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please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:12:01 PM   
snowgirlsub


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i had a Dom for about 6 months and he only punished me when he felt it was needed. however i felt his punishments were to harsh.

we would start off with me on my knees in a pile of rice. that hurt like sh*&. he would lecture me for at least 20 minutes. by then i would be in tears. then i had to bed over the couch for a hard spanking. he usually used his belt or a strap and always on my bare ass. sometimes his aim was not so good and the strap would hit me between the legs.
after that i had to bend over the side of the tub and take an enema. once the punishment was over i had to kneel before him and thank him for punishing me. after that we usually had rough anal sex.

here are my questions-
is this too harsh of a punishment
does punishment lead to sex
is anal sex a form of punishment

i think the anal was a way for him to express his power over me.

please help.



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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:35:19 PM   
mnottertail


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Assume I had the perfect answer.

Then what.

You figure it out, for you......there ain't no asshole(And I went to school for it...and you can quote me......) can give you the doctorate and hip you to the true wisdom......

no quick-fix here....this is yours to noodle...wrong or right........

YOU TELL US!!!!!!!!! There is your answer. And it is the right one.

Happy thanksgiving,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:40:58 PM   
snowgirlsub


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i need a true answer. can someone share their opinion.


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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:47:01 PM   
Mylee


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Hiya there, i'm sorry you felt the one you where with was to rough for you....

Punishment will be different for each dominate, sometimes it will lead to sex and sometimes it wont, what one Master uses for punishment another uses to get his jollies or even not use it at all....each punishment will mean different things to different Doms too, what one will think is to harsh another will think is a cake walk.. but to answer your questions...

is this to harsh a punishment:
not really, i've heard of worse, but i've heard of less too

does punishment lead to sex:
often punishment will lead to sex, for different reasons, sometimes a Dom will really enjoy that poswer over you, that teaching you a lesson and so he will want to have sex...sometimes maybe a Dom will feel a little bad for the puishemnt and have sex to sooth things over, and sometimes they are just horney and need sex, heck they are only human, and for some of them, your tears are a turn on

is anal sex a punishment: well i think it depends on the context used, if it's in the middle or end of the punishment and you dont like it, then yep it's a punishment..if it's something you enjoy then nope, its not a punishment and just your lucky day, but given the circumstances you mentioned sounds like yes it was used as a punishment


Really only you can answer these questions for yourself, Did YOu think it was to harsh a punishment, if you think so then YES it was, do you think he used anal to punish you, if yes then yes maybe he did....

good luck
my'lee

< Message edited by Mylee -- 11/22/2005 5:49:30 PM >

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:51:40 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


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why what i wrote dissappeared? what did you say....
snow girls or showgirls same thing no show no blow right?
testing testing....

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jamesthehumanrug

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:53:34 PM   
mnottertail


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LOL, Jim...

Happy holidays!!!!!

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:57:59 PM   
krikket


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From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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There really isn't anyone, other than you, who has the answer to your questions. Taking a stab in the dark here, my guess is you already have your answer, now you're looking for someone to justify it and make you feel okay with it. When it comes to another's relationship no one else can really know what it's truly like except the parties involved. Have you discussed your feelings with him, has he told you why, in his opinion, you deserve such a punishment?

i wish you luck...

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:59:25 PM   
obis


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I'm bothered by the tone of your post, because it sure seems to me that you feel very uncomfortable with what's happening. As with all things dealing with personal happiness in life, only you can know for sure what is too much, but your post overall sure doesn't sound like someone who is pleased. Have you discussed this with him? Was this a major violation of rules, did you have warning ahead of time that your actions were leading to something of that severity?

I can say on a practical level that I don't use anal sex as a punishment just because I enjoy it and don't want a sub to associate it as something bad. But I have figged for bad behavior.

(in reply to snowgirlsub)
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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:59:31 PM   
Wolf1020


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From: Anderson, SC
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ok here is my take-

First I will say it with an answer similar to the first. There is no real right or wrong answer. Can you deal with his punishments or no? You aren't supposed to like your punishment if you did that kind of defeats the purpose of it, but if he is literally injuring (more on that later) you or if it is something you just outright can't handle it may be over the top. What was it exactly he would punish you for in this way?

Now for more of some opinions if it was me as the one punishing you-
First I personally am not one for sex as part of punishment. Maybe certain ways might assert dominance but not necessarily as part of the punishment. Not to be nosey but do you enjoy anal sex? If it isn't something you enjoy to much that could explain it being part of the punishment or to assert his dominance.
Second to me punishments need to fit the infraction. Does what you describe tend to be a punishment for something you have done wrong that was a small infarction or a big one? Does he change the punishment depending on what you did?
Third is he hurting you or damaging you, there is a big difference. Again you aren't supposed to like a punishment but if he is literally injuring (not to count some bruising, some scrapes from the strap, etc unless those fall under your limits) I would say it is a bit over the top in my opinion as I don't agree with literal injuring.

