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understanding - 8/21/2008 7:24:30 AM

chyanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/3/2007
From: stafford, England
Status: offline

Many Doms say they are accepting, but when i get close and home circumstances are discussed.....which are tho divorced i still live with ex-husband because i have aggressive MS and apart from the fact he knows me and how to handle my temper and frustration and free (LOL)
When i am open and honest with this info im called all the names under the sun and wont understand why i prefer to travel to the Dom.
No one understands me anymore.
an ex-husband is noooo threat he continues to help me in times of need not a bed buddy!!!!

_____________________________

loyal pupil to floggingman and developing nicely submissively

Post #: 1

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 7:26:21 AM

ScytheNoire

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline

So avoid insecure men?

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 2

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 7:28:44 AM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

That's going to be tough for some people to accept. Though you have a valid reason for your living situation, many people will feel uncomfortable about you being with your ex. I would probably be as upfront as possible from the beginning to save yourself as much hurt as possible. There are many open minded people, however, so eventually you will find your match.

Good Luck!

Daddy's Ballerina, e

< Message edited by SingleRarity -- 8/21/2008 7:29:34 AM >

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 3

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 7:31:26 AM

chyanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/3/2007
From: stafford, England
Status: offline

I always come out with it straight away and not talk for weeks then drop it......Yes they may not like it but i aint payin 200 a week for help he will do for nowt lol

_____________________________

loyal pupil to floggingman and developing nicely submissively

(in reply to SingleRarity)

Post #: 4

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 7:38:41 AM

AdamTaylor

Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

Well, you just have to keep searching for those who are more understanding. Explain exactly why you're in the situation that you are. And explain how he's not a threat.
Little else can be done.

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 5

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 7:40:30 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

Many Doms say they are accepting, but when i get close and home circumstances are discussed.....which are tho divorced i still live with ex-husband because i have aggressive MS and apart from the fact he knows me and how to handle my temper and frustration and free (LOL)
When i am open and honest with this info im called all the names under the sun and wont understand why i prefer to travel to the Dom.
No one understands me anymore.
an ex-husband is noooo threat he continues to help me in times of need not a bed buddy!!!!

I empathize. As someone who has particular health requirements, I can completely understand staying in residence with someone who knows how to manage your care. If there is someone who -doesn't- grasp that, regardless of the side of the collar, that person is clearly not going to be the right relationship for you.

Rather than getting upset about it, look at it as an opportunity to cross off yet another idiot from the pool==one more jackass closer to the person who will be a good match for you.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 6

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 8:04:40 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
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Many people will say anything to try to get into a relationship only to find out they really don't want to go there. It's frustrating when you're being open and honest about yourself, and you keep finding out that "I can handle anything" really means "I can handle it as long as it doesn't cause me any inconvenience." I've been rejected by a dominant because I have a 4-year-old son. I've also been rejected because I don't have men over here. I've always gone to their place. If a supposedly single man doesn't want me coming over, it sends up a red flag.

The point is that you can be angry about it all you want, but it's just part of the interview process of trying to find a compatible partner. Daddy was perusing profiles and read my journal, which was a rant. He sent me a few words of encouragment, namely that not all dominants/men are a$$holes. I thought it was sweet, so I politely answered his cmail even though he was outside of my demographics. We've been seeing each other for about 3 months now and have been discussing the future. It seems that he meant it when he said my problems were miniscule.

When the right one comes along, you'll be glad the other ones didn't work out.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 7

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 8:13:35 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

"No one understands me", "I can't find someone compatable"... same thing in essence but the former is indicitive of self-pity the latter is not.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

Post #: 8

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 8:21:32 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

Many Doms say they are accepting, but when i get close and home circumstances are discussed.....which are tho divorced i still live with ex-husband because i have aggressive MS and apart from the fact he knows me and how to handle my temper and frustration and free (LOL)
When i am open and honest with this info im called all the names under the sun and wont understand why i prefer to travel to the Dom.
No one understands me anymore.
an ex-husband is noooo threat he continues to help me in times of need not a bed buddy!!!!

I don't mean to make light of your situation and I fully understand your frustration with this but....I am wondering why when someone says 'I would prefer you NOT to come to my home because I have youngins" is acceptable, but stating 'I prefer you NOT to come to my home because I still live with my ex, who is helping me in times of trouble" is not acceptable.

People blow my mind sometimes.

Anyway, the only advice I can give is to stop trying to force incompatible people to your way of life. Obviously, the ones you are speaking with now do not understand your situation and are making no effort to understand it. To me, that says that they are not someone I would want to be around anyway. Would you not prefer to be with someone who took the time to at least understand?
And, like others have said; it takes time for some to come to grips with such a unique living arrangement. That does not mean that there are not those out there who can rise above and accept it; only that it sometimes takes time.

