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RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 10:15:22 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
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I have read the replies til now and want to say that if your behavior improved to whereby you did not commit the transgression then he could not punish you. Also, you implied in your original post that he did not punish you as often as you felt was warranted. This, plus your not improving to the point he did not need to punish you implies you enjoyed and even lookked forward to the punishments. In that is your real problem.

Try to get a list of transgressions and the punishments that will go along with them. As was said before the first, if just a slip and part of your learning process, should not require as much punishment, if any other than verbal. The second becomes more harsh and you should not make the same mistake a third time if you truely are trying to please him.

Good luck and have an enjoyable Thanksgiving.

(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 21

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/22/2005 11:22:55 PM

Marquisd

Posts: 61
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

here are my questions-
is this too harsh of a punishment
does punishment lead to sex
is anal sex a form of punishment

If your Dom thought it out this way it could have been in direct relationship to the offense commited. You don't get the death penalty for masterbating with a banana.

It is only punishment (imho) if the giver does not enjoy administering it. Otherwise it is a reward for the top to have you f*** up. If the top instructed and trained you well, there would be no need for punishment would there now ?

After punishment (imho) sex seems inappropriate..........care yes...........sex no.

did you consent to have anal sex included in your list of actions that you can be punished with ?

too many intangibles I must say......

Good luck with finding what works for you

cheers

Marquisd

_____________________________

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(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 22

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 3:08:08 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
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It would break my heart if i ever needed to be punished in that manner. Although ive kneeled on rice just because...Never for punishment. My former Masters (2 in the past) Both punished by means of telling me they were hurt and upset by a action i did. That in it self was punishment itself. Sometimes things i liked were taken away. As id be in bed for 8:30 not 11:00, Now that stunk. But what really hurt , was dissapointing him.
Jennifer

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 23

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 6:17:17 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: snowgirlsub
but he gets mean when he punishes me.

when it is over he comforts me. i like that part.

You said he gets "mean" and then after, "comforts" you? Sounds like the classical signs of an abusive relationship, to me.

My "true opinion" (your words, not mine

), is to run, in the opposite direction, and I'm serious.

There is something wrong when the Dom, or punisher's demeanor is reflective of "meanness," and not for the chastisement, care, concern and correctness of the submissive. To me, it sounds like his concern is not in helping to teach you, or correct you, or even punish you for wrong doing, but more to "hurt" you, with his own agenda being above his care for you.

Just my take on it.
K

(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 24

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 6:30:41 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

I was thinking along these same lines. When I read the OP, I got a sense that this man was using this method of "punishment" to feed something within himself that he may feel at any other time is unappropriate. This concerns me.

Syn

Oh, thought I would add a detailed punishment from my world since that is what you originally asked for.

We would talk. He would inform. I would listen. He would ask if there were any questions? I would speak. He would nod and end it with "as far as I am concerned then, this matter is done" I would learn.

< Message edited by Synocense -- 11/23/2005 6:34:57 AM >

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Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

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Post #: 25

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 6:45:47 AM

shylittleheart

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I believe the hardest punishment I had ever indured was being banned from Masters presence and not being allowed to speak to Him for several days. Knowing I had hurt Him by disobeying a wish hurt more then any whipping I had.
Once I recieved 20 good hard lashes with a 4ft whip while tied and gagged and carried the marks for weeks, needless to say I never disrespected Him again with my tongue. We learn from our mistakes.
Would I take the lashes again, ..................yep Ive grown to love the whip.

shy

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Post #: 26

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 8:19:47 AM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

not to go off the thread, but John Warren, where are you doing this class? Im in chicago and would love to see the class...electrical torture..hmmm.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 27

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 8:56:07 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Men love to talk about punishing their submissives---many almost fetishize it. It's a way for them to express power and control, and use fear and intimidation as weapons. Is that a bad thing? IMO, yes. YMMV.

Good to know women don't do this.

D (owner of j)

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Post #: 28

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 9:44:26 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justatoy2

not to go off the thread, but John Warren, where are you doing this class? Im in chicago and would love to see the class...electrical torture..hmmm.

It is SINSations IN Leather Feb 3 to 5. The event will take place in a newly renovated hotel in the Chicago area just 20 minutes from O'Hare International Airport. One of the organizers is MasterZ, an old friend of mine.

Almost forgot the URL http://www.sinsationsinleather.com/

< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 11/23/2005 9:45:24 AM >

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(in reply to justatoy2)

Post #: 29

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 10:28:52 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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I don't get "punishment" at all.

If you want to kneel on rice because it makes your master hot or you hot, or makes you feel submissive ... that's cool. If you want to be spanked, because the two of you like the physical power transfer ... that's cool too. If you want rough anal sex, because it makes you feel naughty and helpless or whatever ... that's totally cool.

But punishment? Tell your master to get a fucking dog!!!

(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 30

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 10:41:23 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

quote:

here are my questions-
is this too harsh of a punishment

No not necessarily depends on the crime Personally I do beleave there are too many multiple punnishments in there, And that he was mostly "venting" his frustrations out on you and not being constructive or assisting in your education. All he did was cause you to fear him. Personally the best punnishment is to be put in a corner and ignored and let your own thoughts punnish you.

does punishment lead to sex

It can but then that also is counter productive as it creates the feeling in you that punishment is good and desired and you will start to misbehave just to get the "punnishment".

is anal sex a form of punishment

Again it can but then it creates a block in you that anal sex is BAD and if you happen to enjoy the roughness it will create in you the desire to misbehave.

i think the anal was a way for him to express his power over me.

