CallaFirestormBW
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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
I'm interested in hearing from both sides of the D/s coin on this one.
Those who have been involved with somebody in a past relationship, where the other person was going back and forth between you and somebody else. Literally like a Ping Pong Ball. To the point this person was playing games with you and the other person. Which each bounce, it slowly was taking it's toll upon you.
You tried to leave the game a few times, but this person would come back and well make it all up to you, "smooth things" out. Everything would be great for awhile. They'd make it a point to give you extra special attention. Then after a few weeks or so. They were back to playing the Ping Pong game.
All the classic, lies and deception and smoothing things out, telling you things they knew you wanted to hear happened. Then one day, Match Point happens. You and the other person that was getting played, both up and quit the game.
Now, fast forward in time, say a year or two.
You find yourself dealing with a struggle of opening up and trusting somebody. You are always on your toes for red flags. You get really uneasy at times when dealing with prospective partners. You have some internal issues and struggles. Where you don't always feel at ease at times. However, for the most part you keep these issues and struggles to yourself.
You know you're not the same since you had this Ping Pong Ball Relationship, all the Game Playing as caused some damage.
Are you pretty open with others about this struggle, and issues you have. Continue to keep it to yourself? Do you find yourself having to distance yourself at times when you are having a moment?
Even more so when you are totally into somebody new, and well... You don't want to come off like some sort of insecure idiot, because really you're not. However, you are just a little less trusting. That you know it will take some extra time and work to build trust that you are comfortable with. You are not incapable of trusting somebody, however you find you have issues.
All from the Ping Bong Game Playing Damage that was done in a previous relationship.
This is sort of rambling and I hope something here makes sense. The issues you're fighting with come from holding on to something that should have been let go. Every relationship is a new opportunity -- holding on to old crap from relationships that didn't work out doesn't help anyone, and continues to allow that old relationship to "master" a person's life, deciding what they will accept, how trusting they will be, etc.
The only way to move on is to let go of everything. Learn from the mistakes only in the sense that one remains -aware-... not in the sense where one becomes crippled and afraid of every little noise.
The worst that happens is that a relationship fails. This is NOT a life-or-death crisis, people. Some relationships work out, and some don't. In the end, we are still the same people. You can't -ever- force someone to love you. You may be able to use a piece of paper and a ring to force them to -stay- with you... but once the affection is gone, that ring and paper don't mean squat--except for the power struggle that means "I've got you and you're not getting away."
For relationships that don't work out, just let them go. Stay true to yourself when meeting people, and new relationships will grow out of your own sense of being. Some of them may last years, some only minutes... but getting hung up on trying to hold on to something is the best way to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate it into something that it was never meant to be (and something you may find that you don't even -want-).
I wish there was a way to get people to understand this -- you are you, no matter who you are with. The other person is him/herself. Sometimes, aspects of the people involved in a relationship blend together. Sometimes, they separate like oil and water... but getting hung up on trying to make what is not meant to be together stay together -- that's just insanity.
Calla Firestorm
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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Ping Pong Ball Game Playing Damage - 
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