And, last but not least...

quote:

No one understands me anymore.

Is a statement of self-defeat.
Are you so weak that you are going to allow others to dictate your own feelings?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 9

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 8:26:19 AM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Rather than getting upset about it, look at it as an opportunity to cross off yet another idiot from the pool==one more jackass closer to the person who will be a good match for you.

Calla Firestorm

If one goes through life thinking that every person who doesn't like them is a jackass, that's going to make for a pretty miserable life. Just because her situation does not work for someone it that does not automatically make them an idiot or an asshole, it just makes them incompatible.

Daddy's Ballerina, e

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 10

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:23:23 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna
the fact he knows me and how to handle my temper and frustration

I have to wonder if this could be their cause for pause. Where is this temper and frustration coming from and who is it being directed at? Also, you mentioned a serious illness. While many people would be very good if their partner became seriously ill, far fewer people want to start a relationship with someone who already is seriously ill.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 11

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:26:57 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

If one goes through life thinking that every person who doesn't like them is a jackass, that's going to make for a pretty miserable life. Just because her situation does not work for someone it that does not automatically make them an idiot or an asshole, it just makes them incompatible.

Daddy's Ballerina, e

Sorry, but this :

quote:

im called all the names under the sun

says "jackass" in my book.

CFB

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to SingleRarity)

Post #: 12

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:28:12 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
While many people would be very good if their partner became seriously ill, far fewer people want to start a relationship with someone who already is seriously ill.

Yes, fortunately there are enough people out there who do that all hope isn't lost.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 13

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:44:46 AM

chyanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/3/2007
From: stafford, England
Status: offline

i meant by the way no one understands my situation or tries to anymore...sorry i get mixed up its the MS

_____________________________

loyal pupil to floggingman and developing nicely submissively

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 14

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:47:28 AM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

Yes, the name calling is not cool. I just meant that it's ok for people to have preferences, and that, in itself, doesn't make them jerks, assholes, etc.

Daddy's Ballerina, e

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 15

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:48:01 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
While many people would be very good if their partner became seriously ill, far fewer people want to start a relationship with someone who already is seriously ill.

Yes, fortunately there are enough people out there who do that all hope isn't lost.

Calla Firestorm

Yes that is fortunate. I didn't mean to imply it was hopeless. What I respect is not whether someone is willing or not though....it is whether they can realistically look at the situation and honestly assess whether or not they personally can. Just like people who can honestly assess what kind of parent they would make BEFORE they have a child. Taking care of someone who has a major illness is a huge commitment and can be difficult and trying. It can also be enormously rewarding. But it is the wise who look at it before making that commitment and ascertain whether they can indeed keep such a commitment. The last thing that someone who is seriously ill needs is someone who says "I thought I could handle this but now I realize I can't" and walks out the door.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 8/21/2008 9:50:22 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 16

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 9:53:22 AM

chyanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/3/2007
From: stafford, England
Status: offline

ive had several get close and then the MS kicks in and they cant get away fast enough taking my heart with them and leaving me totally demoralised, they seem to think cos i have ms i cant serve i mean wtf i can do anything unless the spasms start and its solved with a tiny pill......many deem me unapproachable

_____________________________

loyal pupil to floggingman and developing nicely submissively

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 10:01:50 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

ive had several get close and then the MS kicks in and they cant get away fast enough taking my heart with them and leaving me totally demoralised, they seem to think cos i have ms i cant serve i mean wtf i can do anything unless the spasms start and its solved with a tiny pill......many deem me unapproachable

I'm sorry to hear that chyanna...that is what I was referring to though....I'd much rather have someone know up front that they can't handle it than leave in the middle of a crisis. There is also still the issue that you mentioned of "temper"....I'm curious how that is coming into play and where it's coming from. Can you elaborate?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 18

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 10:34:56 AM

chyanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/3/2007
From: stafford, England
Status: offline

i can have met loads of times the same Dom and all that happens is i cant stand as long or i get spasms in the base of my back just means i need a pill and a brief sit down......They know from the very start what can happen and what i have... when i need help they just seem to run but its only like for 5 mins

_____________________________

loyal pupil to floggingman and developing nicely submissively

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: understanding - 8/21/2008 10:36:26 AM

chyanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/3/2007
From: stafford, England
Status: offline

temper as in frustration really when i just cant put my words right in my head and they come out funny....i get really frustrated

_____________________________

loyal pupil to floggingman and developing nicely submissively

(in reply to chyanna)

Post #: 20

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