I agree but then the punnishment you describe in my opinion that is ALL just a way to show his "superiority" to you.

My question to you is did that kind of punnishment assist you in wanting to NOT behave as required ? or did all it do was to create a fear ( or even a desire in you for more )

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A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
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(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 31

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 11:37:50 AM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

oh yes i had planned on going to Sinsations in leather. I have met MasterZ on a few occasions. I did attend kinky kollege, and met some wonderful people there. I had just wondered if that was the event you were talking about. I look forward to hearing you speak.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 32

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 12:00:29 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justatoy2

oh yes i had planned on going to Sinsations in leather. I have met MasterZ on a few occasions. I did attend kinky kollege, and met some wonderful people there. I had just wondered if that was the event you were talking about. I look forward to hearing you speak.

If you see me, come by and say "hi." I'm easy to spot. I'm the one wearing black.

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Post #: 33

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 12:01:53 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648

quote:

Men love to talk about punishing their submissives---many almost fetishize it. It's a way for them to express power and control, and use fear and intimidation as weapons. Is that a bad thing? IMO, yes. YMMV.

Good to know women don't do this.

D (owner of j)

Point taken. However, if you get a group of female dominants together, I can assure you that punishing their submissives will not be on their top ten topics of conversation. I have yet to be in a group of male dominants where punishment was NOT discussed.

Francine

(in reply to Wolfie648)

Post #: 34

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 5:00:43 PM

anniealt123

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline

Snowgirlsub---The punishment you described sounds harsh to me.

The worst punishment I can remember is getting a hard spanking with a hairbrush while
bent over a stool. I begged and pleaded for leniency but none was forthcoming. After the
punishment...I felt much closer to my Dom. I hated the actual spanking...but I was glad
he had the power and willingness to 'keep me in line'.

Punishments were rare because I wanted to please him. I tried very hard to satisfy his
wants and needs. His pleasure gave me great pleasure.

If I wanted a spanking for fun...I just told him...or I 'played the brat' until he became
exasperated and put me over his knee. But I never confused punishment with play.

I hope you are feeling a little better about things today.

AA

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 35

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 5:34:34 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

I have no opinion on if this type of punishment is too harsh or perfectly appropriate. I couldn't begin to speculate if this dominant was feeding his own needs or attempting to find an appropriate deterrent or both.

I will admit this though. Part of that description got me a little hot. (Sorry!)

(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 36

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 6:09:03 PM

anniealt123

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

I have no opinion on if this type of punishment is too harsh or perfectly appropriate. I couldn't begin to speculate if this dominant was feeding his own needs or attempting to find an appropriate deterrent or both.

I will admit this though. Part of that description got me a little hot. (Sorry!)

I agree. :)

< Message edited by anniealt123 -- 11/23/2005 6:20:09 PM >

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 37

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 9:22:26 PM

girl4you2

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

Edited:

quote:

ORIGINAL: snowgirlsub
but he gets mean when he punishes me.

this is the part that bothers me...things done in anger and/or mean feelings aren't a good way to teach or learn.

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(in reply to snowgirlsub)

Post #: 38

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 10:25:03 PM

RexLongBeach

Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: obis
Englishrose points out something useful, in that genuine punishment shouldn't be enjoyable for anyone, and I agree completely.

I like to have fun. It wasn't MY transgression that got the sub in trouble. It was hers. So why do I have to put on the hair shirt, join the pity party, and harsh my happy buzz?

Granted, the draconian punishment described by the OP doesn't sound like much fun and I suspect there's more going on there than simple punishment. But that's another post. :)

The point of this post: punishment just doesn't have to be harsh to be genuine, or effective. It doesn't have to ruin my day, either.

Rex

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 39

RE: please describe a punishment session. i'm confused. - 11/23/2005 11:51:37 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

is this too harsh of a punishment
does punishment lead to sex
is anal sex a form of punishment

i think the anal was a way for him to express his power over me.

Keep in mind that I've decided not to read everyone elses post. Infact, I haven't even read your profile.

1. To harsh? It dosen't seem so. Though you are experiencing pain that brings tears to your eyes, you aren't having any serious damage done to your body. You've been going through this over 6mths and yet still continue to be punished in the same fashion. Are you being punished for the same things? If you're continuing to be in trouble for the same actions, then I would have to think that you aren't being punished severly enough. If this punishment was truely to harsh, I think you would have left the relationship by now.

2. Punishment and sex? For Pet and I the answer is No. Though our scenes will lead to sex, the punishments will usually lead to no sex for atleast the night. Those it's a sacrafice for me as well, it has to be done to reinforce the lesson. After all, most subs would see sex as a treat or reward and only reinforce the idea to get punished. It would have to be purposly enduced bad sex where you don't even allow your sub to orgasim or even not be fully ready for intercourse for it to be actual punishment.

3. Anal Sex, well if you don't like it, then yes It could and would be punishment.

4. Power over you? Well it dose seem to reinforce his dominance over you and perhaps your submission to him. You are trusting him to do as he pleases. How do you feel after this rough Anal Sex? Are you finding yourself in physical harm such as sever bleeding or tearing? If not then he's only being as rough as he can. You are trusting him and it seems that he is respecting your physical limitations so that the punishments do not lead to abuse. Your trust and his respect seems to reinforcing your D/s relationship.

Advice: You seem to be very dedicated to him. Communication is the key. If there is something you need to understand, it's important to ask about these punishments and what they are to teach to both of you in your ever growning relationship.

< Message edited by FangsNfeet -- 11/23/2005 11:52:19 PM >

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Post #: 40

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