i don't take prisoners.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 28

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 10:53:13 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

I don't believe there is much of a way to motivate any submissive online. It's way too easy to drop out as soon as boredom sets in or the discipline of simple repetitive tasks wears thin.
--------

and i suppose........i am again thee exception but it is JUST as easy to walk out even if you are 24/7........

at least for ME. either it flows or i go.

ask my 3 ex wives...i don't take prisoners.

So you are not devoted?
Your Mistress knows that any time you get bored you might just leave?
She relies on you to complete tasks, but if you don't feel like it, you'll bolt?
What is it that you have to offer, if it's not reliable?

What value does your service have, if there is no devotion in it?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 29

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/22/2005 10:56:59 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

So you are not devoted?
Your Mistress knows that any time you get bored you might just leave?
She relies on you to complete tasks, but if you don't feel like it, you'll bolt?
What is it that you have to offer, if it's not reliable?

What value does your service have, if there is no devotion in it?

Akasha
-------------
i am only domestics..unattached and SHE knows...coz we have discussed it.
if i am more of a liability than an asset i leave..
and it has been rocky with Her vanilla hubby not taking to the circumstances.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 30

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 1:11:45 AM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

greetings,
lady sonnel
i dont know how to relate to youre question.they have ,to see a stimulus ,as soon as you get the response you want you reward it
keep reward consistant with that response until it is learned
i know i would go by- psychology of learning- texts, for that class, in graduate school college, of continuing education, salem state, i think his name is, kubanski ,or stravinski,don't recall ,but, it's science,that's what i had ,to study,to go ,after, and ,get what i wanted...it is all science
it's easy.
the whole book is, with pigeons! simple.
simulus ;response; learn; condition; extinguish; excite; deprive; saturate;
if you never do what a slave likes; they never do what you want;
they can do it, for someone ,else; they serve, to serve.
what's a carrot?
there are psychological/ physical things;
who was ever conditioned ,to do anything ,for a g.d.carrot?!.... oh sure: it's "special "cause i did'nt buy it down the store; my mistress handed it, to me, but ,was i starving?
did you cucold me ,or pain my mind ,and, enslave,my body,to a condition;exstinguish my power ,to leave?
don't know how, to tell a top ,to be a top.it is, not unlike having a household pet;dumb pet ;dumb owner.
gee: the cat keeps comming ;in ;at nite; and jumping; on the baby;shut the door!;and; pay attention; to the cat ;when he's ;not jumping; on the baby;then; maybe; you could leave the door ,open, after the cat learns?
you don't say: i don't know how, to make someone do what i want,if clothes control the behavior:
and ,you want someone, to go, to bed ;
you dress them ,to go ,to bed ;
they won't be ready ,to go, to a resturaunt ,and ,dinner,
,if you want ,to be more athletic ;try wearing sneekers;no brakethru;
even an actor is, only as good, as their wardrobe;
can't do the part ,without the costume, on stage ;can you!? ,so dress the part, and, take a slave,or a rabbit....,only time i had, to use carrot was vanilla ,and, rumor has it ,that no-one would come, to salad dinner, at our place ,after, that...?stupid me i told everyone i ate the wilted thing ,when i was hungry ,cause i did'nt remember....

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/23/2005 1:20:49 AM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 31

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 5:56:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

For me the points system wouldn't work because there's no creature with a better memory than a sub who didn't get a reward. Points just means more to keep track of, more to judge, more to remember, and some inevitable disappointment (granted all relationships have disappointments, but why create more?).

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 32

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 6:17:30 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

With all due respect, this sounds like a lot of work on your part and is bound to exhaust you over time, no? For me, consistancy is the key. I am concerned that if you begin a relationship like this, it is something you will have to keep up indefinitely. Wouldn't the slave come to a stand still while waiting for the next task, instead of using self motivation and the risk/ability to anticipate, therefore learn, your wants and needs?

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 33

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 7:01:27 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

Some people have relationships based on love, lust, mutual affection or purely friendship.
That seems foreign to you.
Akasha
=============
because it IS?

Hello veronica,
I just wanted to say in reading your posts the past few days I feel like you are very miserable.
I am sorry you do not feel any one shows you love or gives you joy. I feel you are not getting much peace or compassion.
It seems your saying your Mistress uses you for all her work, but isn't giving you much back to hold on to or show you've done a good job.
I just want to say if you need to talk to someone who will keep things confidential I'm here to listen. I also would like to let you know I'm praying for you to find yourself worthy of a sense fulfillment and joy in your life.
You do deserve to be loved and treated affectionately.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 34

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 8:35:13 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

thank you plant lady but "I" stay unattached...uninvolved...on purpose...i prefer it...i get MY kicks out of Domestic Service.--to serve---JUST to BE in service.

it is how "I" cope...

thank you most kindly

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 35

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 9:14:35 AM

MastersBabieGirl

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: courtice ontario
Status: offline

i would never just give up when bored if i got bored i would speak to my master about it there may be a reason why he wouldnt have the time to spend with me and normally they are
point system for me would make me feel as if i was being bought
i serve Him because i want to i need to i crave to
its that simple
an insentive programme would not work for me personally
just my opinion

_____________________________

owned and obeying my Master at all times

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 36

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 9:40:28 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

I'm using the point system for online and distance trained slaves. NOT in person slaves!
Thanks, it's very kind of you to reply and clarify.
I can definitely see the need for a system when it is online.. What in the world do you get out of it, if not a personal servand and not money (I know I'm setting myself up for some stone throwing, talking about money)?? M