Again there is no real right or wrong answer if it is what works for the two of you as a couple and the above is just IMO.

(in reply to snowgirlsub)
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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 5:59:41 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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Actually, Ron is right.

What did you do to merit this "punishment"? Are your play scenes similar? Do you have anal sex at other times? Is lecturing the most common form of communication between the two of you?

Men love to talk about punishing their submissives---many almost fetishize it. It's a way for them to express power and control, and use fear and intimidation as weapons. Is that a bad thing? IMO, yes. YMMV.

If you find that it is a satisfying situation for you, if you feel that you were treated reasonably, if you can walk away from the scene and feel safe with that person, then you are fine.

If you find that you are thinking about the experience in a resentful way, if you find that you are behaving fearfully around your dom, if you feel that you are being picked on, well..........it's time to talk.

Choose a neutral time and place---ie, NOT his house---and express how you are feeling in a respectful manner. His response will tell you a lot about how you will be listened to in the future.

Good luck, and don't be afraid to speak up for yourself. Being submissive does not mean that you have to check your brain, emotions, or self-respect at the door.

Ms Francine

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 6:00:54 PM   
michaelMI


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when i saw the title of this thread, the first image in my mind was that of Foghorn Leghorn measuring out the distance the dogs rope would reach, go up to him while he's sleeping, grabs him by the tail and commences to rapidly spank his butt with a board, the takes off, stopping just out of the dog's reach...LOL



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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 6:12:46 PM   
mnottertail


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Dear LadyHibiscus,

GodDamn! I wish I could be as cogent as you when I write.

Awesome.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 6:19:05 PM   
snowgirlsub


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i deserved to be punished. i know that. i knew a severe punishment would happen. i think i wanted to be punished but not in such a severe way.

i like anal except when it is to rough. i am never allowed to speak to him during this time unless i use the safe word. he tells me he does not want to hear anything i have to say. i should just hold stil and let him have his way with my ass. i feel like i am nothing but a
hole for him to f*ck. this is not normel behavior for either of us. but he gets mean when he punishes me.

when it is over he comforts me. i like that part.

what is figing.

(in reply to obis)
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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 6:52:32 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
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greetings snowgirls
so sorry i have so much computer problems tonite!
first coffee shorts out my keyboard,
then i write, for a chest full of money ,from a lost top ,(,and,it's, not the money),and, my whole computer gets encrypted, so ichange computers ,and everyone wants my computer now like im dumb,and, i have a third computer going ,and, i loose my reply to you
i looked an hour; i lost my original reply, that took an hr, to write.
it was good, too, so i will capsule it :
i said:
, if someone asked me ,to kneel ,on uncomfortable stuff i'd say find another slave, and, go...sometimes i feel tops give you tests they know you cant pass ,cause they want you,to fail ,so they can be predjudice,against you ,and, tell others ,and, ruin your rep, so walk.
i was raized, by being strapped; everyday ,till i learned, to hide,then hiding became a cream later ,and,
i went, to a punishment session, w/ all tops ,and, i was whipped, by a top; whipping expert, and, she whipped me,and ,every muscle, in my body got tite, so i really did get whipped, into shape;litterally!!.
now, i know it's possible, to whip someone, into shape,
then i said :
say what you want, if you are looking, for a top, but, it's difficult .imagine i find i beautiful brilliant soft woman, and, i ask her, when the lites are ,out can you step, on my head, and ,cream yourself?...
i don't know how old you are, but, don't waste your time, if it isn't what you like.
anal is a preference ,and, you're, probably right: it is a top expression...
i fell bad you have, to go, thru what i did all my life, but, i hated it, and, now i prefer, other things, but, if i was'nt whipped, and, raped;forced into giving massages etc . i don't think i would be a slave, today ,unless it is genetic; who knows....,now i'm immune,to whipping. i like ,other things,but, i would consider doing any sacrifice,and get into it , if i really creamed, for the soul mate ,of my life ,so, to speak...hope; i don't sound, too igno., just ,upset i lost a good reply, to you ....i also said i can get into whipping because some really beautiful, forms being whipped are indescribable and i got stuck with a bottom ONCE!
she asked me to whip her ,and, when she undressed i saw all muscle i was so shocked i made the song -SHE'S A BRICK-HOUSE- , after her ,and, it got ripped ,off me(AFTERWARDS :SHE TOLD ME; I'M STUCK, IN SNUFF ,TOO....) ,but, she was a top, to me, and ,a model, for sillowettes-sculptures cut, from plexi for windows...gaud what a gaud, but, i didnt trust her ,cause she was a rebellious slave, w/ a rage, inside, and ,if i did'nt whip her rite she'd explode, so i realized ,then it must be very hard, to be a top, and, do bottoms....


< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/22/2005 7:12:54 PM >


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,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 6:54:52 PM   
mnottertail


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OK, I will play for a little while.....

I assume you mean figging?

It is putting a piece of ginger in your anus ..makes it burn a little. Additonally; some may cut a slice to put on your clitoris.


Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 6:55:44 PM   
JohnWarren


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From: Delray Beach, FL
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A "punishment session" for me would consist of calling over the offending person, let's say Smiler, sitting her down in front of me and saying, "You know, when you (fill in offense) it really embarrassed and caused me pain. I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't do anything like that again."

On second offense, I'd say, "I'm hoping your actions today, Smiler, were just a slip and will never happen again. If it does, I feel I'll have to reevaluate our relationship."

A third offence, would result in Smiler being banished from my presence.

The kind of submissive I want should be someone who wants to make my life easier. If her agenda is more important to her than mine, she needs to go elsewhere.

Now, I'm not opposed to causing pain. After all, I'll be doing an electrical torture class in Chicago in February and some of you may have read the "Whipping to the Blood" post I made a while back. However, I will not be manipulated into doing physically painful things by someone behaving. It demeans me and can cause me to lose focus.

If you wanna be hurt, just ask.

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 7:18:35 PM   
Englishrogue


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I've always believed that punishing submissives shouldnt be "fun" for either party. At the core of it, the submissive has caused an infraction that let the Dominant down. For the most part, clearly indicating that displeasure and disappointment should be enough.

The cycle goes:


Transgression > Confession > Contrition > Punishment > Closure > Forgiveness.

Ultimately, the goal is for you not to do it again. The punishment portion, as you can see, is only one step out of 5.

If either of you enjoy any of the first four steps, its stopped being a Transgression and started being play... if you don't but he does, its a problem... and vice versa.

As Mylee says, I've heard worse... and less.

And as the theme of the replies go - only you can decide. But if you cannot communicate with your partner, there are other issues that either you entered this relationship without clear expectations, or that you are in fact being abused.

But only you can decide for yourself that.

Best

Rogue

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 7:40:53 PM   
obis


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From: Austin, TX, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: snowgirlsub
i deserved to be punished. i know that. i knew a severe punishment would happen. i think i wanted to be punished but not in such a severe way.


Well, if you say you might have "wanted" to be punished, that could be why it was so severe. I know that the times I do punish bad behavior, I will punish it much more when it is done on purpose. As John says, if you want me to hurt you for fun, just ask. Doing something wrong to elicit a punishment will guarantee that I come up with something worse than you anticipated. A punishment should NOT be fun, it should be a punishment that you don't want to repeat and that you will remember if you contemplate breaking that rule again.

Englishrose points out something useful, in that genuine punishment shouldn't be enjoyable for anyone, and I agree completely. I'm a sadist but even so when I punish a sub it takes away time and energy from what we'd both rather be doing. I don't use any sex as punishment for exactly the reason that I don't want to do something enjoyable for me, it will keep me from being objective and as I said above, possibly create an unwanted connection in the sub's mind.

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 8:00:51 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Dear LadyHibiscus,

GodDamn! I wish I could be as cogent as you when I write.

Awesome.

Ron



Thanks. :) I have a lot of free time to think. And two master's degrees.

Did I mention that I am also very opinionated?

:)Francine

ps---I like your posts, too!

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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 8:38:08 PM   
anopheles


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

A "punishment session" for me would consist of calling over the offending person, let's say Smiler, sitting her down in front of me and saying, "You know, when you (fill in offense) it really embarrassed and caused me pain. I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't do anything like that again."

On second offense, I'd say, "I'm hoping your actions today, Smiler, were just a slip and will never happen again. If it does, I feel I'll have to reevaluate our relationship."

A third offence, would result in Smiler being banished from my presence.

The kind of submissive I want should be someone who wants to make my life easier. If her agenda is more important to her than mine, she needs to go elsewhere.

Now, I'm not opposed to causing pain. After all, I'll be doing an electrical torture class in Chicago in February and some of you may have read the "Whipping to the Blood" post I made a while back. However, I will not be manipulated into doing physically painful things by someone behaving. It demeans me and can cause me to lose focus.

If you wanna be hurt, just ask.



I second that motion. Once you have mastered your submissive, then physical punishment becomes unnecessary. In my philosophy, physical punishment would be reserved for only the most very egregious of offenses, and I mean it would have to be BIG. For me, a sidewise glance is punishment enough, because my sub loves to please me. If she does something that shouldn't, she notices my demeanor, and it hurts more than a whip ever could.

--Anopheles

< Message edited by anopheles -- 11/22/2005 8:41:03 PM >


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