Actually, I am glad you brought this up, M! It was what I was going to say anyway. I am a part time (very part time) Pro. I will take on a session after I have met the client, and all things have been throughly discussed. 99.999% of the time they are married. I will have live-out boys, (not married ones) and they will do personal services for Me. I am very D/s oriented as opposed to kink oriented. It is important to Me that the service is its own reward and that they learn. I have found that even the live-out boys do not do very well most of the time. Their dedication wears off quickly when it begins to interfere with there reguarly scheduled programming. I will not do online, other than an online class which makes them a student, and not My slave. And they do pay for that...tuition. Those boys (not that many of them) are more likely to stick out their training since they have invested some dollars. The rest of them are just trying to find a way to get My phone number or convince Me to chat online for a freebie thrill. I don't have the time, energy or inclination.
So, if a boy, at a distance, is serious about training, he will still pay for the privilege of My tutelege. Otherwise, they can call My special phone line or get their thrills in the chatrooms. I don't believe there is much of a way to motivate any submissive online. It's way too easy to drop out as soon as boredom sets in or the discipline of simple repetitive tasks wears thin. And I don't get any big thrill out of playing online games. I do thrill to the blossoming of a submissive, however, IRL or online.
On a final note: LadySonelle, I absolutely love your 2257 disclaimer! Made Me laugh out loud! Thanks!

In real life I'm not a professional femdom (I only play in the flesh with personal partners) but I have dabbled in phone domination and online pay-for-play on and off over the last 10 years. I've found that having a "fee" for things does dramatically reduce the number of "wankers" who flock to the concept of anything free, or seek female domination because they are lazy or lack initiative.

If a sub pays for something, he is more likely to finish it or put his heart into it. If he has invested in it, he takes it seriously.

With that in mind, the subs that I've developed a "personal relationship" (non pay) with as a result of my net presence are primarily subs that started as "clients." Also, the majority of subs from the net that I've chosen to meet in real life were at some point a "paying customer."

The subs that do not fall into this category (ie, the one I married, who doesn't identify as "sub" per se) were men *I* pursued actively from the start. I did the courting myself, so the ball was in my court. I also paid for everything. In many cases, I "used" financial power to show my serious interest. Ie, "I'm sending you a plane ticket, I want to meet you."

But subs that wanted to pursue me -- sadly, I know guys don't like to hear it, but having the willingness to invest some money up front at least shows you are serious. I have never been one to say "send me a tribute if you want me to email you" or anything of the sort -- my financial transactions are for training and it's clear up front what is given for what fee.

In the mid-late 90s I used "pay for play" phone and email transactions purely to support paying for my kink; I used the cash to buy toys or to fly to places to meet subs or cover other costs related to the expensive world of kink (my large fetish wardrobe didn't come cheap). Nowadays I am much more comfortable financially, but I still "charge" for phone or email domination when I do it, which is rare -- maybe a few times a year when I am really in the mood and want to "meet some fresh blood." If I did not, I would be swamped with guys who would sour my mood immediately.

Because I don't have the time/energy to "pursue" subs and go through the work of handpicking and courting them, I have to do it the other way around, which means "filtering" the incoming responses when I put out an offer. Sadly, creating a financial barrier is the easiest way to wade out the lazy ones. I know by doing that there are some good catches that are missed, but there's not really a feasible way to do it otherwise.

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 11/23/2005 9:41:28 AM >

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 37

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 9:47:23 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySonelle

Well, it is becoming My experience that slaves (at least online slaves) insist on a "quid pro quo" arrangement even when they say they don't. So, I have offered a sort of menu of incentives! For instance to earn 200 points, a slave must build a website for Me or to earn 1,000 points, they must perform a service such as drive Me to a store or on an errand. The points are redeemed in phone domme calls, play sessions, etc. NO money changes hands, but the slave feels that he has worked for Me and been given My time in return.

Real life slaves have much higher point totals because they are able to actually physically DO things for Me. OTOH, they are more likely to be the truer slaves as they are putting their body into the equation.

Slaves *ought* to do things because it is asked of them, for the joy of the service. I find that online slaves, however, do not do this and must be coaxed forward with incentives. That is why I reconfigured My site and placed a sort of "menu" on it to encourage them

Lady Sonelle

I know next to nothing about online stuff -- tried it, did almost zero for me.

I think that if one finds a good match then one will know how to motivate.

I'll rely on experience cause its what I have that might be most useful.

Fox gets pleasure from serving but he likes to have that service recognitized by a "good boy" or a "good fox" or even "good slut". I also say "thanks" and "thank you" regularly. He doesn't need sex favors or pain or bondage -- those happen at my pleasure and for my pleasure. But having his serivce just verbally recognized is great for him.

Frankly after six years the idea of "needing" to spank or make deals to get service is a huge turn off to me now. Others like having that challenge or get off on the idea of dealing out punishments and rewards.

Get to know the person you are considering playing with, get to know them more once things start and you'll have the answer to your question.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 38

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 11:37:11 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I once had a Dom who told me I could earn demerit points for certain behaviours and I think he thought this would not only be motivating for me (not wanting to earn demerits) but also fun for him because it would give him legitimate reasons for punishing me. So I asked what the behaviours were and he told me. In three months I never earned a single demerit point and he felt rather defeated over the whole thing

I think these kinds of things can work for some people but shouldn't be thought to be universal means of getting a sub/slave into the right headspace. What happens when a sub comes along who can meet and/or exceed the expectations?

< Message edited by MsIncognito -- 11/23/2005 11:38:39 AM >

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 39

RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves? - 11/23/2005 11:43:37 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Oops, sorry, I thought we were talking about real life here. You can ignore my last post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySonelle

No, Black, tall FullFigured, you are not screwed! :D I'm using the point system for online and distance trained slaves. NOT in person slaves!

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dom/mes: How Do You Motivate Your Slaves?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.111